Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
As I was waiting for my t-shirt to be printed, I reflected on what was happening in my life and wondered how it was I had got to where I was now. How could I have become so absorbed in church affairs? Shouldn’t I have just joined Sunday school teaching or some Bible study group or something like that? What is all this rebellion about?
What came to my mind scared me. I thought that if I did not pursue what I knew was right and just left it alone, it would eat me alive and cause me to suffer from some terminal illness. I wondered whether that was what had happened to my dad for having ignored my mother’s plight. So I was caught between a rock and a hard place. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t. If I continued, I risked antagonizing an entire church and being ridiculed. If I did not defend what I knew was right, my refusal to act would eat at me and kill me. What was I to do?
I remembered something else I had been pondering in my mind about the politics of my country. I do not care much about politics but the sensationalism that was there could not allow anyone to ignore what was happening. I could not understand what all the discussions, debates and madness going on was all about. It was election year and to me, the electorate’s decision was a very simple one to make if they only stopped to think about what it was they were being asked to do.
The problem facing the electrocate was somewhat similar to one that a client of mine had asked me to help him with the other day. This was what my client told me when he came to see me about his problem.
He said, “Njeri, Five years ago, I changed my lawyer. It took a lot of effort to change because my previous lawyer was a very powerful person. He had frustrated me for 25 years and had stolen colossal amounts of money from me. The lawyer I have now came highly recommended and I did not have to think twice to go to him. I was certain that he could help me out.
The other day, I went to my lawyer’s office. At the door, I met a security guard who told me he was from Armenia. Before I could get past him, he grabbed my briefcase which contained some vital information I needed for a sensitive case the lawyer was handling for me and some other valuables like my laptop. He threw them into a fire and ran off saying that he burned my possessions for security reasons. I immediately ran into the reception and shouted to the receptionist to get help because the security guard was running away. Njeri, you will not believe what came out of the receptionist’s mouth. She told me that if I rattle a snake, I should expect to be bitten and continued with her work completely oblivious to my plight.”
At this point, I started to take interest in what the client was saying. He went on:
“I took a deep breath and just walked past the receptionist and went to look for a lawyer. I popped my head into one of the offices and saw my lawyer’s assistant. I was relieved and walked in to tell him what happened and get help from him. I was shocked when he pulled out a panga and told me to get out of his office. As I was shutting the door, he shouted that if I tried to go back there again, he would call for back up and even pee on me! Njeri, can you imagine this?”
I could not imagine that a lawyer could do such a thing. My dear client went on:
“Well. It gets much worse Njeri. As I was running away from the assistant’s office, I noticed that the accountant’s door was opened and I jumped inside. I asked the accountant to give me a statement showing how much money I had deposited with them. I just fell into the visitor’s chair when he told me that I have no money left with them. ” But I deposited billions of shillings with you guys! What did you do with the money?” That’s what I asked him Njeri. He told me that they had used it to employ a very effective international investigative firm to find my money which my previous lawyer had stolen. I asked him how much the firm was charging. His answer was that it was about 60 million shillings or something like that but he’s not sure, he would have to check. So I asked him what the progress was in finding the stolen money. He told me that he does not know because it is not his job to follow up the investigators.”
I was intrigued by this story and thought it could not possibly be true. He went on:
“My jaw dropped and I asked him whose job it was to follow up the investigators. He told me that they had outsourced the job to a Ranger. I asked him how much they were paying the Ranger coz I was wondering where my billions could have gone. He told me that they pay him 2.5 million shillings a month. Njeri, I almost died from shock when I heard this. Then he said that on top of the 2.5 million, there were added benefits. Njeri at this point, my brain stopped functioning. I was just sitting there wondering what was happening when the phone rang and the accountant put it on speaker because he was busy doing some accounts. The guy on the other line was someone from the investigative firm. I was so happy to hear this because I thought that perhaps he had some good news. The investigator said that he had found the money and he knew how to get it. It was hidden in Australia, New York, Britain and a few other countries. So he asked the accountant to confirm that he can proceed. Njeri, I could not believe what the accountant told him. He said, and I quote, “What is wrong with you, I thought you were told to forget about that job?!” I immediately asked the accountant what he was talking about. He told me that his boss and some other lawyers had decided, a year or two after I changed lawyers that they would not bother pursuing the money. Njeri, I was left speechless and decided that I needed to see my lawyer because he cannot possibly be aware of what is going on and he must do something!”
I thought that was a very good idea. My client went on:
“When I walked into my lawyer’s office, I was shocked to find him taking a nap. I woke him up and asked him whether he knew what was going on in his office. He sat up and asked me who I was. I told him I was his client, the one who was paying him a lot of money. He rubbed his eyes and looked at me, yawned, cleared his throat and asked me what my problem was. I told him all that had happened to me. Njeri, I was surprised that he remained seated and his face remained expressionless. When I had finished, I asked him what he was going to do. Njeri, I called out to God when I heard his answer. He said that in his office, he exercises a ‘hands off approach’ and does not interfere with what his employees are doing once he gives them work to do. So I asked him whether he meant that he was not going to do ANYTHING AT ALL about what happened to me. He told me that he will look into it. Njeri, Can you believe this guy?”
I could not believe it either. My client went on:
“I then told him that now, I was going to get myself another lawyer. I just laughed at his answer because I could not believe the audacity of the guy. He said that if I go to any other lawyer, that lawyer will burn my valuable documents and attack me like a rattle snake with a panga, he will steal my money and leave me penniless. He told me that other lawyers are dictators and are very dangerous people so I should stay with him because he had made enough money for me to educate my children and make some improvements where I live. He promised to do much more next year.”
“Njeri, the climax of my experience in my lawyer’s office was as follows. While I was thinking about what he just told me, some lady burst into his office accompanied by a younger lady who was holding hands with the security guard who burned my stuff. The older lady went up to the lawyer, hugged and kissed him and told him that she was going home to cook him a nice dinner. At the same time, the younger lady shouted “Daddy, and ran up to him and kissed him as well.” I could not contain myself. I stood up to shake hands with the ladies and I asked my lawyer: “Are these your wife and daughter?” He looked at me like I was mad and told me in front of those ladies that he does not know them.”
At this point, I was convinced that my client was inventing the story. He went on:
“Njeri, I just laughed out loud hoping that someone was playing a prank on me and walked out to go think about what had happened. Until now, I have not been able to make a decision. I need your help Njeri. Should I stay with my current lawyer or should I change lawyers and see how dangerous the other lawyers really are?”
Believing that he must have been joking, my advise to him was to send a letter to the editor of the Standard Newspaper to publish it and see if anyone comes up with a good answer for him because I could not help him.
That’s what he did.
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
As I was waiting for my t-shirt to be printed, I reflected on what was happening in my life and wondered how it was I had got to where I was now. How could I have become so absorbed in church affairs? Shouldn’t I have just joined Sunday school teaching or some Bible study group or something like that? What is all this rebellion about?
What came to my mind scared me. I thought that if I did not pursue what I knew was right and just left it alone, it would eat me alive and cause me to suffer from some terminal illness. I wondered whether that was what had happened to my dad for having ignored my mother’s plight. So I was caught between a rock and a hard place. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t. If I continued, I risked antagonizing an entire church and being ridiculed. If I did not defend what I knew was right, my refusal to act would eat at me and kill me. What was I to do?
I remembered something else I had been pondering in my mind about the politics of my country. I do not care much about politics but the sensationalism that was there could not allow anyone to ignore what was happening. I could not understand what all the discussions, debates and madness going on was all about. It was election year and to me, the electorate’s decision was a very simple one to make if they only stopped to think about what it was they were being asked to do.
The problem facing the electrocate was somewhat similar to one that a client of mine had asked me to help him with the other day. This was what my client told me when he came to see me about his problem.
He said, “Njeri, Five years ago, I changed my lawyer. It took a lot of effort to change because my previous lawyer was a very powerful person. He had frustrated me for 25 years and had stolen colossal amounts of money from me. The lawyer I have now came highly recommended and I did not have to think twice to go to him. I was certain that he could help me out.
The other day, I went to my lawyer’s office. At the door, I met a security guard who told me he was from Armenia. Before I could get past him, he grabbed my briefcase which contained some vital information I needed for a sensitive case the lawyer was handling for me and some other valuables like my laptop. He threw them into a fire and ran off saying that he burned my possessions for security reasons. I immediately ran into the reception and shouted to the receptionist to get help because the security guard was running away. Njeri, you will not believe what came out of the receptionist’s mouth. She told me that if I rattle a snake, I should expect to be bitten and continued with her work completely oblivious to my plight.”
At this point, I started to take interest in what the client was saying. He went on:
“I took a deep breath and just walked past the receptionist and went to look for a lawyer. I popped my head into one of the offices and saw my lawyer’s assistant. I was relieved and walked in to tell him what happened and get help from him. I was shocked when he pulled out a panga and told me to get out of his office. As I was shutting the door, he shouted that if I tried to go back there again, he would call for back up and even pee on me! Njeri, can you imagine this?”
I could not imagine that a lawyer could do such a thing. My dear client went on:
“Well. It gets much worse Njeri. As I was running away from the assistant’s office, I noticed that the accountant’s door was opened and I jumped inside. I asked the accountant to give me a statement showing how much money I had deposited with them. I just fell into the visitor’s chair when he told me that I have no money left with them. ” But I deposited billions of shillings with you guys! What did you do with the money?” That’s what I asked him Njeri. He told me that they had used it to employ a very effective international investigative firm to find my money which my previous lawyer had stolen. I asked him how much the firm was charging. His answer was that it was about 60 million shillings or something like that but he’s not sure, he would have to check. So I asked him what the progress was in finding the stolen money. He told me that he does not know because it is not his job to follow up the investigators.”
I was intrigued by this story and thought it could not possibly be true. He went on:
“My jaw dropped and I asked him whose job it was to follow up the investigators. He told me that they had outsourced the job to a Ranger. I asked him how much they were paying the Ranger coz I was wondering where my billions could have gone. He told me that they pay him 2.5 million shillings a month. Njeri, I almost died from shock when I heard this. Then he said that on top of the 2.5 million, there were added benefits. Njeri at this point, my brain stopped functioning. I was just sitting there wondering what was happening when the phone rang and the accountant put it on speaker because he was busy doing some accounts. The guy on the other line was someone from the investigative firm. I was so happy to hear this because I thought that perhaps he had some good news. The investigator said that he had found the money and he knew how to get it. It was hidden in Australia, New York, Britain and a few other countries. So he asked the accountant to confirm that he can proceed. Njeri, I could not believe what the accountant told him. He said, and I quote, “What is wrong with you, I thought you were told to forget about that job?!” I immediately asked the accountant what he was talking about. He told me that his boss and some other lawyers had decided, a year or two after I changed lawyers that they would not bother pursuing the money. Njeri, I was left speechless and decided that I needed to see my lawyer because he cannot possibly be aware of what is going on and he must do something!”
I thought that was a very good idea. My client went on:
“When I walked into my lawyer’s office, I was shocked to find him taking a nap. I woke him up and asked him whether he knew what was going on in his office. He sat up and asked me who I was. I told him I was his client, the one who was paying him a lot of money. He rubbed his eyes and looked at me, yawned, cleared his throat and asked me what my problem was. I told him all that had happened to me. Njeri, I was surprised that he remained seated and his face remained expressionless. When I had finished, I asked him what he was going to do. Njeri, I called out to God when I heard his answer. He said that in his office, he exercises a ‘hands off approach’ and does not interfere with what his employees are doing once he gives them work to do. So I asked him whether he meant that he was not going to do ANYTHING AT ALL about what happened to me. He told me that he will look into it. Njeri, Can you believe this guy?”
I could not believe it either. My client went on:
“I then told him that now, I was going to get myself another lawyer. I just laughed at his answer because I could not believe the audacity of the guy. He said that if I go to any other lawyer, that lawyer will burn my valuable documents and attack me like a rattle snake with a panga, he will steal my money and leave me penniless. He told me that other lawyers are dictators and are very dangerous people so I should stay with him because he had made enough money for me to educate my children and make some improvements where I live. He promised to do much more next year.”
“Njeri, the climax of my experience in my lawyer’s office was as follows. While I was thinking about what he just told me, some lady burst into his office accompanied by a younger lady who was holding hands with the security guard who burned my stuff. The older lady went up to the lawyer, hugged and kissed him and told him that she was going home to cook him a nice dinner. At the same time, the younger lady shouted “Daddy, and ran up to him and kissed him as well.” I could not contain myself. I stood up to shake hands with the ladies and I asked my lawyer: “Are these your wife and daughter?” He looked at me like I was mad and told me in front of those ladies that he does not know them.”
At this point, I was convinced that my client was inventing the story. He went on:
“Njeri, I just laughed out loud hoping that someone was playing a prank on me and walked out to go think about what had happened. Until now, I have not been able to make a decision. I need your help Njeri. Should I stay with my current lawyer or should I change lawyers and see how dangerous the other lawyers really are?”
Believing that he must have been joking, my advise to him was to send a letter to the editor of the Standard Newspaper to publish it and see if anyone comes up with a good answer for him because I could not help him.
That’s what he did.
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