Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Almost always, the choices we make in our lives are influenced by how much money we have or are able to make. Money makes our decisions for us. But there are times when you decide that no matter what it takes, you will do it. I realized that whenever I have decided to do something for a reason other than whether or not I have enough money or can make enough money for it, the money always follows somehow.
The first such decision I ever made was to have my mother treated. I was not raised by my mother because my dad left her and took us away when I was very young. I cannot even remember feeling anything the first time I met her at age 16. She was suffering from mental illness and was the village mad woman. I appreciated that at least she was not naked, but that was probably the only positive thing about her. She did not recognize me from what I could tell by her behaviour. That was many years ago. Hers is a very sad story to tell. I used to think she is lucky to be mad so she doesn’t fully appreciate what she has been through but then now that she is much better, I don’t know that she doesn’t. I can only speculate on what exactly happened to her since I was too young to know what was happening when my dad left her and my dad passed away before I could ask him.
At age 16 I had no way of helping her and had to live with the fact that her only hope was for me or maybe my older brothers to finish school and get a job and make enough money to have her treated. It was obvious that no-one else was willing to help. Her parents died when she was still young. Now I can kind of understand the difficulty her siblings and other relatives were faced with in deciding whether or not to help her. It costs an arm and a leg to treat someone suffering from mental illness of whatever kind and who remained untreated for so many years. I understood from talking with someone who knew her long ago that her illness had set in by the time my dad left her.
My dad’s life was a rags-to-riches story. He did well for himself and managed to raise 6 children comfortably. He was very kind and giving to many people but he chose not to help my mother. In the end, he died of prostrate cancer at a young age of only 46. When my mother heard that my dad had died, she did not believe it. She asked for confirmation of the fact several times, then ………. she looked up holding her cheek and shaking her head and said, “I cannot believe that Mucheru with all the money he had, died before me who has nothing”. Then she asked for confirmation again.
There it was. Money could not buy my dad an extra day on this earth when his time had come and not having money could not end my mum’s life despite the debilitating condition she was in.
In addition to the philosophy, part of the reason that I abandoned God was the fact that He was not doing anything to help my mother. I would lie awake sometimes wondering why it is that I was so comfortable while she doesn’t even have a slice of bread to eat. I did not pray at that time but I wished and wished and wished that she didn’t die before I could afford to help her. Thank God she didn’t and as soon as I was earning a nearly decent salary and had my own apartment, I talked with my eldest brother and we agreed that we would at least try to do what we could.
At first we thought that all she needed was to be admitted in hospital for a while, maybe a month or two and then she could be discharged with medications and she would be fine. At least the doctor we first went to gave us this fantastic story about what electrolysis treatment can do and true to his word, he discharged her within a short time and she came to stay with me. I have a policy in life that when something is sooooooooooooooo bad that I can’t cry, I just laugh. Those situations were so many during the time she stayed with me that I felt like I too was going to lose it. Eventually she ended up institutionalized, I ended up living on bread and water to pay her bills but I was happy. In time, paying her bills became a non-issue, the money was always there when I needed it and it still is.
When my mother left the hospital, I found a housekeeper for her and undertook to educate her after I realized that she was a godsend for my mother. I could never do enough for her to repay her for taking care of my mum as well as she does. The money for her education has never been a problem. She is also a good student.
I have three children. A niece, a nephew and a daughter. At my suggestion, when we got married, we took in my husband’s niece and nephew who were staying with my mother-in-law as their parents were not able to take care of them. I love children and I love educating them and moulding them. I am a demanding parent because as far as am concerned, my job is not to love my children, it is to train them to grow up to be responsible useful members of society. I am not cruel but I am firm. I don’t aim to please, you can hate me all you like and moan and whine about my strict rules but they must be followed. However, I cannot beat to save my life. I have found that the best way to discipline a child is to withhold your attention when they are bad until they do what is good. Children are little people who want so much to be loved, they will do anything not to be ignored.
I did not even give a second thought about whether or not we could afford to raise those kids. We could not possibly leave my over 60 year old, mother of 6 grown ups, mother-in-law to bring up a 9 year old girl and a 4 year old boy while we were fully capable of doing it. And, it was my way of showing gratitude to my mother-in-law for having provided me with a husband. The money to meet the needs of these children has never been an issue.
So why was I still making decisions based on how much money I had instead of what I wanted to do?
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Almost always, the choices we make in our lives are influenced by how much money we have or are able to make. Money makes our decisions for us. But there are times when you decide that no matter what it takes, you will do it. I realized that whenever I have decided to do something for a reason other than whether or not I have enough money or can make enough money for it, the money always follows somehow.
The first such decision I ever made was to have my mother treated. I was not raised by my mother because my dad left her and took us away when I was very young. I cannot even remember feeling anything the first time I met her at age 16. She was suffering from mental illness and was the village mad woman. I appreciated that at least she was not naked, but that was probably the only positive thing about her. She did not recognize me from what I could tell by her behaviour. That was many years ago. Hers is a very sad story to tell. I used to think she is lucky to be mad so she doesn’t fully appreciate what she has been through but then now that she is much better, I don’t know that she doesn’t. I can only speculate on what exactly happened to her since I was too young to know what was happening when my dad left her and my dad passed away before I could ask him.
At age 16 I had no way of helping her and had to live with the fact that her only hope was for me or maybe my older brothers to finish school and get a job and make enough money to have her treated. It was obvious that no-one else was willing to help. Her parents died when she was still young. Now I can kind of understand the difficulty her siblings and other relatives were faced with in deciding whether or not to help her. It costs an arm and a leg to treat someone suffering from mental illness of whatever kind and who remained untreated for so many years. I understood from talking with someone who knew her long ago that her illness had set in by the time my dad left her.
My dad’s life was a rags-to-riches story. He did well for himself and managed to raise 6 children comfortably. He was very kind and giving to many people but he chose not to help my mother. In the end, he died of prostrate cancer at a young age of only 46. When my mother heard that my dad had died, she did not believe it. She asked for confirmation of the fact several times, then ………. she looked up holding her cheek and shaking her head and said, “I cannot believe that Mucheru with all the money he had, died before me who has nothing”. Then she asked for confirmation again.
There it was. Money could not buy my dad an extra day on this earth when his time had come and not having money could not end my mum’s life despite the debilitating condition she was in.
In addition to the philosophy, part of the reason that I abandoned God was the fact that He was not doing anything to help my mother. I would lie awake sometimes wondering why it is that I was so comfortable while she doesn’t even have a slice of bread to eat. I did not pray at that time but I wished and wished and wished that she didn’t die before I could afford to help her. Thank God she didn’t and as soon as I was earning a nearly decent salary and had my own apartment, I talked with my eldest brother and we agreed that we would at least try to do what we could.
At first we thought that all she needed was to be admitted in hospital for a while, maybe a month or two and then she could be discharged with medications and she would be fine. At least the doctor we first went to gave us this fantastic story about what electrolysis treatment can do and true to his word, he discharged her within a short time and she came to stay with me. I have a policy in life that when something is sooooooooooooooo bad that I can’t cry, I just laugh. Those situations were so many during the time she stayed with me that I felt like I too was going to lose it. Eventually she ended up institutionalized, I ended up living on bread and water to pay her bills but I was happy. In time, paying her bills became a non-issue, the money was always there when I needed it and it still is.
When my mother left the hospital, I found a housekeeper for her and undertook to educate her after I realized that she was a godsend for my mother. I could never do enough for her to repay her for taking care of my mum as well as she does. The money for her education has never been a problem. She is also a good student.
I have three children. A niece, a nephew and a daughter. At my suggestion, when we got married, we took in my husband’s niece and nephew who were staying with my mother-in-law as their parents were not able to take care of them. I love children and I love educating them and moulding them. I am a demanding parent because as far as am concerned, my job is not to love my children, it is to train them to grow up to be responsible useful members of society. I am not cruel but I am firm. I don’t aim to please, you can hate me all you like and moan and whine about my strict rules but they must be followed. However, I cannot beat to save my life. I have found that the best way to discipline a child is to withhold your attention when they are bad until they do what is good. Children are little people who want so much to be loved, they will do anything not to be ignored.
I did not even give a second thought about whether or not we could afford to raise those kids. We could not possibly leave my over 60 year old, mother of 6 grown ups, mother-in-law to bring up a 9 year old girl and a 4 year old boy while we were fully capable of doing it. And, it was my way of showing gratitude to my mother-in-law for having provided me with a husband. The money to meet the needs of these children has never been an issue.
So why was I still making decisions based on how much money I had instead of what I wanted to do?
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