Chapter 90

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 90

CONCLUSION

I have found my missing ‘something’.

When I embarked on my quest to find what I was missing in my life, I called myself a floater. Someone who just went with the flow not knowing how I had ended up where I was in life and not well …………. somewhere else.

My quest for my missing something is now clear to me. What I was missing in my life is simple - CONTROL. I did not know who was responsible for my life. I did not feel responsible for how my life had turned out because I thought that the unpredictable things that had got me to where I was were more than those I had planned.

Now I know the truth. I know that I am fully responsible for everything in my life. Life is about only one thing - control. I control my life because I and only I can choose whether to follow passion or selfishness.

I have learned that I can control the outcome of my life if I control my thoughts and feelings towards the people, things and situations in my life. Passion plays a vital role in my life by helping me overcome my humanity and pursue my spirituality.

Consciously or subconsciously, I am the one who has always controlled my thoughts and feelings and therefore my actions in creating the life that I am living. I cannot blame anyone but myself for my failures and I cannot credit anyone but myself for my successes.

Life is truly what you make of it and until you know Love, you are NOTHING. The knowledge of God, is indeed the beginning of all understanding.

I am beginning to understand my life.

I am erasing all preconditioned thoughts and feelings in my mind.

I am starting anew.

I am letting Passion guide my thoughts, feelings and actions and lead me to Love.

I am learning to know God; learning to live a Godly life believing with confidence that if I seek first the Kingdom of God by letting God rule my life, all my hearts desires will be added unto me and I will live the life that I was born to live as a child of God to whom success is inevitable.

Chapter 89

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 89

Money, money, money, money. Can temptation get any better than this?

I was not thinking about myself and what I could do for myself with that money; although there is a lot that I could think of. I was thinking about how much I could do for the victims of the post election violence especially the orphaned children who cannot be re-settled. I have always wanted to start a children’s home coz I just love kids and I think that the best way to make the world a better place is to start with the children.

I could sign the agreement, take the money then break the agreement and see what the guy would do to me. If he saw that I spent the money setting up a children’s home for orphaned kids, would he really sue me for the money back?! I have absolutely no idea who the guy is so I am completely unable to speculate about what he can and cannot do to me, including getting me killed.

So I did what I knew I had to do. I took time out and thought deeply about the situation I was in and in a surprisingly short time, I thought myself out of the situation. At first, I thought that the choice I had boiled down to two things:-

Money or Knowledge.

99.99999999% of the people in the world will tell you that money is what we all need to get what we want. I say that what we need is knowledge, not money.

I say this because, and you will agree, money is not an end in itself. Money consists of pieces of paper which you cannot eat, you cannot wear, you cannot live in and which cannot give you any information about anything. Money is a means to an end and not an end in itself. So when you have money, you have to use that money to get what you want. Hopefully there will be someone who wants your money and has something you want so you can exchange the money for what you want. In the absence of someone who wants your money, you and your money are worthless.

Knowledge, like money, is also not an end in itself. It is a means to an end. Knowledge enables you to understand yourself and your environment and to find what it is you are looking for in life. Knowledge is an invisible thing. You cannot eat it, wear it or live in it but it will educate you.

Like a choice between a train ticket and a bus ticket to get you somewhere, choosing between money and knowledge is a choice between two means of getting you something. Of the two, which should you focus on when aiming for your goal? Money or knowledge?

The primary difference between money and knowledge is that whereas there are some things that money cannot get you, knowledge will get you EVERYTHING you want.

What I want is to find my missing something. Since the time I started looking for it, all the progress I have made and all the knowledge I have acquired did not cost me any money. But I have come so far as to attract the attention of someone who is willing to spend an obscene amount of money on me albeit on conditions that I cannot accept.

What do I need in my life? Mr. X’s money or to know Love? I think that what I need is to know Love. The money will follow if I need it. There is a time for everything and now is not the time to be starting my children’s home. It’s time to be getting to know who I am and to know Love.

Following this line of thought, I finally decided that I had to tell Mr. X the truth and I should not allow his offer to provoke me into a thoughtless act. So I turned down Mr. X’s offer and gave him back the cheque and the unsigned agreement. When handing back the cheque, I suggested to him that since he was willing to just give the money to me, he should donate it to a good cause. His answer was that he does not believe in good causes and I am a fool to have turned down his offer for the sake of some wild dream I have about some place called Heaven which he knows does not exist. According to him, I should be making the best of the life I have now and not wasting it in planning for an imaginary life I am not assured of. I simply told him that the fool is one who thinks that money can buy thoughts and beliefs. He then got up, shook my hand, turned around and left.

I am without the slightest doubt in my mind that the choice I made was the right one for two reasons:-

FIRST, if I accepted his money, what kind of a relationship would I have had with a person like Mr. X who wanted to control what I think, what I believe and what I can and cannot talk about? If this is the start of our relationship, how much more would he expect of or from me? Would he then offer me some money to divorce my husband or give my daughter up for adoption? How could I show him that there are some things I cannot sell after selling my thoughts and beliefs to him? Most importantly, how could I prevent him from imposing himself into my life after taking his money in exchange for something that required him to supervise my every step to ensure that he got what he paid for?

SECOND, the Bible tells me that GOD IS LOVE. The Almighty God, Creator of Heaven and earth and all that is in it including Njeri and Mr. X and all of Mr. X’s money is Love. So, if I get to know God, WHOM SHALL I FEAR and WHAT CAN'T I HAVE?

I concluded that my real choice was this:

Should I let God or Mr. X control my life? I chose God. Who would you choose?