Chapter 38

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

It was only when turning round to walk out of the church that I came to a realization that I was actually in a congregation of a few hundred and started wondering what the people walking out must have been thinking of me. One guy came to me and gave me some hope. He told me that if that pastor’s healing is true, he agrees with my message of how it could have happened. He wanted me to know that he at least agreed with me. This must have been my man Friday, Robinson Crusoe’s companion on the island.

I was left feeling sadly happy. I can only relate this feeling of being sadly happy to a divorcee. A divorcee is happy to be free but sad that things did not work out. I was happy that I had had my very first experience of what it could have been like for Jesus or any of the prophets when they went to take God’s message to the people. Its no wonder Jonah had tried to run away and Moses had insisted on God giving him something miraculous to show the people. I can only imagine the anxiety that Moses must have been feeling when he threw the staff down expecting it to turn into a snake. He must have been sweating like a pig.

To me, a church leader is someone who walks up to you on the street (since lets face it, few of us know these pastors personally) and has a conversation with you that goes something like this:-

Churchleader: Praise the Lord sister, my name is Pastor so and so and am here to bring you a message from God, amen?

Me: Amen.

Churchleader: Sister, I am from such and such, I used to do this and this and then God changed my life and I was healed. I want to tell you that God heals. If you just believe in God, he will heal all your wounds of whatever kind. The Bible says this and that.

Me (in excitement): Amen, Hallelujah Pastor. Praise the Lord. Pastor, I also have a message for you from God.

Churchleader: What? For real? You have a message for me from who? God? God talks to you? Who are you?

Me: My name is …………

Churchleader: Forget about your name. I mean what makes you think that God could have sent you to me with a message? I mean WHO are you? Can you prove any of that stuff you are talking about?

Me (Tongue tied and thinking): Did this guy just walk up to me and give me some tales about himself and expect me to believe them without question. Then when I try to tell him something he asks me to prove it? God help us. (Me walking away).

I mean lets face it, when Jesus went to tell the scribes and the Pharisees about him being the son of God, am certain they must have told Him that if the Son of God was on earth, they would know because he would have made a majestic entrance on a golden chariot wearing a golden crown with angels surrounding him. The Son of God could definitely not be on foot wearing cheap clothes and making furniture. It’s no wonder that Jesus trashed that temple. I could have done the same today.

I am not some nobody from nowhere! For goodness sake, I am one of the people that pastor was telling his tales to. If he was truly a man of God, no matter who he imagined me to be, he could have at least acknowledged the courage I had in walking up there to deliver my message. And, he ought to have arranged to meet with me to correct whatever misconceptions he thought I had. I was left asking myself how I could possibly believe someone telling me that his HIV status was changed from positive to negative. How stupid was that. I was left with a realization of how gullible church goers are.

I wondered what the other pastors of the church were left thinking. They probably knew that the guy was lying about his HIV status but decided to just let him deliver his message which to them sounded quite entertaining. Little did they know how entertaining it was going to get! They were probably left thinking that if those idiots could believe that guy as demonstrated by that young lady, they will believe anything we tell them!

When my husband came home after reading some of my writing on this blog, he told me that I was making a fool of myself because although he agrees with what am writing, no-one else will. That confirmed to me that I was on the way to being like Jesus and then the fear of God rose in me.

I realized that Jesus was not Oprah Winfrey or Tyra Banks who are swimming in money and are worshipped and praised for supposedly telling people the truth about life. I realized that being close to God meant being far from riches and fame and being ridiculed. I wondered whether that meant that I had to give up even the little that I had or I could at least keep that. I cringed at the thought that I could end up like Job!! I wondered whether my passionate project was going to cave in and make a buffoon out of me. I was not ready to be like Jesus if that’s what it takes.

I imagined that the people who must be the most like Jesus are those who make fools of themselves everyday, like my mother and her mental illness!

I apologized to God profusely for making fun of his creation and promised NEVER to make fun of Him again. Then I prayed for Him not to make me like Jesus or any prophet for that matter and just let me be me.