Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 66
Did you know that it is IMPOSSIBLE for you to prove that you are NOT sleeping with someone you know. Think about the people you interact with. If someone came up to you and accused you of sleeping with one or two or more of them, how would you defend yourself against their accusation?
It is so easy to prove that you ARE sleeping with someone if accused of not doing so, but how do you prove that you are NOT sleeping with someone? You must rely on CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE to demonstrate that your relationship with the person you are accused of sleeping with cannot be interpreted as a sexual one.
The other day, a friend of mine told me about an incident that occurred which made me think deeply about what ADULTERY really is. She told me that she had met a married man who liked her so much and would take her out to lunch once or twice a week, buy her beautiful exotic flowers and gifts and that was it. She thought that allowing that guy to do those things for her meant nothing because she had ABSOLUTELY no intention of sleeping with the guy and had even made that ABSOLUTELY clear to him. She declared that she is NOT an adulterer!
It did not end there. Soon enough, the guy’s wife heard about her and her little ‘innocent’ escapades with the woman’s husband. The wife confronted her about the matter and she swore to the wife that she has NEVER had any physical contact with that man beyond a hand shake. That was not enough for the wife and she threatened to do something bad to my friend should she continue sleeping with her husband!
So my friend came to me to lament and moan about how she was being accused of a crime that she did not commit and how women these days are so insecure. To her, that guy was just a friend who liked her and he knew her deceased brother well so she enjoyed hearing him telling her stories about her brother whom she loved dearly and missed greatly. I knew her well enough to believe that she was telling the truth about her relationship with the guy but I told her in no uncertain terms, that she WAS an adulterer. Adultery does not require you to have sex or even be naked or even kiss someone else’s wife or husband.
The definition of adultery is: PUTTING YOUR SPOUSE IN A POSITION OF SUSPICION IN REGARD TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH A THIRD PARTY.
As long as you are behaving in such a way as to suggest to a REASONABLE MAN or WOMAN that you are sleeping with someone, and that someone is married, YOU ARE AN ADULTERER. You cannot defend yourself against an accusation of sleeping with someone when your behaviour suggests that you are! How do you prove that you are not!
This is what adultery does: It makes your spouse suspicious about your relationship with the other person who you are so intimately close with. Once that suspicion is aroused, you cannot prove that you are not doing more than what you claim to be doing. So that your spouse has to decide whether or not to believe what you are saying and disregard what you are doing. ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS. When you arouse suspicion in your spouse and cause him/her to feel violated, you have committed adultery.
And it does not end there. It gets worse. What do you suppose the other person thinks of your relationship with your spouse if you are allowing them to do things with you which a reasonable person could use to accuse you of sleeping with that other person? What do you suppose others who see what you are doing are thinking about your relationship with your spouse?
No doubt, the world begins to see that your relationship with your spouse is not the SACRED BOND that it is meant to be. You have committed adultery.
AND, the person you are being so accommodating to begins to understand that were it not for the fact that you are married, you would give them a chance. By giving an outsider the comfort of knowing that it is your spouse who is the IMPOSTOR, you commit adultery.
Adultery makes your spouse suspicious and puts your spouse in suspicion. Your spouse is wondering who that other person really is to you, while others are wondering who your spouse really is to you. You have opened a pandora’s box of suspicion and so you are an adulterer.
The other person who you are using to arouse suspicion in your spouse is also an adulterer because without him/her, no suspicion would arise and even that person is sending a message to you and to others that were it not for the fact that you are married, s/he would give you a chance. You also begin to see your spouse as the IMPOSTOR. Someone who is preventing you from taking chances.
Once your spouse becomes the impostor, what kind of relationship will you have with them? Think about your sex life and how that suspicion can cause you and your spouse to drift apart. You will have eroded your spouse’s confidence and you will have eroded your confidence in your spouse!
The other day I was walking from court with a colleague of mine, a married man. We were discussing about an incident in court where the Judge, a woman, sent all the laymen into the cells because a mobile phone rang and no-one owned up as the culprit whose phone rang. Everyone had to pay Kshs.500/- fine to secure their freedom. That was a grave miscarriage of justice but nothing could be done to that Judge in our current system where Judges seem to think that in their court rooms, they are gods.
When we got to my office building, I and my colleague stopped to finish off our conversation before parting ways. As I was in the middle of a heated sentence I was taken aback by a lady who came over, gave the guy a tight hug with her big boobs all into his chest and gave him a smack on one cheek, another smack on the other cheek and another smack on the mouth and held on for what seemed to me like a long time. She then walked off saying ‘see you’! Prior to seeing that, I always believed that my colleague and his wife were the most loving and admirable couple I have ever met. He and his wife are the envy of many.
So I asked this guy who that was. He told me that it’s some friend of his. I accused him of sleeping with that woman and he said that he has never met her in private. I told him that for her to behave like that towards him, there MUST be something. He said no. He even defended himself saying that he had told his wife about how that lady behaves towards him and she didn’t seem to mind. To him, telling his wife about what that lady does is sufficient to erase the suspicion that is aroused by her behaviour. I was amazed to see that the guy thought that he had nothing to do with what that lady was doing and according to him, it was her who was at fault, not him! And he even went further to say that the lady had no ill intentions, she’s a very nice girl! I just laughed because I had no words for the guy. He, like many others in this world, do not understand what adultery really is.
ADULTERY IS PUTTING YOUR SPOUSE IN A POSITION OF SUSPICION IN REGARD TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH A THIRD PARTY. The suspicion is enough because there is NO WAY of erasing that suspicion!
You cannot ever be able to prove that you are NOT sleeping with someone with whom you are behaving in a suspicious manner.
It is your duty as a married man or woman to refrain from entertaining the advances of others and arousing suspicion about your relationship with that person and your relationship with your spouse.
And it is everyone’s duty to refrain from entertaining the advances of a married person and arousing suspicion about their relationship with that person.
Once you have failed to satisfy that duty, YOU ARE AN ADULTERER!
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 66
Did you know that it is IMPOSSIBLE for you to prove that you are NOT sleeping with someone you know. Think about the people you interact with. If someone came up to you and accused you of sleeping with one or two or more of them, how would you defend yourself against their accusation?
It is so easy to prove that you ARE sleeping with someone if accused of not doing so, but how do you prove that you are NOT sleeping with someone? You must rely on CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE to demonstrate that your relationship with the person you are accused of sleeping with cannot be interpreted as a sexual one.
The other day, a friend of mine told me about an incident that occurred which made me think deeply about what ADULTERY really is. She told me that she had met a married man who liked her so much and would take her out to lunch once or twice a week, buy her beautiful exotic flowers and gifts and that was it. She thought that allowing that guy to do those things for her meant nothing because she had ABSOLUTELY no intention of sleeping with the guy and had even made that ABSOLUTELY clear to him. She declared that she is NOT an adulterer!
It did not end there. Soon enough, the guy’s wife heard about her and her little ‘innocent’ escapades with the woman’s husband. The wife confronted her about the matter and she swore to the wife that she has NEVER had any physical contact with that man beyond a hand shake. That was not enough for the wife and she threatened to do something bad to my friend should she continue sleeping with her husband!
So my friend came to me to lament and moan about how she was being accused of a crime that she did not commit and how women these days are so insecure. To her, that guy was just a friend who liked her and he knew her deceased brother well so she enjoyed hearing him telling her stories about her brother whom she loved dearly and missed greatly. I knew her well enough to believe that she was telling the truth about her relationship with the guy but I told her in no uncertain terms, that she WAS an adulterer. Adultery does not require you to have sex or even be naked or even kiss someone else’s wife or husband.
The definition of adultery is: PUTTING YOUR SPOUSE IN A POSITION OF SUSPICION IN REGARD TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH A THIRD PARTY.
As long as you are behaving in such a way as to suggest to a REASONABLE MAN or WOMAN that you are sleeping with someone, and that someone is married, YOU ARE AN ADULTERER. You cannot defend yourself against an accusation of sleeping with someone when your behaviour suggests that you are! How do you prove that you are not!
This is what adultery does: It makes your spouse suspicious about your relationship with the other person who you are so intimately close with. Once that suspicion is aroused, you cannot prove that you are not doing more than what you claim to be doing. So that your spouse has to decide whether or not to believe what you are saying and disregard what you are doing. ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS. When you arouse suspicion in your spouse and cause him/her to feel violated, you have committed adultery.
And it does not end there. It gets worse. What do you suppose the other person thinks of your relationship with your spouse if you are allowing them to do things with you which a reasonable person could use to accuse you of sleeping with that other person? What do you suppose others who see what you are doing are thinking about your relationship with your spouse?
No doubt, the world begins to see that your relationship with your spouse is not the SACRED BOND that it is meant to be. You have committed adultery.
AND, the person you are being so accommodating to begins to understand that were it not for the fact that you are married, you would give them a chance. By giving an outsider the comfort of knowing that it is your spouse who is the IMPOSTOR, you commit adultery.
Adultery makes your spouse suspicious and puts your spouse in suspicion. Your spouse is wondering who that other person really is to you, while others are wondering who your spouse really is to you. You have opened a pandora’s box of suspicion and so you are an adulterer.
The other person who you are using to arouse suspicion in your spouse is also an adulterer because without him/her, no suspicion would arise and even that person is sending a message to you and to others that were it not for the fact that you are married, s/he would give you a chance. You also begin to see your spouse as the IMPOSTOR. Someone who is preventing you from taking chances.
Once your spouse becomes the impostor, what kind of relationship will you have with them? Think about your sex life and how that suspicion can cause you and your spouse to drift apart. You will have eroded your spouse’s confidence and you will have eroded your confidence in your spouse!
The other day I was walking from court with a colleague of mine, a married man. We were discussing about an incident in court where the Judge, a woman, sent all the laymen into the cells because a mobile phone rang and no-one owned up as the culprit whose phone rang. Everyone had to pay Kshs.500/- fine to secure their freedom. That was a grave miscarriage of justice but nothing could be done to that Judge in our current system where Judges seem to think that in their court rooms, they are gods.
When we got to my office building, I and my colleague stopped to finish off our conversation before parting ways. As I was in the middle of a heated sentence I was taken aback by a lady who came over, gave the guy a tight hug with her big boobs all into his chest and gave him a smack on one cheek, another smack on the other cheek and another smack on the mouth and held on for what seemed to me like a long time. She then walked off saying ‘see you’! Prior to seeing that, I always believed that my colleague and his wife were the most loving and admirable couple I have ever met. He and his wife are the envy of many.
So I asked this guy who that was. He told me that it’s some friend of his. I accused him of sleeping with that woman and he said that he has never met her in private. I told him that for her to behave like that towards him, there MUST be something. He said no. He even defended himself saying that he had told his wife about how that lady behaves towards him and she didn’t seem to mind. To him, telling his wife about what that lady does is sufficient to erase the suspicion that is aroused by her behaviour. I was amazed to see that the guy thought that he had nothing to do with what that lady was doing and according to him, it was her who was at fault, not him! And he even went further to say that the lady had no ill intentions, she’s a very nice girl! I just laughed because I had no words for the guy. He, like many others in this world, do not understand what adultery really is.
ADULTERY IS PUTTING YOUR SPOUSE IN A POSITION OF SUSPICION IN REGARD TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH A THIRD PARTY. The suspicion is enough because there is NO WAY of erasing that suspicion!
You cannot ever be able to prove that you are NOT sleeping with someone with whom you are behaving in a suspicious manner.
It is your duty as a married man or woman to refrain from entertaining the advances of others and arousing suspicion about your relationship with that person and your relationship with your spouse.
And it is everyone’s duty to refrain from entertaining the advances of a married person and arousing suspicion about their relationship with that person.
Once you have failed to satisfy that duty, YOU ARE AN ADULTERER!
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