Thursday, September 13, 2007

Chapter 12

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

I fell on the book of Ecclesiastes. I went to the first chapter and started reading. God works in mysterious ways they say. And its true. That book of Ecclesiastes is all about philosophy. It was written by King Solomon, apparently the wisest man to ever walk the face of the earth. For a moment I thought I should choose him as my mentor.

What struck me most about the book of Ecclesiastes was that it was asking questions in much the same way as philosophy does. Like what is the point of being a king and having all the wisdom in the world when you will die anyway. And what is the point of working when nothing lasting is created from your work? It also pointed out about how asking too many questions in an effort to gain wisdom only causes grief. The writer said that he tried laughter, he tried wine, he tried to build himself beautiful things, he got himself numerous servants and the best musicians around and although he felt happy, he saw no point in such happiness. Rich or poor, wise or foolish, we all die the same way. He considered the irony of life in how a good person encounters suffering yet a wicked person has a good life. He observed that opportunities come to everyone. He concluded that our duty is to fear God and keep His commandments and that we should just get on with our lives without asking too many questions believing that God knows it all.

How helpful was that to me? The elation I felt when I first started the book ended in an anti climax because there was nothing convincing, just another philosopher babbling on about life. But I thought philosophy and religion don’t mix? I asked myself how such a wise guy who knew all the right questions to ask about the purpose of life believed in God. Philosophy starts with the premise that the knowledge of God is the beginning of all ignorance while the Bible says that the knowledge of God is the beginning of all wisdom. Who is right?

I was curious to understand what could possibly make the writer believe in God when he could see so well that everything in life is a complete waste of time. Here I was searching for my purpose in life, trying to improve myself and become aware of the choices I make and how they affect my life. Why was I doing this if, as the writer says, and I agree, it is all in vain? I decided to flip back to the Psalms which are written by the father of King Solomon, King David hoping there might be some divine revelation lying somewhere in there for me. As I was flipping, another question entered my mind. I wondered whether by not believing in God, I was actually making a choice in my life. I didn’t think that God mattered in a way that if I chose not to believe in Him, something terrible would happen to me. Terrible things happen to everyone regardless of their belief in God or lack thereof. I had not believed in God for so many years and yet my life was fine. I was still a good person without God. I stopped flipping and tried to hold onto the thoughts that were coming into my mind at that moment.

I had a car accident. It was the weirdest thing because some guy on a motor cycle just careened into the passenger door of my car at break neck speed at a cross roads junction where he was supposed to give way. It seemed suicidal to me at the time. One question that still bugged me about that accident was how I ended up at that place at that time to be hit by that guy. I replayed the events of the day and realized that I was not working on any particular schedule, it was boxing day. I didn’t even know what time it was when I left the house. I stopped for petrol and drove at an easy pace. How was it that without keeping time, I ended up there at that time? Also, if that guy in his absent mindedness had been driving a truck, or if he had flown straight through the window and got to me, I just don’t know. To make matters worse, my little angel who was only 2 months old at the time was also in my car. We survived unscathed while the motor cycle guy was hospitalized in intensive care unit with serious head injuries.

I remembered the 9/11 incident and how I had asked what it was that all those people in the planes and in the buildings had in common that made it possible for them to die together. What did I have in common with the guy who bashed my car? Seemingly nothing. But the reason I ask the question is because I don’t believe in coincidences and I think that there must have been some connection. It’s just a gut feeling. Gut feelings are allowed even for atheist philosophers.

These thoughts made me realize that the answer to the question of God is not an academic or scientific one. It has to do with our experience in life. The answer lies not in proving the existence of God but in trying to find an explanation for the events that occur in our lives. When I noticed the motor cycle guy headed straight for my car, I instinctively screamed and called out to God. I considered my life without God and asked myself whether my statement that I did not believe in God was really true or I was lying to myself because I was too proud to acknowledge someone greater than big old me. Oh man, I thought I buried that thing called pride and moved on. How can it still be here with me? I started feeling tired and immediately turned my attention back to the book I was reading. I was not ready for another funeral.

No comments: