Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 67
Flirting is harmless fun. Is it not? You’ve had a long week at work, you go to a bar to enjoy a drink and a game of pool after watching your favourite team playing soccer on the big screen television. It’s called ‘releasing steam’. Letting go of all the pressure and tension that has been building up when you were bogged down at work. Waking up to a realization that: ‘All work and no play make Jack and Jill dull children.’
A suggestive leer, a few naughty words, a slap on the bum, a pinch here and there, even a peck on the cheek and when tipsy enough, a raunchy dance on the dance floor. You even adopt cuddly names to use on anyone of the opposite sex. When you go to a restaurant, you call the waitresses ‘darling’ and the waiters ‘boy’. “Come here darling and take my order.” Or “Boy, what’s new on your menu?” You have no discomfort when strangers put their hands on you. Is this harmless fun? Yes, if you are single and ready to mingle.
But what if you are married or committed in a long term relationship? Is flirting harmless fun to you? Not if you stop and think and come to a realization that marriage and long term commitments begin with flirting!
So here you are, a married man, leering at a woman (who is not his wife) on the dance floor and telling yourself, am just flirting, it’s harmless. Or a married woman with the arm of a man (who is not her husband) around her waist pulling her close to him and telling herself, am just flirting, its harmless.
After a few flirting sessions here and there, SUSPICION is aroused. Those around the married person begin to wonder: ‘Is that not so and so’s husband?’ or ‘Is that not so and so’s wife?’ And they take a keen interest on the harmless fun that the married person is having. They even join in hoping that they might get some! Some jealous ones confront the married person asking: ‘How come you did not come with so and so (in reference to their spouse)?’ The married person replies, ‘What’s wrong, am just flirting!’ And goes on with the enjoyment of this harmless fun.
In time, people start talking about how that married person behaves in the absence of their spouse. And they say all manner of things. The most popular one being: ‘that marriage or the relationship won’t last!’ They even start making bets about how long it will be before the marriage or relationship collapses. They are absolutely certain that for that person to be behaving in that manner, something is not right at home. And when they meet the spouse of the married person, they are so keen to enquire about how things are and they scrutinize the spouse’s countenance to see if the suspicion has been aroused in them. If they see no suspicion in the eyes of the spouse, their suspicion is dulled. Suspicion, feeds on suspicion. If you are suspicious, you need others to be suspicious like you so that you can all bask in the light of that suspicion knowing that the suspects are being brought out into the arena to entertain your suspicion.
On seeing that the spouse is not suspicious, the suspicious person worries that his/her ticket to watch the fight at the arena might go to waste and s/he CANNOT have that happen. So s/he takes time to think and ponder about the best way to arouse suspicion in the spouse without making himself/herself a suspect. No-one wants to be in the arena! Pretty soon, a light bulb flashes bright in the mind of the suspicious person as s/he comes to a realization of how the suspicion can be aroused in the spouse without making himself or herself a suspect. Email! Anonymous email messages sent to the spouse! Fantastic idea!
So the spouse begins to receive a few taunting email messages from someone who cares about his/her welfare and wishes to warn him/her about the danger s/he is in. NO evidence is needed to prove the allegations made about how the married person has been behaving. Suspicious behaviour is all that is needed. What is the spouse to do? If the spouse is an excitable impulsive creature who does not stop to wonder who this anonymous caring person really is, s/he will hit the roof and come down on the married person like a meteor from Mars. And the fighting begins. The suspicious people surge into the arena falling over each other to come and spectate and witness the gory fight and see the blood flowing with each blow. Suspicion has come to fruition. The flower of suspicion has blossomed and the suspicious spectators have come to see it wither and die like all flowers do.
In his or her defence, the married person says that s/he has NEVER done any of the things s/he is being accused of and challenges the spouse to prove any of those allegations. ‘Don’t you trust me? You know am not like other people! Don’t listen to those busy bodies who are just envious of you!’ The spouse knows very well that it is very possible that the contents of the email messages are fabricated and the same can be done to the spouse. But the question here is, why are the email messages being sent? Is it fair for you to expect your spouse to just quell the suspicion aroused in him/her in light of your behaviour, just because you are not like other people? Should it not be you stopping the flirting so that you show that you are not like other people?
The person who can solve the problem of arousing suspicion is not the one to whom the messages are being sent. The spouse has no idea what has aroused the suspicion! It is the married person who knows the source of the suspicion. But, s/he is not willing to stop and consider for even a minute the obvious fact that it is the flirting that has aroused the suspicion. Flirting is HARMLESS FUN! Is it not?
No self-respecting woman is a flirt. Flirting as far as women are concerned is ugly. You flirt as a woman and the whole world calls you a slut. If a man flirts, its harmless fun. A married man will tell his wife that flirting is not good for her. But he can flirt because he is a man. This is chauvinism in the 21st century.
Ask yourself: How do extra marital affairs and promiscuity get started? By flirting! Is that not obvious? And do men have extra marital affairs or not? They do, many many many of them so much so that it has become the norm. And yet, flirting to them is HARMLESS FUN.
Flirting is harmful and it is not funny! It hurts both you and your spouse. It arouses suspicion and in time, that suspicion grows into a hunt for blood. If you ever wondered WHAT A WOMAN REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANTS. Here is the answer, plain and clear, easy to understand but DIFFICULT for any chauvinist of the 21st century to ever comprehend:
ALL A WOMAN REALLY WANTS IS FOR HER MAN TO STOP FLIRTING.
If all married and committed people could stop flirting and stop arousing suspicion, marriages would remain the sacred bonds that they are meant to be instead of being turned into the bondage that they have become.
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 67
Flirting is harmless fun. Is it not? You’ve had a long week at work, you go to a bar to enjoy a drink and a game of pool after watching your favourite team playing soccer on the big screen television. It’s called ‘releasing steam’. Letting go of all the pressure and tension that has been building up when you were bogged down at work. Waking up to a realization that: ‘All work and no play make Jack and Jill dull children.’
A suggestive leer, a few naughty words, a slap on the bum, a pinch here and there, even a peck on the cheek and when tipsy enough, a raunchy dance on the dance floor. You even adopt cuddly names to use on anyone of the opposite sex. When you go to a restaurant, you call the waitresses ‘darling’ and the waiters ‘boy’. “Come here darling and take my order.” Or “Boy, what’s new on your menu?” You have no discomfort when strangers put their hands on you. Is this harmless fun? Yes, if you are single and ready to mingle.
But what if you are married or committed in a long term relationship? Is flirting harmless fun to you? Not if you stop and think and come to a realization that marriage and long term commitments begin with flirting!
So here you are, a married man, leering at a woman (who is not his wife) on the dance floor and telling yourself, am just flirting, it’s harmless. Or a married woman with the arm of a man (who is not her husband) around her waist pulling her close to him and telling herself, am just flirting, its harmless.
After a few flirting sessions here and there, SUSPICION is aroused. Those around the married person begin to wonder: ‘Is that not so and so’s husband?’ or ‘Is that not so and so’s wife?’ And they take a keen interest on the harmless fun that the married person is having. They even join in hoping that they might get some! Some jealous ones confront the married person asking: ‘How come you did not come with so and so (in reference to their spouse)?’ The married person replies, ‘What’s wrong, am just flirting!’ And goes on with the enjoyment of this harmless fun.
In time, people start talking about how that married person behaves in the absence of their spouse. And they say all manner of things. The most popular one being: ‘that marriage or the relationship won’t last!’ They even start making bets about how long it will be before the marriage or relationship collapses. They are absolutely certain that for that person to be behaving in that manner, something is not right at home. And when they meet the spouse of the married person, they are so keen to enquire about how things are and they scrutinize the spouse’s countenance to see if the suspicion has been aroused in them. If they see no suspicion in the eyes of the spouse, their suspicion is dulled. Suspicion, feeds on suspicion. If you are suspicious, you need others to be suspicious like you so that you can all bask in the light of that suspicion knowing that the suspects are being brought out into the arena to entertain your suspicion.
On seeing that the spouse is not suspicious, the suspicious person worries that his/her ticket to watch the fight at the arena might go to waste and s/he CANNOT have that happen. So s/he takes time to think and ponder about the best way to arouse suspicion in the spouse without making himself/herself a suspect. No-one wants to be in the arena! Pretty soon, a light bulb flashes bright in the mind of the suspicious person as s/he comes to a realization of how the suspicion can be aroused in the spouse without making himself or herself a suspect. Email! Anonymous email messages sent to the spouse! Fantastic idea!
So the spouse begins to receive a few taunting email messages from someone who cares about his/her welfare and wishes to warn him/her about the danger s/he is in. NO evidence is needed to prove the allegations made about how the married person has been behaving. Suspicious behaviour is all that is needed. What is the spouse to do? If the spouse is an excitable impulsive creature who does not stop to wonder who this anonymous caring person really is, s/he will hit the roof and come down on the married person like a meteor from Mars. And the fighting begins. The suspicious people surge into the arena falling over each other to come and spectate and witness the gory fight and see the blood flowing with each blow. Suspicion has come to fruition. The flower of suspicion has blossomed and the suspicious spectators have come to see it wither and die like all flowers do.
In his or her defence, the married person says that s/he has NEVER done any of the things s/he is being accused of and challenges the spouse to prove any of those allegations. ‘Don’t you trust me? You know am not like other people! Don’t listen to those busy bodies who are just envious of you!’ The spouse knows very well that it is very possible that the contents of the email messages are fabricated and the same can be done to the spouse. But the question here is, why are the email messages being sent? Is it fair for you to expect your spouse to just quell the suspicion aroused in him/her in light of your behaviour, just because you are not like other people? Should it not be you stopping the flirting so that you show that you are not like other people?
The person who can solve the problem of arousing suspicion is not the one to whom the messages are being sent. The spouse has no idea what has aroused the suspicion! It is the married person who knows the source of the suspicion. But, s/he is not willing to stop and consider for even a minute the obvious fact that it is the flirting that has aroused the suspicion. Flirting is HARMLESS FUN! Is it not?
No self-respecting woman is a flirt. Flirting as far as women are concerned is ugly. You flirt as a woman and the whole world calls you a slut. If a man flirts, its harmless fun. A married man will tell his wife that flirting is not good for her. But he can flirt because he is a man. This is chauvinism in the 21st century.
Ask yourself: How do extra marital affairs and promiscuity get started? By flirting! Is that not obvious? And do men have extra marital affairs or not? They do, many many many of them so much so that it has become the norm. And yet, flirting to them is HARMLESS FUN.
Flirting is harmful and it is not funny! It hurts both you and your spouse. It arouses suspicion and in time, that suspicion grows into a hunt for blood. If you ever wondered WHAT A WOMAN REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANTS. Here is the answer, plain and clear, easy to understand but DIFFICULT for any chauvinist of the 21st century to ever comprehend:
ALL A WOMAN REALLY WANTS IS FOR HER MAN TO STOP FLIRTING.
If all married and committed people could stop flirting and stop arousing suspicion, marriages would remain the sacred bonds that they are meant to be instead of being turned into the bondage that they have become.
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