Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
You can have faith in yourself and your abilities, whether or not you believe in God. But, I have found that it is easier to have this faith when you do not believe in God.
When I was an atheist philosopher, I thought that I was alone in the world with no-one to help me so I did whatever I thought I needed to do to survive. I believed that I could make something out of myself and was determined to prove to my parents that I could make it on my own.
When I joined university, I immediately looked for a job to earn money to maintain myself. My first job was as a bar maid. I HATED it but it was the only one available and my determination would not let me pass on it. I hated the guy I was working for, I hated my workmates, I hated the clients, I hated the cigarette smoke, I hated that I had to clean up after closing time and miss the bus then have to pay for an expensive taxi, I just hated it. But when I got paid, I was happy enough to convince myself to stay on while looking for another job. Eventually I got fired because I did not go into work on New Year’s eve which, unknown to me, was mandatory. My phone call explaining why I could not make it was not good enough. In reality, my boss hated me too coz I was not bar maid material at all. He told me that I looked more like a nun than a bar maid! So it was a fantastic excuse for him to get rid of me.
I had not been in England a long time and did not quite understand the terminologies used by the English to tell you when you were fired. When I went to work after missing the New Year’s eve shift, my boss told me that he was sorry but he had to “let me go”. I asked him where it was he wanted me to go. He looked at me shocked and irritated and told me, “I mean that you are fired”. Oh, was my response and off I went.
My next job was at a potato factory. I did not mind the job, what I did not like was how far it was from my university. I had to take 2 buses and the ones that stopped near the factory were rare. I got the job when the weather was still warm and standing at a bus-stop for nearly an hour waiting for the bus was bearable. Come autumn, then winter, I was desperately looking for another job.
I remember one night when I had missed the bus and had to wait for the later one. It was during winter, the wind was blowing and it was drizzling. My ears and toes were numb and my clothes were getting wet. I was looking at all the cars driving past me and their passengers who were nice and warm and wondered why it was that I could not get a ride from any of them. I was so cold I even considered hitching a ride but when I remembered the horror I had seen administered to hitch hikers in the movies I decided against it. By the time the bus came I was crying but I was thankful that I was alive and well.
I was a quality inspector at the potato factory. I knew all the different varieties of potatoes grown in England from King Edwards to God knows what else. My job was to pick out a bag of each type of potato at random from each of the conveyor belts, weigh it and test the potatoes for various diseases, the signs of which I had been trained in. I did not start as a quality inspector, I was promoted after a few days when one of the quality inspectors needed time off and decided to train hardworking me so that I could cover for her. Previously I was working at the conveyor belts packing the potatoes. It was an easy enough job and there were many opportunities to work double shifts because my co-workers who were permanently employed in that drudgery were always looking for an excuse to miss work. I, on the other hand, was looking for an opportunity to make enough money to impress my parents. We had a good symbiotic relationship.
After the potato factory I got a job very near my university hostel as a house keeper. I liked the job because it was convenient and I worked alone in the house when the daughter was at school and the parents at work. I had my own keys. I would get into work and find a note on the kitchen table telling me what extra work needed doing other than the usual washing dishes, cleaning the daughter’s rooms, hoovering and dusting. My boss was very happy with surgically clean me and paid me well for my work but the pay was not enough.
My next job was the last one I ever worked and I stayed at it until my last day on campus. It was my dream job. The highest paying I could possibly get as a foreign student and with working hours that suited me just fine. I had to resign from my house keeping job but had no regrets. The job was at a motor way service station. I was assigned to work in a shop and sometimes at the restaurant. My working hours were from 10pm to 6am. In the beginning I would go to work then catch my sleep in between lectures and tutorials. Eventually, I stopped going for lectures unless I had a day off and only attended the tutorials which were compulsory. I would get the lecture materials from my class mates and read books at our library. During the holidays I would work even double shifts from 10pm the previous day to 3pm the next day then sleep for 14 hours straight to the day after, getting up just in time for my next shift. I was willing to pay any price to make my own money and save my parents the bother of having to work for it for me. My reasoning was that if you’re not working for what you have, someone else has to.
My dad’s moto was “educate your children, that’s all they need, anything more is a dream come true”. He was not mean but he hated weakness and expected us to rise up to the challenge of being alive and fending for ourselves. He gave you what you needed and threw in something nice every now and then at his discretion. So I knew I was alone in the world and the sooner I got used to it and worked my ass off to survive this grueling world, the better. I had no choice but to believe in myself and my abilities since the existence of God was a fairy tale told to silly kids at Sunday school similar to those told at nursery school.
Now that I had chosen to believe in God, who was superior to me, believing in myself and my abilities was not easy. If I am inferior, how can I be capable?
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
You can have faith in yourself and your abilities, whether or not you believe in God. But, I have found that it is easier to have this faith when you do not believe in God.
When I was an atheist philosopher, I thought that I was alone in the world with no-one to help me so I did whatever I thought I needed to do to survive. I believed that I could make something out of myself and was determined to prove to my parents that I could make it on my own.
When I joined university, I immediately looked for a job to earn money to maintain myself. My first job was as a bar maid. I HATED it but it was the only one available and my determination would not let me pass on it. I hated the guy I was working for, I hated my workmates, I hated the clients, I hated the cigarette smoke, I hated that I had to clean up after closing time and miss the bus then have to pay for an expensive taxi, I just hated it. But when I got paid, I was happy enough to convince myself to stay on while looking for another job. Eventually I got fired because I did not go into work on New Year’s eve which, unknown to me, was mandatory. My phone call explaining why I could not make it was not good enough. In reality, my boss hated me too coz I was not bar maid material at all. He told me that I looked more like a nun than a bar maid! So it was a fantastic excuse for him to get rid of me.
I had not been in England a long time and did not quite understand the terminologies used by the English to tell you when you were fired. When I went to work after missing the New Year’s eve shift, my boss told me that he was sorry but he had to “let me go”. I asked him where it was he wanted me to go. He looked at me shocked and irritated and told me, “I mean that you are fired”. Oh, was my response and off I went.
My next job was at a potato factory. I did not mind the job, what I did not like was how far it was from my university. I had to take 2 buses and the ones that stopped near the factory were rare. I got the job when the weather was still warm and standing at a bus-stop for nearly an hour waiting for the bus was bearable. Come autumn, then winter, I was desperately looking for another job.
I remember one night when I had missed the bus and had to wait for the later one. It was during winter, the wind was blowing and it was drizzling. My ears and toes were numb and my clothes were getting wet. I was looking at all the cars driving past me and their passengers who were nice and warm and wondered why it was that I could not get a ride from any of them. I was so cold I even considered hitching a ride but when I remembered the horror I had seen administered to hitch hikers in the movies I decided against it. By the time the bus came I was crying but I was thankful that I was alive and well.
I was a quality inspector at the potato factory. I knew all the different varieties of potatoes grown in England from King Edwards to God knows what else. My job was to pick out a bag of each type of potato at random from each of the conveyor belts, weigh it and test the potatoes for various diseases, the signs of which I had been trained in. I did not start as a quality inspector, I was promoted after a few days when one of the quality inspectors needed time off and decided to train hardworking me so that I could cover for her. Previously I was working at the conveyor belts packing the potatoes. It was an easy enough job and there were many opportunities to work double shifts because my co-workers who were permanently employed in that drudgery were always looking for an excuse to miss work. I, on the other hand, was looking for an opportunity to make enough money to impress my parents. We had a good symbiotic relationship.
After the potato factory I got a job very near my university hostel as a house keeper. I liked the job because it was convenient and I worked alone in the house when the daughter was at school and the parents at work. I had my own keys. I would get into work and find a note on the kitchen table telling me what extra work needed doing other than the usual washing dishes, cleaning the daughter’s rooms, hoovering and dusting. My boss was very happy with surgically clean me and paid me well for my work but the pay was not enough.
My next job was the last one I ever worked and I stayed at it until my last day on campus. It was my dream job. The highest paying I could possibly get as a foreign student and with working hours that suited me just fine. I had to resign from my house keeping job but had no regrets. The job was at a motor way service station. I was assigned to work in a shop and sometimes at the restaurant. My working hours were from 10pm to 6am. In the beginning I would go to work then catch my sleep in between lectures and tutorials. Eventually, I stopped going for lectures unless I had a day off and only attended the tutorials which were compulsory. I would get the lecture materials from my class mates and read books at our library. During the holidays I would work even double shifts from 10pm the previous day to 3pm the next day then sleep for 14 hours straight to the day after, getting up just in time for my next shift. I was willing to pay any price to make my own money and save my parents the bother of having to work for it for me. My reasoning was that if you’re not working for what you have, someone else has to.
My dad’s moto was “educate your children, that’s all they need, anything more is a dream come true”. He was not mean but he hated weakness and expected us to rise up to the challenge of being alive and fending for ourselves. He gave you what you needed and threw in something nice every now and then at his discretion. So I knew I was alone in the world and the sooner I got used to it and worked my ass off to survive this grueling world, the better. I had no choice but to believe in myself and my abilities since the existence of God was a fairy tale told to silly kids at Sunday school similar to those told at nursery school.
Now that I had chosen to believe in God, who was superior to me, believing in myself and my abilities was not easy. If I am inferior, how can I be capable?
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