Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 44
It does not get any easier thinking about what am thinking because, I still feel like I will be attending a funeral soon. Then I realized that if anyone is ready to die today, it is my mother because the rest of the people in my life had still not found their passion and were wandering around like fools worshipping economic development. The other candidate for readiness for death is my husband. I looked at him leaving for work today and thought, what if its him? I immediately told God, NO WAY!! He even forgot to tell me something and did not remember it. Imagine how I would be left wondering what that was he wanted to tell me. Could I move on from there? I don’t want to know.
I think my mother has served her purpose. My husband still has quite a lot of economic development to do and I needed him now more than ever if I am to survive this quest. Oh goodness me, what if am the one dying today? Am I going to Heaven? Or Hell? What about you? Are you ready to see Jesus?
I had to stop praying to God not to take my mother today because if that is His will, … that someone I love must die today, then, my mother it has to be. DEFINITELY NOT MY DAUGHTER!! It is not that I would not miss my mother, that picture of me standing at her graveside is not pretty but what choice have I got? If it is God’s will, it must be done! So I asked God to at least hold on till I could talk to her and then He could take her and only if it is His will and He cant change it. The condition I put to God is because if she dies today, many of my loved ones are on the way to hell because they will have failed miserably on God’s test. But since they would remain alive, the question for them is whether they would be able to find their passion, accept their failure and move on. So they still had a chance at getting to Heaven which they would not if I chose any of them to die today.
If am the one to die today, I would be happy knowing that I pursued my passion to tell people about the second coming of Jesus and how to prepare themselves for it or how to find their ‘mukhti’ or liberation. And since I did it in writing, inspired by God, I know that my children for generations to come would have the chance at going to Heaven if they pursued their passions and got to see Jesus in everyone around them. Because everyone in your life has Jesus in them and you must get out of the house and meet Jesus in them. Going back to philosophy, it may be true that life is an illusion.
The other day I was walking to get my car and I saw a lady lying on the ground. She looked homeless and was bleeding around one of her eyes which were closed. Everyone of us just walked pass her. I looked at her and wondered what message God was trying to give me by showing me this person. The next day she was gone. Where? I don’t know. Yesterday I noticed another lady ranting incomprehensibly along the street as she walked and I wondered what message God was trying to give me by showing me this person. I have been wondering about timing for a long time even before I started believing in God. I always wondered how the people I meet on the street as I walk by ended up there at exactly the same time as me yet we had not planned to meet and I have no idea who they are. If you asked me: “Who is that?” in reference to them, my automatic minimum thinking reply would be: “Only God knows.” Completely oblivious to how true that is! Jesus could have been any of those two ladies I passed on the street or anyone else that did not catch my attention. Because Jesus will come like a thief in the dead of night so that the effort it takes to see Him, is phenomenal at best. You have to squint, put your hand over the top of your eyes to focus clearly ahead of you and into the eyes of everyone you meet in order to see Jesus. This is not possible from a distance you have to be close enough to that person and that person has to let you make a fool of yourself in their face!
My mother had told me that her illness was God’s blessing to her. This makes sense to me now. It was His way of getting her to Heaven. And how were we to see Jesus in her? What madness does to you is it makes you make a fool of yourself ALL THE TIME. And it is not a pretty sight for those seeing you in your madness. I have been abused and shouted at and quarreled by my mother in ways that I could not understand and if I tried to shout and quarrel back, I ended up meeting Petty Squabble. On top of that, the financial burden that she has been has been HEAVY at times. I will admit that there were times I wished she could just die. Not knowing that if she died before I saw Jesus in her, woe unto me!
Who is Jesus? Jesus is the Son of God who died to save us from sin. I have not yet got to understanding how the saving from sin worked but I guess am on the way there. When people talk about Jesus, they imagine the richest, most handsome, most powerful, most gracious, most attractive, most wonderfully indescribable being who they can do ANYTHING to be friends with. Now is it possible for such a being to be inside a mad woman like my mother? Only if He is willing to make a BIG STUPID DUMB FOOL of Himself and present Himself in disguise. Disguises are meant for comedians or people who want to entertain by making fools of themselves OR thieves whose optimum time of operation is in the dead of night like the hooded gang who raided the Standard newspaper offices on the instructions of a man who calls himself a snake Do you know what a snake is? A SNAKE IS THE REASON THAT YOU AND I ARE HERE SUFFERING INSTEAD OF IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN HAVING FUN. Can you imagine that some people did not get the message that guy was sending when he called himself a snake in public and some are even willing to put him in a leadership position in our country! They are blinded by the god of economic development.
I have been trying to call the lady who lives with my mother to tell her about my cousin going to pick my mother and today of ALL days, her phone is off. Why? I don’t know! Can you see why I just have to see my mother today and talk to her? She found her passion and pursued it despite the ridicule and rejection she suffered from EVERYONE around her. She is an angel. I know that now. I want to see her and tell her that I know. Even if she thinks am stupid, its ok, coz I will have made a fool of myself in an effort to see Jesus in her.
I saw her the other day when she came for her weekly visits at my house to spend time with her grand daughter. Now that I think back on it, I remember noticing her looking and talking like she was not really her. Like her face had changed somehow. She had brought a comb for me to plait her hair with but I was too late getting home to do it. I now wish I had and when she comes, I will. Even if she had it done already by someone else, I will still do it again coz that’s what I would do for Jesus that wonderful being who can give me everything my heart desires by taking me back to the garden of eden to have fun away from the snakes down here.
I wondered whether it was the pursuit of my passion that was having an effect on her, making her better. I wondered whether if I pursue this passion of mine, my mother will be cured. Something her doctor and the medicines she takes have never been able to do. She hates taking her medicines and has refused to take them many times like she preferred to be mentally ill. Now I see why. Because when she is not taking the medicines, she is crying her heart out that we cannot see Jesus in her and free her. The madness of a blessing in disguise. Instead we go to doctors and pump her full of medicines in the way the world has taught us. Then I thought that without the help of my brothers, it may not be possible for me to free her alone. If they do not join me on this quest to find the missing something in their lives, then she will only be half cured. Like she is now. And not just my brothers, also my sisters, my mum, my sisters-in-law and everyone who has ever met her.
My dad refused to see Jesus in my mother and release his passion. That’s why he died. The strong feeling he kept getting to help that woman and not run away from her, instead of expelling it, he held it in. He refused to step out the door and meet Jesus and chose to go back to sleep. And so, the passion started eating him alive in the form of cancer. Doctors in Washington, England and Kenya told him they could not help him. That was not enough for him to realize that what was eating him alive is the passion and all he had to do was see Jesus in her and he would be free of the illness. Does that mean he is in hell? Well, maybe he saw Jesus at the last minute or second, I don’t know. He may be in hell still refusing to see Jesus. Only he can get himself out of hell. I don’t know how? That’s not my job. Sad huh?!
My job is to tell the people around me and those I meet on the street and those I love and those in my church and the politicians and the lawyers, even my satans, to stop working, start thinking, follow your passions and see Jesus. Is it a difficult job? Not nearly as difficult as my mother’s. At least not so far. Soon I might write something someone in power like that snake does not like and find myself being prosecuted for Jesus. And people will ridicule me and make a fool of me and no-one will be willing to stand by my side and see Jesus with me. This road am traveling along is not for many. Very few can stay on it. In that church, only one person out of hundreds would have gone to Heaven if Jesus was the one making a fool out of Himself there last Sunday. Because only he could see Jesus in me.
Where does money feature in all this? Can I possibly go back to looking for money when I have such a big task ahead of me? No, money flows where passion goes. So I don’t care about money, like my husband says, it will come.
I had to clap for myself on this chapter.
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 44
It does not get any easier thinking about what am thinking because, I still feel like I will be attending a funeral soon. Then I realized that if anyone is ready to die today, it is my mother because the rest of the people in my life had still not found their passion and were wandering around like fools worshipping economic development. The other candidate for readiness for death is my husband. I looked at him leaving for work today and thought, what if its him? I immediately told God, NO WAY!! He even forgot to tell me something and did not remember it. Imagine how I would be left wondering what that was he wanted to tell me. Could I move on from there? I don’t want to know.
I think my mother has served her purpose. My husband still has quite a lot of economic development to do and I needed him now more than ever if I am to survive this quest. Oh goodness me, what if am the one dying today? Am I going to Heaven? Or Hell? What about you? Are you ready to see Jesus?
I had to stop praying to God not to take my mother today because if that is His will, … that someone I love must die today, then, my mother it has to be. DEFINITELY NOT MY DAUGHTER!! It is not that I would not miss my mother, that picture of me standing at her graveside is not pretty but what choice have I got? If it is God’s will, it must be done! So I asked God to at least hold on till I could talk to her and then He could take her and only if it is His will and He cant change it. The condition I put to God is because if she dies today, many of my loved ones are on the way to hell because they will have failed miserably on God’s test. But since they would remain alive, the question for them is whether they would be able to find their passion, accept their failure and move on. So they still had a chance at getting to Heaven which they would not if I chose any of them to die today.
If am the one to die today, I would be happy knowing that I pursued my passion to tell people about the second coming of Jesus and how to prepare themselves for it or how to find their ‘mukhti’ or liberation. And since I did it in writing, inspired by God, I know that my children for generations to come would have the chance at going to Heaven if they pursued their passions and got to see Jesus in everyone around them. Because everyone in your life has Jesus in them and you must get out of the house and meet Jesus in them. Going back to philosophy, it may be true that life is an illusion.
The other day I was walking to get my car and I saw a lady lying on the ground. She looked homeless and was bleeding around one of her eyes which were closed. Everyone of us just walked pass her. I looked at her and wondered what message God was trying to give me by showing me this person. The next day she was gone. Where? I don’t know. Yesterday I noticed another lady ranting incomprehensibly along the street as she walked and I wondered what message God was trying to give me by showing me this person. I have been wondering about timing for a long time even before I started believing in God. I always wondered how the people I meet on the street as I walk by ended up there at exactly the same time as me yet we had not planned to meet and I have no idea who they are. If you asked me: “Who is that?” in reference to them, my automatic minimum thinking reply would be: “Only God knows.” Completely oblivious to how true that is! Jesus could have been any of those two ladies I passed on the street or anyone else that did not catch my attention. Because Jesus will come like a thief in the dead of night so that the effort it takes to see Him, is phenomenal at best. You have to squint, put your hand over the top of your eyes to focus clearly ahead of you and into the eyes of everyone you meet in order to see Jesus. This is not possible from a distance you have to be close enough to that person and that person has to let you make a fool of yourself in their face!
My mother had told me that her illness was God’s blessing to her. This makes sense to me now. It was His way of getting her to Heaven. And how were we to see Jesus in her? What madness does to you is it makes you make a fool of yourself ALL THE TIME. And it is not a pretty sight for those seeing you in your madness. I have been abused and shouted at and quarreled by my mother in ways that I could not understand and if I tried to shout and quarrel back, I ended up meeting Petty Squabble. On top of that, the financial burden that she has been has been HEAVY at times. I will admit that there were times I wished she could just die. Not knowing that if she died before I saw Jesus in her, woe unto me!
Who is Jesus? Jesus is the Son of God who died to save us from sin. I have not yet got to understanding how the saving from sin worked but I guess am on the way there. When people talk about Jesus, they imagine the richest, most handsome, most powerful, most gracious, most attractive, most wonderfully indescribable being who they can do ANYTHING to be friends with. Now is it possible for such a being to be inside a mad woman like my mother? Only if He is willing to make a BIG STUPID DUMB FOOL of Himself and present Himself in disguise. Disguises are meant for comedians or people who want to entertain by making fools of themselves OR thieves whose optimum time of operation is in the dead of night like the hooded gang who raided the Standard newspaper offices on the instructions of a man who calls himself a snake Do you know what a snake is? A SNAKE IS THE REASON THAT YOU AND I ARE HERE SUFFERING INSTEAD OF IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN HAVING FUN. Can you imagine that some people did not get the message that guy was sending when he called himself a snake in public and some are even willing to put him in a leadership position in our country! They are blinded by the god of economic development.
I have been trying to call the lady who lives with my mother to tell her about my cousin going to pick my mother and today of ALL days, her phone is off. Why? I don’t know! Can you see why I just have to see my mother today and talk to her? She found her passion and pursued it despite the ridicule and rejection she suffered from EVERYONE around her. She is an angel. I know that now. I want to see her and tell her that I know. Even if she thinks am stupid, its ok, coz I will have made a fool of myself in an effort to see Jesus in her.
I saw her the other day when she came for her weekly visits at my house to spend time with her grand daughter. Now that I think back on it, I remember noticing her looking and talking like she was not really her. Like her face had changed somehow. She had brought a comb for me to plait her hair with but I was too late getting home to do it. I now wish I had and when she comes, I will. Even if she had it done already by someone else, I will still do it again coz that’s what I would do for Jesus that wonderful being who can give me everything my heart desires by taking me back to the garden of eden to have fun away from the snakes down here.
I wondered whether it was the pursuit of my passion that was having an effect on her, making her better. I wondered whether if I pursue this passion of mine, my mother will be cured. Something her doctor and the medicines she takes have never been able to do. She hates taking her medicines and has refused to take them many times like she preferred to be mentally ill. Now I see why. Because when she is not taking the medicines, she is crying her heart out that we cannot see Jesus in her and free her. The madness of a blessing in disguise. Instead we go to doctors and pump her full of medicines in the way the world has taught us. Then I thought that without the help of my brothers, it may not be possible for me to free her alone. If they do not join me on this quest to find the missing something in their lives, then she will only be half cured. Like she is now. And not just my brothers, also my sisters, my mum, my sisters-in-law and everyone who has ever met her.
My dad refused to see Jesus in my mother and release his passion. That’s why he died. The strong feeling he kept getting to help that woman and not run away from her, instead of expelling it, he held it in. He refused to step out the door and meet Jesus and chose to go back to sleep. And so, the passion started eating him alive in the form of cancer. Doctors in Washington, England and Kenya told him they could not help him. That was not enough for him to realize that what was eating him alive is the passion and all he had to do was see Jesus in her and he would be free of the illness. Does that mean he is in hell? Well, maybe he saw Jesus at the last minute or second, I don’t know. He may be in hell still refusing to see Jesus. Only he can get himself out of hell. I don’t know how? That’s not my job. Sad huh?!
My job is to tell the people around me and those I meet on the street and those I love and those in my church and the politicians and the lawyers, even my satans, to stop working, start thinking, follow your passions and see Jesus. Is it a difficult job? Not nearly as difficult as my mother’s. At least not so far. Soon I might write something someone in power like that snake does not like and find myself being prosecuted for Jesus. And people will ridicule me and make a fool of me and no-one will be willing to stand by my side and see Jesus with me. This road am traveling along is not for many. Very few can stay on it. In that church, only one person out of hundreds would have gone to Heaven if Jesus was the one making a fool out of Himself there last Sunday. Because only he could see Jesus in me.
Where does money feature in all this? Can I possibly go back to looking for money when I have such a big task ahead of me? No, money flows where passion goes. So I don’t care about money, like my husband says, it will come.
I had to clap for myself on this chapter.
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