Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 43
Today I discovered what actually killed my dad. It was not cancer, it was passion. I have not cried at all during the times I have been writing but today, I was shedding tears. I could not sleep last night, I got up and tears started coming out of my eyes and then I burst out laughing at how stupid my thoughts sounded to me!
In the morning as I was bathing my daughter, more and more thoughts were flowing and by the time I lifted her out of the bath after plaiting her hair, I reached for my phone and called my cousin and asked him to go get my mother and bring her to my house. I was not in a condition to drive to her house. I cancelled my court case and decided that today, I was not going to work. Today is one of those days when you have no option but to cancel EVERYTHING you had planned and go do what HAS to be done. Ok, am not talking about having good sex but I guess to make it clear to you, that’s about it. Or actually the better way to put it is that I felt like I needed to make funeral arrangements today. Like I had received information about someone close to me having died and I cancelled everything. People would definitely understand that!
I thought my mother was going to die today because if I ever needed to see my mother and talk to her, today was the day. I said that passion is like pee or poo and if you do not expel it from your body, it will kill you. What made me cry last night was not the realization of what killed my dad. It was the realization that God had plans for me which I did not want to do and I knew that I had no choice. The thought of going back to that church wearing my t-shirt was in itself scary. I had planned to wear the t-shirt for like 2 or 3 Sundays and see if anyone will notice me. But last night, I realized that Jesus, is coming at an unappointed time. And there is no time for me to dilly dally on my job of telling people to prepare for His second coming. I had this strong feeling that I had to address the congregation this coming Sunday because that might just be the day that He actually comes and imagine if He finds me telling people about me. Would I have bought myself a free ticket to Heaven or what? And what if am not telling people about Him when He makes His entrance? Would I have bought myself a free ticket to Hell or what?
Now let me tell you something passion does. Passion is what prepares you for what the Hindus call ‘mukthi’ directly translated in English as liberation or what the Christians call the second coming of Jesus. When Jesus comes, we will all be liberated. This revelation made me realize that if I do not pursue my passions, am going to die AND I will not go to Heaven. So whereas holding in your pee or poo will result in a medical condition that a doctor’s appointment will sort out in a flash, holding in passion will result in eternal damnation in hell. Is this crazy or what?
So now what made me cry and laugh at myself was thinking that it is possible that if I do not stand up in that church on Sunday and make a fool of myself for Jesus, I might just die and end up in hell. Does this sound real? Of course not. That’s why when the fear of death and an eternity in hell made me cry, I felt stupid and then started to laugh. I think I am becoming a fool. And that is no laughing matter because it relates straight back to my mother’s mental health. I asked myself whether when she developed the medical condition, what actually happened to her is that she found her passion and fought with it like am doing and finally decided that she would rather go to Heaven and gave in to it. What am saying is this. God gave my mother a job to do. And let me tell you what I have been praying about since I woke up, that: “Apart from not making me like Jesus or any other prophet for that matter, God please, do not make me like my mother as well. Just please let me be me.” Why? Because my mother was given an assignment by God that I could not possibly handle. I remember that I was told that before she went mad, she was an ardent church goer and would sometimes even spend the night in church!!
This is what was revealed to me about her. My mother was given an assignment by God to make a fool of herself for Jesus. God’s purpose for doing that was to test our readiness for our ‘mukthi’ or liberation or the second coming of Jesus. Those who were being tested in this case were me, my brother, my dad, my sisters, and my mum. How was this test being carried out? The test was whether we could ever be able to see Jesus in my mother. Jesus said in the Bible that He would come to us like a THIEF IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT. Like a what? A thief in the dead of night.
Now picture this. A Mungiki thug enters your compound and is heading for your door. You are not too absorbed in economic development and making money so you manage to hear his approach. You pick up your torch and a weapon of whatever kind. You try to stay indoors and shine your light outside to see who’s there. But let me tell you something, Jesus will not be standing there for you to shine your torch at and see Him standing there. What would a thief do when he sees a light coming from the house? He would duck behind the nearest solid object to prevent any glimmer of that light from getting to him. Then what do you do? You have to step out of your house to go see who this guy is. Are you afraid or not? You are shit scared at that thought. You do not know the intentions of that guy out there. It could be to kill you. But if you do not go see who it is and just continue sleeping in your house, you will never discover who that guy was and what he wanted with you. And IF THAT GUY IS JESUS, WOE UNTO YOU MY FRIEND COZ HELL IS BECKONING!! So you must gather up the courage to venture out there and see who that guy is. Will it be stupid for you to do that? Of course, that guy might kill you! But if you go back to sleep, and that was Jesus out there, instead of you being liberated, you will have missed Jesus and when you die, you will still be thinking about economic development and making money and thus be in hell coz economic development and making money is not for the dead, it is for the living and you will not have realized that simple fact. And then who will be the BIG FAT FOOL? Jesus or you?
At this point I burst out laughing until I had to go to the loo. Are you laughing at what a fool I am?
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 43
Today I discovered what actually killed my dad. It was not cancer, it was passion. I have not cried at all during the times I have been writing but today, I was shedding tears. I could not sleep last night, I got up and tears started coming out of my eyes and then I burst out laughing at how stupid my thoughts sounded to me!
In the morning as I was bathing my daughter, more and more thoughts were flowing and by the time I lifted her out of the bath after plaiting her hair, I reached for my phone and called my cousin and asked him to go get my mother and bring her to my house. I was not in a condition to drive to her house. I cancelled my court case and decided that today, I was not going to work. Today is one of those days when you have no option but to cancel EVERYTHING you had planned and go do what HAS to be done. Ok, am not talking about having good sex but I guess to make it clear to you, that’s about it. Or actually the better way to put it is that I felt like I needed to make funeral arrangements today. Like I had received information about someone close to me having died and I cancelled everything. People would definitely understand that!
I thought my mother was going to die today because if I ever needed to see my mother and talk to her, today was the day. I said that passion is like pee or poo and if you do not expel it from your body, it will kill you. What made me cry last night was not the realization of what killed my dad. It was the realization that God had plans for me which I did not want to do and I knew that I had no choice. The thought of going back to that church wearing my t-shirt was in itself scary. I had planned to wear the t-shirt for like 2 or 3 Sundays and see if anyone will notice me. But last night, I realized that Jesus, is coming at an unappointed time. And there is no time for me to dilly dally on my job of telling people to prepare for His second coming. I had this strong feeling that I had to address the congregation this coming Sunday because that might just be the day that He actually comes and imagine if He finds me telling people about me. Would I have bought myself a free ticket to Heaven or what? And what if am not telling people about Him when He makes His entrance? Would I have bought myself a free ticket to Hell or what?
Now let me tell you something passion does. Passion is what prepares you for what the Hindus call ‘mukthi’ directly translated in English as liberation or what the Christians call the second coming of Jesus. When Jesus comes, we will all be liberated. This revelation made me realize that if I do not pursue my passions, am going to die AND I will not go to Heaven. So whereas holding in your pee or poo will result in a medical condition that a doctor’s appointment will sort out in a flash, holding in passion will result in eternal damnation in hell. Is this crazy or what?
So now what made me cry and laugh at myself was thinking that it is possible that if I do not stand up in that church on Sunday and make a fool of myself for Jesus, I might just die and end up in hell. Does this sound real? Of course not. That’s why when the fear of death and an eternity in hell made me cry, I felt stupid and then started to laugh. I think I am becoming a fool. And that is no laughing matter because it relates straight back to my mother’s mental health. I asked myself whether when she developed the medical condition, what actually happened to her is that she found her passion and fought with it like am doing and finally decided that she would rather go to Heaven and gave in to it. What am saying is this. God gave my mother a job to do. And let me tell you what I have been praying about since I woke up, that: “Apart from not making me like Jesus or any other prophet for that matter, God please, do not make me like my mother as well. Just please let me be me.” Why? Because my mother was given an assignment by God that I could not possibly handle. I remember that I was told that before she went mad, she was an ardent church goer and would sometimes even spend the night in church!!
This is what was revealed to me about her. My mother was given an assignment by God to make a fool of herself for Jesus. God’s purpose for doing that was to test our readiness for our ‘mukthi’ or liberation or the second coming of Jesus. Those who were being tested in this case were me, my brother, my dad, my sisters, and my mum. How was this test being carried out? The test was whether we could ever be able to see Jesus in my mother. Jesus said in the Bible that He would come to us like a THIEF IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT. Like a what? A thief in the dead of night.
Now picture this. A Mungiki thug enters your compound and is heading for your door. You are not too absorbed in economic development and making money so you manage to hear his approach. You pick up your torch and a weapon of whatever kind. You try to stay indoors and shine your light outside to see who’s there. But let me tell you something, Jesus will not be standing there for you to shine your torch at and see Him standing there. What would a thief do when he sees a light coming from the house? He would duck behind the nearest solid object to prevent any glimmer of that light from getting to him. Then what do you do? You have to step out of your house to go see who this guy is. Are you afraid or not? You are shit scared at that thought. You do not know the intentions of that guy out there. It could be to kill you. But if you do not go see who it is and just continue sleeping in your house, you will never discover who that guy was and what he wanted with you. And IF THAT GUY IS JESUS, WOE UNTO YOU MY FRIEND COZ HELL IS BECKONING!! So you must gather up the courage to venture out there and see who that guy is. Will it be stupid for you to do that? Of course, that guy might kill you! But if you go back to sleep, and that was Jesus out there, instead of you being liberated, you will have missed Jesus and when you die, you will still be thinking about economic development and making money and thus be in hell coz economic development and making money is not for the dead, it is for the living and you will not have realized that simple fact. And then who will be the BIG FAT FOOL? Jesus or you?
At this point I burst out laughing until I had to go to the loo. Are you laughing at what a fool I am?
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