Mind Boggling - Chapter 8

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

There are very many people in my life at present although am not like those people who cant walk down a street without stopping to greet a familiar face every two seconds. The people in my life, who I have not written off as “satans” have also wronged me at some point in the past. I had written down the names of everyone who mattered to see if they had wronged me. This exercise was brought on by my need to understand why I feel sooooooooooooooooooo bad about some people who have wronged me and who I wrote off. The ultimate goal is to decide whether it is actually possible for me to forgive these “satans”.

I compiled two lists, one of those people who matter in my life and one of my “satans”. Surprisingly, I found that some of the people who mattered in my life had actually wronged me in more grievous ways than those on the “satans” list. Yet, I had not written those people off and had figured out a way to see past the wronging and accept them for who they are. I was intrigued. Thinking is not such a bad thing, even when the thought is challenging. So how come I had forgiven those people? What was it about them or the situation with them that made it possible for me to forgive?

After a long hard look at the reality, I realized that the inability to forgive comes from only one stupid thing – pride! Yah, I was just too proud to forgive. I wanted to feel superior to those …..”people who had wronged me”. Pride is a gynormous monster that can make you do stupid things and convince you that you are doing the right thing. Those who I had forgiven were people who I could not write off, they wronged me greatly but when I compared the wronging with what good they also did, the good was more. I was willing to forgive those people because their goodness mattered to me. The others didn’t matter, I met them somewhere along the way and damped them a little later down the road but life’s journey continued. In the end, even they had done some good and I should have treated them the same as the others even if their goodness was not as important. I should have seen that the goodness in them was enough to cover up the little wrong they did. I discovered that I exercised double standards in my way of forgiving. I couldn’t understand why I forgave some and not the others and why the goodness of some mattered more than that of the others.

In the end, all of us are good sometimes and bad sometimes. No-one is good all the time or bad all the time. Even hardcore criminals have families who they love. We all make mistakes. Human is to error they say. And before you write off anyone, before you throw them out and start labeling them with names like “satan”, think about whether they have been good to you at all, at any time before the time they wronged you. If they have, then let the good win over the bad and just forgive. Don’t let pride prevent you from building a friendship with a person who might be the friend you long to talk to in some moments when those around you are not listening. You can learn something from everyone, even a fool can show you something you didn’t know. Forgiveness should make you proud, not forgiving only makes you a coward. Forgive and you will be a bigger person for it, right now I feel so small. I have to call up those people I had written off and tell them to forgive me for being such a “satan”.

A “satan” I was, no doubt about it. I called up those people and tried to make amends. Its not easy coz they have their own axes to grind having been shunned and looked on like insects by this ……”satan” now trying to make peace. Unfortunately, not everyone is ready to forgive at the same time. So I have to wait until they are ready to forgive me then I can talk to them. I decided to share my experience with them and hope that even they will let my goodness win over the bad. Whatever the case, I can only control what I do and what I think, so am happy that I tried and I will try to keep trying to make amends and hopefully the ice will melt. At the very least, I can be happy that those people were still alive for me to ask their forgiveness, imagine if they were dead!