Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Discovering that I had some rotten stuff inside me like being hardhearted and unforgiving made me feel that I needed to work on myself first before thinking about others. I am a perfectionist but I don’t care much about the superficial stuff, I am concerned with the substance. When it comes to my physical appearance, I am happy just having a clean, neat appearance and I don’t like things that take up my time like styling my hair or applying make up. I cut my hair short a few years ago and wondered why I never did that sooner. I wear lipstick maybe once a year when my sisters come to visit and I borrow it from them when taking them out. I don’t care much about clothes and will wear anything comfortable that looks good on me. Labels and fashion fads are not for me. I feel guilty about owning too many clothes. Makes me feel greedy.
But when it comes to my soul, my spirit, my conscience, I want the best. The reason why I found it so hard to forgive myself for not forgiving others is because I thought I was a good person and I was seriously disappointed in myself to discover that I was doing bad things to others. Jesus was a really good person as I remember Him in Sunday School and when I used to attend church in my youth. He rose from the dead and will come again some day. He was all about goodness and being good. In life, we don’t really care about where our friends, even the closest of them, came from. We are more interested in the person we call friend and are ready to accept them for who they are. That was my approach towards Jesus. I thought that He could be a good friend to have especially if those miracles he was able to perform were true. He’s like a real superman. Imagine what kind of favours I could ask from such a guy! His mother’s sex life was not my concern. I mean since when did we concern ourselves with our friend’s mother’s sex life?
Having Jesus as my mentor had one small snag. It meant that I may have to change my belief that there is no God. This time I was not afraid of change because I was quite certain that my belief in no God had sound basis.
I was born to Christian parents who went to church occasionally but believed in God strongly. I was baptized at one point when my mum was keen on taking us to church on Sundays. When we moved house she stopped going to church. But I was not ready to let go. I used to feel like a good person when I went to church and I didn’t want to lose that feeling. So I looked for a church near my home and started walking there myself every Sunday. Well, it was also an excuse for me to leave the house on my on and to meet other people so it was good for me all round. I even joined Bible Study and was doing quite well in practicing my religion. It was there that I learnt quite a lot about this Jesus and His goodness.
I matured early. From age 12, I was a very responsible young girl, studious and hard working. I was the first born girl in an African household and was expected to learn all about houses, in particular, the work that is done in them. Housework is a woman’s domain in African culture. I was not argumentative, whatever my parents said was the Law and I learned not to question it. I strived for the best and I tried to give back as much as I could to my parents so they could see that I appreciated what they did for me. I could clean a room in the house to surgical standards. Cleaning for me means getting all the dirt out from every nook and cranny. I hate clutter and only keep those things that I need. As for studies, I was a bright girl. By the time I was 17 my parents were confident enough in me to send me off to University in a foreign country where I discovered philosophy and my relationship with God started to get shaky.
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Discovering that I had some rotten stuff inside me like being hardhearted and unforgiving made me feel that I needed to work on myself first before thinking about others. I am a perfectionist but I don’t care much about the superficial stuff, I am concerned with the substance. When it comes to my physical appearance, I am happy just having a clean, neat appearance and I don’t like things that take up my time like styling my hair or applying make up. I cut my hair short a few years ago and wondered why I never did that sooner. I wear lipstick maybe once a year when my sisters come to visit and I borrow it from them when taking them out. I don’t care much about clothes and will wear anything comfortable that looks good on me. Labels and fashion fads are not for me. I feel guilty about owning too many clothes. Makes me feel greedy.
But when it comes to my soul, my spirit, my conscience, I want the best. The reason why I found it so hard to forgive myself for not forgiving others is because I thought I was a good person and I was seriously disappointed in myself to discover that I was doing bad things to others. Jesus was a really good person as I remember Him in Sunday School and when I used to attend church in my youth. He rose from the dead and will come again some day. He was all about goodness and being good. In life, we don’t really care about where our friends, even the closest of them, came from. We are more interested in the person we call friend and are ready to accept them for who they are. That was my approach towards Jesus. I thought that He could be a good friend to have especially if those miracles he was able to perform were true. He’s like a real superman. Imagine what kind of favours I could ask from such a guy! His mother’s sex life was not my concern. I mean since when did we concern ourselves with our friend’s mother’s sex life?
Having Jesus as my mentor had one small snag. It meant that I may have to change my belief that there is no God. This time I was not afraid of change because I was quite certain that my belief in no God had sound basis.
I was born to Christian parents who went to church occasionally but believed in God strongly. I was baptized at one point when my mum was keen on taking us to church on Sundays. When we moved house she stopped going to church. But I was not ready to let go. I used to feel like a good person when I went to church and I didn’t want to lose that feeling. So I looked for a church near my home and started walking there myself every Sunday. Well, it was also an excuse for me to leave the house on my on and to meet other people so it was good for me all round. I even joined Bible Study and was doing quite well in practicing my religion. It was there that I learnt quite a lot about this Jesus and His goodness.
I matured early. From age 12, I was a very responsible young girl, studious and hard working. I was the first born girl in an African household and was expected to learn all about houses, in particular, the work that is done in them. Housework is a woman’s domain in African culture. I was not argumentative, whatever my parents said was the Law and I learned not to question it. I strived for the best and I tried to give back as much as I could to my parents so they could see that I appreciated what they did for me. I could clean a room in the house to surgical standards. Cleaning for me means getting all the dirt out from every nook and cranny. I hate clutter and only keep those things that I need. As for studies, I was a bright girl. By the time I was 17 my parents were confident enough in me to send me off to University in a foreign country where I discovered philosophy and my relationship with God started to get shaky.
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