Chapter 88

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 88

The other day, after I wrote chapter 87, I received a mysterious visitor in my office. My receptionist said that he was a new client. I cannot remember who he said had referred him to me, if he had said it.

Anyway, this guy came into my office and introduced himself and gave me his card. He told me that he was an avid reader of my blog and was intrigued by my writing. He had decided that he had to meet me and understand whether I am truly the person I portray myself to be. I told him that getting to know someone is not about an office appointment and I was not sure that I wanted to be his friend.

He said that he did not need to be my friend. He had already devised a method by which to obtain the information he needed in the shortest time possible and with certainty. He then handed me an envelope which he had been carrying with me and asked me to take out the contents.

I almost collapsed when I saw a banker’s cheque drawn in my name for a copious amount of money. A figure I cannot reveal. I can only say that its enough for me to adopt the title millionaire in dollar terms.

With the cheque was a one page printed document and this is what was written on it (Mr. X is the guy):-

THIS AGREEMENT is made this ……………….. day of …………………. Between NJERI MUCHERU-OYATTA of P. O. Box …………….. and Mr. X

IT IS HEREBY AGREED AS FOLLOWS:-

1. Mr. X will pay to Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta a sum of ………………………. receipt of which Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta hereby acknowledges.

2. In consideration for the above payment, Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta hereby undertakes:-

(a) To immediately cease the writing of her book entitled MIND BOGGLING and published at njeri-nm.blogspot.com and to refrain from writing any books at all during her life time.

(b) To immediately abandon her belief in God and cease her quest to know love and to know herself.

(c) Not to ever share her thoughts and feelings about life and the meaning of life with anyone at all during her life time.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF the parties have set their hands hereto the day and year herein before written.

After reading the above document and then looking at the cheque again, I just laughed assuming it was some kind of joke. After I had finished laughing, the man told me that he would give me 7 days to make my decision then he got up and left. He left the cheque with me.

Since then, I have not been able to think about anything else but: should I take the money?! Clearly the guy just wants to know who I am. If I sign, then he knows am a pretender. He probably has no interest in ever enforcing the contract. Which makes me wonder how much money he must be having if he can spend this amount just to satisfy some curiosity!!!!! Maybe if I don’t take the money, there will be much more in store for me than what is on offer now? But what if there isn’t? I will have given up a chance of a lifetime!!!

I know what I should do. How can I let money control my life? Love does not seek its own. Yah right! Maybe the fact that I even have to think about the man’s offer reflects badly on me!!

I need help, NOW!!

Chapter 87

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 87

Human beings place value on money and power or influence. The more money you have and the more influence or power you have, the more valuable you are.

What about spiritual beings? What qualities make a spiritual being valuable? Only one thing makes me valuable as a spiritual being and that is: LOVE. My money, my car, my house, my clothes, all my material possessions are meaningless to me as a spiritual being. They are of no consequence to who I am. The only thing that matters to me as a spiritual being is Love. If I know love and I have love in me, then I am the most valuable being.

In other words, to get to Heaven, what matters is whether I know love and have love in me, full stop. Nothing more.

As human beings, we are taught that what matters in life is to get a good education, get a good job, make lots of money, amass wealth, settle down into family life, have kids, retire, then wait to die. All meaningless things because once you die, the education, the job, the money, the wealth, the family, the kids, all cease to exist and all that is left is you.

The only thing you take with you when you die is your knowledge of God or lack thereof. If you know God, welcome to Heaven. If not, welcome to Hell. Simple. How much easier can it be?

What is so hard about following Jesus and getting to know God? You don’t need money, you don’t need a house, you don’t need a car, you don’t need anyone, you don’t need anything. You just need to think. Use your God given mind to think. Simple. How much easier can it be?

And if you follow Jesus and get to know God, you will NEVER FAIL. Love never fails. So in the process of following Jesus and getting to know God, all your humanly needs satisfy themselves. I wrote that the pursuit of the things that money can never buy generates money. See?

Poverty as far as spiritual beings are concerned has nothing to do with money. It has to do with the knowledge one has of Love. A poor spirit is one who is fearful, anxious, apprehensive, worried and uncertain. A strong spirit is one who is confident, firm, unwavering and sure. The difference between the two spirits is the knowledge they have of who God is. A poor spirit is focused on worldly pursuits while a strong spirit is focused on Heavenly pursuits.

I asked myself a funny question: In all honesty Njeri, without kidding yourself, which is easier to pursue, money or love? I had to laugh at how simple the answer to that question is yet its taken me so many years of living to get here.

I think the difficulty we experience as human beings is our parallel existence as spiritual beings. Separating your human self from your spiritual self is no easy task. But I think that it is the essence of our being alive. Learning how to control your mind and train it to focus on what matters and what doesn’t is the means by which we get to know who we are and who God is.

There is a lot that does not matter in our lives but it has been packaged to appear more important than what actually matters. In this world, making money is a much more valued achievement than learning how to control your anger. There are so many angry bosses out there whose money making abilities keep them wealthy and so many polite employees whose kindness keeps them from being promoted.

I have found that life is much more exciting when I focus my mind on what I feel and think about the situations I find myself in and train my mind to respond in a way that corresponds with love. Every such experience brings with it a feeling of enlightenment and satisfaction that making money has never given me because the outcome of my actions is always a pleasant unexpected surprise.

I am convinced that becoming a person who: suffers long and is kind, does not envy, does not parade herself and is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek her own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things - a person who never fails, is what gives my life meaning.

Truly, without love, I am nothing.

Chapter 86

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 86

An easy life is a life of certainty. A life that is predictable. Whether there is danger or not is not the issue because anticipated danger can be prepared for and averted. Knowing what the future holds for us makes life easy.

Human beings are creatures of routine. We like to organize our lives in such a way that we know what tomorrow will bring yet no-one really knows what tomorrow will bring. Every tomorrow has something new, sometimes the new thing can transform your life or change it for worse or for better. Life in general is unpredictable.

Life in Kenya today is as unpredictable as life can get. Everyday brings something new. In the last few weeks since 30th December 2007, our lives have been transformed. Insecurity is as high as can be. Most Kenyans today are worried, concerned, anxious, apprehensive and uncertain. I was also suffering from the same emotions until I sat myself down and thought deeply about what the future could hold for me and my family. As always, I picked up my Bible to find some guidance for my thoughts.

I turned to the story of Jesus in Mathew 8:23-26 and read about a time when Jesus got into a boat and His disciples followed Him. Suddenly there was a great storm and the boat was covered with the waves and all the time Jesus was asleep. His disciples went to Him and woke Him up saying, “Lord, save us! We are perishing!” On reading this, I immediately pictured Kenya as a boat out at sea and I likened the situation we are in to a great storm with huge waves rising and slapping down on our country every time there is an outbreak of violence somewhere or other. The most recent wave was the shooting to death early this morning of a newly elected opposition Member of Parliament. Many waves have hit our country and if the waves keep coming, pretty soon, the boat will capsize and take us all to the deep dark sea with it. I too, like the disciples of Jesus, would be quick to call on God to save us.

The response that Jesus gave to His disciples when they woke Him up is a powerful message. He said, “Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?”

From this question, I picked out two important things: fear and faith. Little faith breeds fear. If God is truly who I believe Him to be, why do I fear anything including the killings going on in my country? Obviously my faith in God is not what it should be. If you have faith in God, if you believe that God is all mighty, all powerful, all knowing and all loving, how can you be afraid of anything? I could not answer this question. I felt that that question was unjustified. I experienced a paralysis of thought because I could not explain my fear.

Jesus said that we should not fear those who kill the body and cannot kill the soul. We should fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. In this life, the difference between a death which destroys only the body and one which destroys both the soul and body in hell is blurred. Can there really be a difference in the deaths of two people who are burned to death in their houses or cut up with pangas? Is it possible to confront a man with a panga confidently believing that God is all mighty, all powerful, all knowing and all loving? A ridiculous thought I know. But as a Christian, why should I fear being cut up with a panga?

As soon as I posed these questions, I understood what my problem is. My problem is my imagination. I am seeing and reading about heinous crimes being committed against my fellow Kenyans and although I believe in a God who is all mighty, all powerful, all knowing and all loving, I imagine that something similar is likely to happen to me. The question I should be asking myself is whether God would allow something bad to happen to me. The answer to that is no. My God would not. If something bad has happened to some other people, too bad for them. They should have seen it coming. Here I am busying myself in learning who God is and trying to live a life guided by Passion. Trying to understand who I am and what my purpose for living is. How many people are on such a quest? I only know myself actually. So why am I likening myself to others and putting my faith in what has happened to them expecting it to happen to me? Should I not be putting my faith in God and expecting nothing of that sort to happen to me?

Jesus promised us an easy life. He said, “Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

The moment I decided that:

1. I will not liken myself to anyone;
2. I will follow my own path;
3. I will live my life to know God;
4. I will let Passion guide me;
5. I will put my faith, not in what I see and hear but in what I know is happening in my life;

the fear left me.

I am not afraid any more. There may be danger around me but my God will protect me and my family from it. He is all mighty, all powerful, all knowing and all loving. Imagining that anything can happen to me is a lack of faith in God. I will stand firm in my faith and believe that with God my security is guaranteed. I cannot begin to tell you how much easier my life has become.

If you are in fear, my advise to you is this: Do not liken yourself to anyone. Decide to follow Jesus and put your faith in God. Embark on the quest to know Love and thus eliminate fear from your life.

Choose the easy life.

Chapter 85

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 85

What is the meaning of my new motto? How does it apply to my life in practical terms? Am I to be alert and careful with what I think, say and do every minute of every day to ensure that my thoughts, words and deeds are in accordance with my new motto?

When I asked myself the above questions, I almost gave up on this new motto. It is impossible to expect myself to calculate every thought word and deed. It would be like counting calories, something I cannot understand how anyone manages to do. In spite of my doubts, I had a strong feeling that I was on the right track and must find a way out of this puzzling moment to move onto the next step.

As I sat and pondered about how I could possibly start my new life of becoming a loving person, I remembered that the Bible says that Jesus is the way the truth and the life and no-one comes to the Father except by Him (Jesus). In my quest for love, I temporarily forgot about Passion which is the only means by which I can get to know Love.

I have found that in order to live by my new motto, I have to pay attention to my feelings. When I feel strongly about something, that strong feeling is a signal showing me that the situation I am in requires me to pay attention to the lesson which the situation is meant to impart. At such a time, I need to think deeply about what feeling I am getting from the situation and if that feeling does not reflect the qualities of love, then I must consult my mind and change the way I think about the situation so that I can change my feeling toward the situation to reflect a quality of love. This is vital because my thoughts are what invoke me into action. By changing the way I think of any given situation and thus change my feeling toward the situation to reflect a quality of love, my actions in that situation will determine how my life unfolds. During this process, my character will be moulded to reflect the qualities of love and more importantly, my destiny will be directed towards the life I was born to live.

When I reached that conclusion, I was excited about my new life and could now see that what I thought an impossible task was very possible. This process of discovering how to live a life driven by Passion to find Love in itself showed me how Passion works. It helped me change despair into hope.

The important thing is to pay attention to any strong feeling I get. In the absence of a strong feeling, I can get on with my life normally. In time, I expect that with each moment of Passion, and with each lesson learned, my normal life will begin to change as a natural consequence of my changing character.

My destination is to become a person who: suffers long and is kind, does not envy, does not parade herself and is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek her own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things - a person who NEVER FAILS.

I must say that in as much as I understand what is required of me, I know it will not be easy. I have already experienced how difficult it is. Somehow, I am beginning to see that my driving is an ideal stage for learning. Going by my new motto, this is what I must do.

In traffic jam, no matter what kind of a hurry I am in, I must embrace the suffering and still be kind to my fellow drivers, even if I have a throbbing headache! I cannot allow myself to be rude by refusing to give way to anyone trying to cut into my lane no matter how rudely they cut in. I cannot allow myself to be provoked by the actions or abuses of any driver or pedestrian or police officer. Provocation leads to feelings of anger, fear, pride etc which are not qualities of love and which will distract me from my goal. I should not focus only on myself and how late I am for my appointment; I cannot seek my own; I must be considerate and selfless. Worst of all, I must take responsibility for my fellow road users and ensure their safety and help them as they try to get to where they are going. This is what ‘bears all things’ means to me. And even though in ensuring that I act with Love I find that I am getting very late for my appointment, I must believe that I will not fail in my goal. When the person I am meeting calls me, I should not be rude and refuse to pick up, I should stop my car, if necessary, and truthfully explain my predicament. In this endurance and hope, I will find that actions motivated by passion and love will always succeed in achieving the real goal which is to teach me who I am. How can being late ever impress my new client?

Anything is possible with God. He will ensure that my interests are fulfilled so that I learn my spiritual lesson and I achieve my humanly purpose. God works in mysterious ways. Where my actions dictate failure from a human perspective, from a spiritual perspective, my success is inevitable if I am acting with love. Previously, I was looking at life from a human perspective. Now, I am looking at life from a spiritual perspective.

The change will not be easy but I think that the change will make my life much easier. And an easy life is truly, what I am looking for. Who doesn’t want an easy life?

Chapter 84

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 84

I have been thinking about death quite a lot lately. It is difficult not to seeing as everyday so many people are dying. If it’s not from what is now termed ‘post election violence’ then it’s from a gruesome road accident. But the death I was thinking about is my own death.

Am I ready to die? What does preparing for death require? My answer to these questions was no, I am not ready to die because I have not discovered my purpose for living.

Are you on track to finding out your purpose for living? My answer to this question was yes. The fact that I asked myself that question meant that I was still alive to the fact that life is an illusion.

Why do you say that life is an illusion? My answer to this question was that life is a school. Just like any school in life. What happens to us in school, is not considered real life. It is real life in the sense that the events that take place affect what kind of life you have thereafter but after school, life takes on a whole new meaning. In the same way, after death, life takes on a whole new meaning. The life I am living now is for the purpose of preparing me for the real life - the life I will be born into after my death.

If life is a school, how do I learn how to prepare myself for death? My answer to this question was to read the Bible. Which I did and this is what I found.

The Bible says that God is love. God identifies Himself as WHO I AM. From these words, I figured that my life’s purpose is to get to know God; it is to get to know who I am. If God is love, how can I get to know who love is?

I read 1 Corinthians 13 and found a description of love which I summarized as follows:-

Without LOVE I am nothing.

Love: suffers long and is kind;

Love: does not envy;

Love: does not parade itself, and is not puffed up;

Love: does not behave rudely;

Love: does not seek its own;

Love: is not provoked;

Love: thinks no evil;

Love: does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth;

Love: bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

LOVE NEVER FAILS.

My conclusion on reading the above was that my life’s purpose is to know God, to know love. To know love, I need to develop the qualities of love which are described above. I need to use the events occurring in my life to help me cultivate the qualities of God. Once I develop a character that embodies the qualities of God, then I will know God and then I will be ready to be born into death.

The first thing that I need to do is change my attitude towards life. I need to stop letting myself be controlled by what I see and what people do or say to me. I mean that I must not allow myself to react to the things of this world as if they are real. I must remember that the things of this world will cease to exist when I die and all that will be left is me. The things of this world, are an illusion. I must not attach myself to them as if they will follow me into death. We all know that we die with nothing.

I need to understand that the things of this world are there only now while I am alive to help me become the real me who is a spiritual being. I need to resist the urge to be a human being: the urge to get angry, to behave rudely, to envy, to boast, to be pompous, to be selfish, to be provoked, to think evil, to rejoice in iniquity, to be irresponsible, to doubt, to despair and to give up.

This is my life’s challenge and it starts with memorizing the qualities of love and applying them in my life ALL the time.

What a challenge! Am I up to it? Why else was I born?

Chapter 83

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 83

In a situation like the one Kenya is experiencing today, text messages are both an asset and a liability. Everyone is thirsting for information about what the media are not telling us. Text messages help in providing hidden information but at the same time, the information is not reassuring, it is scary.

We live in fear. Our future is uncertain no matter all the reassurances we get from our leaders telling us that ‘things are back to normal’. No agreement has been reached between the enemy camps of President Kibaki and Honourable Raila Odinga. The ODM Party has called on Kenyans to engage in mass protests from Wednesday to Friday this week throughout the country. In the absence of an agreement between these two groups, peace is a dream and soon it might become a fantasy.

People in Nyanza province fear, as stated in a text message, that President Museveni of Uganda is organizing to send his army into the province to revenge for the Kikuyu blood that has been poured because he supports President Kibaki.

I met a friend of mine who told me that the Kikuyu business people are fund raising for an army of ‘mungiki’ (a predominantly Kikuyu gang of murderous rogues) to fight against their enemy tribes. As if to prove my friend right, I saw a text message that read as follows:- “House of Mumbi (the Kikuyu), they killed hundreds of our people, we didn’t retaliate, we knew they were very angry. But their new call to mass action means kill more Kikuyus in Rift and Nyanza. If Kibaki stole votes, he was not with us so why are we being killed? We say, no more innocent Kikuyu blood will be shed. We will slaughter them right here in the capital city. For justice, compile a list of all luos and kaleos you know at work, your estate, anywhere in Nairobi, plus where and how their children go to school. We will give you numbers to text this info. If they don’t kill our people anymore, there will be peace but any more Kikuyu blood will be avenged, drop for drop, in the name of Dedan Kimathi.”

Even the reality is scary.

One of my staff could not report back to work last week because she had traveled upcountry and passenger vehicles require police escort for fear of attack by thugs who may want to kill some of the passengers or even the driver or just rob them. Driving out of Nairobi has become a dare devil stunt.

I have been told by a reliable source that leaflets are being circulated in certain areas directing Kikuyus and their related tribes (Merus, Embus and Kambas) to leave within a certain period or face death.

Our police heads tell us everything is alright. That we should not listen to claims about the revival of the ‘mungiki’ and we should not believe any text messages we receive.

I don’t feel reassured by the words of our police heads but what choice have I got? If I don’t ignore these threats, how can I get on with my life?

Our leaders are completely out of touch with the reality on the ground. It is time that Kenyans by and large come to a realization that our leaders are not part of us. The only real division that exists in Kenya is between THE LEADERS AND THE LED. What Kenyans need to protest against and take to the streets against is irresponsible leadership.

I am experiencing a true test of my faith in God. I have to keep reminding myself that God is in control and God knows my needs and He will take care of me and mine.

Dear God, if ever Kenya needed a miracle, now is the time. Please Lord, HELP US.

Chapter 82

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 82

On the same day that I published my peace message, I received an email from someone who rubbished the message because in his view, my message was biased. My name is Njeri so of course, I favour Kibaki! On reading his email, which was not all bad I must say, it dawned on me what has actually been happening to Kikuyus around the country.

Immediately after President Kibaki’s ‘victory’ was declared, the criteria on which his enemies determined who his supporters were was a name, an accent or a tribe. There I was, an ODM supporter to death and someone just assumed that I was a PNU supporter because of my name. Thank goodness the guy was writing an email and not at my home armed with a panga and a box of matches!

I imagine that there must be some Kenyans who lost their lives and property and did not support either Kibaki or Raila as presumed by their assailants and probably did not even vote! How very sad! Even more saddening is that children, who did not vote and were as innocent as innocence itself lost their lives, homes and/or parents.

Do you see why I say that Kenyans are dining with the devil? The ability to victimize or kill someone solely because of his/her SUSPECTED political affiliation on the basis of a name, an accent or a tribe is not even human. Common sense is too good for that. Such an ability requires a blindness that only the devil can inflict. And going by the number of people in Kenya who have developed this ability, there is no doubt whatsoever in my mind that somewhere, in a leadership position in Kenya, the devil is sitting on a throne.

Oh God, the devil is in Kenya. May God use this country as an example of how the devil can be defeated.