Chapter 66

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 66

Did you know that it is IMPOSSIBLE for you to prove that you are NOT sleeping with someone you know. Think about the people you interact with. If someone came up to you and accused you of sleeping with one or two or more of them, how would you defend yourself against their accusation?

It is so easy to prove that you ARE sleeping with someone if accused of not doing so, but how do you prove that you are NOT sleeping with someone? You must rely on CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE to demonstrate that your relationship with the person you are accused of sleeping with cannot be interpreted as a sexual one.

The other day, a friend of mine told me about an incident that occurred which made me think deeply about what ADULTERY really is. She told me that she had met a married man who liked her so much and would take her out to lunch once or twice a week, buy her beautiful exotic flowers and gifts and that was it. She thought that allowing that guy to do those things for her meant nothing because she had ABSOLUTELY no intention of sleeping with the guy and had even made that ABSOLUTELY clear to him. She declared that she is NOT an adulterer!

It did not end there. Soon enough, the guy’s wife heard about her and her little ‘innocent’ escapades with the woman’s husband. The wife confronted her about the matter and she swore to the wife that she has NEVER had any physical contact with that man beyond a hand shake. That was not enough for the wife and she threatened to do something bad to my friend should she continue sleeping with her husband!

So my friend came to me to lament and moan about how she was being accused of a crime that she did not commit and how women these days are so insecure. To her, that guy was just a friend who liked her and he knew her deceased brother well so she enjoyed hearing him telling her stories about her brother whom she loved dearly and missed greatly. I knew her well enough to believe that she was telling the truth about her relationship with the guy but I told her in no uncertain terms, that she WAS an adulterer. Adultery does not require you to have sex or even be naked or even kiss someone else’s wife or husband.

The definition of adultery is: PUTTING YOUR SPOUSE IN A POSITION OF SUSPICION IN REGARD TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH A THIRD PARTY.

As long as you are behaving in such a way as to suggest to a REASONABLE MAN or WOMAN that you are sleeping with someone, and that someone is married, YOU ARE AN ADULTERER. You cannot defend yourself against an accusation of sleeping with someone when your behaviour suggests that you are! How do you prove that you are not!

This is what adultery does: It makes your spouse suspicious about your relationship with the other person who you are so intimately close with. Once that suspicion is aroused, you cannot prove that you are not doing more than what you claim to be doing. So that your spouse has to decide whether or not to believe what you are saying and disregard what you are doing. ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS. When you arouse suspicion in your spouse and cause him/her to feel violated, you have committed adultery.

And it does not end there. It gets worse. What do you suppose the other person thinks of your relationship with your spouse if you are allowing them to do things with you which a reasonable person could use to accuse you of sleeping with that other person? What do you suppose others who see what you are doing are thinking about your relationship with your spouse?

No doubt, the world begins to see that your relationship with your spouse is not the SACRED BOND that it is meant to be. You have committed adultery.

AND, the person you are being so accommodating to begins to understand that were it not for the fact that you are married, you would give them a chance. By giving an outsider the comfort of knowing that it is your spouse who is the IMPOSTOR, you commit adultery.

Adultery makes your spouse suspicious and puts your spouse in suspicion. Your spouse is wondering who that other person really is to you, while others are wondering who your spouse really is to you. You have opened a pandora’s box of suspicion and so you are an adulterer.

The other person who you are using to arouse suspicion in your spouse is also an adulterer because without him/her, no suspicion would arise and even that person is sending a message to you and to others that were it not for the fact that you are married, s/he would give you a chance. You also begin to see your spouse as the IMPOSTOR. Someone who is preventing you from taking chances.

Once your spouse becomes the impostor, what kind of relationship will you have with them? Think about your sex life and how that suspicion can cause you and your spouse to drift apart. You will have eroded your spouse’s confidence and you will have eroded your confidence in your spouse!

The other day I was walking from court with a colleague of mine, a married man. We were discussing about an incident in court where the Judge, a woman, sent all the laymen into the cells because a mobile phone rang and no-one owned up as the culprit whose phone rang. Everyone had to pay Kshs.500/- fine to secure their freedom. That was a grave miscarriage of justice but nothing could be done to that Judge in our current system where Judges seem to think that in their court rooms, they are gods.

When we got to my office building, I and my colleague stopped to finish off our conversation before parting ways. As I was in the middle of a heated sentence I was taken aback by a lady who came over, gave the guy a tight hug with her big boobs all into his chest and gave him a smack on one cheek, another smack on the other cheek and another smack on the mouth and held on for what seemed to me like a long time. She then walked off saying ‘see you’! Prior to seeing that, I always believed that my colleague and his wife were the most loving and admirable couple I have ever met. He and his wife are the envy of many.

So I asked this guy who that was. He told me that it’s some friend of his. I accused him of sleeping with that woman and he said that he has never met her in private. I told him that for her to behave like that towards him, there MUST be something. He said no. He even defended himself saying that he had told his wife about how that lady behaves towards him and she didn’t seem to mind. To him, telling his wife about what that lady does is sufficient to erase the suspicion that is aroused by her behaviour. I was amazed to see that the guy thought that he had nothing to do with what that lady was doing and according to him, it was her who was at fault, not him! And he even went further to say that the lady had no ill intentions, she’s a very nice girl! I just laughed because I had no words for the guy. He, like many others in this world, do not understand what adultery really is.

ADULTERY IS PUTTING YOUR SPOUSE IN A POSITION OF SUSPICION IN REGARD TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH A THIRD PARTY. The suspicion is enough because there is NO WAY of erasing that suspicion!

You cannot ever be able to prove that you are NOT sleeping with someone with whom you are behaving in a suspicious manner.

It is your duty as a married man or woman to refrain from entertaining the advances of others and arousing suspicion about your relationship with that person and your relationship with your spouse.

And it is everyone’s duty to refrain from entertaining the advances of a married person and arousing suspicion about their relationship with that person.

Once you have failed to satisfy that duty, YOU ARE AN ADULTERER!

Chapter 65

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 65

A socialist is someone who knows the truth about life. A truth which is contained in the following words:-

1. In the absence of someone to share it with, LIFE and MONEY become inconsequential;

2. Therefore, DO NOT take ANYONE for granted;

3. LOVE your neighbour as you love yourself;

4. Because that IS ALL that will matter when you die.

A capitalist does not know this simple truth about life.

When a capitalist dies, s/he goes to a place where there is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH MONEY and SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MANY MATERIAL POSSESSIONS and NOONE to stop them from grabbing it all for themselves.

Immediately, the capitalist becomes delirious with the thought that ALL THAT MONEY AND ALL THOSE THINGS belong to him/ her and flops back to relax from all the hard work it took him/her during his/her lifetime to acquire them.

After a while s/he begins to look around slowly coming to the realization that as much as there is no-one around to stop him/her from doing WHATEVER s/he wants to do with the money and material things, there is also no-one to SHARE them with. S/he then looks at ALL the money and ALL the material things and comes to a realization of the TRUTH:

THAT IN THE ABSENCE OF SOMEONE TO SHARE IT WITH, LIFE AND MONEY BECOME INCONSEQUENTIAL.

There and then at that point in time, the capitalist gains the knowledge that s/he would give ANYTHING; s/he would give ALL THAT MONEY AND ALL THOSE MATERIAL THINGS just to have ONE person to talk to or even to fight with!

Something else slowly dawns on him/her, something even more painful to bear:-

THAT ALL THAT MONEY AND ALL THOSE MATERIAL THINGS can NEVER create life.

And s/he begins to understand that IN FACT, there is a GOD! God being the one who created him/her and the others s/he enjoyed taking for granted during his/her life time. And now, in that hell-hole of money and material possessions, God is not there, to give him/her someone to love and share his/her valued possessions with. In life, the capitalist did not believe in God and thought that capitalism was all that mattered.

In the fullness of time, the money and material things begin to repulse the capitalist and the capitalist decides that s/he would RATHER DIE than live alone with ALL THAT MONEY AND ALL THOSE MATERIAL THINGS. But alas! S/he is ALREADY DEAD! And now s/he has to live with that money and those material possessions ALL ALONE FOR THE REST OF HIS/HER LIFE!

Imagine if right now, this moment, EVERYONE in the world disappeared from sight and left you ALONE. Would that make you happy? What would you not be willing to give to have those people back?

And do not cheat yourself that just one or two people would be enough. No, variety is the spice of life. Two heads are better than one. The more the merrier. And all of us, the trillions that we are in this world, cannot survive without each other. We need people to do the farming, to fly the planes, to build the houses, to argue the court cases, to carve the sculptures, to wash the dishes, to do everything that needs to be done to keep the world running. You cannot do everything alone!

Its all or nothing. Look at your body, can any part of you be cut off from the rest of you and still survive by itself? No! And any part of you that is not there has a vital function and without it, life can NEVER be complete. Until all the parts have been made whole and put together, you will always be missing something and looking around for it.

Is it not wonderful and comforting to know that you are NOT ALONE in this world? So why do you take your fellow men and women for granted? And why can you not spare a minute of your time to thank God for giving you ALL THESE WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL DIFFERENT PEOPLE to share your life with? Why are you not interested in the suffering of your fellow men and women?

KNOW THIS NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE. When you die, all that will matter is the love you gave to your neighbour.

Picture this, a child is being born into this world, its mother is in distress, as soon as the child pops out of its mother’s womb, its mother dies. And there is no-one to receive that child into the world. Sadness cannot begin to describe the sight of such a situation.

LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF, so that when you are born into death, you will have someone to receive you into eternal life.

Chapter 64

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 64

Discrimination is an art. In order to perfect it, these are the things that you MUST do:-

1. Accept that it is normal to divide people into groups like men and women, blacks and whites, Kikuyus and Luos, Kenyans and Nigerians, Fats and Thins, Disabled and abled, rich and poor, supporters of Kibaki and supporters of Raila etc. Usually the groups you choose have no justifiable basis. Whatever enables you to disguise your insecurities will do.

2. Accept that you belong to one of those groups so that you adopt a perception of people as us and them.

3. Apply double standards in the way that you judge the group you belong to and the other group so that as far as your group is concerned, any imperfections are excusable but as far as the other group is concerned, you will not accept anything less than perfect.

4. Completely disregard the possibility that all people including those who belong to your group are different in many ways and the correct standard in judging anyone is by their deeds. Jesus said that we will know those who follow Him by their deeds.

5. Completely disregard the possibility that the people who are important in your life are those who experience the same or similar challenges to you and who share the same interests as you.

6. Completely disregard the possibility that your point of view may be flawed.

7. Adamantly refuse to listen to any point of view that may be different from your own.

8. Refuse to give your opponents the opportunity to challenge you and be heard on their point of the view and its justifications.

9. Develop a morbid fear of standing alone in a debate over your views and if confronted, you raise your voice in an angry tone and rush off.

10. Refuse to accept others as your equals.

Here is a summary of a conversation I had with a PNU supporter the other day:-

Njeri: So ati why is it you are against Raila?

PNU supporter: That Raila man. Who does he think he is? How can he expect us to vote for him? What kind of a cabinet will he even have if he comes into power? He has no record. He has never done anything useful, all the time he has been in government his job has been to disturb the peace and mess up. Ok, he helped us get our man into power but now he needs to leave things as they are. And let me tell you, those people from the lakeside, you cant trust them. Everywhere they go they just want to cause chaos. All the labour unions are run by them!

Njeri:Well, I am supporting the guy from the lakeside.

PNU supporter: You cant be serious. Are you not a Kikuyu? How can you not support your own?

Njeri: Well, my vision for this country goes beyond my tribe. I am an advocate for change. I want it to be one day possible for a Kenyan Indian woman to run for presidency and get it. The presidency has been the reserve of the elite and look what is happening to our country, we are being robbed silly by every regime that comes. What we need to do is agitate for change and use our votes to make it clear to the politicians that we want the best and if they do not perform, they are out. We need to encourage qualified educated people, CEOs of businesses to run for presidency by showing them that we choose our leaders based on their performance not on euphoria or tribal lines.

PNU supporter: Eheeheeheehe! You have said it. Raila is all about euphoria, that guy is not interested in working! He just wants to take power and turn our country into a dictatorship.

Njeri: Ok, first let me tell you the underlying principle of my support for Raila before we get to the nitty gritty. I am like the battered wife. I voted for this government expecting Kenya to be transformed into a nation of Kenyans. Now all I see is marginalization of Kikuyus and a government dominated by Kikuyus. The government that I have now has disappointed me in many ways most of all is the Angloleasing scandal, the Artur Brothers and the raid of the Standard Newspapers. Nothing much has changed for the better in the last five years. I now have the chance to change things, to leave my abusive husband and am going to take it. I know that there are husbands out there who don’t beat their wives and there is one for me too. No-one tells a battered wife to stay with her abusive husband even if it means that she has nowhere to go, no money, and no-one to help her, she MUST leave to save her life. I am surprised that you are willing to stay on inspite of the wrongs that have been committed against our country by the current government. There is no valid excuse for any of it. I will not settle for what I’ve got when it comes to anything in my life including the President of my country. The Bible talks about the shepherd who comes home at sunset and finds that he is missing one sheep and instead of locking up the sheep he has and going to bed, he goes out to look for the missing sheep until he finds it. That’s me. I am missing something in my life and am going back into the dark to look for my missing sheep because I know that when I find it, I will be happy because I will have secured a better future for my children.

PNU supporter: Look Njeri, be realistic, you are being stupid. A Kenyan Indian woman can NEVER EVER be president of Kenya. As it is, even me I can never be president. And how do you know that Raila will help you find your missing sheep?

Njeri: I don’t know what Raila will do when he gets in but I do know that voting him in gives me hope that things can change for the better. Something that the current government cannot give me. Its record reads loud and clear. With Moi siding with them, I can see us regressing into the hell that we fought so hard to get out of in 2002. When it comes to who can be president of this country, what matters is what you are ready to accept. If you accept that the presidency is for the select few excluding even you, then that’s what you will get. We need to demystify the presidency and make it accessible to more Kenyans who are able and willing to serve. Voting for Raila will awaken our country and bring us to a realization that ANYONE can be president. Don’t you see that? That is the first step towards building a Kenya for Kenyans.

Chapter 63

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 63

My countrymen and women suffer from selective amnesia of the worst kind. I say this in reference to something called ‘DETENTION WITHOUT TRIAL’. How do those words make you feel? They are horrific! If you hear that someone, anyone, has been detained without trial, you shudder at the thought of what might be in store for him/her. I can only imagine the harrowing experiences people go through.

In our country, two men called Kenneth Matiba and Charles Rubia were detained without trial. When they surfaced, both of them were maimed and crippled for life. Their families had suffered what can only be described as a monstrous tragedy.
These people to me are heroes. Our country has done little to recognize their valour. These people were detained without trial and tortured for the sake of our country and the futures of our children that we may have multi party democracy in our country and discuss politics freely without fear of persecution.

It is because of them that I am able to sit here and write about the elections and what I think without fearing that some hooded goons will ambush me and make me disappear from the face of the earth only to re-surface as a relative to the hunch back of Notredame! Are you daring enough to be detained without trial for the sake of your country? I dread the thought of spending even a minute in a police cell under arrest with only one shoe on to identify me as a cell mate. My heart breaks for those I have seen behind bars in a police cell or in the dungeons at the High Court or in remand prison.

I remember a story my mum once told me about how she struggled to free a cousin of mine who had been arrested at a bar in some border town for saying something unpleasant about our former president! Fortunately he made it out before they could start pulling out his teeth!

Recently, some muslims were arrested here in Kenya and deported to unknown destinations on suspicion of being involved in terrorist activities. Only God knows what kind of treatment they are being subjected to, if they are still alive. The families of those people who are Kenyans are in anguish. They are pleading with the government for only one thing: that they should be told where their loved ones are and their loved ones should be subjected to a fair trial to ascertain their guilt. It seems highly unlikely that those people will ever be seen again especially since our President recently declared that he does not even know their names. Imagine if that was done to your husband, son or brother! Would you have enough tears?

One of our presidential candidates has spent six good years in and out of detention without trial in his quest for multi-party democracy for this country. The government of the day has labeled him a dangerous man who is likely to turn our country into a dictatorship. Makes sense doesn’t it? Spend most of your life being tortured for the freedom of your people then you are labeled a dictator! To make it more interesting, one of the people labeling him a dictator is the same same person who subjected him, Charles Rubia, Kenneth Matiba and many others to detention without trial! And some of the Kenyan people actually accept the opinion of that person! People who are detained without trial are not expected to survive the ordeal. Not only did he survive the ordeal, he is hugely responsible for the removal of the former president from power and replacing him with our current president.

Apart from being labeled a potential dictator, leaflets are being circulated accusing him of being a devil worshipper because his religion is uncertain! Whoever came up with that idea should be given a medal. Anyone will tell you that our former president who subjected people to detention without trial and during whose tenure this country was robbed of billions, now apparently stashed in foreign bank accounts, is a Christian, a God fearing man who can be trusted to tell us who we should vote for! He has been seen so many times attending church functions and services that his religion cannot ever be doubted! It is laughable! A thief comes into your house, robs you silly, leaves your loved ones maimed and when you go out looking for a security guard to employ, the same thief recommends a suitable guard to you and you gladly take him in!

I am gob smacked by the selective amnesia afflicting my fellow countrymen and women!

I am unable to make any sense of most of the reasons being given to justify our not voting that heroic guy into power. It has been claimed that his promises are just dreams because he did nothing when he was in government. Our current president featured prominently in our former president’s government. If we apply his argument fairly, he too can be accused of having failed us. In fact, he can be accused of having conspired in all the robbery and atrocities that the Kenyan people were subjected to. Then what would be his answer? In truth, a Minister is only as powerful as the Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces will allow.

The other two presidential candidates’ curriculum vitae are no competition for someone who was detained without trial fighting for our freedom. To me, that in itself qualifies anyone for leadership in any country. Look at Nelson Mandela, can anyone say that he does not deserve to be president of his country even at his present age? What qualifies him for leadership? His persistence and boldness.

Why do we Kenyans persecute our heroes? To me, the answer is idol worship.

Top of the list of our idols is economic development. I do not see anything spectacular about the economy of this country in the last five years. I am still driving on potholed roads spending huge amounts on car repairs and paying for private health insurance and primary school fees while getting taxed at the highest, most efficient level of taxation ever achieved in the history of this country and our Kenya Revenue Authority will openly admit to this. At the same time, our country has continued to be robbed of billions and most of those who resigned from government for having been implicated in the theft were accepted back into government and entrusted to head Ministries! Is this what economic development is?!

Next on the idol list is TRIBALISM. There is a friend of mine who was recently looking for a house to move into. He identified a suitable one, signed the agreement, paid the deposit and just a day before he could move in, the agent called him and told him that the landlady had refused to sign the tenancy agreement because she could not let her house to someone who eats fish! Hahaha! Imagine that a grown woman living in the 21st century in Kenya and educated enough to own a house is practicing tribalism! And while you’re at it, imagine that in order to get a house, that friend of mine had to lie about his tribe!

I wonder what that lady would say to the theory presented by the infamous Dr. James Watson who recently declared that Europeans are more intelligent than Africans by nature. If she would be offended by that guy, she deserves a trophy for hypocrisy at the highest level.

Recently we experienced earth tremors which put the fear of God in us. People were so anxious about going into buildings. At night, people would wake up and vacate their houses and flats and during the day, people were rushing out of their offices in fear that they would cave in. No doubt, when the earth tremors hit, the people running out of their flats and buildings were not bothered about the tribe of the person running next to them. Except for our president and a few privileged others, traffic jam afflicts us all. Noone cares about the tribe of the person who gives you way or who stops to help out when there has been an accident! When boarding a matatu or bus, noone cares about the tribe of the people sharing the vehicle or sitting next to them. Why then does tribe come into the equation when it comes to choosing our leaders?

Is it not hypocritical for us to be practicing tribalism while saying that racism and slavery are bad?!

If you are a God fearing person, recognize that your life’s purpose ought to be about pleasing God. God cannot ever be a tribalist and all of us are His children. People who have a past of detaining others without trial cannot ever be trusted. Do not allow yourself to be blinded by idol worship.

Chapter 62

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 62

I have been to church for two Sundays since my t-shirt was printed. I wore it the first Sunday and forgot to wear it the next time. Both times, I was confused. I had realized that my rebellion against the church was not going to get me anywhere.

God had planted a thought in my mind. He called me arrogant! He said that I had no right to call the people who were leading His church hypocrites. I should have been grateful that there was a church for me and my children to go to in the first place. They had taken care of that for God and they deserved my respect. Well ……….. who am I to argue with God. What He said was completely true. I was arrogant.

So I went to church both Sundays wondering how to deal with my arrogance and make myself useful in the church. I did not find an answer until after I got home last Sunday and remembered that I noticed an item on the church bulletin calling for participants for a celebration coming soon. I looked at it and thought it might be interesting but ignored it. I later on wondered whether God wanted me to join some group in church. I did not like how that thought made me feel. I could not imagine myself in the company of ardent church goers. I find it hard to understand their reasoning and I did not want to be questioned about my faith or enter into any confrontation with anyone. I knew my views were radical and could not see how I could tone them down in a way that they could be understood as constructive criticism.

The other day, I stepped out for lunch and met a lady who works in my building. She told me that her church was fasting. Her attitude made it clear that she is an ardent church goer and an active participant. I engaged her in a spirited conversation about the usefulness of fasting and by the time we parted ways, we had managed to reach a middle ground about the whole issue. We agreed that just not eating during a fast, is not sufficient. People need to reflect on themselves and find out if they are contributing to the problem which the fast is dedicated to.

I think that everything that happens outside of us is a reflection of what is inside us. A single person has as much to do with broken marriages as do married people. There are those single people who are vultures. So a single person on a fast focusing on broken marriages should make the effort to ascertain whether s/he is a vulture in some way. It is sufficient to covet your friend’s spouse for you to be a vulture. Some people go as far as wishing that the friend could die so that they can have their spouse since people are always saying that all the good guys are taken! We are commanded by God not to covet. So if you covet a married person, you are a vulture. I am sure that there are many single ladies in church who are secretly in love with their pastors or bible study tutors. I know of some ladies who will not go so far as to get involved with a married man but will always make sure that their greetings involve a tight hug and smooch leaving the guy and those around him wondering what that was all about. Clear your mind of evil thoughts about other people’s spouses and you are on the way to finding your own. There is someone for everyone.

You are partly responsible for all the problems you see around you. You just need to put your ears to the ground and listen real hard to find out what you are doing wrong. Find Jesus and let Him tell you where you are going wrong.

After meeting my church lady and realizing that it was possible for me to agree with an ardent church goer, I entered a lift and when pressing the third floor where I was intending to go, I also pressed the fifth floor by mistake and wondered what could be on the fifth floor. I later met a lawyer I know who is an elder in his church and even preaches. His office is on the fifth floor of the building. He is a very nice guy and we talked and laughed for a while about spouses running offices together and why my husband and I work in separate offices. That guy made me realize that there are some sober church members around. Unfortunately for me, that meant that I had no reason not to get involved in some church functions. I also realized that my t-shirt would be more noticeable to those I was working closely with than a whole congregation. So I decided to give the participation a try next Sunday although I was still apprehensive. What convinced me to do it is the fear of ignoring God and what the dire consequences might be.

God talks to us. I could see His influence in the accident with the nun and the church goers and my meetings with the church lady and the church lawyer. Those events in my life had messages for me which I figured out. It seems then that all the events in my life have a message for me from God. They are either giving me answers to my questions or pointing out my mistakes or pointing me in the right direction. It is not easy to figure out the messages. You have to be very focused on your questions and ready to accept responsibility for what has seemingly nothing to do with you.

For instance, if you get home after a long day at work and sit by yourself asking why your life is so hard and why you cannot seem to meet the goals you set for yourself, then in the middle of your thoughts, your cell phone rings and when you check the screen you see that it is your nagging mother calling and you refuse to pick up thinking that your day could not get any worse, so you get up and reach for a drink to soothe your nerves and get distracted from your thoughts about your life, you are mistaken. Your mistake is that you do not realize that your nagging mother calling at that particular time means that your hard life and inability to meet your goals has something to do with her! What you are focusing on, which is usually making money, is really not the answer to your problems. What you need to do is to examine your relationship with your mother and find out what the message is, act on it and you are on the way to solving your problems.

Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you. If you honour your mother unconditionally as God has commanded you to and take her calls no matter what a pest she may be, the peace of mind you are looking for in your job and the goals you have set for yourself will be exceeded beyond what you imagined. Even your relationship with your mother will improve amazingly.

The answers to life’s questions are simple. They lie within you in the choices you are making and the kind of person that you are. Just take the time to think deeply about who you are and why you do the things you do.

Chapter 61

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 61

I called my motor cycle guy today!

On my way to work, I saw a nasty car accident just a short distance from my house near where another one had occurred this same month. Both involved a saloon car and a matatu and looking at the final position of the vehicles and the damage caused, it appeared to me that in both accidents, the saloon cars were overtaking dangerously. The one I saw today was even more gruesome than the first one! Everyone who passed by must have said a prayer for the people in the saloon car which was bashed up pretty good with generous blood stains on the windscreen.

When I saw the accident I asked myself why the two accidents had occurred there and not somewhere else where I would not pass by and experience the horror of looking on. I wondered whether there was a message for me in the two accidents. Recently I had started wondering whether the things that happen to others around me, good or bad, have anything to do with me and the kind of person that I am. Do my actions and omissions affect those around me? They obviously affect those I come into contact with in different ways, but who is to say that they do not affect the lives of my fellow human beings who are not in contact with me?

This is election year in my country and potential candidates are busying themselves campaigning in the hope that the masses will side with them and vote them into office. The actions and omissions of politicians undoubtedly affect those they have never even heard of sometimes in devastating ways like when a president wrongly orders the country to go to war and soldiers are killed. Where do I fall in this equation?

The other day a client came appealing to me to stop the sale of his house where he lives with his entire family. I did what I could to help him and managed to delay the sale on the day it was scheduled to take place. Did my decision to help him affect others I do not know? Definitely, in many ways. For instance, the auctioneer was pissed off because he already had a buyer for the house and the delay meant no fees and possibly a fat commission for him, at least not for the moment. By filing the case, my client’s opponent appointed a lawyer who will get paid for the work s/he does. The potential buyer has to find something else to do with his money and his expectations were dashed. Most importantly, my client’s family can sleep comfortably in their precious house without worrying about it being sold for the moment. I gave my client a chance to put things right and hopefully salvage his house permanently. For every transaction and court case that I have been involved in, I am in no doubt that I have affected the lives of people I do not know in similar ways.

My giving way to my fellow road users and holding lifts for others no doubt affects the timing in their lives similarly to how it affects mine. The tips I give at the supermarket and at restaurants no doubt affect the financial abilities of the recipients. These are people I know nothing about.

So did I have anything to do with the occurrence of the gruesome accidents in a way that perhaps I am not enlightened enough to appreciate? This question stuck in my mind all the way until I got to park my car. During that time, I examined my driving and could not find any wrong in it. I could not imagine that the accidents could have had anything to do with another aspect of my life. That would be too complicated for me to understand. To simplify things, I decided to think about the accidents I have been involved in. Other than the motor cycle guy accident, by the grace of God, I have never been involved in an accident where anyone sustained serious bodily injury. In fact I have only had five material damage brushes with other vehicles which we settled without police assistance. I have been driving for eleven years now. The first minor collision occurred when I was a very green driver, the other four occurred between last year and early this year including the one after church. I was at fault in only one of them. The prominence of road accidents in my life in the recent past has got me concerned that there is something I am supposed to do but am not doing it. Hence my improvement in my driving. After a long soul search, the only thing I could point to is the fact that I had not bothered to call up my motor cycle guy and find out how he was doing. I wondered how my not calling him affected my life or his. Since I could not think of anything else, I went ahead and called him.

I had got his number from a friend who was at the scene of the accident and had collected as much information that he thought I might need should I plan to sue or have to defend myself in court. I printed out the email he sent me and filed it away without a second thought. Now I was wondering what good calling the guy would do to my life. I remembered that I thought that he and I had some connection that caused us to meet on that fateful day. I looked at his name wondering whether it should mean something to me but it was not familiar at all. I asked myself what I had to lose if I made the call and could not imagine anything life threatening. It was possible that he may have lost his phone after the accident and had changed his number. I was not going to get away that easily because I knew where he worked and could call there if his number was of no help.

I asked myself what I had to gain by making the call. I concluded that my curiosity would at least be satisfied. Why not just find out the answers to my questions about him? I was curious to know what the hell he was thinking when he smashed into my car, how he was doing (I did not know if he survived and was dreading the thought that he could have died) and anything else that could help me make the connection. My curiosity got the better of me so I gathered the courage to call and dialed his number.

He picked up the phone and I got confused because I had imagined that he wouldn’t and had not planned on what to say. What reason was I to give him for calling? I decided that it was too late to start planning and resolved to just go with the flow of the conversation. I introduced myself and he sounded happy to hear from me, like he was hoping I would call. He told me that he had recovered and was back to work. I asked him the questions I was dying to hear the answers to: “What was happening that day? Where were you rushing to?” His answer was simply that he cannot remember anything that happened that day! He developed some form of selective amnesia that caused him to block out the memories of that particular day completely. He was in a coma for a period of exactly fourteen days. There are other things and people that he does not recall but he remembers the important things like his family, his workmates, his work etc. He said that he swore never to ride a motor cycle again in his life and thanked me so much for calling. I assured him that nothing serious happened to me and he was relieved. We said good bye and that was it!

I then asked myself what was so hard about such a simple thing. I sat for a while and thought about our conversation and it occurred to me that my calling my motor cycle guy had given him some assurance and comfort that he was lacking. I was certain from the way he sounded that he was also curious about how I was doing and whether I blamed him for anything. The sound of relief in his voice was clearly audible. I felt guilty for having taken so long to call him with no justifiable reason, just imaginary fear. I remembered what my counselor had said about freeing me from my fear of the unknown and realized what she was talking about. Why had I allowed myself to imagine the worst of that guy and act on it instead of acting on facts? It was obvious to me that my not calling that guy was causing him anxiety that he did not need to have and perhaps now that I had called him, his healing could be complete.

It had taken me nine months to call that guy. Was the fact that I survived the accident unscathed not sufficient to warrant my reaching out to that guy who was less fortunate than me? Why did I act so selfishly towards him? Was it not my duty to call him? Could it be that my not calling him had something to do with those gruesome accidents occurring in places where I would pass by to remind me of a duty I was overlooking? Had my failure to perform that duty altered the timing of events in my life to bring me to seeing those gruesome accidents?

Jesus said that we should love our neighbours as we love ourselves. It was my duty to call that guy and even visit him in hospital. Could it be Him who was always pinching at my mind pleading with me to call my motor cycle guy then I would brush Him off by giving some lame excuse about what a ‘dangerous guy’ the motor cycle guy must be! How stupid was that! Passion was calling at my window in the dead of night and I ignored it for fear of the darkness! Could it be that if I had continued ignoring the message to call my motor cycle guy, my passion would have killed me like it did my dad? Maybe the next gruesome accident would have involved me since I had chosen to learn the hard way! Then people would be laughing at me in Hell saying: “Heaven was just a phone call away, you had the name and number all along and you did not call?” Heeheeheeheehee! “What was the reason for you not calling again? You thought the guy was dangerous?!” Heeheeheehee! “You should have read your Bible more keenly and realized that God is more dangerous that anyone in the world and if you ignore His messages, woe unto you!” Heheeeeeeeeeee!

What message did my motor cycle guy’s amnesia communicate to me? Picture this: what if when I called the guy and introduced myself to him, he said that he did not know of any accident, he was never involved in any accident and he does not know who I am and just hang up? I would be left looking at my phone and thinking …… what the……?! I don’t exist to that guy? He almost killed me! I could relate this to what my counselor said about me not acknowledging that God was there with me before I was born since He created me.

During my days of atheist philosophy, I was suffering from selective amnesia. Many people around me were trying to tell me of something that I had no recollection of, they showed me the signs and I refused to listen. The motor cycle guy accepted what he had been told about the accident, he accepted the circumstantial evidence and even acknowledged my existence without questioning my motives when I called. I could have been an investigator from his health insurance company trying to confirm that his medical complaints were genuine! He just believed what I told him without question. AND so did I! I accepted the phone number given to me as his and all that he told me without question. So why does anyone need definite proof of the existence of God? Is the circumstantial evidence especially the inevitability of my death not sufficient?

I do feel enlightened and hope that there will be no more gruesome accidents featuring in my life.

Chapter 60

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 60

How important is sex to you? Think about it. Do you know the difference between good sex and bad sex? These are questions I asked myself the other day when I was thinking about sex.

The difference between good sex and bad sex has nothing to do with what you feel when having the sex. It has everything to do with what you feel AFTER you have had the sex!

Good sex leaves you without any question that the decision to have the sex was a good one.

Bad sex leaves you with very many questions about whether the decision to have the sex was a good one and the answers to those questions tell you that it was a bad decision.

I am an advocate for good sex. I will not have sex unless I am sure that the decision to have it is a good one. These are my rules on having good sex.

1. NEVER FORGET that SEX CAN KILL!! Sex with a stranger or the wrong partner can never be good sex. It may feel good when doing it but what matters is how you feel afterwards.

2. Although sex can kill, it can also GIVE LIFE. Unwanted pregnancies are the result of bad sex.

3. Good sex requires you to THINK DEEPLY about what you are doing BEFORE you do it, not after! Deciding whether or not to have sex is not a gambling game. Irresponsibility must never feature when you are thinking of engaging in an activity that can kill and/or give life.

4. Sex is not like hunger or thirst. Hunger and thirst should be satisfied on a daily basis. Satisfying hunger and thirst will keep you alive and not satisfying them will kill you. The need for sex does not have to be satisfied on a daily basis and more importantly, not having sex, CANNOT KILL YOU AND CANNOT GIVE LIFE.

5. Even with the right partner, the chances of having good sex are directly proportional to the time you have to WAIT for it. The longer you wait, the more likely you are to have good sex. If there is no chance of having sex, then waiting does not come into the equation.

6. BAD SEX is DANGEROUS. After having bad sex, the shame of it will make you do it again as you try to avoid thinking about the dire consequences of the bad decision you made and try to justify to yourself that what you did was not bad. Promiscuity is a vicious cycle. Avoid it as a matter of life and death.

7. Good sex will only happen with the RIGHT PARTNER i.e. someone with whom you feel safe and secure. Safe from an untimely death and secure in the possibility that life may result from having sex with that person.

8. GOOD SEX is NOT DANGEROUS. After having good sex, you cannot regret it, the goodness of it makes you a better person and it is good for your health.

9. The effect of sex, good or bad, is CONTAGIOUS. Good sex makes you an attractive person while bad sex can turn you and those you are having it with, into very repulsive creatures.

10. An advocate for good sex is a BROTHER’S KEEPER. S/he will take reasonable care for the safety and security of his/her partner.

11. Good sex can occur in a wide VARIETY of ways. There is as much variety of good sex to satisfy your appetite as there is a variety of foods. You need not have sex before marriage to determine whether you are choosing the right partner. And once you have found the right partner, take the time to experiment and find out which variety of ways are good for you.

12. Good sex requires GOOD TIMING. Good timing is when you and your partner are both in the mood for sex. Do not insist on sex if your partner is not in the mood for it.

13. Good sex is a matter of GIVE AND TAKE. If your partner is not enjoying the sex, neither will you.

14. Good sex results in faithfulness. If you give good sex, your partner won’t need to go anywhere else to get it. If you get good sex, neither will you.

AND FINALLY

15. Good sex is FOOD FOR THE SOUL. It is a blessed thing. It gives you a taste of what it’s like to be in Heaven, united with God. It cannot be achieved alone or in a group. Electrical currents must flow when having good sex and electricity requires a positive and negative charge. Two positives and two negatives will get you nowhere.

Chapter 59

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 59

Boarding or day school? Well, if life is about pleasing God by pursuing your passions and learning to let go of the things of this world, including your loved ones, in preparation for the journey back home, boarding school seems to be the best choice for my children not only for their sake but for mine as well!

The sooner my children can learn to walk this journey of life by themselves, the better for them. Keeping them next to me, will not help them build the independence they need to develop the ability to respond sensibly to life’s challenges i.e. RESPONSIBILITY! They have to live the life they were born to live if they are going to make it to the Land of Knowledge and Understanding. That will not happen if I am constantly around them reminding them of my rules. I need to give them the space to learn how those rules will help them in their lives. Many times when I come home and find my nephew doing what he should not be doing, he looks at me like: “Say it!” And am sure that as I say, “Have you showered? Have you eaten? Have you done your homework?”, he repeats it in his head with me as he walks off to go do what he is supposed to do.

If I had been in boarding school and away from my dad, I might not have had the attachment to him that I developed. The attachment denied me the chance to break away and learn to live my life as my own. As a parent, I can only try to do my best to set a good example for my children and earn their respect but I should not allow them to think of me as super human or superior to them such that they develop a need to be like me. This does not mean that those of my peers who went to boarding school are better at dealing with life’s problems than I am but if I compare myself to my husband, his boarding school experience gave him a sense of independence that took me a much longer time to develop. In fact, if I had never met him I think I would still be quite far behind.

The attachment to their parents or guardians that children develop can be a dangerous thing where the parent or guardian has his/her own unresolved issues like the unforgiving characteristic that I copied from my dad. All of us as children have that need to be the perfect daughter or son in our father’s eyes. What if my dad was absent or he was an alcoholic, or a criminal, or a molester, or a wife beater! What would have happened to my need to be the perfect daughter in his eyes?

I would probably have resented him to the point of hating him and wanting to disown him. That hate or resentment for him would reflect back on me because I would hate that I am part of him. I would then imagine the perfect daddy and substitute him for my real daddy. My life’s purpose would then be to try as much as possible to be the perfect child in my imaginary perfect father’s eyes while at the same time try as much as possible NOT to ever be like my real dad. Out of the frustration of not really knowing this imaginary dad of mine, I would probably end up in many broken relationships searching for him.

Or, if he is a protective parent and I live with him and see him everyday, I would copy him because I don’t know any better.

If children are brought up to compare themselves with their parents, they more often than not end up making it their life’s purpose to prove a point to their parents like I did. With the constant reminders of where my dad had come from and how hard he had worked, I made it my life’s purpose to prove to him that I did have some of his blood flowing in my veins!

There can be no RESPONSIBILITY without INDEPENDENCE. In other words, the ability to respond sensibly to life’s challenges can only be cultivated in an environment where the individual is compelled to depend on himself/herself. Only then can those challenges impart the valuable lessons that they carry with them. I don’t think that my protectiveness will allow me to raise my children with the independence they so badly need. Being at home is not challenging for them at all. They don’t have to depend on themselves for anything and they know it!

It is not that our mothers are of no consequence in our lives. Mothers are the ones who give us life and raise us. They prepare us for the battle while our fathers direct us on the strategy for the battle ahead. Pursuing your life’s purpose on an empty stomach without having taken a shower will not be possible. As children, we look to our mothers to teach us the basics without which we can never realize our life’s purpose. When we feel that the ground we are treading on is shaky, we go back to our mothers for comfort and for the assurance that we are worthy. If our mother is not being the person she is meant to be in our lives, we lose our balance.

The inability of parents to respond sensibly to life’s challenges severely affects the development of children by sending the children on wild goose chases which make them attach themselves to the things of this world forgetting that death, ……… is only a heart beat away and life is all about dying a happy death with no regrets.

Irresponsibility is the inability to respond sensibly to life’s challenges, and is the real epidemic that is plaguing the world today. HIV is a byproduct of the attitude of irresponsibility that the world has adopted in its search for economic development. The world as we know it today is a world of Cains i.e. those who leave their brothers for dead. We are not our brothers’ keepers.

If this is the world I will be sending my children out to when they reach the age of majority, I must make every effort to live the life I was born to live and hopefully keep the timing of my death till after my children have developed the responsibility and independence necessary to direct them towards their life’s purposes. Since death is only a heart beat away, the sooner they develop these qualities, the better for them as well as for me.

Having this in mind, as soon as my children begin to develop an attitude of indifference to my rules, something that is inevitable in an environment of dependence, it is my duty to send them to a suitable boarding school.

Chapter 58

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 58

After a heart breaking ritual of remembrance and letting go over my dad’s death, I heaved a sigh of relief, wiped away the tears and went back for counseling.

Njeri: Where were we?

Counsellor: I was asking you about your fear of being the perfect daughter in God’s eyes and I told you that you will only find your missing something in Heaven.

Njeri: And to get to Heaven, I need to make myself the perfect daughter in God’s eyes, don’t I?

Counsellor: Yes.

Njeri: Is it enough if I at least try to make myself the perfect daughter in God’s eyes or do I have to be it? I cannot see how a human being can possibly be the perfect daughter in God’s eyes.

Counsellor: Well, what is perfection to you?

Njeri: Flawless, sinless, super human!

Counsellor: Perfection in God’s eyes means achieving your life’s purpose. No-one is flawless, sinless or super human. We all have our faults, even the men and women of God written about in the Holy Book were flawed, some in damning ways. All God asks of you is that you achieve your life’s purpose and you will be the perfect daughter in His eyes. There is nothing to fear in that because God has already equipped you with whatever you need to achieve your life’s purpose.

Njeri: I want my life’s purpose now to be about pleasing God and not my dad and my success formula to be to follow my passion (Jesus) believing that as a child of God, success is inevitable, am I on the right path?

Counsellor: You will know when you are on the right path if you experience a feeling of enlightenment every step of the way. Do you feel enlightened?

Njeri: Yes.

Counsellor: There you are.

Njeri: About this fear of the unknown, I must admit that I am afraid of the discoveries I am making about myself. They are unsettling because they are so unexpected. Before I started this quest for my missing ‘something’, I was so sure about myself!

Counsellor: Are you happier now with your life than before you started? That’s all that counts.

Njeri: I don’t know if I can call it happiness. I feel that the discoveries are good but the burden of responsibility for my life that they are placing on me is heavy! It’s so much easier to just leave everything to God. If someone has a car accident, you comfort yourself by saying it was God’s will yet it now seems to me that perhaps its more to do with that person than God! Its beginning to appear to me that apart from being responsible for the kind of life am living, I might also be responsible for the timing of my death. It seems that the kind of person that I am affects the timing of events and opportunities in my life including the time I die and how!

Counsellor: Were you afraid of anything before you started the quest?

Njeri: Not really. I was just curious about my life in the beginning. I thought this quest would be fun but now it has turned out to be a very serious thing! I am still wondering about what I would do if given the choice to go to Heaven right now and leave EVERYTHING behind. I honestly would not know what to do!

Counsellor: Well then, you better think real hard about that because death is an uninvited guest and can come calling any time. When death comes calling, you better be sure that you will be ready to let go of ALL the things of this world including your loved ones, if you want to see God.

Njeri: Wow, until now, I did not realize that letting go of the things of this world, the ones that distract you from your life’s purpose means also letting go of the attachment you have to your loved ones. No wonder it is said that so few of us will make it to Heaven. In reality, we all die alone. Too bad we do not live alone as well. I highly doubt that I am one of the chosen few who will make it to Heaven.

Counsellor: Well girl, that is your choice to make! The free choice that God gave you when He created you. The one He was thinking about on the day of rest. He gave you the power to rule over your life. He sent you passion to help you along the way. You know what you have to do to make it back home. Do you want to go back home or stay here?

Njeri: Of course I would like to go back home but I don’t know if I can make it! Its not even like climbing a mountain, the road is invisible to start with, the challenges are unpredictable, they get harder each time you graduate to a higher level of enlightenment…..! It reminds me of child birth! In order to avoid giving up on this quest which has become a monster, I better touch base with real life for a while. And I don’t think I need another counseling session outside of myself!

Chapter 57

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 57

Counsellor: Njeri, you cannot be alone in life. You need to belong somewhere. And writing this book to communicate with others around you and let them know about your life’s experience should be sufficient proof of that.

Njeri: I suppose so.

Counsellor: Why are you writing this book?

Njeri: I do not believe that this book has become all this stuff that it has become. Honestly, I meant to write a column for my rotary club magazine. But once my fingers hit the keyboard and started on chapter one, I found myself writing and writing and writing and then I thought that I had to tell someone about what I was writing because the revelations I was experiencing were mind boggling!

Counsellor: You wanted to share your experience with others. Why not just keep them to yourself?

Njeri: Because I did not think that the revelations were coming from me. I actually felt like I was being inspired to write for a purpose. I also read the book every now and then as I write and I am amazed by how interesting it is even to me.

Counsellor: Have you thought about what the purpose of your writing really is to you?

Njeri: I think it is to share my gift of simplifying the complications of life. That’s all. I do not expect anyone to believe in what am writing. It is just my opinion and some of it is intended purely to entertain and challenge. Its is also something that wont die with me!

Counsellor: So you do not want to be the perfect daughter in God’s eyes? I thought you wanted to be the most invincible of the invincibles in Heaven?

Njeri: Ha! You want to trap me!

Counsellor: No, I want to free you.

Njeri: From what?

Counsellor: Your fear of the unknown.

Njeri: Mmm?

Counsellor: Are you afraid of being the perfect daughter in God’s eyes?

Njeri: No, I would love that. My problem is what it takes to become that!

Counsellor: Do you know what it takes to become the perfect daughter in God’s eyes? You do not seem ready to even consider that question. You are resisting it even before you think about it. Like the forgiveness issue.

Njeri: No. Am not resisting it. I just don’t think that I need to be the perfect daughter in God’s eyes. Why can’t I just be me and try to make the best of me? God’s standards are too high for me. I am just a human being!

Counsellor: Do you want to go to Heaven?

Njeri: Of course. Who doesn’t?!

Counsellor: So if God appeared to you here and now and stretched out His hand for you to take and go to Heaven, would you go?

Njeri: Definitely, without a second thought.

Counsellor: Be honest Njeri, you would leave your daughter and your husband and your law firm and your brothers and your sisters, and your nieces, and your nephews and your mother and your mum just go to Heaven without a second thought?

Njeri (laughing): I think you are trying to trap me. You know that material things mean nothing to me, but the people in my life are priceless!

Counsellor: No, I want to free you.

Njeri: From what?

Counsellor: From the things of this world that you are attached to. You do not realize that going to Heaven is the only way you will find happiness, satisfaction and contentment. It is the place where you will find your ‘missing something’. The one that started you writing. The love you feel for the people here on earth is nothing compared to what you will feel in Heaven. And, by getting yourself to Heaven, you will free your loved ones who are connected to you.

Njeri: I don’t know what to say.

Counsellor: Lets take a break.

Chapter 56

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 56

After an energizing sweat session in my gym room, a long shower, a peep at my sleeping angel and two days of more thinking, I went back for counseling.

Counsellor: Njeri, do you now realize how dangerous it is not to believe in God?

Njeri: Dangerous? Its life threatening! So all this time, my life was based on pleasing my dad when it should have been based on pleasing God!

Counsellor: Exactly. God is immortal so with Him as your Father, being the perfect
daughter in His eyes is an achievable goal.

Njeri: What? Are you crazy? Do you know what being the perfect daughter in God’s
eyes would require? Even at minimum thinking level, I can already tell what HARD WORK that is! God, is a very difficult Being to comprehend. He is invisible, He does not talk out loud, He does not have a shoulder to be cried on, He cannot hug you, He does not have a cell phone, I mean, how does one relate to Him without doubting that their believing in Him is itself an illusion?

Counsellor: Well, when your loved ones are not there next to you, like when your husband travels upcountry and leaves you behind, do you find it difficult to relate to him?

Njeri: No. I know where he is and am going to see him soon when he comes back home. We also talk on the phone daily.

Counsellor: You assume that your husband will come back. But his coming back is dependent on a lot of things remaining constant, things beyond your control. There are many loved ones who leave home one morning and never come back. You have already admitted to living your life under the guidance of somebody who died more than a decade ago.

Njeri: What are you getting at?

Counsellor: My point is this. The presence of God in your life and His influence in your life does not require Him to be alive in this world like you are. Just like your dad’s influence in your life, even in death did not require him to be alive in this world.

Njeri: Ok, I get that point but you see, there was a time that my dad was alive and here with me and I have memories of him. Its not like that with God?!

Counsellor: That is what you think but do you know where you were before you were born?

Njeri: You mean that perhaps I was with God before I was born and being alive is a temporary separation from him just like when my husband travels upcountry?

Counsellor: Exactly. Who created you? God!

Njeri: But God stayed at home and am the one who left huh?

Counsellor: Yes.

Njeri: And where the hell is this I came to?

Counsellor: You came to the school of life to learn about who you are and your purpose as a child of God.

Njeri: I can see what you are saying about God and I suppose it is true. The fact that my death is an inevitable certainty should communicate an important point to me. That this world is not my home.

Counsellor: Yes.

Njeri: Now lets go back to this being a perfect daughter in God’s eyes. Why cant I just say that now that I have accepted my dad’s death, I do not need to be anyone’s perfect daughter?

Counsellor: Wait a minute. Are you sure that you have accepted your dad’s death?

Njeri: Well, after our last session, I did a lot of thinking about what accepting his death entails. It means that I have to accept that my dad died with some serious unresolved issues which I cannot do much about now. I can only hope that he will get a second chance. On my part, what he thought of me at his death should not concern me. I should only be concerned with what I think of myself. My life is my own and as long as I am happy with myself and ready to face the consequences of my thoughtless or thoughtful actions, I do not need anyone’s approval. So I have accepted his death. And am moving on. I just don’t know where to as far as my need to be the perfect daughter in my father’s eyes is concerned.

Counsellor: Remember this Njeri, as a human being, you have an inherent need to be something. You need to have a life’s purpose. And most of all, you need to feel accepted. Like you belong somewhere and to someone. Even the way of the world is clear on this.

Njeri: You mean that loving myself and being happy with myself is not sufficient?

Counsellor: Think about it. Are your parents, your siblings, your husband and children, your friends, your employees, your clients, all the people in your life, important to you? Ask yourself this. Why are you writing this book?

Njeri: Oh!

Chapter 55

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 55

Before my dad died, he feared that his family would end up like those he had seen left fighting for their father’s wealth. He feared that my legal training would enlighten me as to what my rights were. He knew about me visiting my mother. After I came back from England, I used to go visit my mother every now and then and I would say where I was going. I thought that by being open about what I was doing, I would avoid arousing suspicion about my motives. And, it would give my parents an opportunity to address the issue if they felt like it.

Well, nothing was said about my visits until the eve of my parents’ departure on a trip to England in search of treatment for my dad’s condition. On that day, my dad told me that he had been told about a conspiracy by me to take all his wealth from my mum and give it to my mother. He was so convinced about the truth of the conspiracy that nothing I said made him see that it cannot be true. I realized that perhaps I should have kept my visits to my mother a secret! But how could he expect me to just forget about my mother?!

When my parents left for England leaving me in charge of the household and the family business, my dad was not talking to me. He did not even say goodbye. He died 6 months later. We talked on the phone a few times and I think eventually he came to realize that there was no such conspiracy or he decided that there was nothing he could do about it if it existed. He had done enough by addressing it with me. When we talked on the phone he behaved as if nothing had happened and I could not possibly bring it up knowing that he was already suffering so much.

He died when my sisters and I were on a plane going to England to see him. I had been talking to my brother and my aunt and my mum who were with him and it seemed that death had become a possibility to them. So I decided that we would all go see him probably for the last time. We never made it.

By the time we got to the hospital, he was lying in bed, still warm, but clearly dead. After trying to wake him up for a while, I realized that he was gone but I did not accept it. I decided to believe that he was around somewhere maybe on one of his business trips. He had to come back and talk to me so I could tell him that I had no interest in his wealth and I would never do anything to hurt my mum or my sisters. I wanted him to know that I did not blame him for what happened to my mother, but I had to help her for my own reasons.

If I accepted that he was dead, then there is a real possibility that he died thinking that I was the bad person he said I was! Then what would happen to my wanting to be the perfect daughter in my father’s eyes? His death would kill my purpose for living!

Counsellor: Well, I don’t know what to say!

Njeri: Lets take a break.

Chapter 54

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 54

Had I accepted the death of my dad? Well, that was a complicated question for me. It required me to examine my relationship with my dad. The thought of performing such an examination was daunting. I decided that I needed some counseling if I was to deal with this issue.

Dealing with my relationship with my mum and my mother was nowhere close to dealing with my relationship with my dad because it seemed to me that my dad was the centre of everything in my life. My awareness of his faults made me fear that I may have replicated his mistakes in my own life in my effort to please him. The fact that I was an unforgiving person probably came from the fact that I thought that he never forgave my mother for whatever terrible thing it was that she had done to deserve the treatment he gave her. I probably justified my hardheartedness by comparing myself with him.

I had never needed counseling before. At least I did not think that I needed it. But now, I considered consulting an expert to help me address my relationship with my dad, how it has affected me in the decisions I have been making in my life and why I have not accepted his death. I could not wait to arrange an appointment with a counselor to address these issues because as each day passes by, I may be making mistakes that I am not aware of because of my faulty thinking. I decided to carry out a mock counseling session with myself and see how far I could get. After all, no-one knows my problems better than me. The session went something like this:-

Counsellor: The best way to deal with your problem Njeri is to set out the facts about your relationship with your dad that you feel concerned about. Can you do that?

Njeri: Aaah, what does that mean?

Counsellor: Well can you put your feelings about your problem into a series of simple questions?

Njeri: Ok, first question: what do I think happened between my mother and my dad that caused their separation?

Counsellor: That’s a good one. But, are you able to answer it factually? You must be careful not to imagine things because your imaginations are what could have brought you here in the first place.

Njeri: Well, I was only 2 or 3 years old when they separated so I do not know for a fact what happened.

Counsellor: Do you want to know? And why?

Njeri: Well, considering where we are today, what happened between them is irrelevant because it cannot be resolved. My dad is already dead. Its probably not even my concern what happened between them.

Counsellor: Good, so what happened between them is not an issue for you. But I think that the fact that they separated, for whatever reason, must have affected your thinking in some way. Would you agree?

Njeri: Oh yes, definitely.

Counsellor: Do you know how?

Njeri: Yes I do. In many ways some of which are good and some of which are bad. I am concerned about the bad ones.

Counsellor: And what are the bad ones?

Njeri: Why did my dad not talk to me about her, my mother that is, and tell me what happened? He made a feeble attempt once by telling me that staying with her would have meant hardship for us all. I did not understand what that meant. If he felt that he was justified in what he did, why could he not tell it to me (and my brothers) in clear terms? Perhaps he was afraid of us asking him to help her, something he could not bring himself to do. Or perhaps he could not do it because he feared my mum? I think that my dad’s refusal to address the issue with me was wrong in that it made me think that what he did was right since she must have wronged him. In the same way, I refused to forgive those who wronged me.

Counsellor: Now that you realize that, what will you do?

Njeri: Well fortunately, I have already dealt with my unforgiving heart. But now, I am glad that I have also addressed its source and let go of it.

Counsellor: Anything else?

Njeri: Yes. I have realized that I need to address my own issues with myself first and come to terms with the choices I make in life because my inability to face my demons will no doubt affect my children. I need to be open with my children and address any issues I think may be affecting them without fearing my own unresolved issues.

Counsellor: Why is it so important to you to please your dad?

Njeri: I really do not know. I think that children need someone to look up to. Children need guidance. How does a child find a purpose in his/her life? It can only be by attaching himself or herself to someone s/he thinks s/he would want to be like when s/he grows up. The first choice is obviously our parents or guardians. For me, it was my dad. I thought that my dad was superman. He could never fail. So if I made choices which pleased him, I could be like him.

Counsellor: But what about his faults. How did you address those?

Njeri: I was blind to them. I accepted them as part of who he was. That way, I could accept my own faults too. This was wrong of me because it blinded me to my own faults and prevented me from addressing them thinking that I was allowed to be faulty. Now I have to teach my children that it is not acceptable to be faulty. Only mistakes are acceptable but they must be corrected.

Counsellor: So what about his death? You know that he died a long time ago. Did you accept his death?

Njeri: Let me explain.

Chapter 53

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 53

I was wondering about choosing suitable schools for my children now that I had a success formula that I wanted them to adopt at the earliest stage possible. The first question I was considering was whether boarding school or day school is preferable.

I am a protective parent and could never have imagined taking any of my children to boarding school. The choice of which school to take my niece to was my husband’s. I chose which school to take my nephew to. My niece ended up in boarding school while my nephew ended up in day school.

NO WAY, was I ever going to boarding school. I completely refused to go to boarding school. I was in day school throughout my primary school days. After my primary school national exams I passed so well I was accepted in one of the best national girls secondary schools in the country, which was a boarding school. I refused to go. My reasons for refusing were very sound to me. I could not possibly shower with cold water! Eat githeri with weevils! Sleep on a thin mattress! Share a dorm room with so many other girls! Have my junk food rationed! Be separated from the comforts I had at home! NO WAY! I rated my life at a 3 out of 10 because I had the luxury of making such a choice. At that time I had no idea how desperately parents of other children were dying for their children to go to that school. I did not even think about the cost implication of choosing a private day school as opposed to a public boarding school. Not to mention that God had taken a little more time designing for me a brain intelligent enough to get me the grades I was aiming for. My dad did not mind me going to day school since anyway, I had proved that being at home did not hinder my ability to excel in my studies. So day school it was.

Now I have been wondering whether my fear of boarding school is well founded or based on shallow thinking. In making decisions relating to my children’s future, the important starting point is to establish what it is I want to achieve with them.

EVERYONE would love to be the mother or father of President so and so, or Doctor so and so, or Lawyer so and so, or Engineer so and so etc. We all want our children to excel in life and leave us grinning from cheek to cheek with pride when they come home to visit with their beautiful families dressed up in designer clothes, just back from a holiday in the Bahamas, driving a Range Rover sports from their mansion in the surburbs and speaking intelligent stuff that keeps our mouths gaping at how advanced our little boy or little girl is in the world.

I have to accept that it is not enough to set rules at home when my children will spend most of their lives at school. If the schools they are in do not enforce similar rules to those I have set at home, no doubt there will be a problem. So the choice of schools for my children is very important if am ever going to be grinning with pride at how they turn out.

As I was pondering on the question of schools for my children, I asked myself a question that left me shocked when I realized the answer. I asked, “Njeri, if now is the time you are discovering that your life should be guided by your passions, what was your life guided by in the last more than 3 decades that you have been alive?” At first, I could not answer the question. I thought and thought and thought for about 4 days until I found the answer. You will be surprised by the answer.

Prior to finding Jesus this year, the choices I was making in my life were motivated by my need to please my dad! Imagine that! All my life, I have always wanted so much to show my dad that I appreciate everything he did for me and that I can be the little girl he always wanted me to be. My dad died more than a decade ago. Could it be that I have never accepted his death?!

My dad never ever told me that he wanted me to please him. In fact he made it very clear that my life was my own and all he was doing was helping me get a good head start by giving me a good education. So how in the world did I, as a child, and even as a grown up, develop such an attachment to my dad that I was basing my life’s choices on what would please him even long after his death? It is not that I consulted him on anything or that I always did what I thought would please him but before I decided to do anything, I would consider what my dad would think and make my decision based on whether I could convince him that what I was doing was right for me.

This line of thought put a long pause on the thought about my children’s schools and brought up a huge concern for how I was communicating with my children. I realized that there is a gap in the way we teach our children about their futures. It seems to me that the gap arises when we refuse to address issues with our children that we know all too well they are thinking about. I think that the reason I became so attached to pleasing my dad was because I feared that if I did not please him, he would leave me like he left my mother and then only God knows where I would have ended up! Imagine that! And imagine how long it has taken me to realize this. This need to please my dad was not a conscious one. It was in my sub-conscience. Obviously the education gap I was thinking about needed very serious consideration since its effect on me and probably on everyone I know is far reaching.

I have realized (and this probably applies to all women in the world) that what I want most in life is to be the perfect daughter in my father’s eyes. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be the perfect daughter in your father’s eyes. The problem arises when you relate that need to your earthly father who is mortal and faulted instead of relating it to your God who is immortal, invincible and perfect.

Chapter 52

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 52

When is the right time to find your passion, discover your spiritual identity and purpose in life and start living the life you were born to live?

I wish I had known and discovered all these things when I was much younger. I might have achieved a lot more than I have now, but who knows? Well, coulda, woulda, shoulda are completely out of my life. Which brings me to considering how to ensure that my children start living the lives they were born to live at the earliest possible time. I am writing this book in the hope that I will see quite a few familiar faces when I get to the Land of Knowledge and Understanding. As far as my children are concerned, I am not taking any chance of them not getting there!

What kind of upbringing does a child need in order to excel in life? If my niece was in day school and her first priority when she gets home from school is to ensure that the lipstick she is wearing matches her outfit as she skips daintly out to the car where the driver is waiting to take her to village market to hang out with her friends, could she ever possibly learn how to spell the word ‘RESPONSIBILITY’? I highly doubt it and am not willing to experiment on that.

For me, the one thing that will ensure that my children excel in life, that is, make the best of themselves, is learning how to spell the word RESPONSIBILITY and engrave it into their characters. That’s all. But let me tell you this, from my experience, teaching a child to be responsible is one of the world’s most difficult tasks ever and mind you, it starts from babyhood.

My daughter is about to turn a year old and I can already see the bratishness beginning to manifest itself when she moans about nothing and refuses to listen when asked to stop doing something. I am already teaching her to take responsibility for her actions by keeping my distance from her and letting her hit her head on the floor as she tries to stand, watching carefully as she presses her fingers on a drawer which I have told her not to open and then letting her know that its all her fault when she starts moaning, giving her a slap on her back if she tries to drink the bath water or reach for my shoes which I have told her not to do but she insists on doing anyway.

At first, it seemed like such a difficult thing to do to let her hurt herself. I had to fight the urge to run quickly by her aside and make a fuss over her getting hurt until I came to realize that in fact, she does not feel any pain most of the time. She has hit herself sometimes when I think oh my, wait for the scream and … nothing! When she moans, I just talk her out of it without picking her up and get on with what am doing. She then keeps quiet and gets on with what she was doing even repeating what hurt her in the first place.

I have nine rules that I try to follow in teaching my children how to spell the word responsibility and engrave it in their characters.

The first is to let them free, within safe limits, to learn from their surroundings and others around them. Possessiveness has to be thrown out the window.

The second rule is NEVER to give a child ANYTHING s/he wants. If you break this rule, be ready for your home to turn into a hell on earth like the homes of those parents who appear on Nanny 911. I believe that that show is not for real. Those parents and their kids must be pretending. I cannot see it any other way. For me, my home is mine, not my children’s. They live by my rules, not me by their rules, NEVER.

The third rule is to keep a close eye on what your children are doing. Do not assume anything. I have discovered that I cannot afford to relax on any rules and assume that they have been understood and are being followed. Raising children is like a game of shake that lasts for years with me on the line and them trying to get past me to see what I will do. Tiring does not even begin to describe it.

The fourth rule is to keep presents only for special occasions and not for all the time. If they need something, buy it because they need it. Like a pencil, rubber, sharpener, bigger clothes and shoes as they grow and make sure they know why you are buying the stuff. If you buy presents for your kids all the time without expecting them to earn the presents, the children will never learn that life only rewards good behaviour and the difference between right and wrong, that is, following your rules and not following your rules. Your ability to provide your children with treats and presents should be recognized as a powerful tool in controlling your children’s behaviour and teaching them not to take you for granted.

The fifth rule is to make sure that your children have an irrational fear of one parent who adopts a no nonsense attitude around them. That’s definitely not me; it is my husband. Thank God am not a single parent who has to juggle the two roles of (1) being open to free discussions about what happened in school and who did what and being asked difficult questions and (2) being feared. For some reason, my children have an irrational fear of my husband. It is not that he does not play around and joke with them. I think it is because they know that he expects perfection from them. This is communicated just by talking down to them and making them realize they are far far far far away from ever being on the same level as him. You must teach your children to respect your position and understand the boundaries.

The sixth rule is to speak to your children in simple language that they can understand. Don’t tell them to take responsibility for their lives or to go clean their rooms. You have to tell them specifically what it is they are supposed to do. Show them where they have gone wrong and what they ought to have done. Walk into their rooms with them and point out what needs to be done. You need a lot of patience because you might find yourself repeating the same thing over and over again for months on end until one day some miracle happens and they start doing the things you have been singing about automatically.

The seventh rule is to assign your children work in the house. As they grow, you need to let them help out with housework. That way, they learn not to take the comforts of your home and your house-helps for granted. Even if they do it badly at first and you have to re-do it, they will never learn if you do not let them try.

The eighth rule is to ALWAYS remember that your children will grow and mature into adults whether you like it or not and in a few years time, you will be kissing them goodbye and sending them out into the big bad world to fend for themselves. Equip them well so that when that day comes, you have nothing to fear. Your child will not wake up the next morning after his/her 18th birthday and suddenly turn into a responsible young person. NO! You must start teaching them responsibility at an early age by instilling good habits.

The ninth and most important rule is to set a good example for your children. The apple does not fall far from the tree. Do not be a hypocrite of a parent setting rules for your children that you cannot justify. If you expect your children to excel in their lives, you better be excelling in yours as well!!

Chapter 51

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 51

I did not go to church and wear my t-shirt last Sunday. Instead, I went to visit my niece at boarding school, which was a nice break. My niece is a lovely girl. She has taught me that the challenges of boarding school can transform a seemingly weak spirit into a determined and confident spirit. Protecting our children from the hardships of life is not a good idea if they are ever to find their passions.

I said that the Bible has the answers to all my questions even which president I should vote for. Well, it also says that God’s word is the same today, tomorrow and always. This is why I apply what I read in the Bible to what is happening today. Even King Solomon said that nothing new happens in this world, everything that is happening today has happened before. I think that is true.

So I have been wondering why it is that when people have been studying the Bible, me included, they read it in a worldly sense and not a spiritual sense. It can only be the same today, tomorrow and always if it is read and applied in a spiritual sense. The person of Moses can exist today in a spiritual sense in the form of Raila Odinga as I have shown. But in a worldy sense, that can NEVER happen.

Previously, I thought that we were all little pieces within the body of God forming his fingers, toes, legs, arms, belly etc. I have changed this perspective and instead adopted a view of God not as a body but as a mind.

If God is a mind, what are the different parts of the mind that can come together to form one? My answer is the qualities that make up one’s personality like Patience, Curiosity, Forgiveness, Hopefulness, Kindness, Belief, Faithfulness, Humility etc. As part of God’s mind, we exist as one of these qualities in a spiritual form. Our bodies are human but our minds are spiritual. In order to understand how our spiritual minds work, God gave us a human body. The visible human body made up of different parts functioning together in harmony helps us gain a better understanding of the invisible mind made up of different qualities functioning together in harmony.

Jesus, is the Son of God. We, are children of God. To me, passion is one common quality that all other qualities cannot survive without. Petroleum is used by a variety of models of cars and without it, those cars are not taking you anywhere no matter how much they cost. So Jesus is our petroleum so to speak. He fuels us. To me, the worldly identity of the Son of God as a human being is Jesus. His spiritual identity is Passion. How else can he exist inside us?

Same applies to me. My worldly identity as a human being is Njeri. What is my spiritual identity? The Bible tells us that we are created in the image of God. So we all have all of God’s qualities in us. But we are not the same, we are equal in different ways. To me this means that each of us has a predominant quality. After making a thorough assessment of the qualities of my mind, I found that I am definitely not forgiveness, or patience, or belief, or humility. I settled on hopefulness because I am able to see a way out of practically any situation no matter how bad. I am a hopeful spirit. What is your spiritual identity?

To me, a spiritual identity is essential in showing you what your purpose in life is. In finding your spiritual identity, you can identify what special gift God has bestowed on you. You can also narrow down on what roles you can fit into in this world of variety. As a hopeful spirit, my purpose is to help people find a way out of seemingly hopeless situations. This must be why I enjoy being a lawyer. I could also have been a psychologist, or a counselor, or a social worker, or a teacher, or a writer, or an inspirational speaker. All these are professions that a hopeful spirit can pursue passionately. Those professions bring out the best in a hopeful spirit. Put me in a mental institution, or a nursing home, or a crowded bar, or a hospital theatre and you’ve killed my spirit! These are places for people of very different spiritual identities from mine.

The other very important thing about finding your spiritual identity is that it helps you realize the weaknesses in your other qualities. I cannot be a hopeful spirit if I do not believe in anything and am an unforgiving, mean, lazy, atheist philosopher!

And finally, I think that the kind of person you are affects the kind of people you attract around you. Without a spiritual identity, you cannot know whether the people you are attracting are bringing out the best or the worst in you. You will be easily swayed or threatened by those who appear to be stronger than you. You should never feel threatened by anyone. We are all just as good as each other. That is why we all die the same way!

How much money we have, where we live, what cars we drive, what clothes we wear, how pretty or beautiful or handsome anyone is, how good a marriage anyone has is totally irrelevant.

You will never discover your spiritual identity if you are not thinking about your life and the choices you are making and your mind is attached to the temporary things of this world.

Find your spiritual identity and work towards attracting the kind of job and the kind of friends that bring out the best in you in your passionate pursuit of your life’s purpose.

Chapter 50

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 50

There are three presidential candidates in Kenya this year. My first minimum thinking decision in regard to who I will vote for was to eliminate Kalonzo Musyoka for the simple reason that only a miracle could get him into office and I do not want to waste my vote.

The other two candidates are the current president, His Excellency President Emilio Mwai Kibaki and the dangerous man, Raila Odinga.

There is a story in the Bible about a man called Moses. Moses was chosen by God to go to Egypt and free the Israelites from slavery. Moses was not confident and asked God to provide him with someone who could speak on his behalf and God appointed Moses’ brother called Aaron. Both Moses and Aaron went to Egypt and confronted the Pharaoh and after a few miracles and plagues, the Israelites were freed from slavery after which they proceeded into the desert on their way to the promised land called Canaan. Along the way, the Israelites camped at the foot of Mount Sinai and Moses climbed up the mountain to go and meet with God and receive the Ten Commandments. While Moses was gone, he left Aaron in charge. When Moses came down the mountain after receiving the Ten Commandments, he found that the Israelites were worshipping idols and had turned away from God. When he asked Aaron what happened, Aaron blamed the people and said they made him make the idols for them. Those who refused to change their ways and follow Moses were killed at the bottom of the mountain and the rest proceeded on to find Canaan.

In my assessment, Raila is Moses and Kibaki is Aaron. They are both Kenyans and therefore brothers. Raila is a Luo and Kibaki is a Kikuyu. Raila, in choosing Kibaki at the last election did so believing that only a Kikuyu could beat a Kikuyu since the alternative candidate was Uhuru Kenyatta. Raila, like Moses, was not confident that he could succeed on his own.

The same dilemma Moses was faced with at the bottom of the mountain is what Raila is faced with now. He was the one who told the Kenyan people to vote in Kibaki at the last election so the question he is being asked is: if Kibaki was good then, what has changed? His efforts to explain what is wrong with the current government although supported by factual evidence are being shunned without concrete evidence by those who were worshipping the idols of economic development and tribalism when Raila was consulting with God on his next move. Moses was not an angel. He had killed a man in Egypt and had abandoned his people for many years. But he was God’s choice. To me, Raila is also God’s choice for Kenya because compared to Kibaki, Raila has a lot less danger in him.

In making my decision to vote for Raila, I set out a criteria of the kind of person I would vote for. For me, the choice is between a brother’s keeper and a Cain.

Cain is another man whose story is told in the Bible. Cain killed his brother, Abel, and when God asked him where his brother was he said that he is not his brother’s keeper. Cain was a hands-off approach kind of guy who left his brother for dead! I will not vote for a Cain, I will vote for a brother’s keeper.

The following is what a brother’s keeper does:-

(a) A brother’s keeper is one who acts in the best interests of those close to him. If you cannot act in the best interests of your loved ones, why should I expect you to act in my best interests? A brother’s keeper defends those who are benefiting from his position not only in private but also in public.

(b) A brother’s keeper is respected by all his children regardless of who their mother is. And takes appropriate action to ensure that he gets the God given respect due to him.

(c) A brother’s keeper is someone whose associates and friends do not assemble private armies of panga wielding youths numbering a thousand-fold and then threaten his fellow men with peeing on them. The associates and friends of a brother’s keeper do not send hooded gangs to raid private offices for sinister reasons.

(d) A brother’s keeper chooses his friends carefully, avoids thieves like the plague and keeps the company of God fearing men and not Raila fearing men.

(e) A brother’s keeper speaks in unison with his friends and does not wait for his friends to hurl abuses then stand up and say he does not agree with them.

(f) A brother’s keeper is one who does not practice the politics of hypocrisy by pleading to the work force to put their selfish interests aside and pay taxes while they themselves cannot put their selfish interests aside and use those taxes responsibly. A brother’s keeper’s first order of business should be to pay numerous visits to the slums of Kenya and immediately provide them with the basic needs that their children are taught about at school. Community Development Fund and Youth Development Fund are great ideas, but a person who does not have food, clothing and shelter ought not to be expected to file an application or wait in line for his turn to get help. I have never seen President Kibaki set foot in any of our slums.

(g) A brother’s keeper is one who takes immediate action when his associates abuse or steal from his clients who have put him where he is. Especially if he is the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces.

(h) A brother’s keeper does not sit on the fence. A brother’s keeper stands for something or falls for everything. A brother’s keeper represents a fixed agenda and does not support the varied agendas of anyone and everyone.

(i) A brother’s keeper is someone who has something to lose. Not someone who is going in for his last term in office accompanied by thieves, a man with a panga and a snake.

(j) A brother’s keeper is someone who you can entrust the future of your babies and little children to. A brother’s keeper who cares about the future of your babies and little children must of necessity be someone who is a hands-on approach kind of guy. Someone who is willing to rock your baby to sleep and not be vexed by her colicy cries, someone who remembers her feeding time, someone who is alert and aware of what is happening around them, someone who keeps out thieves and barbarians, someone who is willing to wipe your baby’s poo, someone who can speak your baby’s language and talk baby talk, someone who can tell when your baby is unwell and take immediate action appropriately.

Am going to Canaan people. You decide where you want to go.