Mind Boggling

Chapter 91

2008-07-23T04:45:00.000-07:00

Log on to thetrueanswers.blogspot.com

Chapter 90

2008-02-08T22:57:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 90

CONCLUSION

I have found my missing ‘something’.

When I embarked on my quest to find what I was missing in my life, I called myself a floater. Someone who just went with the flow not knowing how I had ended up where I was in life and not well …………. somewhere else.

My quest for my missing something is now clear to me. What I was missing in my life is simple - CONTROL. I did not know who was responsible for my life. I did not feel responsible for how my life had turned out because I thought that the unpredictable things that had got me to where I was were more than those I had planned.

Now I know the truth. I know that I am fully responsible for everything in my life. Life is about only one thing - control. I control my life because I and only I can choose whether to follow passion or selfishness.

I have learned that I can control the outcome of my life if I control my thoughts and feelings towards the people, things and situations in my life. Passion plays a vital role in my life by helping me overcome my humanity and pursue my spirituality.

Consciously or subconsciously, I am the one who has always controlled my thoughts and feelings and therefore my actions in creating the life that I am living. I cannot blame anyone but myself for my failures and I cannot credit anyone but myself for my successes.

Life is truly what you make of it and until you know Love, you are NOTHING. The knowledge of God, is indeed the beginning of all understanding.

I am beginning to understand my life.

I am erasing all preconditioned thoughts and feelings in my mind.

I am starting anew.

I am letting Passion guide my thoughts, feelings and actions and lead me to Love.

I am learning to know God; learning to live a Godly life believing with confidence that if I seek first the Kingdom of God by letting God rule my life, all my hearts desires will be added unto me and I will live the life that I was born to live as a child of God to whom success is inevitable.

Chapter 89

2008-02-02T08:11:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 89

Money, money, money, money. Can temptation get any better than this?

I was not thinking about myself and what I could do for myself with that money; although there is a lot that I could think of. I was thinking about how much I could do for the victims of the post election violence especially the orphaned children who cannot be re-settled. I have always wanted to start a children’s home coz I just love kids and I think that the best way to make the world a better place is to start with the children.

I could sign the agreement, take the money then break the agreement and see what the guy would do to me. If he saw that I spent the money setting up a children’s home for orphaned kids, would he really sue me for the money back?! I have absolutely no idea who the guy is so I am completely unable to speculate about what he can and cannot do to me, including getting me killed.

So I did what I knew I had to do. I took time out and thought deeply about the situation I was in and in a surprisingly short time, I thought myself out of the situation. At first, I thought that the choice I had boiled down to two things:-

Money or Knowledge.

99.99999999% of the people in the world will tell you that money is what we all need to get what we want. I say that what we need is knowledge, not money.

I say this because, and you will agree, money is not an end in itself. Money consists of pieces of paper which you cannot eat, you cannot wear, you cannot live in and which cannot give you any information about anything. Money is a means to an end and not an end in itself. So when you have money, you have to use that money to get what you want. Hopefully there will be someone who wants your money and has something you want so you can exchange the money for what you want. In the absence of someone who wants your money, you and your money are worthless.

Knowledge, like money, is also not an end in itself. It is a means to an end. Knowledge enables you to understand yourself and your environment and to find what it is you are looking for in life. Knowledge is an invisible thing. You cannot eat it, wear it or live in it but it will educate you.

Like a choice between a train ticket and a bus ticket to get you somewhere, choosing between money and knowledge is a choice between two means of getting you something. Of the two, which should you focus on when aiming for your goal? Money or knowledge?

The primary difference between money and knowledge is that whereas there are some things that money cannot get you, knowledge will get you EVERYTHING you want.

What I want is to find my missing something. Since the time I started looking for it, all the progress I have made and all the knowledge I have acquired did not cost me any money. But I have come so far as to attract the attention of someone who is willing to spend an obscene amount of money on me albeit on conditions that I cannot accept.

What do I need in my life? Mr. X’s money or to know Love? I think that what I need is to know Love. The money will follow if I need it. There is a time for everything and now is not the time to be starting my children’s home. It’s time to be getting to know who I am and to know Love.

Following this line of thought, I finally decided that I had to tell Mr. X the truth and I should not allow his offer to provoke me into a thoughtless act. So I turned down Mr. X’s offer and gave him back the cheque and the unsigned agreement. When handing back the cheque, I suggested to him that since he was willing to just give the money to me, he should donate it to a good cause. His answer was that he does not believe in good causes and I am a fool to have turned down his offer for the sake of some wild dream I have about some place called Heaven which he knows does not exist. According to him, I should be making the best of the life I have now and not wasting it in planning for an imaginary life I am not assured of. I simply told him that the fool is one who thinks that money can buy thoughts and beliefs. He then got up, shook my hand, turned around and left.

I am without the slightest doubt in my mind that the choice I made was the right one for two reasons:-

FIRST, if I accepted his money, what kind of a relationship would I have had with a person like Mr. X who wanted to control what I think, what I believe and what I can and cannot talk about? If this is the start of our relationship, how much more would he expect of or from me? Would he then offer me some money to divorce my husband or give my daughter up for adoption? How could I show him that there are some things I cannot sell after selling my thoughts and beliefs to him? Most importantly, how could I prevent him from imposing himself into my life after taking his money in exchange for something that required him to supervise my every step to ensure that he got what he paid for?

SECOND, the Bible tells me that GOD IS LOVE. The Almighty God, Creator of Heaven and earth and all that is in it including Njeri and Mr. X and all of Mr. X’s money is Love. So, if I get to know God, WHOM SHALL I FEAR and WHAT CAN'T I HAVE?

I concluded that my real choice was this:

Should I let God or Mr. X control my life? I chose God. Who would you choose?

Chapter 88

2008-01-31T23:45:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 88

The other day, after I wrote chapter 87, I received a mysterious visitor in my office. My receptionist said that he was a new client. I cannot remember who he said had referred him to me, if he had said it.

Anyway, this guy came into my office and introduced himself and gave me his card. He told me that he was an avid reader of my blog and was intrigued by my writing. He had decided that he had to meet me and understand whether I am truly the person I portray myself to be. I told him that getting to know someone is not about an office appointment and I was not sure that I wanted to be his friend.

He said that he did not need to be my friend. He had already devised a method by which to obtain the information he needed in the shortest time possible and with certainty. He then handed me an envelope which he had been carrying with me and asked me to take out the contents.

I almost collapsed when I saw a banker’s cheque drawn in my name for a copious amount of money. A figure I cannot reveal. I can only say that its enough for me to adopt the title millionaire in dollar terms.

With the cheque was a one page printed document and this is what was written on it (Mr. X is the guy):-

THIS AGREEMENT is made this ……………….. day of …………………. Between NJERI MUCHERU-OYATTA of P. O. Box …………….. and Mr. X

IT IS HEREBY AGREED AS FOLLOWS:-

1. Mr. X will pay to Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta a sum of ………………………. receipt of which Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta hereby acknowledges.

2. In consideration for the above payment, Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta hereby undertakes:-

(a) To immediately cease the writing of her book entitled MIND BOGGLING and published at njeri-nm.blogspot.com and to refrain from writing any books at all during her life time.

(b) To immediately abandon her belief in God and cease her quest to know love and to know herself.

(c) Not to ever share her thoughts and feelings about life and the meaning of life with anyone at all during her life time.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF the parties have set their hands hereto the day and year herein before written.

After reading the above document and then looking at the cheque again, I just laughed assuming it was some kind of joke. After I had finished laughing, the man told me that he would give me 7 days to make my decision then he got up and left. He left the cheque with me.

Since then, I have not been able to think about anything else but: should I take the money?! Clearly the guy just wants to know who I am. If I sign, then he knows am a pretender. He probably has no interest in ever enforcing the contract. Which makes me wonder how much money he must be having if he can spend this amount just to satisfy some curiosity!!!!! Maybe if I don’t take the money, there will be much more in store for me than what is on offer now? But what if there isn’t? I will have given up a chance of a lifetime!!!

I know what I should do. How can I let money control my life? Love does not seek its own. Yah right! Maybe the fact that I even have to think about the man’s offer reflects badly on me!!

I need help, NOW!!

Chapter 87

2008-01-30T08:37:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 87

Human beings place value on money and power or influence. The more money you have and the more influence or power you have, the more valuable you are.

What about spiritual beings? What qualities make a spiritual being valuable? Only one thing makes me valuable as a spiritual being and that is: LOVE. My money, my car, my house, my clothes, all my material possessions are meaningless to me as a spiritual being. They are of no consequence to who I am. The only thing that matters to me as a spiritual being is Love. If I know love and I have love in me, then I am the most valuable being.

In other words, to get to Heaven, what matters is whether I know love and have love in me, full stop. Nothing more.

As human beings, we are taught that what matters in life is to get a good education, get a good job, make lots of money, amass wealth, settle down into family life, have kids, retire, then wait to die. All meaningless things because once you die, the education, the job, the money, the wealth, the family, the kids, all cease to exist and all that is left is you.

The only thing you take with you when you die is your knowledge of God or lack thereof. If you know God, welcome to Heaven. If not, welcome to Hell. Simple. How much easier can it be?

What is so hard about following Jesus and getting to know God? You don’t need money, you don’t need a house, you don’t need a car, you don’t need anyone, you don’t need anything. You just need to think. Use your God given mind to think. Simple. How much easier can it be?

And if you follow Jesus and get to know God, you will NEVER FAIL. Love never fails. So in the process of following Jesus and getting to know God, all your humanly needs satisfy themselves. I wrote that the pursuit of the things that money can never buy generates money. See?

Poverty as far as spiritual beings are concerned has nothing to do with money. It has to do with the knowledge one has of Love. A poor spirit is one who is fearful, anxious, apprehensive, worried and uncertain. A strong spirit is one who is confident, firm, unwavering and sure. The difference between the two spirits is the knowledge they have of who God is. A poor spirit is focused on worldly pursuits while a strong spirit is focused on Heavenly pursuits.

I asked myself a funny question: In all honesty Njeri, without kidding yourself, which is easier to pursue, money or love? I had to laugh at how simple the answer to that question is yet its taken me so many years of living to get here.

I think the difficulty we experience as human beings is our parallel existence as spiritual beings. Separating your human self from your spiritual self is no easy task. But I think that it is the essence of our being alive. Learning how to control your mind and train it to focus on what matters and what doesn’t is the means by which we get to know who we are and who God is.

There is a lot that does not matter in our lives but it has been packaged to appear more important than what actually matters. In this world, making money is a much more valued achievement than learning how to control your anger. There are so many angry bosses out there whose money making abilities keep them wealthy and so many polite employees whose kindness keeps them from being promoted.

I have found that life is much more exciting when I focus my mind on what I feel and think about the situations I find myself in and train my mind to respond in a way that corresponds with love. Every such experience brings with it a feeling of enlightenment and satisfaction that making money has never given me because the outcome of my actions is always a pleasant unexpected surprise.

I am convinced that becoming a person who: suffers long and is kind, does not envy, does not parade herself and is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek her own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things - a person who never fails, is what gives my life meaning.

Truly, without love, I am nothing.

Chapter 86

2008-01-29T09:37:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 86

An easy life is a life of certainty. A life that is predictable. Whether there is danger or not is not the issue because anticipated danger can be prepared for and averted. Knowing what the future holds for us makes life easy.

Human beings are creatures of routine. We like to organize our lives in such a way that we know what tomorrow will bring yet no-one really knows what tomorrow will bring. Every tomorrow has something new, sometimes the new thing can transform your life or change it for worse or for better. Life in general is unpredictable.

Life in Kenya today is as unpredictable as life can get. Everyday brings something new. In the last few weeks since 30th December 2007, our lives have been transformed. Insecurity is as high as can be. Most Kenyans today are worried, concerned, anxious, apprehensive and uncertain. I was also suffering from the same emotions until I sat myself down and thought deeply about what the future could hold for me and my family. As always, I picked up my Bible to find some guidance for my thoughts.

I turned to the story of Jesus in Mathew 8:23-26 and read about a time when Jesus got into a boat and His disciples followed Him. Suddenly there was a great storm and the boat was covered with the waves and all the time Jesus was asleep. His disciples went to Him and woke Him up saying, “Lord, save us! We are perishing!” On reading this, I immediately pictured Kenya as a boat out at sea and I likened the situation we are in to a great storm with huge waves rising and slapping down on our country every time there is an outbreak of violence somewhere or other. The most recent wave was the shooting to death early this morning of a newly elected opposition Member of Parliament. Many waves have hit our country and if the waves keep coming, pretty soon, the boat will capsize and take us all to the deep dark sea with it. I too, like the disciples of Jesus, would be quick to call on God to save us.

The response that Jesus gave to His disciples when they woke Him up is a powerful message. He said, “Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?”

From this question, I picked out two important things: fear and faith. Little faith breeds fear. If God is truly who I believe Him to be, why do I fear anything including the killings going on in my country? Obviously my faith in God is not what it should be. If you have faith in God, if you believe that God is all mighty, all powerful, all knowing and all loving, how can you be afraid of anything? I could not answer this question. I felt that that question was unjustified. I experienced a paralysis of thought because I could not explain my fear.

Jesus said that we should not fear those who kill the body and cannot kill the soul. We should fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. In this life, the difference between a death which destroys only the body and one which destroys both the soul and body in hell is blurred. Can there really be a difference in the deaths of two people who are burned to death in their houses or cut up with pangas? Is it possible to confront a man with a panga confidently believing that God is all mighty, all powerful, all knowing and all loving? A ridiculous thought I know. But as a Christian, why should I fear being cut up with a panga?

As soon as I posed these questions, I understood what my problem is. My problem is my imagination. I am seeing and reading about heinous crimes being committed against my fellow Kenyans and although I believe in a God who is all mighty, all powerful, all knowing and all loving, I imagine that something similar is likely to happen to me. The question I should be asking myself is whether God would allow something bad to happen to me. The answer to that is no. My God would not. If something bad has happened to some other people, too bad for them. They should have seen it coming. Here I am busying myself in learning who God is and trying to live a life guided by Passion. Trying to understand who I am and what my purpose for living is. How many people are on such a quest? I only know myself actually. So why am I likening myself to others and putting my faith in what has happened to them expecting it to happen to me? Should I not be putting my faith in God and expecting nothing of that sort to happen to me?

Jesus promised us an easy life. He said, “Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

The moment I decided that:

1. I will not liken myself to anyone;
2. I will follow my own path;
3. I will live my life to know God;
4. I will let Passion guide me;
5. I will put my faith, not in what I see and hear but in what I know is happening in my life;

the fear left me.

I am not afraid any more. There may be danger around me but my God will protect me and my family from it. He is all mighty, all powerful, all knowing and all loving. Imagining that anything can happen to me is a lack of faith in God. I will stand firm in my faith and believe that with God my security is guaranteed. I cannot begin to tell you how much easier my life has become.

If you are in fear, my advise to you is this: Do not liken yourself to anyone. Decide to follow Jesus and put your faith in God. Embark on the quest to know Love and thus eliminate fear from your life.

Choose the easy life.

Chapter 85

2008-01-27T21:00:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 85

What is the meaning of my new motto? How does it apply to my life in practical terms? Am I to be alert and careful with what I think, say and do every minute of every day to ensure that my thoughts, words and deeds are in accordance with my new motto?

When I asked myself the above questions, I almost gave up on this new motto. It is impossible to expect myself to calculate every thought word and deed. It would be like counting calories, something I cannot understand how anyone manages to do. In spite of my doubts, I had a strong feeling that I was on the right track and must find a way out of this puzzling moment to move onto the next step.

As I sat and pondered about how I could possibly start my new life of becoming a loving person, I remembered that the Bible says that Jesus is the way the truth and the life and no-one comes to the Father except by Him (Jesus). In my quest for love, I temporarily forgot about Passion which is the only means by which I can get to know Love.

I have found that in order to live by my new motto, I have to pay attention to my feelings. When I feel strongly about something, that strong feeling is a signal showing me that the situation I am in requires me to pay attention to the lesson which the situation is meant to impart. At such a time, I need to think deeply about what feeling I am getting from the situation and if that feeling does not reflect the qualities of love, then I must consult my mind and change the way I think about the situation so that I can change my feeling toward the situation to reflect a quality of love. This is vital because my thoughts are what invoke me into action. By changing the way I think of any given situation and thus change my feeling toward the situation to reflect a quality of love, my actions in that situation will determine how my life unfolds. During this process, my character will be moulded to reflect the qualities of love and more importantly, my destiny will be directed towards the life I was born to live.

When I reached that conclusion, I was excited about my new life and could now see that what I thought an impossible task was very possible. This process of discovering how to live a life driven by Passion to find Love in itself showed me how Passion works. It helped me change despair into hope.

The important thing is to pay attention to any strong feeling I get. In the absence of a strong feeling, I can get on with my life normally. In time, I expect that with each moment of Passion, and with each lesson learned, my normal life will begin to change as a natural consequence of my changing character.

My destination is to become a person who: suffers long and is kind, does not envy, does not parade herself and is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek her own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things - a person who NEVER FAILS.

I must say that in as much as I understand what is required of me, I know it will not be easy. I have already experienced how difficult it is. Somehow, I am beginning to see that my driving is an ideal stage for learning. Going by my new motto, this is what I must do.

In traffic jam, no matter what kind of a hurry I am in, I must embrace the suffering and still be kind to my fellow drivers, even if I have a throbbing headache! I cannot allow myself to be rude by refusing to give way to anyone trying to cut into my lane no matter how rudely they cut in. I cannot allow myself to be provoked by the actions or abuses of any driver or pedestrian or police officer. Provocation leads to feelings of anger, fear, pride etc which are not qualities of love and which will distract me from my goal. I should not focus only on myself and how late I am for my appointment; I cannot seek my own; I must be considerate and selfless. Worst of all, I must take responsibility for my fellow road users and ensure their safety and help them as they try to get to where they are going. This is what ‘bears all things’ means to me. And even though in ensuring that I act with Love I find that I am getting very late for my appointment, I must believe that I will not fail in my goal. When the person I am meeting calls me, I should not be rude and refuse to pick up, I should stop my car, if necessary, and truthfully explain my predicament. In this endurance and hope, I will find that actions motivated by passion and love will always succeed in achieving the real goal which is to teach me who I am. How can being late ever impress my new client?

Anything is possible with God. He will ensure that my interests are fulfilled so that I learn my spiritual lesson and I achieve my humanly purpose. God works in mysterious ways. Where my actions dictate failure from a human perspective, from a spiritual perspective, my success is inevitable if I am acting with love. Previously, I was looking at life from a human perspective. Now, I am looking at life from a spiritual perspective.

The change will not be easy but I think that the change will make my life much easier. And an easy life is truly, what I am looking for. Who doesn’t want an easy life?

Chapter 84

2008-01-24T21:20:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 84

I have been thinking about death quite a lot lately. It is difficult not to seeing as everyday so many people are dying. If it’s not from what is now termed ‘post election violence’ then it’s from a gruesome road accident. But the death I was thinking about is my own death.

Am I ready to die? What does preparing for death require? My answer to these questions was no, I am not ready to die because I have not discovered my purpose for living.

Are you on track to finding out your purpose for living? My answer to this question was yes. The fact that I asked myself that question meant that I was still alive to the fact that life is an illusion.

Why do you say that life is an illusion? My answer to this question was that life is a school. Just like any school in life. What happens to us in school, is not considered real life. It is real life in the sense that the events that take place affect what kind of life you have thereafter but after school, life takes on a whole new meaning. In the same way, after death, life takes on a whole new meaning. The life I am living now is for the purpose of preparing me for the real life - the life I will be born into after my death.

If life is a school, how do I learn how to prepare myself for death? My answer to this question was to read the Bible. Which I did and this is what I found.

The Bible says that God is love. God identifies Himself as WHO I AM. From these words, I figured that my life’s purpose is to get to know God; it is to get to know who I am. If God is love, how can I get to know who love is?

I read 1 Corinthians 13 and found a description of love which I summarized as follows:-

Without LOVE I am nothing.

Love: suffers long and is kind;

Love: does not envy;

Love: does not parade itself, and is not puffed up;

Love: does not behave rudely;

Love: does not seek its own;

Love: is not provoked;

Love: thinks no evil;

Love: does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth;

Love: bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

LOVE NEVER FAILS.

My conclusion on reading the above was that my life’s purpose is to know God, to know love. To know love, I need to develop the qualities of love which are described above. I need to use the events occurring in my life to help me cultivate the qualities of God. Once I develop a character that embodies the qualities of God, then I will know God and then I will be ready to be born into death.

The first thing that I need to do is change my attitude towards life. I need to stop letting myself be controlled by what I see and what people do or say to me. I mean that I must not allow myself to react to the things of this world as if they are real. I must remember that the things of this world will cease to exist when I die and all that will be left is me. The things of this world, are an illusion. I must not attach myself to them as if they will follow me into death. We all know that we die with nothing.

I need to understand that the things of this world are there only now while I am alive to help me become the real me who is a spiritual being. I need to resist the urge to be a human being: the urge to get angry, to behave rudely, to envy, to boast, to be pompous, to be selfish, to be provoked, to think evil, to rejoice in iniquity, to be irresponsible, to doubt, to despair and to give up.

This is my life’s challenge and it starts with memorizing the qualities of love and applying them in my life ALL the time.

What a challenge! Am I up to it? Why else was I born?

Chapter 83

2008-01-14T07:47:00.001-08:00

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 83

In a situation like the one Kenya is experiencing today, text messages are both an asset and a liability. Everyone is thirsting for information about what the media are not telling us. Text messages help in providing hidden information but at the same time, the information is not reassuring, it is scary.

We live in fear. Our future is uncertain no matter all the reassurances we get from our leaders telling us that ‘things are back to normal’. No agreement has been reached between the enemy camps of President Kibaki and Honourable Raila Odinga. The ODM Party has called on Kenyans to engage in mass protests from Wednesday to Friday this week throughout the country. In the absence of an agreement between these two groups, peace is a dream and soon it might become a fantasy.

People in Nyanza province fear, as stated in a text message, that President Museveni of Uganda is organizing to send his army into the province to revenge for the Kikuyu blood that has been poured because he supports President Kibaki.

I met a friend of mine who told me that the Kikuyu business people are fund raising for an army of ‘mungiki’ (a predominantly Kikuyu gang of murderous rogues) to fight against their enemy tribes. As if to prove my friend right, I saw a text message that read as follows:- “House of Mumbi (the Kikuyu), they killed hundreds of our people, we didn’t retaliate, we knew they were very angry. But their new call to mass action means kill more Kikuyus in Rift and Nyanza. If Kibaki stole votes, he was not with us so why are we being killed? We say, no more innocent Kikuyu blood will be shed. We will slaughter them right here in the capital city. For justice, compile a list of all luos and kaleos you know at work, your estate, anywhere in Nairobi, plus where and how their children go to school. We will give you numbers to text this info. If they don’t kill our people anymore, there will be peace but any more Kikuyu blood will be avenged, drop for drop, in the name of Dedan Kimathi.”

Even the reality is scary.

One of my staff could not report back to work last week because she had traveled upcountry and passenger vehicles require police escort for fear of attack by thugs who may want to kill some of the passengers or even the driver or just rob them. Driving out of Nairobi has become a dare devil stunt.

I have been told by a reliable source that leaflets are being circulated in certain areas directing Kikuyus and their related tribes (Merus, Embus and Kambas) to leave within a certain period or face death.

Our police heads tell us everything is alright. That we should not listen to claims about the revival of the ‘mungiki’ and we should not believe any text messages we receive.

I don’t feel reassured by the words of our police heads but what choice have I got? If I don’t ignore these threats, how can I get on with my life?

Our leaders are completely out of touch with the reality on the ground. It is time that Kenyans by and large come to a realization that our leaders are not part of us. The only real division that exists in Kenya is between THE LEADERS AND THE LED. What Kenyans need to protest against and take to the streets against is irresponsible leadership.

I am experiencing a true test of my faith in God. I have to keep reminding myself that God is in control and God knows my needs and He will take care of me and mine.

Dear God, if ever Kenya needed a miracle, now is the time. Please Lord, HELP US.

Chapter 82

2008-01-14T07:45:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 82

On the same day that I published my peace message, I received an email from someone who rubbished the message because in his view, my message was biased. My name is Njeri so of course, I favour Kibaki! On reading his email, which was not all bad I must say, it dawned on me what has actually been happening to Kikuyus around the country.

Immediately after President Kibaki’s ‘victory’ was declared, the criteria on which his enemies determined who his supporters were was a name, an accent or a tribe. There I was, an ODM supporter to death and someone just assumed that I was a PNU supporter because of my name. Thank goodness the guy was writing an email and not at my home armed with a panga and a box of matches!

I imagine that there must be some Kenyans who lost their lives and property and did not support either Kibaki or Raila as presumed by their assailants and probably did not even vote! How very sad! Even more saddening is that children, who did not vote and were as innocent as innocence itself lost their lives, homes and/or parents.

Do you see why I say that Kenyans are dining with the devil? The ability to victimize or kill someone solely because of his/her SUSPECTED political affiliation on the basis of a name, an accent or a tribe is not even human. Common sense is too good for that. Such an ability requires a blindness that only the devil can inflict. And going by the number of people in Kenya who have developed this ability, there is no doubt whatsoever in my mind that somewhere, in a leadership position in Kenya, the devil is sitting on a throne.

Oh God, the devil is in Kenya. May God use this country as an example of how the devil can be defeated.

Chapter 81

2008-01-14T07:42:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 81

I published a peace message to my fellow Kenyans in one of the daily newspapers on Saturday. What led me to do that is the fact that I, like many of my fellow Kenyans, feel trapped; held hostage by our leaders. We do not feel understood by our leaders.

I think that what Kenyans desperately need is something to unite them. I thought my message might arouse some sense of unity where there was none.

Below is the message I published:-

A PEACE MESSAGE TO MY FELLOW KENYANS

Before PNU and ODM came into our lives and cut a bloody line across our country, most of us believed that we were a united Nation. We thought that political parties are just that, parties. The bloodbath and looting of the last few weeks have however made it clear that political parties are not parties; they are dangerous associations. They have caused us to behave like savages and they have bred hatred and animosity in our communities.

They have also caused us to forget the one thing that has always united us as Kenyans: our belief in God.

Dear Kenyans, it is time that we all remember that there is a God and that we will be held accountable for our actions when we die. With or without the blood letting, death is a certainty for us all. We all, including our president, vice president, the newly appointed ministers and the opposition leaders, live by the grace of God. After death, there are no titles like president, minister for this or that, MP, leader of opposition, PNU supporter, ODM supporter, Kikuyu, Luo, Kalenjin, etc. We will all be judged by the same standards. And those standards are the commandments of God.

Honourable Raila Odinga reminded us during his campaign of one extremely important commandment: THOU SHALT NOT STEAL. Another important one is: THOU SHALT NOT KILL. Jesus said that the first great commandment is: YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND and the second great commandment is: YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR AS YOURSELF.

These commandments are clearly not in the minds of our leaders who call themselves Christians. The actions of our leaders are completely devoid of love for God or for each other or for the citizens of this country. The actions of Kenyans by and large are completely devoid of love for God and for each other. We have invited the devil into our country and given him a place of recognition. Kenyans have made selfishness the guiding factor in what they say and do.

My dear Kenyans, we cannot afford to underestimate the consequences of breaking God’s commandments and dining with the devil. The Bible has told us of the capabilities of God when He is brought to anger by His people. We are children of God, all of us, regardless of our tribe. God will destroy this country with all manner of natural disasters that we cannot even imagine. Last year, our country was threatened with earth tremors and even a tsunami at our coast. At that time, none of us cared about the political affiliations or tribe of our neighbours who were running out of their houses and office buildings with us. Is this what it will take for us to remember God’s commandments and start to love God first, love our neighbours and stop the killing and stealing?

The Bible says: SEEK YE FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS AND ALL THESE THINGS SHALL BE ADDED UNTO YOU. I appeal to all our leaders, in particular President Kibaki and Honourable Odinga and their advisers to immediately change their strategies in dealing with the calamity that has hit our country. This country is in urgent need of healing and your strategies must be aimed at uniting our nation with Love for one another. Selfishness must be stamped out of all negotiations taking place between your two groups and you must stop assuming that the Kenya you so want to rule will still be standing if you continue to break God’s commandments with impunity. You must also remember that nobody lives forever, death takes a second and I repeat that we all live by the Grace of God.

All Kenyans should know that whatever it is we are yearning for will be added unto us if we seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. We must all do the righteous thing by obeying God’s commandments if our country is to be saved. With God, anything is possible.

Fellow Kenyans, let us humble ourselves before God. Let us forget all political affiliations and tribal divisions. Let us obey God’s commandments and fear only God; not Raila or Kibaki or the killers and looters among us. God is almighty and all powerful. He is the giver of life and taker of it.

God bless you all and keep you safe.

With love,
Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
An extremely concerned Kenyan
The writer is an advocate of the High Court of Kenya.
nm@chunguza.com
njeri-nm.blogspot.com

Chapter 80

2008-01-09T07:36:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 80

Dear Kenyans,

Allow me this opportunity to add my voice to all those received from various corners of our nation and the world about what we need to do to restore peace to our nation.

I believe that our country is great; I believe that Kenyans are peace loving people; I believe that Kenyans are God fearing people; I believe that Kenyans are people who love people and I believe that God loves Kenyans.

Those of our Kenyan brothers and sisters who have been wreaking havoc in our country and causing untold suffering to hundreds and thousands of our brothers and sisters are only a few bad elements in our community. We can all agree that Kikuyus, Luos, Kalenjins and all other tribes in Kenya are generally good people. Only some and in fact very few are bad. There is therefore no reason whatsoever for us to capitalize on the bad instead of appreciating the good of our fellow Kenyans. Killing is wrong no matter the reason for it. Stealing is wrong, no matter the reason for it. Honourable Raila Odinga reminded us during his campaign that God has commanded us as follows: THOU SHALT NOT STEAL and THOU SHALT NOT KILL.

The 2007 general election was ridden with irregularities, all Kenyans whether supporters of PNU, ODM, ODM-K or any other party will agree with this position. The presidential race was between President Kibaki who won the election and Honourable Raila Odinga who lost the election according to the Electoral Commission of Kenya. Dubious as the win may have been, it has been declared and a president has been sworn in. Where do we go from here? These are my suggestions:

First, we must face the truth about the irregularities of the general election. The truth is this: that fairness, justice and truth were crucified during the general election. Save for the voters who faithfully turned up in large numbers to exercise their right, the crucifixion of fairness, justice and truth was done by all others who participated in the election regardless of their affiliations. In the circumstances, PNU claiming to have gained victory can be likened to those who crucified Jesus (who stood for fairness, justice and truth) claiming to have gained victory. No doubt the crucifiers of Jesus felt victorious after the crucifixion but in time, they came to realize that they had actually lost. ODM claiming to have been treated unfairly despite allegations of rigging on their side can be likened to Jacob who tricked his generous host and uncle Laban by quietly stealing from Laban and feigning surprise when Laban’s sons became hostile towards him forcing him to flee. There was no victory in the past general election. Kenyans are disillusioned about the democracy of this country and are looking to their leaders to restore unity among them. I humbly appeal to our government to urgently look into ways of assuring Kenyans that the 2012 election will be a free and fair one. To this end, ECK must undergo an emergency purge and new laws must be passed to regulate campaigns and seal the loop holes that enable rigging to be done.

Second, ODM and its supporters, of whom I was one during the general election, must, no matter how difficult that may be, accept defeat for the sake of restoring peace in our country. It is not that I do not support ODM any more. It is that the current political climate we are in does not permit taking of sides against my fellow Kenyans. It requires a spirited search for anything that can unite us. Our leader, Honourable Raila Odinga said that he is a Christian and at this time, we ought to put our political interests second to our spiritual interests and follow God's direction to SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS. The righteous thing to do in my view is to accept defeat and by accepting defeat, ODM and its supporters will have shown an unmatched ability to forgive. Something we can all be proud of. Like Esau when he forgave his brother Jacob for stealing his blessings. Something Jacob could never reverse. We must remember that leadership is God given and if it was God’s will that Honourable Raila should be our president after the 2007 general election, it would have been so no matter the irregularities. It is not so. Why? God Knows. And we should thank God that the recent deaths and suffering have not occurred during an ODM presidency. There is a time for everything, God is fair and just and therefore, ODM’s time will come. When that time comes, which I believe will be soon if we do the righteous thing, it will be a time to celebrate a real victory. At this time, there can never be any real victory even in unseating President Kibaki. Any more fighting will only add salt to the gaping wounds that have been inflicted in our country. The Bible is riddled with numerous Kings who committed heinous crimes, yet God allowed them to rule but they all met their fate in the fullness of time. If we seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, God has promised that all these things (including the presidency) shall be added unto us. Let us not underestimate the power of God and what He can do in a situation like the one we are in. We must remember that all of us live by the Grace of God and in death, there are no such titles as president or minister for this and minister for that. There are also no motorcades and all the privileges that come with power. At the door of Heaven, God will want to know whether we chose the righteous victory of forgiveness and reconciliation and peace or the human victory of the presidency.

Third, each and every Kenyan must accept that tribalism and poverty are the primary causes of the anarchy and mayhem that our country has suffered. And in doing so, we must all immediately stop engaging in any discussions that encourage tribal divisions. Don’t allow yourself to say anything negative about your fellow Kenyans. You may condemn those who are perpetrating violence but it is wrong to blame an entire tribe for the wrong doings of only a few. Any change starts with an individual. Let us all shun tribalism. I humbly appeal to our government to urgently put in place measures to counter poverty and divert the attentions of the poor away from criminality. On the part of the rich, I urge you to reach out to our poor and if possible direct your investments to ventures that will create jobs not fat offshore bank accounts.

Fourth, we must all remember to fear God and in so doing, we must obey God’s commandments the most important of which is to LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF. I urge our leaders to take the lead and I humbly appeal to President Kibaki and Honourable Raila to shake hands on national television or even better, jointly call a rally to condemn the violence and preach peace to their fellow Kenyans.

Fifth, let us all pray for our country and for our leaders and let God be the president of each of us.

Sixth, know that each and every one of us can be a leader in his/her own way and let us all take the lead in bringing peace to our country the best way we know how.

Yours in fairness, justice and truth,
Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
An extremely concerned Kenyan

Chapter 79

2008-01-05T10:11:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta
Chapter 79

Prayer is a powerful thing.

After a long session of prayer and meditation, I was reminded of the letter I had reproduced in chapter 41. The one I received from the guy who advised me to vote for Kibaki so that I can be closer to God. I marveled at how right that guy was. The beginning of Kibaki’s second term in office is probably the most prayerful time for Kenya since independence. We have seen barbaric killings, mindless hooliganism, displacement of thousands from their homes and our freedom of movement has been greatly curtailed. Tomorrow has been dedicated as a prayer day for the country. I have been praying for our country every day and have come to understand the meaning of the words “praying without ceasing”. I pray just before I sleep, I pray when I wake up, I pray when having my meals, I pray when carrying out household chores, I pray while driving, I pray while writing, ……… I am finding myself praying 24/7 just like that guy predicted!

As for Kibaki not knowing what love is, that has been proved without a shadow of a doubt from the time he was sworn into office until now. Despite being the president of all Kenyans, he has not left State House even once to go and visit the devastated parts of the country and join with his citizens in mourning.

I had thought that I cannot accept Kibaki as my president but I have changed my mind on that. I think that Kibaki is the best president any opposition supporter can have. If my faith in the democracy of our country was a glass, Kibaki went and smashed it to smitherines against a brick wall. And that is actually a very good thing for him to have done. I have learnt that being exposed to evil is a good thing. This is because, as I had earlier concluded, attaching ourselves to the things of this world will distract us from finding our purpose in life. But when one is exposed to evil, s/he is repulsed by the world and thus prevented from attaching himself/herself to the things of this world.

I have discovered that I was so attached to the political situation in my country that I had forgotten about finding my missing ‘something’. I was busy analyzing the actions of our politicians and dreaming of a perfect Kenya and what I needed to do to attain it. My goal in life had shifted from being the perfect daughter in God’s eyes to making for myself a perfect home in this world. I am extremely grateful to Kibaki for helping me realize that my destination is not Canaan; it is Heaven. Previously I was imagining that if Kenya became Canaan, I would be at home. I had not realized that Canaan is not Heaven and Heaven is unattainable on earth since everything in this world, good or bad, must come to an end when we die.

That simple prayer I recommended for all Kenyans has reminded me that I cannot change people. Something I seem to have forgotten somewhere along the way. I cannot change Kibaki and his friends and God has granted me the serenity to accept that. I can however change my understanding of their actions and instead of being resentful and angry at what they have done, I have understood the lesson that their actions were meant to reveal to me.

I repeat that everything happens for a reason and I can now confidently add that everything, good or bad, happens for a good reason. Changing my attitude towards Kibaki and his friends was a very difficult task. I was basking in the anger, disappointment, resentment, disgust and all related emotions that their actions had invoked in me. I thoroughly enjoyed all criticism of their actions and revelations of how they reeked of amateurism. God granted me the courage to change my attitude and now, to my surprise, I can actually appreciate the role of Kibaki in my life. I am a little wiser now on how to tell the difference between the things I can and cannot change. God granted me that wisdom. I once saw a sticker with the words: “If you cannot change something, change the way you think about it.” How true!

No-one in Kenya is happy with the situation we are in. The happiness that those who voted for Kibaki expected to feel when he won the election was completely obliterated by the agony and pain of the repercussions.

Let us all endeavour to find ways and means of accepting what has happened, learning from it, helping each other rebuild what has been damaged and getting on with our lives. Love will save the day. Let us try as much as possible to love each other and dismiss all tendencies to judge each other.

Oh God of all creation, bless this our land and nation, justice be our shield and defender, may we dwell in unity, peace and liberty, plenty be found within our borders.

Chapter 78

2008-01-03T21:15:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling

By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 78

A friend of mine once bought me a plaque containing a prayer which I highly recommend for all Kenyans:-

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.”

Let us all join together and pray that God will guide us on what actions can and cannot solve the crisis we are in and prevent it from turning into a catastrophe.

Chapter 77

2008-01-03T03:01:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 77

Letting go of power is an extremely difficult thing as has been very ably demonstrated by our president. Kenya is in chaos and our president has not uttered even one word about what is going on. The last we heard from him was a new year message assuring us that he is the president of us all. Is he really? Not even a condolence message surely?

The point which everyone I listen to on tv and radio are missing is that both those who are fighting as well as the victims of the fighting are united by one thing. Our president. Yet, our president is nowhere to be seen! He is speaking to us through supporters of his political party some of whom were voted out during the last general election. Why can he not just come out and talk to his people and listen to what their grievances are? For those who are crying for Raila, he should ask them what it is they think Raila can do for them that Kibaki cant and assure them that he can do it. For those who are supporting him, assure them of their safety. Our president cannot think of such a simple thing because he is in reality not the president of Kenyans. As is clear from what his agents are saying, those who are causing mayhem are supporters of the opposition party and therefore the leaders of the opposition party are the ones responsible for the actions of those people. How can this be when we have a president in power? The supporters of the opposition party are Kenyans and their president is Kibaki not Raila or Kalonzo or Ruto.

I hear people saying that the youth are being misused by politicians to cause mayhem. This to me is based on an erroneous presumption that those youths have something better to do than be involved in the protests.

I believe that everything that happens in our lives, happens for a reason. That reason is a lesson that needs to be learned. Whenever I am faced with a difficult challenge or a crisis in my life, I know that the only way to get out of that situation is to search for the lesson which I am required to learn. In the crisis facing our country, there are two lessons that Kenyans are required to learn:

The first lesson is that normal life in Kenya for majority of our population which is poor is not peaceful and happy. Majority of Kenyans who are the ones we are watching on our television screens protesting and killing each other are unemployed, hungry and battered people. Telling them to go back to normal life is a ridiculous request. Those of us who have jobs and enough money to put a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs should use this experience to learn what those statistics telling us how poor Kenyans are really mean. We need to appreciate that what we have always regarded to be normal life is actually a life of misery for most of our brothers and sisters. It is only once we have appreciated this fact that we can understand what the “change” that the Kenyan people are looking for really means. It means that poverty must be made a first priority by our government, something Kibaki’s government has never realized and something that the poor do not believe Kibaki will ever be able to understand. I say this because Kibaki’s government’s policies during the last five years were based on finding out what the needs of the rich are and satisfying them assuming that taking care of the needs of the rich automatically takes care of the needs of the poor. In fact, our government’s policies should be based on finding out what the needs of the poor are and satisfying them. Giving the poor spending power automatically takes care of the needs of the rich who supply the poor with what to spend on.

The fact that Kibaki, as communicated through his agents, does not regard the protesters to be his people and sees them as supporters of the opposition is sufficient evidence of why the protesters are aggrieved. How can we unite as a country if our president is perceived and behaves as a president of the rich or perceived rich? How can we unite as a people when the minority who control the resources of the country cannot understand that the anxiety and despair they are experiencing with the boredom and the inability to go to work and to leave their houses is what normal life really means for majority of Kenyans?

The second and most important lesson that Kenyans need to learn is how to tell the difference between good and evil. Everyone in our country now knows without a shadow of a doubt that the swearing in of the president was premature and illegal because the chairman of the Electoral Commission has made a damning admission that he did not know whether Kibaki actually won the election. He has also stated that the original records for the vote tallying have been tampered with making a re-tallying of the votes impossible. Once everyone agrees on that point, two divergent views then arise:

One group says that the irregular vote tallying process is now irrelevant because there is no legal provision by which a rectification of the process can be made. They advise those who are aggrieved to accept the result and if they deem it advisable, go to court to have their grievances addressed. This group is unable to see that the irregularities of the vote tallying process are the cause of the protests and killings going on. They say that the protests and killings are a result of incitement by opposition politicians.

The other group has refused to accept the president and insists on the elections being repeated. They say that the protests and killings are a result of the confirmed irregularities in the tallying of the presidential votes.

How can one tell which of these positions is the position of good and which one is the position of evil? This puzzle has been documented in the Bible when the Pharoah of Egypt was faced with the demand by Moses that he should let the children of Israel go. The only means by which Moses was able to convince the Pharaoh to accede to his demand was by performing miracles. Initially, the miracles that Moses performed could be replicated by the Pharoah’s own wise men and were therefore not convincing. It was only after the Egyptians had suffered ten plagues which left the country on its knees that the Pharoah finally acceded to Moses’ demand. When the eighth plague of locusts was unleashed on the Egyptian people, Pharoah’s advisers begged him to let the Israelites go telling him that the country was destroyed but he refused to listen. The Pharoah’s own people were plagued by: waters turning into blood and the people having to dig around the river for water, frogs, lice, flies, diseased livestock, boils, hail, locusts, darkness and finally the death of all their firstborns. The Pharoah repeatedly deceived Moses that he would let the Israelites go if Moses prayed to God to take away the plagues but once the plagues were taken away, he would renege on his promise. The amazing thing is that even after the Pharoah finally let the children of Israel go, he pursued them to the Red Sea. Good prevailed over evil and the Israelites managed to free themselves from slavery.

To me, Kibaki is in exactly the same position as the Pharoah of Egypt. The poor in Kenya are demanding that Kibaki should let them free to determine their own destinies because just like the Pharaoh of Egypt could not understand that slavery is not the destiny of the children of Israel, Kibaki cannot understand that poverty is not the destiny of the citizens of Kenya. The poor in Kenya are so poor they might as well be regarded as slaves. Labour in Kenya is so cheap its amazing how people survive on the low wages they are paid. Employment law in Kenya does very little to safeguard the interests of the employees. The Pharoah was willing to sacrifice the lives of his own people to retain the Israelites in slavery, just like Kibaki is sacrificing the lives of Kenyans to retain his position as president.

As a Kenyan, I am wondering whether I should side with the group that is asking us to accept Kibaki and get on with our lives or the one insisting that the election must be re-done. At this point in time, the president I voted for is irrelevant. I want to know how to bring peace to our country, how to unite Kenyans, how to resolve the impasse between our leaders. God is Love and Love is acting in the best interests of others and disregarding your own interests if necessary. Jesus commanded us to love our neighbours as we love ourselves and to put God first in everything that we do.

Is it good for me to ignore the cries of the protesters that their right to a free and fair election has been violated? Is it good for me to ask the protesters to take their protests to court when I know so well how corrupt our courts are? Is it good for me to lie to the poor and pretend that Kibaki cares about them when I know so well that if he cared about them, he, as the president, would have at least said or done something about the protests and killings we are experiencing by now?

The choice we have now as Kenyans is not between Raila, Kibaki or Kalonzo anymore. The choice we have is whether to accept Kibaki as our president. I cannot accept him. To me, Kibaki is the reason for the crisis we are in.

In my view therefore, to resolve the crisis we are facing, we must have a fresh presidential election done as soon as possible when we can choose from the group of candidates who we are presented with.

This crisis Kenya is facing will not be resolved until such time as we can all learn the lessons it has brought to us. Perhaps the lessons are more than appreciating the plight of our poor and learning to tell the difference between good and evil. What we all need to do is to think deeply about this crisis and find ways and means of communicating with each other and finding a middle ground to stand on together as one nation.

Thankfully, nothing, whether good or bad, lasts forever. This crisis will end some day, hopefully sooner than later. Is it possible that our country will find a lasting solution to this crisis and we shall get ourselves a leader who is truly a president of all Kenyans?

If you ask me, I would say that is IMPOSSIBLE. Is anything really possible with God? I am praying that God will show me that even this is possible.

Chapter 76

2007-12-31T15:05:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 76

Election results were announced and a hurried swearing-in ceremony carried out under a dark cloud of vote rigging. All hell broke loose thereafter. Violent protests and riots and killings have been the order of the day all across the country as the supporters of the loser have taken to the streets on a rampage claiming their ‘right’. We have been under siege in our houses. There is no telling how long we will remain in this calamity. Going by the examples of our neighbouring countries, there is a real risk that our country could descend into tribal wars.

Who is responsible for what is happening to our country?

For those who support Kibaki’s presidency, it is time to accept the election result and get on with normal life. This is quite amazing. If in fact Kibaki is the winner, why is it so difficult for him and his supporters to agree to revisit the issue of irregularities in the vote tallying which have been confirmed by four Commissioners of the Electoral Commission as well as the European Community observers?

Is this too much a price to ask for the restoration of confidence in the democracy of our country? If presidents can be declared winners despite irregularities in the vote tallying, why vote? This is too big a loop hole in denying people the leader of their choice. If we accept the president’s victory based on a dubious vote tallying process, what can we expect for the future of our country? How many more dubious processes will we be subjected to in the next five years and beyond?

Have we been disenfranchised? Yes, because no-one in the world can say with any sense of confidence that the president of our country was democratically elected into office. Those who do not accept the election result have been asked to go to court. This is absolutely ridiculous when Kenya is known the world over for its extremely high levels of corruption to which the judiciary is not immune.

In response to the violence, riots and killings plaguing our country, the government and its supporters have stated that the losers are to blame because those perpetrating the violence, riots and killings are their supporters. The irony of this statement is that when our president was sworn in, he clearly stated that he would be a president of all Kenyans. If he is the president of all Kenyans shouldn’t he take responsibility for what is happening to our country? If the losers are to blame for the unrest, why have they not been arrested? Already, blame for the wrongs that are happening in our country has started being shifted away from the president, the Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces, just like it was in the last five years of his presidency. Every day in the last few months our president was out there among the people holding rallies to plead with Kenyans all over the country to vote for him. Now that he has been declared president, he sees no need to step out again and plead with Kenyans to stop killing each other. Somehow, that has become exclusively the job of the losers, religious leaders and peace-keepers. The president is a statesman and expecting him to step out into the same communities he was pleading with for votes and now plead with them to stop the bloodshed would reduce him to a village chieftain. He is now the president and he belongs in an ivory tower somewhere up in the sky away from the populace, busy formulating policy for the economic development of his country.

Am I missing something here? Yes, I am. I am missing a vital presumption on which electoral processes the world over are based. That vote rigging is inevitable and even the losers have done it. Rigging is stealing. Steal all you like as long as you don’t get caught. Rig all you can as long as you can get away with it. Don’t you see? The competition in elections is not who can garner the most votes. Nooooooooo. That’s not it. It is who possesses the best rigging skills to get himself the most votes. The best rigger wins. And by the way, the rigging is not limited to tampering with ballot boxes and documents. If bribing or arm twisting officers of the electoral commission becomes necessary and they are responsive to your advances, don’t let the guilt of your actions stop you. Get yourself into power by any means necessary. Those words were contained in a statement made by our Minister for Defence before the elections in which he was voted out of his constituency. At that time I did not understand what he actually meant. Now I can see clearly what he meant.

The president and his men are entitled to get away with the irregularities in the vote tallying process because it is not the president’s responsibility to tally the votes, it is the electoral commission’s responsibility. If the electoral commission has deemed it fit to declare a president despite the irregularities, so be it. The Electoral Commission has stated that although the irregularities do exist, the irregularities are not its responsibility. They are the responsibility of the courts. Most likely, at the courts, the judges in their judgment will dismiss the petition claiming that the responsibility lies elsewhere and it is too late to do anything because the president has already been sworn in. Brilliant buck-passing I must say.

What is the corner stone of democracy? Transparency and fairness. In the absence of transparency and fairness, only dictatorship exists. It is important to note that the president’s 20 cabinet ministers were voted out of their constituencies and the majority seats in parliament are held by members of the opposition party. It is obvious that the people of Kenya countrywide were using their votes to protest against the government. In the span of a few days, and by the refusal of our leaders to safeguard the integrity of the vote tallying process, a democracy is creeping towards a dictatorship.

Selfishness will not allow our president to take responsibility for what has happened. The truth has been hidden away. Freedom has been curtailed. Only one man can save the day. Only the president can save the day. He has two choices:-

1. He can choose to take time out and think deeply about what has occurred, let passion guide his actions so that he may take responsibility for the unrest and act in the best interests of others disregarding his own selfish interests. He can choose to love his neighbour as himself and do unto others as he would like done to him. He can let the truth be revealed so that it can set him free.

OR

2. He can choose to think shallow about what has occurred, refuse to follow his passion and refuse to take responsibility for the unrest thereby exposing himself to the consequences of breaking God’s commandments that Thou shalt not steal and Thou shalt not kill.

Can our president really choose the righteous way? If you ask me, I would say that is IMPOSSIBLE. The selfishness in his heart and the hearts of those around him has them all blinded to the grave injustice that has been meted out to their brethren and their responsibility for it. They are experiencing spiritual warfare and losing the battle by allowing selfishness to win over their passion.

The selfishness of our leaders is a Goliath of unimaginable proportions. Can this Goliath be slayed? Where is David and his catapult? Is anything really possible with God? I am praying that God will show me that even this is possible.

Chapter 75

2007-12-29T18:01:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 75

The first unimaginable thing I decided to do was to vote for the Luo presidential candidate instead of the Kikuyu one in this year’s general elections. The reason such an action is unimaginable can only be understood by a Kikuyu. Among the Kikuyu there is a saying that ‘you stick with your own’. According to the Kikuyu, your own means a Kikuyu. Other tribes are not your own unless you are fighting against another country. Even then, I think that if the Kikuyus were not under any threat, they would easily join the enemy in the hope that the other tribes would be obliterated and they could be left as the only tribe in Kenya.

Throughout Kenya, all Kikuyus were determined to vote and prevent the tragic occurrence of an uncircumcised jaluo, otherwise referred to by the derogatory term ‘kihee’ becoming their president. If as a Kikuyu you dared to support the Luo candidate, you were regarded a traitor. Through my interaction with my fellow Kikuyus, I came to realize that the Kikuyus believe themselves to be a superior tribe to other tribes in Kenya. They believe that they are an intelligent, enterprising, peace loving and civilized people while the other tribes, especially the Luos are a bunch of empty headed trouble makers who just happen to excel in academics on account of consuming too much fish.

The tribal slurs and superior talk when discussing politics in a gathering of Kikuyus left me in dismay. I am married to a Luo but as I understand it, my husband is an exception to the rule. Generally speaking, Luos cannot compare to Kikuyus in quality . Kikuyus are the majority tribe in Kenya and that in itself places them a notch above the rest. If you visit Kenya, you will realize that Central Province, a predominantly Kikuyu area, is a far much more developed area than the rest of Kenya. The reason for this was told to us on a television interview when a Luhya man representing the Kikuyu president’s interest in Western Province stated that while the Kikuyus were busy working hard, the rest of the tribes were busy idling around and making trouble. I could not believe that the person from whose mouth those words came was actually referring to himself as a busybody. The unequal development of parts of the country apparently has nothing to do with unequal distribution of government resources. It is the ability of the Kikuyus that has put them ahead of the rest.

Surprisingly, Kikuyus do not agree with the theory that white people are superior to black people and anyone advocating such a theory is a racist whose ideas are completely unacceptable in this day and age. The reason why countries ruled by white people are exceedingly more developed than those ruled by black people is definitely not that the white people are a more intelligent, enterprising, peace loving and civilized people than the blacks.

What do racists, tribalists and chauvinists have in common? It is a fear of becoming irrelevant. When a person decides to attack another based on his/her race, tribe or sex, it must be presumed that the attacker is superior to the attacked therefore the attacker has a God given right to dominate the attacked. The Kikuyu are superior to all other tribes in Kenya and therefore they have a God given right to dominate the other tribes and retain leadership exclusively within their community. Never again will power be allowed to leave the hands of the Kikuyu.

Kenya has no policy of segregation. Kikuyus live in close proximity with all other tribes. They share the same roads, the same supermarkets, the same fuel stations, the same restaurants, the same schools; there are no special privileges derived from the fact that our president is a Kikuyu. However, only a Kikuyu can associate himself or herself with the president. The fact that our president is a Kikuyu is an achievement for any Kikuyu comparing himself/herself with someone from a different tribe. For instance, if a Kikuyu meets a person from another tribe who has done reasonably well, bought a house, drives a nice car, is happily married with beautiful children and the Kikuyu feels envious of that person, the fact that the president is a Kikuyu will serve to diminish all the personal achievements of that person and relegate him to an inferior position to the Kikuyu. The reason for this is that the ability to lead a country is not something anyone from any other tribe can claim to possess. As it is, the Kalenjin president proved this point without a shadow of a doubt. If there have been any failures by the Kikuyu presidents, those failures are inevitable as can be seen all over the world and it is not the president who should be blamed for them. It is the people around him and those who he has employed in his cabinet.

The fear of becoming irrelevant feeds on an inability to deal with personal insecurities. If the personal insecurities were themselves addressed, the need to dominate and thus gain relevance would not arise. The inability to deal with personal insecurities does not allow a reasoned assessment of the respective positions of individuals. A male chauvinist believes that he is superior to a woman regardless of the woman’s achievements. A racist believes that s/he is superior to a person of another race regardless of that person’s achievements. A tribalist believes that s/he is superior to a person of another tribe regardless of that person’s achievements.

The inability to respond sensibly to a leadership challenge by a person from another tribe is plaguing the leadership of our country. From the campaign strategy adopted to the exposure to allegations of vote rigging, it is clear that no reasoned assessment of the challenge made against our leadership has ever been made. The assessment has been driven by and based solely on the belief that the Kikuyu are superior to the Luo and a Luo cannot be possessed of the ability to unseat a Kikuyu president. The irony of all this is that going back 5 years ago to the time the Kikuyu president came to power, it is clear that were it not for the Luo challenger, the Kikuyu president would never have been able to defeat the incumbent’s choice.

Today is the third day since we voted. Results of the elections have been trickling in through official channels but have been unofficially released by the press and media. As far as civic and parliamentary elections are concerned, the two sources of information are at par. However, the presidential votes are differing seriously and civil unrest is beginning to show its ugly head in many parts of the country. Resentment against the Kikuyu has been aroused among other tribes and there is no telling what will happen once the Kikuyu president is declared winner of the elections.

If you ask me, I would say that it is IMPOSSIBLE to convince the Kikuyu that a Luo can rule Kenya and bring desirable change which will benefit even the Kikuyu. The tribalism of the Kikuyu is a Goliath of unimaginable proportions.

I voted in Kiambu. A Kikuyu area. While standing in line to vote, I experienced a feeling of deep sadness as I listened to the tribal remarks being made against my candidate. Daring to say anything in his defence would have been a fatal action. I associated the feeling I got to what my dad must have felt when he got onto a golf course to play at a time when golf was exclusively a white man’s game during colonial times. The effect of racism and tribalism on an individual is the same.

Can the Goliath be slayed? Is anything really possible with God? I am praying that God will show me that even this is possible.

Chapter 74

2007-12-10T11:13:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 74

My relationship with the Christian God was faltering. I asked myself why it is that no-one I know thinks like me and I thought that perhaps I am in the wrong religion. Perhaps I belong in scientology where life is analyzed scientifically. Scientologists would probably be more willing to understand my theory of spiritual identities than Christians.

If God is Love, why can’t the devil be selfishness? If God is Love and I am created in His image, why can’t I be Hope? Only a Christian can explain the difference in these concepts, if there is any.

I have been examining my relationship with God and wondering whether it is a good relationship or a bad one. How do you tell if you are in a good or bad relationship?

I was fearing that I was about to break up with God for the second time. My fear was derived from the fact that a relationship which results in people breaking up and getting back together again repeatedly cannot be a good one. Before deciding whether or not to break up with the Christian God, I had to find out whether my relationship with Him was good or bad because I knew that whatever I decided would affect my life in a serious way.

I decided to examine the relationships I have with people in my life which I consider to be good relationships. Of course my relationship with my husband was one of them but the fact of chemistry and attraction made that relationship unsuitable for a proper comparison with the one I have with God. After racking my brain for a while, I found just the right relationship to examine.

I have a partner in my law firm. He is a Kenyan of Indian origin and runs his own law firm in a different city. I hooked up with my partner about the same time as I hooked up with my husband. We started our partnership in July and I got married in August of the same year. I am not a racist or a tribalist. I love a variety of people in my life. I am a Kikuyu married to a Luo and partnering with an Indian-Kenyan. I believe that variety is the spice of life.

The relationship I have had with my partner has undoubtedly been a good one but I have never stopped to wonder why it has been good. I looked at the good things about our relationship and realized that distance helps us give each other space so that our levels of responsibility in the firm vary significantly. Just like my relationship with God. I am the one here in this life doing all the living while God is at a distance allowing me the freedom to think but giving me the assurance that I can call on Him. My partner is there when I need him otherwise he is busy doing his own things. The fact that we were not intending to work in the same office was a big plus towards us deciding to become partners. It was a partnership of convenience. Coincidentally, he was looking to open an office in Nairobi at about the same time I had had enough of employment. Our needs converged and we seemed to agree on what it was that we wanted. Another coincidence in our lives is that my partner and my daughter were both born on a Monday 30th October in the morning albeit several decades apart in years.

I can confidently say that my relationship with my partner has improved both our lives immensely. Everything has just seemed to fall into place with us both accepting our roles as if we were born to play them and our expectations have been greatly exceeded.
Am quite certain that any astrologer would confirm that the year 2003 when I got married and partnered up was a lucky relationship year for me.

My relationship with my partner has confirmed to me that the essence of a good relationship is maturity. A relationship in which you are able to deal with conflicts and disagreements in a mature manner and which leaves you feeling more grown up than before you entered into it is undoubtedly a good relationship. A bad relationship is one in which you are unable to resolve a conflict or disagreement in a mature manner and which leaves you feeling vengeful and bitter.

Is my relationship with God a good one or a bad one? Do I feel more mature now than I did when I entered into my relationship with God? Unfortunately for me, the answer is an obvious yes. I definitely feel more mature in a spiritual sense and I would not want to let go of that maturity. Starting afresh is not an attractive option but running away from the relationship in order to satisfy my doubts and seemingly free myself from the burden of trying to understand who I am and where my life is headed is an appealing option.

I am tired of thinking about my life. I wish I could just go back to being a floater. I now know the true meaning of the saying that ‘ignorance is bliss’. Knowing God is absolutely not the work of an ignorant person as philosophy would have us believe. Unlike any other type of knowledge, the knowledge of God tests the human mind to its limits and beyond.

I have now reached a stage on my journey where I have realized that I must let go of conventional thinking and let my imagination take me as far into the spiritual world of imagination as I dare to go. With my Bible in my hand and God leading the way, I guess I will succeed.

Conquering your doubts at this level of enlightenment is no easy task. I must keep reminding myself that death is inevitable and my final goal is to get to Heaven. A goal that I have set my mind clearly on.

Christians are always saying that with God ANYTHING is possible. So I have decided to let myself go for the unimaginable and let God show me how possible anything really is with Him.

Chapter 73

2007-12-09T11:38:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 73

I am amazed by Christians. Christians are people who will tell you, without batting an eyelid that:-

1. There is a Being called God who created us all.

2. There is only one God, the Christian God.

3. There is a devil called Satan. Satan was an angel of God who rebelled.

4. Of the things you can see, they claim that all those things were created before man and man was given power over those things.

5. Of women, they claim that woman was created after man, from a man’s rib but man is superior to woman. You would have thought that woman having been created after man, would be superior to man just like man is superior to all that was created before him!

6. A man called Moses who lived a long time ago split the red sea into two by touching it with his shepherd’s staff.

7. A man called Daniel was thrown into a lions den and into burning fire and came out unscathed because God sent an angel to guard over him.

8. A virgin got pregnant.

9. The virgin gave birth to a boy who is the Son of God.

10. The Son of God rose from the dead.

11. The Son of God saved us from sin.

12. Even though the Son of God was a Jew, he came to save all people of the world and not just the Jews alone. I am a Kenyan woman and yet I am supposed to believe that the Son of my God came to earth as a Jewish man.

These are just some of the unbelievable stuff you get from Christians and they expect you to believe it without proof. They also tell you that if you ask Jesus into your heart, you will be saved from sin. Asking Jesus into your heart entails saying a prayer to that effect and meaning those words when you say them and believing that what you are saying is possible. If you do that, your life will change wonderfully, your sins will be washed away by the blood of the lamb and you will be white as snow!

Obviously Christianity is all about the supernatural. It deals with matters that are completely outside the realm of the world we live in.

The question is: how do Christians determine what is true and what is not since everything they believe in is truly all in their imaginations?

If you tell them that there is such a thing as reincarnation, they say no way, yet they believe in rising from the dead when Jesus comes again.

I think that Christians interpret the Bible too literally. The words of the Bible are not meant to be taken and made to fit into our lives. Our lives are meant to be changed by the words of the Bible. We Christians take the Bible and literally apply it to our lives as if what it talks about is real life yet the Bible talks about spiritual concepts.

There is a limit to how far our imaginations can take us and the limit is the Bible. The Bible is the reference book when it comes to understanding God and the supernatural.

I have written about spiritual identities and been criticized for it as not being in conformity with what Christians believe. I wrote that the spiritual identity of Jesus is passion. Does the Bible talk about spiritual identities AT ALL?

Of course it does! Does the Bible say that GOD IS LOVE? What is love? Is it not a spiritual identity? If God is love, and Jesus is passion, and the Bible tells us that Jesus is the way the truth and the life and no-one goes to the Father except through him, doesn’t that mean that without passion, you cannot find love? And is that not a fact of life?

Is it easier to believe that Jesus is the Son of God than it is to believe that Jesus is passion?

I think that a passion filled life is a life with Jesus. And spiritual identities are essential to a greater understanding of God.

Jesus said that if you have faith the size of a miniscule mustard seed, you can move a mountain. I am yet to hear of someone who has moved a mountain by faith alone. Does that not tell us Christians that we might be going wrong in our understanding of Jesus and who He really is?

If I will ever find my missing ‘something’, I must be willing to see things differently and to find logic in Christianity so that I can find a means to apply Christianity into my life as the spiritual being that I am, created in the image of a spiritual being identified as Love.

Chapter 72

2007-12-03T11:15:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 72

Today I discovered something very interesting that left me more enlightened than anything else I had thought of previously.

I came to a realization that whereas intellectual growth teaches us new things about ourselves and our world, there is nothing new in spiritual growth. Spiritual growth is about learning the obvious about your life. It is about learning simple truths which surprise you by how obvious they are and make you wonder why you could not have seen them before you took the time to think about them.

I had been asking myself for a few days why it is that we break God’s commandments with such impunity that they have become almost meaningless. The answer I got to this seemingly complicated question was a very simple one. We break God’s commandments with impunity because we do not think about the devil. In all honesty, I do not remember a time when a thought of the devil has actually registered in my mind and been assessed for longer than a few seconds. I realized that I think about God several million more times than I think about the devil. In fact, it seems that I am afraid to take time to think about the devil. Almost as if I think that thinking about the devil will cause something evil to happen to me.

Does the devil deserve serious consideration in our lives? Could not thinking about the devil prevent me from finding my missing ‘something’? The answer to these questions is a big YES!

Why is it important to think about the devil? About Satan? Because he is the reason why you break God’s commandments and he plays a vital role in preventing you from following Jesus.

But how can one take time out to think about the devil? It does not seem to matter whether or not you believe in the devil. It is the belief in God that matters. The devil is such a despicable character, thinking about him makes me feel like I am polluting my mind. It took me a long time to find a way of convincing my mind to accommodate any thought of the devil for longer than a few seconds.

Questions were many in my mind. What do you call a person who believes in the devil or one who doesn’t? Is a person who believes in the devil called a Christian? Is one who does not believe in the devil called an atheist?

I could not run away from the fact that as a Christian, I have to accept the role of the devil in my life. Accepting the devil as part of my life was like accepting that I was infected by a life threatening illness like HIV and I did not want to think of telling anyone about the devil’s role in my life. People are always testifying about what Jesus has done in their lives and declaring how great and wonderful Jesus is. I have never some across a person who has testified about what the devil has done in their lives. We all assume that when we are breaking God’s commandments, we are acting on our own volition in the absence of God. We think that it is our choice to sin. Is it really our choice? Are we not inherently sinful? Is it not true that when we sin, we are choosing to follow the devil? I think so.

I think that in this life, we do not truly have free choice. We are not free to choose for ourselves. Our choices are influenced either by the devil or by God. Never by ourselves.

To enable me to think about the devil and ensure that I recognize his presence in my life at all times in an effort to avoid his influences and act in accordance with God’s commandments, I went back to the concept of spiritual identities. In considering the question of the devil, I came to a fuller understanding of the importance of spiritual identities. If Jesus is passion, what is the devil’s spiritual identity? It’s a simple truth, an obvious one that surprised me and made me wonder why I did not recognize the devil before in my life. The devil is SELFISHNESS.

Money is definitely not the root to all evil. Whoever said that was thinking shallow. Money is a thing, it cannot cause us to do anything. It goes without saying that indeed, the devil is the root to all evil. Selfishness is the root to all evil. What was making me refuse to give way in traffic or in the lifts? What makes me refuse to give when an opportunity presents itself? What was making me refuse to forgive or to believe in God? It was selfishness. How? Selfishness was making me love myself more than others.

Passion makes you act in the best interests of others while Selfishness makes you act only in your own best interests.

The source of jealousy, envy, hate, hardheartedness, pride, fear, all the demons that prevent us from finding our trees of life and pursuing our passions is selfishness. I have decided to turn away from selfishness as much as I possibly can. I have come to a realization of how powerful the devil really is. Selfishness is a formidable force to reckon with. If you take the time to think deeply about the devil, you will realize (like I have) that everything unpleasant in your life has been brought about by selfishness i.e. acting only in your own best interests.

You will also realize that resisting selfishness and choosing to follow your passion is what spiritual warfare is all about.

A simple obvious truth.

Chapter 71

2007-11-18T11:37:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 71

What do you really want in life? Someone told me the other day that we all want money. That’s all everybody wants. Money.

I disagreed strongly. Nobody wants money. We all need money but no-one wants money. The only thing ALL of us want is to be ACCEPTED by ourselves. That’s all! Sounds silly doesn’t it? Its true. Think about it. What do you want? You just want to accept who you are and get on with your life. What others think about you is irrelevant because you are the only one who knows who you really are.

It is in trying to accept ourselves that we deceive ourselves about what we really want. Money is a means of achieving the status that one thinks s/he requires in order to accept himself or herself. We look at the lives of others and wish ours could be the same.

We are commanded by God not to covet our neighbours possessions. We covet our neighbour’s possessions when we are unable to accept ourselves and think that our neighbour has a better life than we do. The worst of it is that we think that we cannot accept ourselves as we are. It is not until you drive your dream car, live in your dream house, shop in our dream city, holiday in your dream getaway, work in your dream job, etc, that you will accept yourself, isn’t it? Why? Why can’t you accept yourself as you are right now this minute without further delay?

Achievements do not make a person. You are already the person you will always be regardless of what you have achieved in life. Death makes this concept crystal clear. A university degree will not earn you a peaceful death or eternal life! Neither will a posh car or a come-and-see house! When on your death bed, what will matter most is whether you can accept yourself as you are at that time even if you may not have achieved all your goals. You can die any time. So shouldn’t you accept yourself as you are right now? What are you waiting for?

Coveting your neighbour’s possessions can lead you to commit murder like King David did when he coveted the beautiful wife of Uriah, Bath-sheba. King David was King of Israel yet he was unable to appreciate what God has blessed him with and to understand that if God had blessed him with all that he had, God could bless him with much more. He did not have to kill another man in order to have a wife like Bath-sheba. God could have provided him with such a wife.

You too are a child of God and God is capable of giving you everything you desire if you appreciate what God has already done for you instead of looking at what you think God has not done for you. I have come to a realization that I cannot find my missing something until I accept myself.

Do not allow yourself to think less of yourself and more of others by coveting your neighbour’s possessions. Remember that in God’s eyes, we are all equal. Let God bless you with what is yours. Do not cut yourself off from your blessings by coveting someone else’s.

Do not allow yourself to put more value in possessions than in life by coveting your neighbour’s possessions. Remember that you take nothing with you when you die. You are the only one who can give yourself what you really want in life. Do not prevent yourself from achieving what you really want in life by coveting your neighbour’s possessions.

Accept yourself now and pursue your own blessings.

Chapter 70

2007-11-16T11:54:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 70

What about killing? Killing is nowhere close to being as common as stealing. I have often wondered to myself whether I could ever be capable of killing someone. I cannot imagine killing even someone who has killed a loved one of mine. But then again, perhaps given the chance, I would! I am certain that I can never make a conscious decision and execute a plan to kill someone, anyone, of my own free will. In fact, if I was threatened with death and asked to kill someone, I would just let myself be killed.

In my country there is a group of errant youths who gathered themselves together into a sect. The sect members were unleashed into the society with a mission of establishing a parallel government and collecting taxes from all and sundry using threat of force. They are akin to the Mafioso, just not as sophisticated. The sect grew into an organized gang and some people said that it was funded and perhaps initiated by some powerful politicians. These sect members were ruthless in their demands and spared no-one. At the height of their power, the sect members instilled the fear of satan in everyone who encountered them. Eventually our government got tired of the menace the gang was creating and it is said that they formed a police squad to eradicate the menace. Soon enough a story was told that bodies of young men were being discovered in forests and mortuaries with bullet wounds in their heads inflicted at close range!

Someone told me that as far as he was concerned, that was the only means by which those rogues could be dealt with. And I asked myself, is it really? Is killing allowed if the person you are killing is a baaaaaaad man? Not according to the Bible. There are no exceptions. It just commands that you shall not kill. I thought that assassinating the young men was not a solution to the problem at all. In fact, it only enlarged the problem. The question that should have been asked in an effort to solve the problem of this gang of ruthless sadists was: “What is their motivation?” “What attracts the members to join such a group instead of joining organized society and living within the limits of the law?”

I thought that part of their inspiration must have been the fact that one of our cabinet ministers was himself training a private army of his own youths. Other cabinet ministers were even linked to the creation of the sect! The larger part of their inspiration is of course unemployment, illiteracy, poverty and other problems which require a lot of money to solve. I suppose our leaders were not prepared to consider the possibility of forming a body that could address the problems of these young men and perhaps create for them a quasi-army institution where they could be rehabilitated. Imagine killing all those young men? Did they really deserve to die? Are there any consequences to those who killed those evil young men?

The Bible contradicts itself on the issue of killing. Killing during war was allowed and God permitted the leaders anointed by Him to kill off a whole city of people who did not know Him. David killed goliath! So why should we not have killed those demons of sect members?

My understanding is that you can kill in self defence. In war, you can kill because you are defending your life. God will understand if you kill someone who is threatening your life. Even the law recognizes self-defence as a defence to a charge of murder.
Were those sect members killed in self-defence? Yes, they threatened our lives and did kill some innocent people. But the circumstances in which they were killed was not one of combat. The people who killed them ambushed them, overpowered them, rendered them helpless and killed them. Differentiating sect members from ordinary young men trying to fit into society was no easy task for the assassination squad. Some innocent young men were killed in the process. These were someone’s father, son, brother, cousin, nephew or uncle. Their heads were blown off for the sake of eradicating an uncontrollable sect. I wonder if those left grieving for their loves ones can understand that the killing was for a good cause and accept that their relative was a martyr!

I also wonder whether the killing of these young men is a crime attributable only to those who actually pulled the triggers. I read the story of King David and Uriah in the Bible. King David organized for Uriah to be placed at the front line in battle without back-up so that he could be killed by the enemy and King David could have Uriah’s beautiful wife, Bath-sheba. God held King David responsible for the death of Uriah even though King David only issued a directive. It seems then that you don’t have to be the killer to be affected by the killing. And the punishment God dealt on King David was that his son died.

DO NOT KILL. IF YOU DO, YOUR CHILDREN WILL DIE YOUNG.

From this experience of the attempt to eradicate the sect, I have a better understanding of how terrorist gangs invade a country and plant bombs to kill the citizenry! I am quite certain that the sect has not been eradicated and soon enough, they will have their revenge. And when they kill our children, we shall know who the real killer is. It is us for supporting leaders who are murderers.

Chapter 69

2007-11-16T11:52:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 69

Stealing is an interesting thing. Why do we steal? And don’t bother denying it. You know you have stolen something from someone at some point in your life. We all have. We just choose to interpret the act of stealing as something like: making a profit or contributing to the philosophy of Robin Hood and leveling the playing field. Some of us tell ourselves that anyway, the person we are stealing from will not notice so it’s not really stealing. Question is, why not just ask for it then? Others who steal from government will say that the money belongs to them anyway since they work so hard for the millions who depend on them. The basic rule about stealing is:

“There is nothing wrong with it as long as you don’t get caught.”

Employees are the most numerous thieves around. Criminals who rob and steal are very few compared to employees who steal things from the houses or offices in which they work. For them, taking something from their employer without permission is not theft. Its leveling the playing field. “ My boss is so much more better off than me, how can s/he be harmed by me just taking a t-shirt or some stationery?” That’s what they ask themselves and of course they do not bother to think any further about the answer to that question. I have thought about it and come to a rude awakening about what stealing really does to someone. The act of stealing transfers the thief’s blessings to the thief’s victim.

Have you ever wondered why those mean heartless rich bosses just go on getting richer and richer as their employees come and go and others stay on without progressing an inch in their finances still running after unreachable money? Those bosses survive on the blessings of the employees who steal from them. The more you steal from your employers, the more you bless them! If you want to be blessed, do not steal. Run away from any situation that tempts you to steal because in the end, you are transferring your blessings to someone else.

Employers all know that employees steal from them. This is why employers endeavour to put in place systems to prevent or discourage theft. Citizens evade tax hence the need for taxation regulations to ensure that taxes are paid. What should an employer do with a thief of an employee?

First, DO NOT be offended by the theft. THANK GOD for giving you enough for yourself and for the thief. Then, take away from the thief any right or responsibility that tempts them to steal. If this is not possible, then you must separate yourself from the thief.

Stealing does not only transfer your blessings to the person you have stolen from. The consequences of theft can be fatal. Leaders who steal from the poor cause untold suffering to millions of people who become impoverished and die from poverty and disease. The suffering caused to the person you steal from is also transferred to you and your children. Most of the time, you are oblivious to that suffering and when you begin to experience all manner of tragic events in your life, you are unable to connect them to your theft and tell yourself it is God’s will!

DO NOT STEAL. IF YOU DO, YOU EXCHANGE YOUR BLESSINGS FOR SUFFERING.

Chapter 68

2007-11-16T11:49:00.000-08:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 68

I was wondering about the ten commandments and asking myself what significance they really have on my life. The one about having only one God and not worshipping idols makes sense as I discovered when I converted from my atheism. What about the other ones?

When I look around me and the society I live in, I see that obeying the ten commandments is regarded as an impossibility. Something that any sane person would not bother trying to do. Stealing, coveting, adultery, murder, perjury all these things are common place.

The commandment that caught my attention and made me think deeply about its significance is the one about honouring your mother and father. That commandment struck me as unduly oppressive since parents are usually very difficult people to deal with. Their needs are insatiable and their sins are unforgivable! Yet we are commanded to honour them. There are no exceptions or conditions to this commandment.

I thought about the beginning of a relationship between a parent and a child. This starts with the child being born. This is how we come into this world. We are born. Some of us believe that once we come into this world, there is nowhere else to go. This is it. Is it really? Have you ever wondered what it is that causes a heart to start beating? Is there a scientific explanation for that thing? The trigger. The one that starts you growing into a person and keeps you alive until death? Am I just this body I am in and when I die I rot and become part of the soil and remain here on this earth? Something tells me that there is more.

Assuming that there is more, how is it possible for me to continue into another life after I die in this one? The logical answer is that I will have to be born into that other world just like I was born into this one.

If I do not obey the commandment to honour my parents, is it possible then, that I cannot be born into the other world and I will be stuck here in this one forever?! Is that why the commandment to honour my parents is a commandment and not just a directive or a suggestion?

I will need parents to give birth to me and bring me into the new world I go to when I die in this one. If I don’t honour my parents in this life, what are the chances that I will have parents in the next one and not be stuck here? Christians believe that when Jesus comes again, the dead shall rise. If that is so, how can it happen without parents? I have never ever met anyone who came into this world otherwise than by being born. I therefore cannot imagine the possibility of a continuity in my life unless I honour my parents.

The commandment contains a promise. The promise is that if you honour your parents, your days will be long. I must admit that obeying this commandment is the main reason I try so hard to find ways and means to forgive my parents for their wrongs and to understand them and to be take care of their needs. I must get to Heaven. I cannot imagine myself in Hell. The enlightenment I have experience thus far is a wonderful feeling. I can only imagine how blissful the enlightenment in Heaven must be.

Every good thing you do in this world always has to have a benefit for you otherwise there can be no motivation for doing good. Unfortunately, the rewards are invisible and most people cannot understand how something like honouring your parents can be a rewarding experience.

I understand that honouring my parents will buy me a ticket on the next train to Heaven. Those who think that we are here to stay are right to the extent that if you don’t honour your parents, you are stuck here forever!

The meaning of the word HONOUR is: to venerate or to revere or simply, to hold in high respect. So I am commanded to hold my parents in high respect. Imagine that! I thought high respect is for presidents and kings and queens and billionaires. In the presence of anyone who fits these titles, most of us who don’t would squirm with reverence hoping and wishing that that person could so much as glance in our direction and should s/he shake our hand, well ………… we would feel honoured. Funny huh? Yet the people who gave us this life so that we could feel honoured by being noticed by some rich nobody cannot so much as instill a shiver in us when we see them!

The simple fact that you are alive. That you have a life. Is because of your parents. As you read this chapter, you should let that fact sink deeply inside of you and come to a realization of how important your parents are to you. Those eyes, that mouth, those fingers, that body of yours and everything that is in it which you got for free would not be yours were it not for your parents.

So next time that you dream about meeting the president of your country or some CEO of a conglomerate or some super star or the winner of the next Big Brother series or whoever it is you revere, know that those people are nowhere close in significance to your parents who gave you the ability to recognize those people.

Honour your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land that the Lord your God gives you.

Chapter 67

2007-11-01T21:55:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 67

Flirting is harmless fun. Is it not? You’ve had a long week at work, you go to a bar to enjoy a drink and a game of pool after watching your favourite team playing soccer on the big screen television. It’s called ‘releasing steam’. Letting go of all the pressure and tension that has been building up when you were bogged down at work. Waking up to a realization that: ‘All work and no play make Jack and Jill dull children.’

A suggestive leer, a few naughty words, a slap on the bum, a pinch here and there, even a peck on the cheek and when tipsy enough, a raunchy dance on the dance floor. You even adopt cuddly names to use on anyone of the opposite sex. When you go to a restaurant, you call the waitresses ‘darling’ and the waiters ‘boy’. “Come here darling and take my order.” Or “Boy, what’s new on your menu?” You have no discomfort when strangers put their hands on you. Is this harmless fun? Yes, if you are single and ready to mingle.

But what if you are married or committed in a long term relationship? Is flirting harmless fun to you? Not if you stop and think and come to a realization that marriage and long term commitments begin with flirting!

So here you are, a married man, leering at a woman (who is not his wife) on the dance floor and telling yourself, am just flirting, it’s harmless. Or a married woman with the arm of a man (who is not her husband) around her waist pulling her close to him and telling herself, am just flirting, its harmless.

After a few flirting sessions here and there, SUSPICION is aroused. Those around the married person begin to wonder: ‘Is that not so and so’s husband?’ or ‘Is that not so and so’s wife?’ And they take a keen interest on the harmless fun that the married person is having. They even join in hoping that they might get some! Some jealous ones confront the married person asking: ‘How come you did not come with so and so (in reference to their spouse)?’ The married person replies, ‘What’s wrong, am just flirting!’ And goes on with the enjoyment of this harmless fun.

In time, people start talking about how that married person behaves in the absence of their spouse. And they say all manner of things. The most popular one being: ‘that marriage or the relationship won’t last!’ They even start making bets about how long it will be before the marriage or relationship collapses. They are absolutely certain that for that person to be behaving in that manner, something is not right at home. And when they meet the spouse of the married person, they are so keen to enquire about how things are and they scrutinize the spouse’s countenance to see if the suspicion has been aroused in them. If they see no suspicion in the eyes of the spouse, their suspicion is dulled. Suspicion, feeds on suspicion. If you are suspicious, you need others to be suspicious like you so that you can all bask in the light of that suspicion knowing that the suspects are being brought out into the arena to entertain your suspicion.

On seeing that the spouse is not suspicious, the suspicious person worries that his/her ticket to watch the fight at the arena might go to waste and s/he CANNOT have that happen. So s/he takes time to think and ponder about the best way to arouse suspicion in the spouse without making himself/herself a suspect. No-one wants to be in the arena! Pretty soon, a light bulb flashes bright in the mind of the suspicious person as s/he comes to a realization of how the suspicion can be aroused in the spouse without making himself or herself a suspect. Email! Anonymous email messages sent to the spouse! Fantastic idea!

So the spouse begins to receive a few taunting email messages from someone who cares about his/her welfare and wishes to warn him/her about the danger s/he is in. NO evidence is needed to prove the allegations made about how the married person has been behaving. Suspicious behaviour is all that is needed. What is the spouse to do? If the spouse is an excitable impulsive creature who does not stop to wonder who this anonymous caring person really is, s/he will hit the roof and come down on the married person like a meteor from Mars. And the fighting begins. The suspicious people surge into the arena falling over each other to come and spectate and witness the gory fight and see the blood flowing with each blow. Suspicion has come to fruition. The flower of suspicion has blossomed and the suspicious spectators have come to see it wither and die like all flowers do.

In his or her defence, the married person says that s/he has NEVER done any of the things s/he is being accused of and challenges the spouse to prove any of those allegations. ‘Don’t you trust me? You know am not like other people! Don’t listen to those busy bodies who are just envious of you!’ The spouse knows very well that it is very possible that the contents of the email messages are fabricated and the same can be done to the spouse. But the question here is, why are the email messages being sent? Is it fair for you to expect your spouse to just quell the suspicion aroused in him/her in light of your behaviour, just because you are not like other people? Should it not be you stopping the flirting so that you show that you are not like other people?

The person who can solve the problem of arousing suspicion is not the one to whom the messages are being sent. The spouse has no idea what has aroused the suspicion! It is the married person who knows the source of the suspicion. But, s/he is not willing to stop and consider for even a minute the obvious fact that it is the flirting that has aroused the suspicion. Flirting is HARMLESS FUN! Is it not?

No self-respecting woman is a flirt. Flirting as far as women are concerned is ugly. You flirt as a woman and the whole world calls you a slut. If a man flirts, its harmless fun. A married man will tell his wife that flirting is not good for her. But he can flirt because he is a man. This is chauvinism in the 21st century.

Ask yourself: How do extra marital affairs and promiscuity get started? By flirting! Is that not obvious? And do men have extra marital affairs or not? They do, many many many of them so much so that it has become the norm. And yet, flirting to them is HARMLESS FUN.

Flirting is harmful and it is not funny! It hurts both you and your spouse. It arouses suspicion and in time, that suspicion grows into a hunt for blood. If you ever wondered WHAT A WOMAN REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANTS. Here is the answer, plain and clear, easy to understand but DIFFICULT for any chauvinist of the 21st century to ever comprehend:

ALL A WOMAN REALLY WANTS IS FOR HER MAN TO STOP FLIRTING.

If all married and committed people could stop flirting and stop arousing suspicion, marriages would remain the sacred bonds that they are meant to be instead of being turned into the bondage that they have become.

Chapter 66

2007-10-31T21:49:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 66

Did you know that it is IMPOSSIBLE for you to prove that you are NOT sleeping with someone you know. Think about the people you interact with. If someone came up to you and accused you of sleeping with one or two or more of them, how would you defend yourself against their accusation?

It is so easy to prove that you ARE sleeping with someone if accused of not doing so, but how do you prove that you are NOT sleeping with someone? You must rely on CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE to demonstrate that your relationship with the person you are accused of sleeping with cannot be interpreted as a sexual one.

The other day, a friend of mine told me about an incident that occurred which made me think deeply about what ADULTERY really is. She told me that she had met a married man who liked her so much and would take her out to lunch once or twice a week, buy her beautiful exotic flowers and gifts and that was it. She thought that allowing that guy to do those things for her meant nothing because she had ABSOLUTELY no intention of sleeping with the guy and had even made that ABSOLUTELY clear to him. She declared that she is NOT an adulterer!

It did not end there. Soon enough, the guy’s wife heard about her and her little ‘innocent’ escapades with the woman’s husband. The wife confronted her about the matter and she swore to the wife that she has NEVER had any physical contact with that man beyond a hand shake. That was not enough for the wife and she threatened to do something bad to my friend should she continue sleeping with her husband!

So my friend came to me to lament and moan about how she was being accused of a crime that she did not commit and how women these days are so insecure. To her, that guy was just a friend who liked her and he knew her deceased brother well so she enjoyed hearing him telling her stories about her brother whom she loved dearly and missed greatly. I knew her well enough to believe that she was telling the truth about her relationship with the guy but I told her in no uncertain terms, that she WAS an adulterer. Adultery does not require you to have sex or even be naked or even kiss someone else’s wife or husband.

The definition of adultery is: PUTTING YOUR SPOUSE IN A POSITION OF SUSPICION IN REGARD TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH A THIRD PARTY.

As long as you are behaving in such a way as to suggest to a REASONABLE MAN or WOMAN that you are sleeping with someone, and that someone is married, YOU ARE AN ADULTERER. You cannot defend yourself against an accusation of sleeping with someone when your behaviour suggests that you are! How do you prove that you are not!

This is what adultery does: It makes your spouse suspicious about your relationship with the other person who you are so intimately close with. Once that suspicion is aroused, you cannot prove that you are not doing more than what you claim to be doing. So that your spouse has to decide whether or not to believe what you are saying and disregard what you are doing. ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS. When you arouse suspicion in your spouse and cause him/her to feel violated, you have committed adultery.

And it does not end there. It gets worse. What do you suppose the other person thinks of your relationship with your spouse if you are allowing them to do things with you which a reasonable person could use to accuse you of sleeping with that other person? What do you suppose others who see what you are doing are thinking about your relationship with your spouse?

No doubt, the world begins to see that your relationship with your spouse is not the SACRED BOND that it is meant to be. You have committed adultery.

AND, the person you are being so accommodating to begins to understand that were it not for the fact that you are married, you would give them a chance. By giving an outsider the comfort of knowing that it is your spouse who is the IMPOSTOR, you commit adultery.

Adultery makes your spouse suspicious and puts your spouse in suspicion. Your spouse is wondering who that other person really is to you, while others are wondering who your spouse really is to you. You have opened a pandora’s box of suspicion and so you are an adulterer.

The other person who you are using to arouse suspicion in your spouse is also an adulterer because without him/her, no suspicion would arise and even that person is sending a message to you and to others that were it not for the fact that you are married, s/he would give you a chance. You also begin to see your spouse as the IMPOSTOR. Someone who is preventing you from taking chances.

Once your spouse becomes the impostor, what kind of relationship will you have with them? Think about your sex life and how that suspicion can cause you and your spouse to drift apart. You will have eroded your spouse’s confidence and you will have eroded your confidence in your spouse!

The other day I was walking from court with a colleague of mine, a married man. We were discussing about an incident in court where the Judge, a woman, sent all the laymen into the cells because a mobile phone rang and no-one owned up as the culprit whose phone rang. Everyone had to pay Kshs.500/- fine to secure their freedom. That was a grave miscarriage of justice but nothing could be done to that Judge in our current system where Judges seem to think that in their court rooms, they are gods.

When we got to my office building, I and my colleague stopped to finish off our conversation before parting ways. As I was in the middle of a heated sentence I was taken aback by a lady who came over, gave the guy a tight hug with her big boobs all into his chest and gave him a smack on one cheek, another smack on the other cheek and another smack on the mouth and held on for what seemed to me like a long time. She then walked off saying ‘see you’! Prior to seeing that, I always believed that my colleague and his wife were the most loving and admirable couple I have ever met. He and his wife are the envy of many.

So I asked this guy who that was. He told me that it’s some friend of his. I accused him of sleeping with that woman and he said that he has never met her in private. I told him that for her to behave like that towards him, there MUST be something. He said no. He even defended himself saying that he had told his wife about how that lady behaves towards him and she didn’t seem to mind. To him, telling his wife about what that lady does is sufficient to erase the suspicion that is aroused by her behaviour. I was amazed to see that the guy thought that he had nothing to do with what that lady was doing and according to him, it was her who was at fault, not him! And he even went further to say that the lady had no ill intentions, she’s a very nice girl! I just laughed because I had no words for the guy. He, like many others in this world, do not understand what adultery really is.

ADULTERY IS PUTTING YOUR SPOUSE IN A POSITION OF SUSPICION IN REGARD TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH A THIRD PARTY. The suspicion is enough because there is NO WAY of erasing that suspicion!

You cannot ever be able to prove that you are NOT sleeping with someone with whom you are behaving in a suspicious manner.

It is your duty as a married man or woman to refrain from entertaining the advances of others and arousing suspicion about your relationship with that person and your relationship with your spouse.

And it is everyone’s duty to refrain from entertaining the advances of a married person and arousing suspicion about their relationship with that person.

Once you have failed to satisfy that duty, YOU ARE AN ADULTERER!

Chapter 65

2007-10-30T21:15:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 65

A socialist is someone who knows the truth about life. A truth which is contained in the following words:-

1. In the absence of someone to share it with, LIFE and MONEY become inconsequential;

2. Therefore, DO NOT take ANYONE for granted;

3. LOVE your neighbour as you love yourself;

4. Because that IS ALL that will matter when you die.

A capitalist does not know this simple truth about life.

When a capitalist dies, s/he goes to a place where there is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH MONEY and SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MANY MATERIAL POSSESSIONS and NOONE to stop them from grabbing it all for themselves.

Immediately, the capitalist becomes delirious with the thought that ALL THAT MONEY AND ALL THOSE THINGS belong to him/ her and flops back to relax from all the hard work it took him/her during his/her lifetime to acquire them.

After a while s/he begins to look around slowly coming to the realization that as much as there is no-one around to stop him/her from doing WHATEVER s/he wants to do with the money and material things, there is also no-one to SHARE them with. S/he then looks at ALL the money and ALL the material things and comes to a realization of the TRUTH:

THAT IN THE ABSENCE OF SOMEONE TO SHARE IT WITH, LIFE AND MONEY BECOME INCONSEQUENTIAL.

There and then at that point in time, the capitalist gains the knowledge that s/he would give ANYTHING; s/he would give ALL THAT MONEY AND ALL THOSE MATERIAL THINGS just to have ONE person to talk to or even to fight with!

Something else slowly dawns on him/her, something even more painful to bear:-

THAT ALL THAT MONEY AND ALL THOSE MATERIAL THINGS can NEVER create life.

And s/he begins to understand that IN FACT, there is a GOD! God being the one who created him/her and the others s/he enjoyed taking for granted during his/her life time. And now, in that hell-hole of money and material possessions, God is not there, to give him/her someone to love and share his/her valued possessions with. In life, the capitalist did not believe in God and thought that capitalism was all that mattered.

In the fullness of time, the money and material things begin to repulse the capitalist and the capitalist decides that s/he would RATHER DIE than live alone with ALL THAT MONEY AND ALL THOSE MATERIAL THINGS. But alas! S/he is ALREADY DEAD! And now s/he has to live with that money and those material possessions ALL ALONE FOR THE REST OF HIS/HER LIFE!

Imagine if right now, this moment, EVERYONE in the world disappeared from sight and left you ALONE. Would that make you happy? What would you not be willing to give to have those people back?

And do not cheat yourself that just one or two people would be enough. No, variety is the spice of life. Two heads are better than one. The more the merrier. And all of us, the trillions that we are in this world, cannot survive without each other. We need people to do the farming, to fly the planes, to build the houses, to argue the court cases, to carve the sculptures, to wash the dishes, to do everything that needs to be done to keep the world running. You cannot do everything alone!

Its all or nothing. Look at your body, can any part of you be cut off from the rest of you and still survive by itself? No! And any part of you that is not there has a vital function and without it, life can NEVER be complete. Until all the parts have been made whole and put together, you will always be missing something and looking around for it.

Is it not wonderful and comforting to know that you are NOT ALONE in this world? So why do you take your fellow men and women for granted? And why can you not spare a minute of your time to thank God for giving you ALL THESE WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL DIFFERENT PEOPLE to share your life with? Why are you not interested in the suffering of your fellow men and women?

KNOW THIS NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE. When you die, all that will matter is the love you gave to your neighbour.

Picture this, a child is being born into this world, its mother is in distress, as soon as the child pops out of its mother’s womb, its mother dies. And there is no-one to receive that child into the world. Sadness cannot begin to describe the sight of such a situation.

LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF, so that when you are born into death, you will have someone to receive you into eternal life.

Chapter 64

2007-10-28T09:05:00.001-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 64

Discrimination is an art. In order to perfect it, these are the things that you MUST do:-

1. Accept that it is normal to divide people into groups like men and women, blacks and whites, Kikuyus and Luos, Kenyans and Nigerians, Fats and Thins, Disabled and abled, rich and poor, supporters of Kibaki and supporters of Raila etc. Usually the groups you choose have no justifiable basis. Whatever enables you to disguise your insecurities will do.

2. Accept that you belong to one of those groups so that you adopt a perception of people as us and them.

3. Apply double standards in the way that you judge the group you belong to and the other group so that as far as your group is concerned, any imperfections are excusable but as far as the other group is concerned, you will not accept anything less than perfect.

4. Completely disregard the possibility that all people including those who belong to your group are different in many ways and the correct standard in judging anyone is by their deeds. Jesus said that we will know those who follow Him by their deeds.

5. Completely disregard the possibility that the people who are important in your life are those who experience the same or similar challenges to you and who share the same interests as you.

6. Completely disregard the possibility that your point of view may be flawed.

7. Adamantly refuse to listen to any point of view that may be different from your own.

8. Refuse to give your opponents the opportunity to challenge you and be heard on their point of the view and its justifications.

9. Develop a morbid fear of standing alone in a debate over your views and if confronted, you raise your voice in an angry tone and rush off.

10. Refuse to accept others as your equals.

Here is a summary of a conversation I had with a PNU supporter the other day:-

Njeri: So ati why is it you are against Raila?

PNU supporter: That Raila man. Who does he think he is? How can he expect us to vote for him? What kind of a cabinet will he even have if he comes into power? He has no record. He has never done anything useful, all the time he has been in government his job has been to disturb the peace and mess up. Ok, he helped us get our man into power but now he needs to leave things as they are. And let me tell you, those people from the lakeside, you cant trust them. Everywhere they go they just want to cause chaos. All the labour unions are run by them!

Njeri:Well, I am supporting the guy from the lakeside.

PNU supporter: You cant be serious. Are you not a Kikuyu? How can you not support your own?

Njeri: Well, my vision for this country goes beyond my tribe. I am an advocate for change. I want it to be one day possible for a Kenyan Indian woman to run for presidency and get it. The presidency has been the reserve of the elite and look what is happening to our country, we are being robbed silly by every regime that comes. What we need to do is agitate for change and use our votes to make it clear to the politicians that we want the best and if they do not perform, they are out. We need to encourage qualified educated people, CEOs of businesses to run for presidency by showing them that we choose our leaders based on their performance not on euphoria or tribal lines.

PNU supporter: Eheeheeheehe! You have said it. Raila is all about euphoria, that guy is not interested in working! He just wants to take power and turn our country into a dictatorship.

Njeri: Ok, first let me tell you the underlying principle of my support for Raila before we get to the nitty gritty. I am like the battered wife. I voted for this government expecting Kenya to be transformed into a nation of Kenyans. Now all I see is marginalization of Kikuyus and a government dominated by Kikuyus. The government that I have now has disappointed me in many ways most of all is the Angloleasing scandal, the Artur Brothers and the raid of the Standard Newspapers. Nothing much has changed for the better in the last five years. I now have the chance to change things, to leave my abusive husband and am going to take it. I know that there are husbands out there who don’t beat their wives and there is one for me too. No-one tells a battered wife to stay with her abusive husband even if it means that she has nowhere to go, no money, and no-one to help her, she MUST leave to save her life. I am surprised that you are willing to stay on inspite of the wrongs that have been committed against our country by the current government. There is no valid excuse for any of it. I will not settle for what I’ve got when it comes to anything in my life including the President of my country. The Bible talks about the shepherd who comes home at sunset and finds that he is missing one sheep and instead of locking up the sheep he has and going to bed, he goes out to look for the missing sheep until he finds it. That’s me. I am missing something in my life and am going back into the dark to look for my missing sheep because I know that when I find it, I will be happy because I will have secured a better future for my children.

PNU supporter: Look Njeri, be realistic, you are being stupid. A Kenyan Indian woman can NEVER EVER be president of Kenya. As it is, even me I can never be president. And how do you know that Raila will help you find your missing sheep?

Njeri: I don’t know what Raila will do when he gets in but I do know that voting him in gives me hope that things can change for the better. Something that the current government cannot give me. Its record reads loud and clear. With Moi siding with them, I can see us regressing into the hell that we fought so hard to get out of in 2002. When it comes to who can be president of this country, what matters is what you are ready to accept. If you accept that the presidency is for the select few excluding even you, then that’s what you will get. We need to demystify the presidency and make it accessible to more Kenyans who are able and willing to serve. Voting for Raila will awaken our country and bring us to a realization that ANYONE can be president. Don’t you see that? That is the first step towards building a Kenya for Kenyans.

Chapter 63

2007-10-25T11:54:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 63

My countrymen and women suffer from selective amnesia of the worst kind. I say this in reference to something called ‘DETENTION WITHOUT TRIAL’. How do those words make you feel? They are horrific! If you hear that someone, anyone, has been detained without trial, you shudder at the thought of what might be in store for him/her. I can only imagine the harrowing experiences people go through.

In our country, two men called Kenneth Matiba and Charles Rubia were detained without trial. When they surfaced, both of them were maimed and crippled for life. Their families had suffered what can only be described as a monstrous tragedy.
These people to me are heroes. Our country has done little to recognize their valour. These people were detained without trial and tortured for the sake of our country and the futures of our children that we may have multi party democracy in our country and discuss politics freely without fear of persecution.

It is because of them that I am able to sit here and write about the elections and what I think without fearing that some hooded goons will ambush me and make me disappear from the face of the earth only to re-surface as a relative to the hunch back of Notredame! Are you daring enough to be detained without trial for the sake of your country? I dread the thought of spending even a minute in a police cell under arrest with only one shoe on to identify me as a cell mate. My heart breaks for those I have seen behind bars in a police cell or in the dungeons at the High Court or in remand prison.

I remember a story my mum once told me about how she struggled to free a cousin of mine who had been arrested at a bar in some border town for saying something unpleasant about our former president! Fortunately he made it out before they could start pulling out his teeth!

Recently, some muslims were arrested here in Kenya and deported to unknown destinations on suspicion of being involved in terrorist activities. Only God knows what kind of treatment they are being subjected to, if they are still alive. The families of those people who are Kenyans are in anguish. They are pleading with the government for only one thing: that they should be told where their loved ones are and their loved ones should be subjected to a fair trial to ascertain their guilt. It seems highly unlikely that those people will ever be seen again especially since our President recently declared that he does not even know their names. Imagine if that was done to your husband, son or brother! Would you have enough tears?

One of our presidential candidates has spent six good years in and out of detention without trial in his quest for multi-party democracy for this country. The government of the day has labeled him a dangerous man who is likely to turn our country into a dictatorship. Makes sense doesn’t it? Spend most of your life being tortured for the freedom of your people then you are labeled a dictator! To make it more interesting, one of the people labeling him a dictator is the same same person who subjected him, Charles Rubia, Kenneth Matiba and many others to detention without trial! And some of the Kenyan people actually accept the opinion of that person! People who are detained without trial are not expected to survive the ordeal. Not only did he survive the ordeal, he is hugely responsible for the removal of the former president from power and replacing him with our current president.

Apart from being labeled a potential dictator, leaflets are being circulated accusing him of being a devil worshipper because his religion is uncertain! Whoever came up with that idea should be given a medal. Anyone will tell you that our former president who subjected people to detention without trial and during whose tenure this country was robbed of billions, now apparently stashed in foreign bank accounts, is a Christian, a God fearing man who can be trusted to tell us who we should vote for! He has been seen so many times attending church functions and services that his religion cannot ever be doubted! It is laughable! A thief comes into your house, robs you silly, leaves your loved ones maimed and when you go out looking for a security guard to employ, the same thief recommends a suitable guard to you and you gladly take him in!

I am gob smacked by the selective amnesia afflicting my fellow countrymen and women!

I am unable to make any sense of most of the reasons being given to justify our not voting that heroic guy into power. It has been claimed that his promises are just dreams because he did nothing when he was in government. Our current president featured prominently in our former president’s government. If we apply his argument fairly, he too can be accused of having failed us. In fact, he can be accused of having conspired in all the robbery and atrocities that the Kenyan people were subjected to. Then what would be his answer? In truth, a Minister is only as powerful as the Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces will allow.

The other two presidential candidates’ curriculum vitae are no competition for someone who was detained without trial fighting for our freedom. To me, that in itself qualifies anyone for leadership in any country. Look at Nelson Mandela, can anyone say that he does not deserve to be president of his country even at his present age? What qualifies him for leadership? His persistence and boldness.

Why do we Kenyans persecute our heroes? To me, the answer is idol worship.

Top of the list of our idols is economic development. I do not see anything spectacular about the economy of this country in the last five years. I am still driving on potholed roads spending huge amounts on car repairs and paying for private health insurance and primary school fees while getting taxed at the highest, most efficient level of taxation ever achieved in the history of this country and our Kenya Revenue Authority will openly admit to this. At the same time, our country has continued to be robbed of billions and most of those who resigned from government for having been implicated in the theft were accepted back into government and entrusted to head Ministries! Is this what economic development is?!

Next on the idol list is TRIBALISM. There is a friend of mine who was recently looking for a house to move into. He identified a suitable one, signed the agreement, paid the deposit and just a day before he could move in, the agent called him and told him that the landlady had refused to sign the tenancy agreement because she could not let her house to someone who eats fish! Hahaha! Imagine that a grown woman living in the 21st century in Kenya and educated enough to own a house is practicing tribalism! And while you’re at it, imagine that in order to get a house, that friend of mine had to lie about his tribe!

I wonder what that lady would say to the theory presented by the infamous Dr. James Watson who recently declared that Europeans are more intelligent than Africans by nature. If she would be offended by that guy, she deserves a trophy for hypocrisy at the highest level.

Recently we experienced earth tremors which put the fear of God in us. People were so anxious about going into buildings. At night, people would wake up and vacate their houses and flats and during the day, people were rushing out of their offices in fear that they would cave in. No doubt, when the earth tremors hit, the people running out of their flats and buildings were not bothered about the tribe of the person running next to them. Except for our president and a few privileged others, traffic jam afflicts us all. Noone cares about the tribe of the person who gives you way or who stops to help out when there has been an accident! When boarding a matatu or bus, noone cares about the tribe of the people sharing the vehicle or sitting next to them. Why then does tribe come into the equation when it comes to choosing our leaders?

Is it not hypocritical for us to be practicing tribalism while saying that racism and slavery are bad?!

If you are a God fearing person, recognize that your life’s purpose ought to be about pleasing God. God cannot ever be a tribalist and all of us are His children. People who have a past of detaining others without trial cannot ever be trusted. Do not allow yourself to be blinded by idol worship.

Chapter 62

2007-10-24T13:26:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 62

I have been to church for two Sundays since my t-shirt was printed. I wore it the first Sunday and forgot to wear it the next time. Both times, I was confused. I had realized that my rebellion against the church was not going to get me anywhere.

God had planted a thought in my mind. He called me arrogant! He said that I had no right to call the people who were leading His church hypocrites. I should have been grateful that there was a church for me and my children to go to in the first place. They had taken care of that for God and they deserved my respect. Well ……….. who am I to argue with God. What He said was completely true. I was arrogant.

So I went to church both Sundays wondering how to deal with my arrogance and make myself useful in the church. I did not find an answer until after I got home last Sunday and remembered that I noticed an item on the church bulletin calling for participants for a celebration coming soon. I looked at it and thought it might be interesting but ignored it. I later on wondered whether God wanted me to join some group in church. I did not like how that thought made me feel. I could not imagine myself in the company of ardent church goers. I find it hard to understand their reasoning and I did not want to be questioned about my faith or enter into any confrontation with anyone. I knew my views were radical and could not see how I could tone them down in a way that they could be understood as constructive criticism.

The other day, I stepped out for lunch and met a lady who works in my building. She told me that her church was fasting. Her attitude made it clear that she is an ardent church goer and an active participant. I engaged her in a spirited conversation about the usefulness of fasting and by the time we parted ways, we had managed to reach a middle ground about the whole issue. We agreed that just not eating during a fast, is not sufficient. People need to reflect on themselves and find out if they are contributing to the problem which the fast is dedicated to.

I think that everything that happens outside of us is a reflection of what is inside us. A single person has as much to do with broken marriages as do married people. There are those single people who are vultures. So a single person on a fast focusing on broken marriages should make the effort to ascertain whether s/he is a vulture in some way. It is sufficient to covet your friend’s spouse for you to be a vulture. Some people go as far as wishing that the friend could die so that they can have their spouse since people are always saying that all the good guys are taken! We are commanded by God not to covet. So if you covet a married person, you are a vulture. I am sure that there are many single ladies in church who are secretly in love with their pastors or bible study tutors. I know of some ladies who will not go so far as to get involved with a married man but will always make sure that their greetings involve a tight hug and smooch leaving the guy and those around him wondering what that was all about. Clear your mind of evil thoughts about other people’s spouses and you are on the way to finding your own. There is someone for everyone.

You are partly responsible for all the problems you see around you. You just need to put your ears to the ground and listen real hard to find out what you are doing wrong. Find Jesus and let Him tell you where you are going wrong.

After meeting my church lady and realizing that it was possible for me to agree with an ardent church goer, I entered a lift and when pressing the third floor where I was intending to go, I also pressed the fifth floor by mistake and wondered what could be on the fifth floor. I later met a lawyer I know who is an elder in his church and even preaches. His office is on the fifth floor of the building. He is a very nice guy and we talked and laughed for a while about spouses running offices together and why my husband and I work in separate offices. That guy made me realize that there are some sober church members around. Unfortunately for me, that meant that I had no reason not to get involved in some church functions. I also realized that my t-shirt would be more noticeable to those I was working closely with than a whole congregation. So I decided to give the participation a try next Sunday although I was still apprehensive. What convinced me to do it is the fear of ignoring God and what the dire consequences might be.

God talks to us. I could see His influence in the accident with the nun and the church goers and my meetings with the church lady and the church lawyer. Those events in my life had messages for me which I figured out. It seems then that all the events in my life have a message for me from God. They are either giving me answers to my questions or pointing out my mistakes or pointing me in the right direction. It is not easy to figure out the messages. You have to be very focused on your questions and ready to accept responsibility for what has seemingly nothing to do with you.

For instance, if you get home after a long day at work and sit by yourself asking why your life is so hard and why you cannot seem to meet the goals you set for yourself, then in the middle of your thoughts, your cell phone rings and when you check the screen you see that it is your nagging mother calling and you refuse to pick up thinking that your day could not get any worse, so you get up and reach for a drink to soothe your nerves and get distracted from your thoughts about your life, you are mistaken. Your mistake is that you do not realize that your nagging mother calling at that particular time means that your hard life and inability to meet your goals has something to do with her! What you are focusing on, which is usually making money, is really not the answer to your problems. What you need to do is to examine your relationship with your mother and find out what the message is, act on it and you are on the way to solving your problems.

Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you. If you honour your mother unconditionally as God has commanded you to and take her calls no matter what a pest she may be, the peace of mind you are looking for in your job and the goals you have set for yourself will be exceeded beyond what you imagined. Even your relationship with your mother will improve amazingly.

The answers to life’s questions are simple. They lie within you in the choices you are making and the kind of person that you are. Just take the time to think deeply about who you are and why you do the things you do.

Chapter 61

2007-10-24T13:24:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 61

I called my motor cycle guy today!

On my way to work, I saw a nasty car accident just a short distance from my house near where another one had occurred this same month. Both involved a saloon car and a matatu and looking at the final position of the vehicles and the damage caused, it appeared to me that in both accidents, the saloon cars were overtaking dangerously. The one I saw today was even more gruesome than the first one! Everyone who passed by must have said a prayer for the people in the saloon car which was bashed up pretty good with generous blood stains on the windscreen.

When I saw the accident I asked myself why the two accidents had occurred there and not somewhere else where I would not pass by and experience the horror of looking on. I wondered whether there was a message for me in the two accidents. Recently I had started wondering whether the things that happen to others around me, good or bad, have anything to do with me and the kind of person that I am. Do my actions and omissions affect those around me? They obviously affect those I come into contact with in different ways, but who is to say that they do not affect the lives of my fellow human beings who are not in contact with me?

This is election year in my country and potential candidates are busying themselves campaigning in the hope that the masses will side with them and vote them into office. The actions and omissions of politicians undoubtedly affect those they have never even heard of sometimes in devastating ways like when a president wrongly orders the country to go to war and soldiers are killed. Where do I fall in this equation?

The other day a client came appealing to me to stop the sale of his house where he lives with his entire family. I did what I could to help him and managed to delay the sale on the day it was scheduled to take place. Did my decision to help him affect others I do not know? Definitely, in many ways. For instance, the auctioneer was pissed off because he already had a buyer for the house and the delay meant no fees and possibly a fat commission for him, at least not for the moment. By filing the case, my client’s opponent appointed a lawyer who will get paid for the work s/he does. The potential buyer has to find something else to do with his money and his expectations were dashed. Most importantly, my client’s family can sleep comfortably in their precious house without worrying about it being sold for the moment. I gave my client a chance to put things right and hopefully salvage his house permanently. For every transaction and court case that I have been involved in, I am in no doubt that I have affected the lives of people I do not know in similar ways.

My giving way to my fellow road users and holding lifts for others no doubt affects the timing in their lives similarly to how it affects mine. The tips I give at the supermarket and at restaurants no doubt affect the financial abilities of the recipients. These are people I know nothing about.

So did I have anything to do with the occurrence of the gruesome accidents in a way that perhaps I am not enlightened enough to appreciate? This question stuck in my mind all the way until I got to park my car. During that time, I examined my driving and could not find any wrong in it. I could not imagine that the accidents could have had anything to do with another aspect of my life. That would be too complicated for me to understand. To simplify things, I decided to think about the accidents I have been involved in. Other than the motor cycle guy accident, by the grace of God, I have never been involved in an accident where anyone sustained serious bodily injury. In fact I have only had five material damage brushes with other vehicles which we settled without police assistance. I have been driving for eleven years now. The first minor collision occurred when I was a very green driver, the other four occurred between last year and early this year including the one after church. I was at fault in only one of them. The prominence of road accidents in my life in the recent past has got me concerned that there is something I am supposed to do but am not doing it. Hence my improvement in my driving. After a long soul search, the only thing I could point to is the fact that I had not bothered to call up my motor cycle guy and find out how he was doing. I wondered how my not calling him affected my life or his. Since I could not think of anything else, I went ahead and called him.

I had got his number from a friend who was at the scene of the accident and had collected as much information that he thought I might need should I plan to sue or have to defend myself in court. I printed out the email he sent me and filed it away without a second thought. Now I was wondering what good calling the guy would do to my life. I remembered that I thought that he and I had some connection that caused us to meet on that fateful day. I looked at his name wondering whether it should mean something to me but it was not familiar at all. I asked myself what I had to lose if I made the call and could not imagine anything life threatening. It was possible that he may have lost his phone after the accident and had changed his number. I was not going to get away that easily because I knew where he worked and could call there if his number was of no help.

I asked myself what I had to gain by making the call. I concluded that my curiosity would at least be satisfied. Why not just find out the answers to my questions about him? I was curious to know what the hell he was thinking when he smashed into my car, how he was doing (I did not know if he survived and was dreading the thought that he could have died) and anything else that could help me make the connection. My curiosity got the better of me so I gathered the courage to call and dialed his number.

He picked up the phone and I got confused because I had imagined that he wouldn’t and had not planned on what to say. What reason was I to give him for calling? I decided that it was too late to start planning and resolved to just go with the flow of the conversation. I introduced myself and he sounded happy to hear from me, like he was hoping I would call. He told me that he had recovered and was back to work. I asked him the questions I was dying to hear the answers to: “What was happening that day? Where were you rushing to?” His answer was simply that he cannot remember anything that happened that day! He developed some form of selective amnesia that caused him to block out the memories of that particular day completely. He was in a coma for a period of exactly fourteen days. There are other things and people that he does not recall but he remembers the important things like his family, his workmates, his work etc. He said that he swore never to ride a motor cycle again in his life and thanked me so much for calling. I assured him that nothing serious happened to me and he was relieved. We said good bye and that was it!

I then asked myself what was so hard about such a simple thing. I sat for a while and thought about our conversation and it occurred to me that my calling my motor cycle guy had given him some assurance and comfort that he was lacking. I was certain from the way he sounded that he was also curious about how I was doing and whether I blamed him for anything. The sound of relief in his voice was clearly audible. I felt guilty for having taken so long to call him with no justifiable reason, just imaginary fear. I remembered what my counselor had said about freeing me from my fear of the unknown and realized what she was talking about. Why had I allowed myself to imagine the worst of that guy and act on it instead of acting on facts? It was obvious to me that my not calling that guy was causing him anxiety that he did not need to have and perhaps now that I had called him, his healing could be complete.

It had taken me nine months to call that guy. Was the fact that I survived the accident unscathed not sufficient to warrant my reaching out to that guy who was less fortunate than me? Why did I act so selfishly towards him? Was it not my duty to call him? Could it be that my not calling him had something to do with those gruesome accidents occurring in places where I would pass by to remind me of a duty I was overlooking? Had my failure to perform that duty altered the timing of events in my life to bring me to seeing those gruesome accidents?

Jesus said that we should love our neighbours as we love ourselves. It was my duty to call that guy and even visit him in hospital. Could it be Him who was always pinching at my mind pleading with me to call my motor cycle guy then I would brush Him off by giving some lame excuse about what a ‘dangerous guy’ the motor cycle guy must be! How stupid was that! Passion was calling at my window in the dead of night and I ignored it for fear of the darkness! Could it be that if I had continued ignoring the message to call my motor cycle guy, my passion would have killed me like it did my dad? Maybe the next gruesome accident would have involved me since I had chosen to learn the hard way! Then people would be laughing at me in Hell saying: “Heaven was just a phone call away, you had the name and number all along and you did not call?” Heeheeheeheehee! “What was the reason for you not calling again? You thought the guy was dangerous?!” Heeheeheehee! “You should have read your Bible more keenly and realized that God is more dangerous that anyone in the world and if you ignore His messages, woe unto you!” Heheeeeeeeeeee!

What message did my motor cycle guy’s amnesia communicate to me? Picture this: what if when I called the guy and introduced myself to him, he said that he did not know of any accident, he was never involved in any accident and he does not know who I am and just hang up? I would be left looking at my phone and thinking …… what the……?! I don’t exist to that guy? He almost killed me! I could relate this to what my counselor said about me not acknowledging that God was there with me before I was born since He created me.

During my days of atheist philosophy, I was suffering from selective amnesia. Many people around me were trying to tell me of something that I had no recollection of, they showed me the signs and I refused to listen. The motor cycle guy accepted what he had been told about the accident, he accepted the circumstantial evidence and even acknowledged my existence without questioning my motives when I called. I could have been an investigator from his health insurance company trying to confirm that his medical complaints were genuine! He just believed what I told him without question. AND so did I! I accepted the phone number given to me as his and all that he told me without question. So why does anyone need definite proof of the existence of God? Is the circumstantial evidence especially the inevitability of my death not sufficient?

I do feel enlightened and hope that there will be no more gruesome accidents featuring in my life.

Chapter 60

2007-10-22T01:35:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 60

How important is sex to you? Think about it. Do you know the difference between good sex and bad sex? These are questions I asked myself the other day when I was thinking about sex.

The difference between good sex and bad sex has nothing to do with what you feel when having the sex. It has everything to do with what you feel AFTER you have had the sex!

Good sex leaves you without any question that the decision to have the sex was a good one.

Bad sex leaves you with very many questions about whether the decision to have the sex was a good one and the answers to those questions tell you that it was a bad decision.

I am an advocate for good sex. I will not have sex unless I am sure that the decision to have it is a good one. These are my rules on having good sex.

1. NEVER FORGET that SEX CAN KILL!! Sex with a stranger or the wrong partner can never be good sex. It may feel good when doing it but what matters is how you feel afterwards.

2. Although sex can kill, it can also GIVE LIFE. Unwanted pregnancies are the result of bad sex.

3. Good sex requires you to THINK DEEPLY about what you are doing BEFORE you do it, not after! Deciding whether or not to have sex is not a gambling game. Irresponsibility must never feature when you are thinking of engaging in an activity that can kill and/or give life.

4. Sex is not like hunger or thirst. Hunger and thirst should be satisfied on a daily basis. Satisfying hunger and thirst will keep you alive and not satisfying them will kill you. The need for sex does not have to be satisfied on a daily basis and more importantly, not having sex, CANNOT KILL YOU AND CANNOT GIVE LIFE.

5. Even with the right partner, the chances of having good sex are directly proportional to the time you have to WAIT for it. The longer you wait, the more likely you are to have good sex. If there is no chance of having sex, then waiting does not come into the equation.

6. BAD SEX is DANGEROUS. After having bad sex, the shame of it will make you do it again as you try to avoid thinking about the dire consequences of the bad decision you made and try to justify to yourself that what you did was not bad. Promiscuity is a vicious cycle. Avoid it as a matter of life and death.

7. Good sex will only happen with the RIGHT PARTNER i.e. someone with whom you feel safe and secure. Safe from an untimely death and secure in the possibility that life may result from having sex with that person.

8. GOOD SEX is NOT DANGEROUS. After having good sex, you cannot regret it, the goodness of it makes you a better person and it is good for your health.

9. The effect of sex, good or bad, is CONTAGIOUS. Good sex makes you an attractive person while bad sex can turn you and those you are having it with, into very repulsive creatures.

10. An advocate for good sex is a BROTHER’S KEEPER. S/he will take reasonable care for the safety and security of his/her partner.

11. Good sex can occur in a wide VARIETY of ways. There is as much variety of good sex to satisfy your appetite as there is a variety of foods. You need not have sex before marriage to determine whether you are choosing the right partner. And once you have found the right partner, take the time to experiment and find out which variety of ways are good for you.

12. Good sex requires GOOD TIMING. Good timing is when you and your partner are both in the mood for sex. Do not insist on sex if your partner is not in the mood for it.

13. Good sex is a matter of GIVE AND TAKE. If your partner is not enjoying the sex, neither will you.

14. Good sex results in faithfulness. If you give good sex, your partner won’t need to go anywhere else to get it. If you get good sex, neither will you.

AND FINALLY

15. Good sex is FOOD FOR THE SOUL. It is a blessed thing. It gives you a taste of what it’s like to be in Heaven, united with God. It cannot be achieved alone or in a group. Electrical currents must flow when having good sex and electricity requires a positive and negative charge. Two positives and two negatives will get you nowhere.

Chapter 59

2007-10-22T01:31:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 59

Boarding or day school? Well, if life is about pleasing God by pursuing your passions and learning to let go of the things of this world, including your loved ones, in preparation for the journey back home, boarding school seems to be the best choice for my children not only for their sake but for mine as well!

The sooner my children can learn to walk this journey of life by themselves, the better for them. Keeping them next to me, will not help them build the independence they need to develop the ability to respond sensibly to life’s challenges i.e. RESPONSIBILITY! They have to live the life they were born to live if they are going to make it to the Land of Knowledge and Understanding. That will not happen if I am constantly around them reminding them of my rules. I need to give them the space to learn how those rules will help them in their lives. Many times when I come home and find my nephew doing what he should not be doing, he looks at me like: “Say it!” And am sure that as I say, “Have you showered? Have you eaten? Have you done your homework?”, he repeats it in his head with me as he walks off to go do what he is supposed to do.

If I had been in boarding school and away from my dad, I might not have had the attachment to him that I developed. The attachment denied me the chance to break away and learn to live my life as my own. As a parent, I can only try to do my best to set a good example for my children and earn their respect but I should not allow them to think of me as super human or superior to them such that they develop a need to be like me. This does not mean that those of my peers who went to boarding school are better at dealing with life’s problems than I am but if I compare myself to my husband, his boarding school experience gave him a sense of independence that took me a much longer time to develop. In fact, if I had never met him I think I would still be quite far behind.

The attachment to their parents or guardians that children develop can be a dangerous thing where the parent or guardian has his/her own unresolved issues like the unforgiving characteristic that I copied from my dad. All of us as children have that need to be the perfect daughter or son in our father’s eyes. What if my dad was absent or he was an alcoholic, or a criminal, or a molester, or a wife beater! What would have happened to my need to be the perfect daughter in his eyes?

I would probably have resented him to the point of hating him and wanting to disown him. That hate or resentment for him would reflect back on me because I would hate that I am part of him. I would then imagine the perfect daddy and substitute him for my real daddy. My life’s purpose would then be to try as much as possible to be the perfect child in my imaginary perfect father’s eyes while at the same time try as much as possible NOT to ever be like my real dad. Out of the frustration of not really knowing this imaginary dad of mine, I would probably end up in many broken relationships searching for him.

Or, if he is a protective parent and I live with him and see him everyday, I would copy him because I don’t know any better.

If children are brought up to compare themselves with their parents, they more often than not end up making it their life’s purpose to prove a point to their parents like I did. With the constant reminders of where my dad had come from and how hard he had worked, I made it my life’s purpose to prove to him that I did have some of his blood flowing in my veins!

There can be no RESPONSIBILITY without INDEPENDENCE. In other words, the ability to respond sensibly to life’s challenges can only be cultivated in an environment where the individual is compelled to depend on himself/herself. Only then can those challenges impart the valuable lessons that they carry with them. I don’t think that my protectiveness will allow me to raise my children with the independence they so badly need. Being at home is not challenging for them at all. They don’t have to depend on themselves for anything and they know it!

It is not that our mothers are of no consequence in our lives. Mothers are the ones who give us life and raise us. They prepare us for the battle while our fathers direct us on the strategy for the battle ahead. Pursuing your life’s purpose on an empty stomach without having taken a shower will not be possible. As children, we look to our mothers to teach us the basics without which we can never realize our life’s purpose. When we feel that the ground we are treading on is shaky, we go back to our mothers for comfort and for the assurance that we are worthy. If our mother is not being the person she is meant to be in our lives, we lose our balance.

The inability of parents to respond sensibly to life’s challenges severely affects the development of children by sending the children on wild goose chases which make them attach themselves to the things of this world forgetting that death, ……… is only a heart beat away and life is all about dying a happy death with no regrets.

Irresponsibility is the inability to respond sensibly to life’s challenges, and is the real epidemic that is plaguing the world today. HIV is a byproduct of the attitude of irresponsibility that the world has adopted in its search for economic development. The world as we know it today is a world of Cains i.e. those who leave their brothers for dead. We are not our brothers’ keepers.

If this is the world I will be sending my children out to when they reach the age of majority, I must make every effort to live the life I was born to live and hopefully keep the timing of my death till after my children have developed the responsibility and independence necessary to direct them towards their life’s purposes. Since death is only a heart beat away, the sooner they develop these qualities, the better for them as well as for me.

Having this in mind, as soon as my children begin to develop an attitude of indifference to my rules, something that is inevitable in an environment of dependence, it is my duty to send them to a suitable boarding school.

Chapter 58

2007-10-19T21:20:00.001-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 58

After a heart breaking ritual of remembrance and letting go over my dad’s death, I heaved a sigh of relief, wiped away the tears and went back for counseling.

Njeri: Where were we?

Counsellor: I was asking you about your fear of being the perfect daughter in God’s eyes and I told you that you will only find your missing something in Heaven.

Njeri: And to get to Heaven, I need to make myself the perfect daughter in God’s eyes, don’t I?

Counsellor: Yes.

Njeri: Is it enough if I at least try to make myself the perfect daughter in God’s eyes or do I have to be it? I cannot see how a human being can possibly be the perfect daughter in God’s eyes.

Counsellor: Well, what is perfection to you?

Njeri: Flawless, sinless, super human!

Counsellor: Perfection in God’s eyes means achieving your life’s purpose. No-one is flawless, sinless or super human. We all have our faults, even the men and women of God written about in the Holy Book were flawed, some in damning ways. All God asks of you is that you achieve your life’s purpose and you will be the perfect daughter in His eyes. There is nothing to fear in that because God has already equipped you with whatever you need to achieve your life’s purpose.

Njeri: I want my life’s purpose now to be about pleasing God and not my dad and my success formula to be to follow my passion (Jesus) believing that as a child of God, success is inevitable, am I on the right path?

Counsellor: You will know when you are on the right path if you experience a feeling of enlightenment every step of the way. Do you feel enlightened?

Njeri: Yes.

Counsellor: There you are.

Njeri: About this fear of the unknown, I must admit that I am afraid of the discoveries I am making about myself. They are unsettling because they are so unexpected. Before I started this quest for my missing ‘something’, I was so sure about myself!

Counsellor: Are you happier now with your life than before you started? That’s all that counts.

Njeri: I don’t know if I can call it happiness. I feel that the discoveries are good but the burden of responsibility for my life that they are placing on me is heavy! It’s so much easier to just leave everything to God. If someone has a car accident, you comfort yourself by saying it was God’s will yet it now seems to me that perhaps its more to do with that person than God! Its beginning to appear to me that apart from being responsible for the kind of life am living, I might also be responsible for the timing of my death. It seems that the kind of person that I am affects the timing of events and opportunities in my life including the time I die and how!

Counsellor: Were you afraid of anything before you started the quest?

Njeri: Not really. I was just curious about my life in the beginning. I thought this quest would be fun but now it has turned out to be a very serious thing! I am still wondering about what I would do if given the choice to go to Heaven right now and leave EVERYTHING behind. I honestly would not know what to do!

Counsellor: Well then, you better think real hard about that because death is an uninvited guest and can come calling any time. When death comes calling, you better be sure that you will be ready to let go of ALL the things of this world including your loved ones, if you want to see God.

Njeri: Wow, until now, I did not realize that letting go of the things of this world, the ones that distract you from your life’s purpose means also letting go of the attachment you have to your loved ones. No wonder it is said that so few of us will make it to Heaven. In reality, we all die alone. Too bad we do not live alone as well. I highly doubt that I am one of the chosen few who will make it to Heaven.

Counsellor: Well girl, that is your choice to make! The free choice that God gave you when He created you. The one He was thinking about on the day of rest. He gave you the power to rule over your life. He sent you passion to help you along the way. You know what you have to do to make it back home. Do you want to go back home or stay here?

Njeri: Of course I would like to go back home but I don’t know if I can make it! Its not even like climbing a mountain, the road is invisible to start with, the challenges are unpredictable, they get harder each time you graduate to a higher level of enlightenment…..! It reminds me of child birth! In order to avoid giving up on this quest which has become a monster, I better touch base with real life for a while. And I don’t think I need another counseling session outside of myself!

Chapter 57

2007-10-17T12:41:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 57

Counsellor: Njeri, you cannot be alone in life. You need to belong somewhere. And writing this book to communicate with others around you and let them know about your life’s experience should be sufficient proof of that.

Njeri: I suppose so.

Counsellor: Why are you writing this book?

Njeri: I do not believe that this book has become all this stuff that it has become. Honestly, I meant to write a column for my rotary club magazine. But once my fingers hit the keyboard and started on chapter one, I found myself writing and writing and writing and then I thought that I had to tell someone about what I was writing because the revelations I was experiencing were mind boggling!

Counsellor: You wanted to share your experience with others. Why not just keep them to yourself?

Njeri: Because I did not think that the revelations were coming from me. I actually felt like I was being inspired to write for a purpose. I also read the book every now and then as I write and I am amazed by how interesting it is even to me.

Counsellor: Have you thought about what the purpose of your writing really is to you?

Njeri: I think it is to share my gift of simplifying the complications of life. That’s all. I do not expect anyone to believe in what am writing. It is just my opinion and some of it is intended purely to entertain and challenge. Its is also something that wont die with me!

Counsellor: So you do not want to be the perfect daughter in God’s eyes? I thought you wanted to be the most invincible of the invincibles in Heaven?

Njeri: Ha! You want to trap me!

Counsellor: No, I want to free you.

Njeri: From what?

Counsellor: Your fear of the unknown.

Njeri: Mmm?

Counsellor: Are you afraid of being the perfect daughter in God’s eyes?

Njeri: No, I would love that. My problem is what it takes to become that!

Counsellor: Do you know what it takes to become the perfect daughter in God’s eyes? You do not seem ready to even consider that question. You are resisting it even before you think about it. Like the forgiveness issue.

Njeri: No. Am not resisting it. I just don’t think that I need to be the perfect daughter in God’s eyes. Why can’t I just be me and try to make the best of me? God’s standards are too high for me. I am just a human being!

Counsellor: Do you want to go to Heaven?

Njeri: Of course. Who doesn’t?!

Counsellor: So if God appeared to you here and now and stretched out His hand for you to take and go to Heaven, would you go?

Njeri: Definitely, without a second thought.

Counsellor: Be honest Njeri, you would leave your daughter and your husband and your law firm and your brothers and your sisters, and your nieces, and your nephews and your mother and your mum just go to Heaven without a second thought?

Njeri (laughing): I think you are trying to trap me. You know that material things mean nothing to me, but the people in my life are priceless!

Counsellor: No, I want to free you.

Njeri: From what?

Counsellor: From the things of this world that you are attached to. You do not realize that going to Heaven is the only way you will find happiness, satisfaction and contentment. It is the place where you will find your ‘missing something’. The one that started you writing. The love you feel for the people here on earth is nothing compared to what you will feel in Heaven. And, by getting yourself to Heaven, you will free your loved ones who are connected to you.

Njeri: I don’t know what to say.

Counsellor: Lets take a break.

Chapter 56

2007-10-17T12:38:00.001-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 56

After an energizing sweat session in my gym room, a long shower, a peep at my sleeping angel and two days of more thinking, I went back for counseling.

Counsellor: Njeri, do you now realize how dangerous it is not to believe in God?

Njeri: Dangerous? Its life threatening! So all this time, my life was based on pleasing my dad when it should have been based on pleasing God!

Counsellor: Exactly. God is immortal so with Him as your Father, being the perfect
daughter in His eyes is an achievable goal.

Njeri: What? Are you crazy? Do you know what being the perfect daughter in God’s
eyes would require? Even at minimum thinking level, I can already tell what HARD WORK that is! God, is a very difficult Being to comprehend. He is invisible, He does not talk out loud, He does not have a shoulder to be cried on, He cannot hug you, He does not have a cell phone, I mean, how does one relate to Him without doubting that their believing in Him is itself an illusion?

Counsellor: Well, when your loved ones are not there next to you, like when your husband travels upcountry and leaves you behind, do you find it difficult to relate to him?

Njeri: No. I know where he is and am going to see him soon when he comes back home. We also talk on the phone daily.

Counsellor: You assume that your husband will come back. But his coming back is dependent on a lot of things remaining constant, things beyond your control. There are many loved ones who leave home one morning and never come back. You have already admitted to living your life under the guidance of somebody who died more than a decade ago.

Njeri: What are you getting at?

Counsellor: My point is this. The presence of God in your life and His influence in your life does not require Him to be alive in this world like you are. Just like your dad’s influence in your life, even in death did not require him to be alive in this world.

Njeri: Ok, I get that point but you see, there was a time that my dad was alive and here with me and I have memories of him. Its not like that with God?!

Counsellor: That is what you think but do you know where you were before you were born?

Njeri: You mean that perhaps I was with God before I was born and being alive is a temporary separation from him just like when my husband travels upcountry?

Counsellor: Exactly. Who created you? God!

Njeri: But God stayed at home and am the one who left huh?

Counsellor: Yes.

Njeri: And where the hell is this I came to?

Counsellor: You came to the school of life to learn about who you are and your purpose as a child of God.

Njeri: I can see what you are saying about God and I suppose it is true. The fact that my death is an inevitable certainty should communicate an important point to me. That this world is not my home.

Counsellor: Yes.

Njeri: Now lets go back to this being a perfect daughter in God’s eyes. Why cant I just say that now that I have accepted my dad’s death, I do not need to be anyone’s perfect daughter?

Counsellor: Wait a minute. Are you sure that you have accepted your dad’s death?

Njeri: Well, after our last session, I did a lot of thinking about what accepting his death entails. It means that I have to accept that my dad died with some serious unresolved issues which I cannot do much about now. I can only hope that he will get a second chance. On my part, what he thought of me at his death should not concern me. I should only be concerned with what I think of myself. My life is my own and as long as I am happy with myself and ready to face the consequences of my thoughtless or thoughtful actions, I do not need anyone’s approval. So I have accepted his death. And am moving on. I just don’t know where to as far as my need to be the perfect daughter in my father’s eyes is concerned.

Counsellor: Remember this Njeri, as a human being, you have an inherent need to be something. You need to have a life’s purpose. And most of all, you need to feel accepted. Like you belong somewhere and to someone. Even the way of the world is clear on this.

Njeri: You mean that loving myself and being happy with myself is not sufficient?

Counsellor: Think about it. Are your parents, your siblings, your husband and children, your friends, your employees, your clients, all the people in your life, important to you? Ask yourself this. Why are you writing this book?

Njeri: Oh!

Chapter 55

2007-10-16T00:08:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 55

Before my dad died, he feared that his family would end up like those he had seen left fighting for their father’s wealth. He feared that my legal training would enlighten me as to what my rights were. He knew about me visiting my mother. After I came back from England, I used to go visit my mother every now and then and I would say where I was going. I thought that by being open about what I was doing, I would avoid arousing suspicion about my motives. And, it would give my parents an opportunity to address the issue if they felt like it.

Well, nothing was said about my visits until the eve of my parents’ departure on a trip to England in search of treatment for my dad’s condition. On that day, my dad told me that he had been told about a conspiracy by me to take all his wealth from my mum and give it to my mother. He was so convinced about the truth of the conspiracy that nothing I said made him see that it cannot be true. I realized that perhaps I should have kept my visits to my mother a secret! But how could he expect me to just forget about my mother?!

When my parents left for England leaving me in charge of the household and the family business, my dad was not talking to me. He did not even say goodbye. He died 6 months later. We talked on the phone a few times and I think eventually he came to realize that there was no such conspiracy or he decided that there was nothing he could do about it if it existed. He had done enough by addressing it with me. When we talked on the phone he behaved as if nothing had happened and I could not possibly bring it up knowing that he was already suffering so much.

He died when my sisters and I were on a plane going to England to see him. I had been talking to my brother and my aunt and my mum who were with him and it seemed that death had become a possibility to them. So I decided that we would all go see him probably for the last time. We never made it.

By the time we got to the hospital, he was lying in bed, still warm, but clearly dead. After trying to wake him up for a while, I realized that he was gone but I did not accept it. I decided to believe that he was around somewhere maybe on one of his business trips. He had to come back and talk to me so I could tell him that I had no interest in his wealth and I would never do anything to hurt my mum or my sisters. I wanted him to know that I did not blame him for what happened to my mother, but I had to help her for my own reasons.

If I accepted that he was dead, then there is a real possibility that he died thinking that I was the bad person he said I was! Then what would happen to my wanting to be the perfect daughter in my father’s eyes? His death would kill my purpose for living!

Counsellor: Well, I don’t know what to say!

Njeri: Lets take a break.

Chapter 54

2007-10-16T00:06:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 54

Had I accepted the death of my dad? Well, that was a complicated question for me. It required me to examine my relationship with my dad. The thought of performing such an examination was daunting. I decided that I needed some counseling if I was to deal with this issue.

Dealing with my relationship with my mum and my mother was nowhere close to dealing with my relationship with my dad because it seemed to me that my dad was the centre of everything in my life. My awareness of his faults made me fear that I may have replicated his mistakes in my own life in my effort to please him. The fact that I was an unforgiving person probably came from the fact that I thought that he never forgave my mother for whatever terrible thing it was that she had done to deserve the treatment he gave her. I probably justified my hardheartedness by comparing myself with him.

I had never needed counseling before. At least I did not think that I needed it. But now, I considered consulting an expert to help me address my relationship with my dad, how it has affected me in the decisions I have been making in my life and why I have not accepted his death. I could not wait to arrange an appointment with a counselor to address these issues because as each day passes by, I may be making mistakes that I am not aware of because of my faulty thinking. I decided to carry out a mock counseling session with myself and see how far I could get. After all, no-one knows my problems better than me. The session went something like this:-

Counsellor: The best way to deal with your problem Njeri is to set out the facts about your relationship with your dad that you feel concerned about. Can you do that?

Njeri: Aaah, what does that mean?

Counsellor: Well can you put your feelings about your problem into a series of simple questions?

Njeri: Ok, first question: what do I think happened between my mother and my dad that caused their separation?

Counsellor: That’s a good one. But, are you able to answer it factually? You must be careful not to imagine things because your imaginations are what could have brought you here in the first place.

Njeri: Well, I was only 2 or 3 years old when they separated so I do not know for a fact what happened.

Counsellor: Do you want to know? And why?

Njeri: Well, considering where we are today, what happened between them is irrelevant because it cannot be resolved. My dad is already dead. Its probably not even my concern what happened between them.

Counsellor: Good, so what happened between them is not an issue for you. But I think that the fact that they separated, for whatever reason, must have affected your thinking in some way. Would you agree?

Njeri: Oh yes, definitely.

Counsellor: Do you know how?

Njeri: Yes I do. In many ways some of which are good and some of which are bad. I am concerned about the bad ones.

Counsellor: And what are the bad ones?

Njeri: Why did my dad not talk to me about her, my mother that is, and tell me what happened? He made a feeble attempt once by telling me that staying with her would have meant hardship for us all. I did not understand what that meant. If he felt that he was justified in what he did, why could he not tell it to me (and my brothers) in clear terms? Perhaps he was afraid of us asking him to help her, something he could not bring himself to do. Or perhaps he could not do it because he feared my mum? I think that my dad’s refusal to address the issue with me was wrong in that it made me think that what he did was right since she must have wronged him. In the same way, I refused to forgive those who wronged me.

Counsellor: Now that you realize that, what will you do?

Njeri: Well fortunately, I have already dealt with my unforgiving heart. But now, I am glad that I have also addressed its source and let go of it.

Counsellor: Anything else?

Njeri: Yes. I have realized that I need to address my own issues with myself first and come to terms with the choices I make in life because my inability to face my demons will no doubt affect my children. I need to be open with my children and address any issues I think may be affecting them without fearing my own unresolved issues.

Counsellor: Why is it so important to you to please your dad?

Njeri: I really do not know. I think that children need someone to look up to. Children need guidance. How does a child find a purpose in his/her life? It can only be by attaching himself or herself to someone s/he thinks s/he would want to be like when s/he grows up. The first choice is obviously our parents or guardians. For me, it was my dad. I thought that my dad was superman. He could never fail. So if I made choices which pleased him, I could be like him.

Counsellor: But what about his faults. How did you address those?

Njeri: I was blind to them. I accepted them as part of who he was. That way, I could accept my own faults too. This was wrong of me because it blinded me to my own faults and prevented me from addressing them thinking that I was allowed to be faulty. Now I have to teach my children that it is not acceptable to be faulty. Only mistakes are acceptable but they must be corrected.

Counsellor: So what about his death? You know that he died a long time ago. Did you accept his death?

Njeri: Let me explain.

Chapter 53

2007-10-16T00:04:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 53

I was wondering about choosing suitable schools for my children now that I had a success formula that I wanted them to adopt at the earliest stage possible. The first question I was considering was whether boarding school or day school is preferable.

I am a protective parent and could never have imagined taking any of my children to boarding school. The choice of which school to take my niece to was my husband’s. I chose which school to take my nephew to. My niece ended up in boarding school while my nephew ended up in day school.

NO WAY, was I ever going to boarding school. I completely refused to go to boarding school. I was in day school throughout my primary school days. After my primary school national exams I passed so well I was accepted in one of the best national girls secondary schools in the country, which was a boarding school. I refused to go. My reasons for refusing were very sound to me. I could not possibly shower with cold water! Eat githeri with weevils! Sleep on a thin mattress! Share a dorm room with so many other girls! Have my junk food rationed! Be separated from the comforts I had at home! NO WAY! I rated my life at a 3 out of 10 because I had the luxury of making such a choice. At that time I had no idea how desperately parents of other children were dying for their children to go to that school. I did not even think about the cost implication of choosing a private day school as opposed to a public boarding school. Not to mention that God had taken a little more time designing for me a brain intelligent enough to get me the grades I was aiming for. My dad did not mind me going to day school since anyway, I had proved that being at home did not hinder my ability to excel in my studies. So day school it was.

Now I have been wondering whether my fear of boarding school is well founded or based on shallow thinking. In making decisions relating to my children’s future, the important starting point is to establish what it is I want to achieve with them.

EVERYONE would love to be the mother or father of President so and so, or Doctor so and so, or Lawyer so and so, or Engineer so and so etc. We all want our children to excel in life and leave us grinning from cheek to cheek with pride when they come home to visit with their beautiful families dressed up in designer clothes, just back from a holiday in the Bahamas, driving a Range Rover sports from their mansion in the surburbs and speaking intelligent stuff that keeps our mouths gaping at how advanced our little boy or little girl is in the world.

I have to accept that it is not enough to set rules at home when my children will spend most of their lives at school. If the schools they are in do not enforce similar rules to those I have set at home, no doubt there will be a problem. So the choice of schools for my children is very important if am ever going to be grinning with pride at how they turn out.

As I was pondering on the question of schools for my children, I asked myself a question that left me shocked when I realized the answer. I asked, “Njeri, if now is the time you are discovering that your life should be guided by your passions, what was your life guided by in the last more than 3 decades that you have been alive?” At first, I could not answer the question. I thought and thought and thought for about 4 days until I found the answer. You will be surprised by the answer.

Prior to finding Jesus this year, the choices I was making in my life were motivated by my need to please my dad! Imagine that! All my life, I have always wanted so much to show my dad that I appreciate everything he did for me and that I can be the little girl he always wanted me to be. My dad died more than a decade ago. Could it be that I have never accepted his death?!

My dad never ever told me that he wanted me to please him. In fact he made it very clear that my life was my own and all he was doing was helping me get a good head start by giving me a good education. So how in the world did I, as a child, and even as a grown up, develop such an attachment to my dad that I was basing my life’s choices on what would please him even long after his death? It is not that I consulted him on anything or that I always did what I thought would please him but before I decided to do anything, I would consider what my dad would think and make my decision based on whether I could convince him that what I was doing was right for me.

This line of thought put a long pause on the thought about my children’s schools and brought up a huge concern for how I was communicating with my children. I realized that there is a gap in the way we teach our children about their futures. It seems to me that the gap arises when we refuse to address issues with our children that we know all too well they are thinking about. I think that the reason I became so attached to pleasing my dad was because I feared that if I did not please him, he would leave me like he left my mother and then only God knows where I would have ended up! Imagine that! And imagine how long it has taken me to realize this. This need to please my dad was not a conscious one. It was in my sub-conscience. Obviously the education gap I was thinking about needed very serious consideration since its effect on me and probably on everyone I know is far reaching.

I have realized (and this probably applies to all women in the world) that what I want most in life is to be the perfect daughter in my father’s eyes. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be the perfect daughter in your father’s eyes. The problem arises when you relate that need to your earthly father who is mortal and faulted instead of relating it to your God who is immortal, invincible and perfect.

Chapter 52

2007-10-13T20:56:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 52

When is the right time to find your passion, discover your spiritual identity and purpose in life and start living the life you were born to live?

I wish I had known and discovered all these things when I was much younger. I might have achieved a lot more than I have now, but who knows? Well, coulda, woulda, shoulda are completely out of my life. Which brings me to considering how to ensure that my children start living the lives they were born to live at the earliest possible time. I am writing this book in the hope that I will see quite a few familiar faces when I get to the Land of Knowledge and Understanding. As far as my children are concerned, I am not taking any chance of them not getting there!

What kind of upbringing does a child need in order to excel in life? If my niece was in day school and her first priority when she gets home from school is to ensure that the lipstick she is wearing matches her outfit as she skips daintly out to the car where the driver is waiting to take her to village market to hang out with her friends, could she ever possibly learn how to spell the word ‘RESPONSIBILITY’? I highly doubt it and am not willing to experiment on that.

For me, the one thing that will ensure that my children excel in life, that is, make the best of themselves, is learning how to spell the word RESPONSIBILITY and engrave it into their characters. That’s all. But let me tell you this, from my experience, teaching a child to be responsible is one of the world’s most difficult tasks ever and mind you, it starts from babyhood.

My daughter is about to turn a year old and I can already see the bratishness beginning to manifest itself when she moans about nothing and refuses to listen when asked to stop doing something. I am already teaching her to take responsibility for her actions by keeping my distance from her and letting her hit her head on the floor as she tries to stand, watching carefully as she presses her fingers on a drawer which I have told her not to open and then letting her know that its all her fault when she starts moaning, giving her a slap on her back if she tries to drink the bath water or reach for my shoes which I have told her not to do but she insists on doing anyway.

At first, it seemed like such a difficult thing to do to let her hurt herself. I had to fight the urge to run quickly by her aside and make a fuss over her getting hurt until I came to realize that in fact, she does not feel any pain most of the time. She has hit herself sometimes when I think oh my, wait for the scream and … nothing! When she moans, I just talk her out of it without picking her up and get on with what am doing. She then keeps quiet and gets on with what she was doing even repeating what hurt her in the first place.

I have nine rules that I try to follow in teaching my children how to spell the word responsibility and engrave it in their characters.

The first is to let them free, within safe limits, to learn from their surroundings and others around them. Possessiveness has to be thrown out the window.

The second rule is NEVER to give a child ANYTHING s/he wants. If you break this rule, be ready for your home to turn into a hell on earth like the homes of those parents who appear on Nanny 911. I believe that that show is not for real. Those parents and their kids must be pretending. I cannot see it any other way. For me, my home is mine, not my children’s. They live by my rules, not me by their rules, NEVER.

The third rule is to keep a close eye on what your children are doing. Do not assume anything. I have discovered that I cannot afford to relax on any rules and assume that they have been understood and are being followed. Raising children is like a game of shake that lasts for years with me on the line and them trying to get past me to see what I will do. Tiring does not even begin to describe it.

The fourth rule is to keep presents only for special occasions and not for all the time. If they need something, buy it because they need it. Like a pencil, rubber, sharpener, bigger clothes and shoes as they grow and make sure they know why you are buying the stuff. If you buy presents for your kids all the time without expecting them to earn the presents, the children will never learn that life only rewards good behaviour and the difference between right and wrong, that is, following your rules and not following your rules. Your ability to provide your children with treats and presents should be recognized as a powerful tool in controlling your children’s behaviour and teaching them not to take you for granted.

The fifth rule is to make sure that your children have an irrational fear of one parent who adopts a no nonsense attitude around them. That’s definitely not me; it is my husband. Thank God am not a single parent who has to juggle the two roles of (1) being open to free discussions about what happened in school and who did what and being asked difficult questions and (2) being feared. For some reason, my children have an irrational fear of my husband. It is not that he does not play around and joke with them. I think it is because they know that he expects perfection from them. This is communicated just by talking down to them and making them realize they are far far far far away from ever being on the same level as him. You must teach your children to respect your position and understand the boundaries.

The sixth rule is to speak to your children in simple language that they can understand. Don’t tell them to take responsibility for their lives or to go clean their rooms. You have to tell them specifically what it is they are supposed to do. Show them where they have gone wrong and what they ought to have done. Walk into their rooms with them and point out what needs to be done. You need a lot of patience because you might find yourself repeating the same thing over and over again for months on end until one day some miracle happens and they start doing the things you have been singing about automatically.

The seventh rule is to assign your children work in the house. As they grow, you need to let them help out with housework. That way, they learn not to take the comforts of your home and your house-helps for granted. Even if they do it badly at first and you have to re-do it, they will never learn if you do not let them try.

The eighth rule is to ALWAYS remember that your children will grow and mature into adults whether you like it or not and in a few years time, you will be kissing them goodbye and sending them out into the big bad world to fend for themselves. Equip them well so that when that day comes, you have nothing to fear. Your child will not wake up the next morning after his/her 18th birthday and suddenly turn into a responsible young person. NO! You must start teaching them responsibility at an early age by instilling good habits.

The ninth and most important rule is to set a good example for your children. The apple does not fall far from the tree. Do not be a hypocrite of a parent setting rules for your children that you cannot justify. If you expect your children to excel in their lives, you better be excelling in yours as well!!

Chapter 51

2007-10-12T08:48:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 51

I did not go to church and wear my t-shirt last Sunday. Instead, I went to visit my niece at boarding school, which was a nice break. My niece is a lovely girl. She has taught me that the challenges of boarding school can transform a seemingly weak spirit into a determined and confident spirit. Protecting our children from the hardships of life is not a good idea if they are ever to find their passions.

I said that the Bible has the answers to all my questions even which president I should vote for. Well, it also says that God’s word is the same today, tomorrow and always. This is why I apply what I read in the Bible to what is happening today. Even King Solomon said that nothing new happens in this world, everything that is happening today has happened before. I think that is true.

So I have been wondering why it is that when people have been studying the Bible, me included, they read it in a worldly sense and not a spiritual sense. It can only be the same today, tomorrow and always if it is read and applied in a spiritual sense. The person of Moses can exist today in a spiritual sense in the form of Raila Odinga as I have shown. But in a worldy sense, that can NEVER happen.

Previously, I thought that we were all little pieces within the body of God forming his fingers, toes, legs, arms, belly etc. I have changed this perspective and instead adopted a view of God not as a body but as a mind.

If God is a mind, what are the different parts of the mind that can come together to form one? My answer is the qualities that make up one’s personality like Patience, Curiosity, Forgiveness, Hopefulness, Kindness, Belief, Faithfulness, Humility etc. As part of God’s mind, we exist as one of these qualities in a spiritual form. Our bodies are human but our minds are spiritual. In order to understand how our spiritual minds work, God gave us a human body. The visible human body made up of different parts functioning together in harmony helps us gain a better understanding of the invisible mind made up of different qualities functioning together in harmony.

Jesus, is the Son of God. We, are children of God. To me, passion is one common quality that all other qualities cannot survive without. Petroleum is used by a variety of models of cars and without it, those cars are not taking you anywhere no matter how much they cost. So Jesus is our petroleum so to speak. He fuels us. To me, the worldly identity of the Son of God as a human being is Jesus. His spiritual identity is Passion. How else can he exist inside us?

Same applies to me. My worldly identity as a human being is Njeri. What is my spiritual identity? The Bible tells us that we are created in the image of God. So we all have all of God’s qualities in us. But we are not the same, we are equal in different ways. To me this means that each of us has a predominant quality. After making a thorough assessment of the qualities of my mind, I found that I am definitely not forgiveness, or patience, or belief, or humility. I settled on hopefulness because I am able to see a way out of practically any situation no matter how bad. I am a hopeful spirit. What is your spiritual identity?

To me, a spiritual identity is essential in showing you what your purpose in life is. In finding your spiritual identity, you can identify what special gift God has bestowed on you. You can also narrow down on what roles you can fit into in this world of variety. As a hopeful spirit, my purpose is to help people find a way out of seemingly hopeless situations. This must be why I enjoy being a lawyer. I could also have been a psychologist, or a counselor, or a social worker, or a teacher, or a writer, or an inspirational speaker. All these are professions that a hopeful spirit can pursue passionately. Those professions bring out the best in a hopeful spirit. Put me in a mental institution, or a nursing home, or a crowded bar, or a hospital theatre and you’ve killed my spirit! These are places for people of very different spiritual identities from mine.

The other very important thing about finding your spiritual identity is that it helps you realize the weaknesses in your other qualities. I cannot be a hopeful spirit if I do not believe in anything and am an unforgiving, mean, lazy, atheist philosopher!

And finally, I think that the kind of person you are affects the kind of people you attract around you. Without a spiritual identity, you cannot know whether the people you are attracting are bringing out the best or the worst in you. You will be easily swayed or threatened by those who appear to be stronger than you. You should never feel threatened by anyone. We are all just as good as each other. That is why we all die the same way!

How much money we have, where we live, what cars we drive, what clothes we wear, how pretty or beautiful or handsome anyone is, how good a marriage anyone has is totally irrelevant.

You will never discover your spiritual identity if you are not thinking about your life and the choices you are making and your mind is attached to the temporary things of this world.

Find your spiritual identity and work towards attracting the kind of job and the kind of friends that bring out the best in you in your passionate pursuit of your life’s purpose.

Chapter 50

2007-10-09T20:56:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 50

There are three presidential candidates in Kenya this year. My first minimum thinking decision in regard to who I will vote for was to eliminate Kalonzo Musyoka for the simple reason that only a miracle could get him into office and I do not want to waste my vote.

The other two candidates are the current president, His Excellency President Emilio Mwai Kibaki and the dangerous man, Raila Odinga.

There is a story in the Bible about a man called Moses. Moses was chosen by God to go to Egypt and free the Israelites from slavery. Moses was not confident and asked God to provide him with someone who could speak on his behalf and God appointed Moses’ brother called Aaron. Both Moses and Aaron went to Egypt and confronted the Pharaoh and after a few miracles and plagues, the Israelites were freed from slavery after which they proceeded into the desert on their way to the promised land called Canaan. Along the way, the Israelites camped at the foot of Mount Sinai and Moses climbed up the mountain to go and meet with God and receive the Ten Commandments. While Moses was gone, he left Aaron in charge. When Moses came down the mountain after receiving the Ten Commandments, he found that the Israelites were worshipping idols and had turned away from God. When he asked Aaron what happened, Aaron blamed the people and said they made him make the idols for them. Those who refused to change their ways and follow Moses were killed at the bottom of the mountain and the rest proceeded on to find Canaan.

In my assessment, Raila is Moses and Kibaki is Aaron. They are both Kenyans and therefore brothers. Raila is a Luo and Kibaki is a Kikuyu. Raila, in choosing Kibaki at the last election did so believing that only a Kikuyu could beat a Kikuyu since the alternative candidate was Uhuru Kenyatta. Raila, like Moses, was not confident that he could succeed on his own.

The same dilemma Moses was faced with at the bottom of the mountain is what Raila is faced with now. He was the one who told the Kenyan people to vote in Kibaki at the last election so the question he is being asked is: if Kibaki was good then, what has changed? His efforts to explain what is wrong with the current government although supported by factual evidence are being shunned without concrete evidence by those who were worshipping the idols of economic development and tribalism when Raila was consulting with God on his next move. Moses was not an angel. He had killed a man in Egypt and had abandoned his people for many years. But he was God’s choice. To me, Raila is also God’s choice for Kenya because compared to Kibaki, Raila has a lot less danger in him.

In making my decision to vote for Raila, I set out a criteria of the kind of person I would vote for. For me, the choice is between a brother’s keeper and a Cain.

Cain is another man whose story is told in the Bible. Cain killed his brother, Abel, and when God asked him where his brother was he said that he is not his brother’s keeper. Cain was a hands-off approach kind of guy who left his brother for dead! I will not vote for a Cain, I will vote for a brother’s keeper.

The following is what a brother’s keeper does:-

(a) A brother’s keeper is one who acts in the best interests of those close to him. If you cannot act in the best interests of your loved ones, why should I expect you to act in my best interests? A brother’s keeper defends those who are benefiting from his position not only in private but also in public.

(b) A brother’s keeper is respected by all his children regardless of who their mother is. And takes appropriate action to ensure that he gets the God given respect due to him.

(c) A brother’s keeper is someone whose associates and friends do not assemble private armies of panga wielding youths numbering a thousand-fold and then threaten his fellow men with peeing on them. The associates and friends of a brother’s keeper do not send hooded gangs to raid private offices for sinister reasons.

(d) A brother’s keeper chooses his friends carefully, avoids thieves like the plague and keeps the company of God fearing men and not Raila fearing men.

(e) A brother’s keeper speaks in unison with his friends and does not wait for his friends to hurl abuses then stand up and say he does not agree with them.

(f) A brother’s keeper is one who does not practice the politics of hypocrisy by pleading to the work force to put their selfish interests aside and pay taxes while they themselves cannot put their selfish interests aside and use those taxes responsibly. A brother’s keeper’s first order of business should be to pay numerous visits to the slums of Kenya and immediately provide them with the basic needs that their children are taught about at school. Community Development Fund and Youth Development Fund are great ideas, but a person who does not have food, clothing and shelter ought not to be expected to file an application or wait in line for his turn to get help. I have never seen President Kibaki set foot in any of our slums.

(g) A brother’s keeper is one who takes immediate action when his associates abuse or steal from his clients who have put him where he is. Especially if he is the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces.

(h) A brother’s keeper does not sit on the fence. A brother’s keeper stands for something or falls for everything. A brother’s keeper represents a fixed agenda and does not support the varied agendas of anyone and everyone.

(i) A brother’s keeper is someone who has something to lose. Not someone who is going in for his last term in office accompanied by thieves, a man with a panga and a snake.

(j) A brother’s keeper is someone who you can entrust the future of your babies and little children to. A brother’s keeper who cares about the future of your babies and little children must of necessity be someone who is a hands-on approach kind of guy. Someone who is willing to rock your baby to sleep and not be vexed by her colicy cries, someone who remembers her feeding time, someone who is alert and aware of what is happening around them, someone who keeps out thieves and barbarians, someone who is willing to wipe your baby’s poo, someone who can speak your baby’s language and talk baby talk, someone who can tell when your baby is unwell and take immediate action appropriately.

Am going to Canaan people. You decide where you want to go.

Chapter 49

2007-10-09T20:55:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 49

Finding your passion is one thing, obsessing over finding your passion is another. For the last few days I was obsessed with having found my passion and deciding to follow it. Confusion abound in my mind but finally I pulled through. It has not been easy changing my perspective of life so drastically as I have done especially on the issue of God. But I am happy about having done so and look forward to seeing my passion filled future unfold before my eyes.

I do not expect it to be easy but it has never been easy anyway. I think it will be easier now that as far as possible all my choices will be well thought out.

Now that I am back to sobriety, let me make my point clear to you. My question to you is this. Don’t you want to know who you are, what your purpose is here on earth and why you do the things you do? Who does not want to know this? Even one who is ashamed of his/her past, should be making changes now so that s/he can have a shameless future.

Death is not final. Many of us believe this. Even if death is final to you, as long as you are alive, you may as well make the best of your life!

This is what I think. I think that the difference between Heaven and Hell is simple. The people in Heaven know who they are and their purpose and those in Hell do not! And Hell is not a place anyone is sent to. It is the automatic result of a purposeless life. If you do not know yourself and your purpose, the knowledge of God will be too advanced for your small mind to comprehend.

It does not take much to know who you are and realize your purpose. All you need to do is think. Exploit the free mind you were born with. Realize that not knowing yourself and your purpose is a dangerous thing. It makes you wear a mask and pretend to be someone you are not. Many of us mask our insecurities caused by our lack of knowledge of ourselves and our purpose using weapons such as bad tempers, pride, inferiority complexes, oppressive behaviour, defensive behaviour, abusive behaviour, self pity, addictions and the like.

The choice here is as follows: You either choose to know yourself and your purpose and thus live a transparent life open for everyone to see or you choose to not know yourself and your purpose and thus live an insecure, secretive life. Which will it be? And why?

Do not fear. Life is an illusion which ends when you die and reality hits home. Do not attach yourself to the people here on earth and worry about their opinions of you. At death, its each man for himself and God for all of us. God should be foremost in your mind when deciding what kind of life you want to have.

A purposeful life, which is what a passion filled life is, requires a minute assessment of all aspects of your life from the bed you wake up in to the clothes you wear, the way you style your hair, your overall appearance, how you treat others around you, your eating habits, your sleeping habits, what you do with your work and your money, your relationship with your parents, your relationship with your children and your siblings, your marriage or partnership, your addictions etc.

After you have assessed your life, you need to assess your character and work at building on the attributes that will help you find your passion like self-confidence, patience, tolerance, boldness, curiosity, belief, loyalty, conviction, forgiveness, honesty, determination, ambition, initiative etc.

In order to build these characteristics, you have to be ready to make a DARING move in your life. For instance, if you are not happy with your job, change it; if you are not happy with your marriage, sit down with your spouse and discuss what changes are necessary; if you are not happy with anyone in your life, sit them down and address the issue on your mind without being confrontational; if you are not happy with your car, change it; if you are not happy with your house, change it;, if you are holding onto past hurt, address it and let it go.

Unless you surgically clean out your mind and justify everything in your life, you are blocking yourself from realizing your full potential and finding contentment.

Christians who want to see Jesus and have Him lead them into Heaven to meet with their God are required to present themselves as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to God. Our bodies do not make it to Heaven. It is our minds that matter. A mind filled with thoughts that relate to worldly purposes will remain attached to the world even at death. To get to Heaven, your mind should be filled with thoughts that relate to who you will be at your death when worldly purposes cease to be of any significance.

I have come to a realization that timing is everything in everything in life. The choices you make in your life in regard to the kind of person you are and the things you do determine the timing of events in your life and thus, the people you meet and the opportunities open to you.

For instance, if you are a mean bad tempered person, most people will keep away from you and you will miss the opportunity of getting to know someone who may have an association with the love of your life! If your business dealings are dishonest, you waste time planning your lies and end up missing out on business dealings with honest people that are probably more lucrative and definitely less stressful.

Your thoughts are what you act on and your actions are dependent on what information you have available to you. Do not limit your choices by refusing to just think about who you are and what your purpose is in life.

One of the choices I have made to start off my passion filled life is which presidential candidate to vote for this year. Am certain that my choice will get me where I want to go because as I said, the Bible has the answers to all your questions. If you think and look hard enough, you will find them.

Chapter 48

2007-10-04T20:13:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 48

And then there is the song that tells it all and I have always loved that song from the first time I heard it and now I know why. It’s sang by a guy I would love to meet called Michael Smith.

It goes like this (and I know it off head):-

‘When the music fades, and all is stripped away, and I simply come. Longing just to bring, something that’s of worth, that will bless your heart. I’ll bring you more than a song, for a song in itself is not what you have required, you search much deeper within, through the way things appear, you’re looking into my heart’

The chorus, is the clincher:-

‘Am going back to the heart of worship, and its all about you, its all about you, Jesus. Am sorry Lord for the thing I have made it when IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU, all about you, JESUS.’

‘King of endless worth, no-one could express how much you deserve, though am weak and poor, all I have is yours, every single breath. I’ll bring you more than a song, for a song in itself, is not what you have required, you search much deeper within, through the way things appear, you’re looking into my heart.’

Back to chorus.

You have to buy his album and play that song out loud and sing with Michael Smith like I did, unknowingly, when I started writing. Now I know exactly what that song means to me. What does it mean to you? Can you understand it?

The music and all that is stripped away is the nonsense you are carrying around in your mind. Realize you have a longing to pursue your passions and thus bless your heart. And make it more than a song which is not enough. Search deeper within you, think DEEP! And see through the way things appear. Look inside your heart.

And find that life is all about following your passion.

So do you see that someone died yesterday? And I have been born again?

I am making it all about Jesus, my passion, my saviour, my EVERYTHING.

Make it about your Jesus as well. And let us make the world a better place.

Chapter 47

2007-10-04T19:47:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 47

There is a song that am certain every Christian who has ever gone to church knows and has been singing it like an idiot.

The song is: “I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided, to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back. The world behind me, The cross before me, The world behind me, The cross before me, The world behind me, The cross before me, no turning back, no turning back.’

Sing with me please and see how stupid you have been not knowing who Jesus is. Jesus is passion. He will set you free. And decide to follow Him and leave the world behind you.

So sing that song LIKE YOU MEAN IT!! And follow your passion, Jesus.

Chapter 46

2007-10-04T19:40:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 46

WHO I AM is God. I am acquiring a better understanding of who I am. A better understanding of God, my creator.

Jesus is your passion. Pursue Him and start acting on the thoughts that God planted in you at birth. When Jesus comes calling, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND SEE JESUS. Remember that He comes like a thief in the dead of night. So to feel Him inside you, you must focus, think deep, place aside the fear that makes you think you are too small to do it and the pride that makes you feel like you are too big to do it.

Think deep and bring out Jesus in you. Bring out your passion. And when it comes, pursue it like your life depends on it, which it does.

Shallow thinking, moderate thinking, minimum thinking will take you to hell. Only deep thinking will get you to heaven the place of knowledge.

Jesus is the light of the world. Jesus came to save the world. Realize who Jesus is. Jesus is passion. God saw you wandering around holding onto the things of this world like a fool and sent His son Jesus to save you from the things of this world that were preventing you from finding your Tree of Life.

I am still me but my mind has expanded a notch and I am thinking differently. I am discovering the thoughts that God planted in my mind which will make me the great person that I yearn to be. I am no longer blinded by mean driving, hard heartedness, money and all the things that were holding me back from graduation i.e. finding my tree of life. I passed my exams this time round. But there is more to come.

ALL the events that occur in your life happen for a reason. They are there to teach you something. In order for you to see this, you must of necessity let go of all those things which have been preventing you from pursuing your passions. YOU MUST! And no-one can tell you what those things are. You already know what they are. Stop with the shallow thinking adopt a deep thinking approach to EVERYTHING around you. Justify everything that you are doing in your life to yourself do not accept unanswered questions. You are a light and as you are, you are capable of achieving greatness in your own eyes. But that will NEVER happen until you ask questions about your life and why you do the things you do and if necessary, change what you realize is wrong. Realize that the things you are doing are the ones that are making your life what it is!

Take time off and think about:-

1. The state of your life at present.
2. Whether you are happy with your life.

Do not allow yourself to do ANYTHING AT ALL unless you know why you are doing it. If you do things without thinking, you will be trapped in a life that is not yours. In other words, you will end up in HELL. So free yourself from that life that is not yours and pursue the one that is. You will be mesmerized by the result. Like I am now.

Do not go back to sleep when Jesus (your passion) comes calling in the dead of night. Come out of the house and see Jesus. He will set you free. By that I mean that when you feel that strong urge to do something, i.e. when Jesus (your passion) comes calling, DO IT, i.e. come out of the house and see Jesus. See your passion. Do not let the fear of the night i.e. the fear of death, which is inevitable, the fear of not having enough money, the fear of what others will think, the fear of making a fool of yourself, any fear whatsoever, stop you from what YOU HAVE TO DO.

Realize that in the same way as you have to eat, you have to drink, you have to go to the loo, YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW YOUR PASSIONS.

Following your passions is a matter of life and death. If you want life, you must let your passions flow. If you want death, then continue doing what you are doing without questioning it, like the real FOOL that you are. You are driving on the highway to hell where there is no understanding.

Chapter 45

2007-10-04T19:38:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 45

What does your mother do for you? She gives birth to you. So if you want to be reborn and come to a full understanding of who you are and what your purpose in life is, you need to go back to her. She has the answers for you. You do not have to see her like I did yesterday, you only need to think deeply about her. And then you will see her as who she really is. If you think that you have wronged her IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER, correct that wrong immediately. If she has wronged you, forgive her immediately. You will make a connection with her similar to the one that was made when God breathed life into you when you were in her womb.

The same applies to your father. You are part of him too and if you have any wrong things between yourself and your father address that wrong immediately otherwise, you cannot graduate to a life of passion.

Your parents are the starting point to a life of passion. Just like they are the starting point to your life here on earth.

HONOUR YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FATHER THAT YOUR DAYS MAY BE LONG UPON THE LAND WHICH THE LORD YOUR GOD IS GIVING YOU.

Until you have complied with this commandment, the thoughts that God planted in your mind at birth which are meant to give you the life that you were born to live, will remain thoughts. They cannot ever become actions which create for you the life you were born to live. Make peace with your parents dead or alive. IT IS ALL IN YOUR MIND. Forgive them and forgive yourself for not knowing better. Accept that you have learned a valuable lesson and MOVE ON.

I opened the Book of Life, the Bible, and read Chapter 1 and I realized that this world and all that is in it was formed inside my mind while I was still in my mother’s womb. I am a light. My body is a humanly form of what I look like in my real form as a light. My body makes me visible to myself and others here on earth.

When I was with my mother, I imagined myself inside her womb being formed and I realized that during that time, all the things I see now, were instilled in me. Those who will understand this concept the best are those who were able to understand the movie ‘Matrix’ which I wasn’t able to! Life after all is an illusion and the sooner you wake up to that realization, the better for you.

It is all in your mind. Your mind is the Garden of Eden. God planted everything in your mind at birth and what you see is what He planted. Some of it is not real. It is an illusion. He divided the day from the night i.e. He divided the real from the unreal. He planted something real in your mind and you must free yourself and see that real thing.

HE PLANTED THE TREE OF LIFE. FIND IT!

I have decided that I need to read the Bible a lot more than I was doing. It has all the answers I need to find my missing something and be completed and if it were possible for me to read it all in one go, I would. But, I know that the events that will occur in my life from this day on, will be of a higher class than the one I was in before I started writing and as I read on, many more complicated revelations will be given to me and I have to familiarize myself with the Bible so that I understand what I need to do. This is how life works. The Bible is your text book, the theory part of your lessons and the events in your life are the practical part of the lessons.

I have graduated, been reborn but I am still here on earth, I am not dead and I have a passionate project to work on which am certain will bring me to an even better understanding of WHO I AM. And I cannot wait to see the reality once I have learned all the lessons. It’s exciting.

Nobody I love died yesterday. What happened is that I graduated. And it feels like attending a funeral. Letting go of all the nonsense in your life is not easy. You are so attached to it, you believe its real AND IT IS NOT. Like me and thinking that someone was going to die. Now I know that what I was feeling was my mind telling me that I had crossed into a new realm of understanding. Moving on requires a spiritual funeral.

You are a fool not to let go because what lies ahead, what you are missing, is incredible but until you free yourself from the nonsense of mean driving, not forgiving, worrying about money and ALL that stupid stuff, you are on the highway to hell. Which is where I was and now I have turned around and changed direction. We are stupidly holding onto the things of this world completely oblivious to where we came from and where we are going.

As children grow, they graduate from one class to another and during this process, what happens to them? They become cleverer. They acquire a better understanding of the world around them and who they are. In the same way, the search for my missing something has brought me to a place now where I have acquired a better understanding of the world around me and WHO I AM. Such that I can actually see things differently now. Like I have acquired some information which was not available to me previously.

When you graduate a class, the learning you undergo in the next class is a gradual process. You have to read books and sit exams in lessons for that class in order to learn what you need to learn. That is where I am now. I have been reborn into this world. I have found my TREE OF LIFE.

Chapter 44

2007-10-04T01:25:00.001-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 44

It does not get any easier thinking about what am thinking because, I still feel like I will be attending a funeral soon. Then I realized that if anyone is ready to die today, it is my mother because the rest of the people in my life had still not found their passion and were wandering around like fools worshipping economic development. The other candidate for readiness for death is my husband. I looked at him leaving for work today and thought, what if its him? I immediately told God, NO WAY!! He even forgot to tell me something and did not remember it. Imagine how I would be left wondering what that was he wanted to tell me. Could I move on from there? I don’t want to know.

I think my mother has served her purpose. My husband still has quite a lot of economic development to do and I needed him now more than ever if I am to survive this quest. Oh goodness me, what if am the one dying today? Am I going to Heaven? Or Hell? What about you? Are you ready to see Jesus?

I had to stop praying to God not to take my mother today because if that is His will, … that someone I love must die today, then, my mother it has to be. DEFINITELY NOT MY DAUGHTER!! It is not that I would not miss my mother, that picture of me standing at her graveside is not pretty but what choice have I got? If it is God’s will, it must be done! So I asked God to at least hold on till I could talk to her and then He could take her and only if it is His will and He cant change it. The condition I put to God is because if she dies today, many of my loved ones are on the way to hell because they will have failed miserably on God’s test. But since they would remain alive, the question for them is whether they would be able to find their passion, accept their failure and move on. So they still had a chance at getting to Heaven which they would not if I chose any of them to die today.

If am the one to die today, I would be happy knowing that I pursued my passion to tell people about the second coming of Jesus and how to prepare themselves for it or how to find their ‘mukhti’ or liberation. And since I did it in writing, inspired by God, I know that my children for generations to come would have the chance at going to Heaven if they pursued their passions and got to see Jesus in everyone around them. Because everyone in your life has Jesus in them and you must get out of the house and meet Jesus in them. Going back to philosophy, it may be true that life is an illusion.

The other day I was walking to get my car and I saw a lady lying on the ground. She looked homeless and was bleeding around one of her eyes which were closed. Everyone of us just walked pass her. I looked at her and wondered what message God was trying to give me by showing me this person. The next day she was gone. Where? I don’t know. Yesterday I noticed another lady ranting incomprehensibly along the street as she walked and I wondered what message God was trying to give me by showing me this person. I have been wondering about timing for a long time even before I started believing in God. I always wondered how the people I meet on the street as I walk by ended up there at exactly the same time as me yet we had not planned to meet and I have no idea who they are. If you asked me: “Who is that?” in reference to them, my automatic minimum thinking reply would be: “Only God knows.” Completely oblivious to how true that is! Jesus could have been any of those two ladies I passed on the street or anyone else that did not catch my attention. Because Jesus will come like a thief in the dead of night so that the effort it takes to see Him, is phenomenal at best. You have to squint, put your hand over the top of your eyes to focus clearly ahead of you and into the eyes of everyone you meet in order to see Jesus. This is not possible from a distance you have to be close enough to that person and that person has to let you make a fool of yourself in their face!

My mother had told me that her illness was God’s blessing to her. This makes sense to me now. It was His way of getting her to Heaven. And how were we to see Jesus in her? What madness does to you is it makes you make a fool of yourself ALL THE TIME. And it is not a pretty sight for those seeing you in your madness. I have been abused and shouted at and quarreled by my mother in ways that I could not understand and if I tried to shout and quarrel back, I ended up meeting Petty Squabble. On top of that, the financial burden that she has been has been HEAVY at times. I will admit that there were times I wished she could just die. Not knowing that if she died before I saw Jesus in her, woe unto me!

Who is Jesus? Jesus is the Son of God who died to save us from sin. I have not yet got to understanding how the saving from sin worked but I guess am on the way there. When people talk about Jesus, they imagine the richest, most handsome, most powerful, most gracious, most attractive, most wonderfully indescribable being who they can do ANYTHING to be friends with. Now is it possible for such a being to be inside a mad woman like my mother? Only if He is willing to make a BIG STUPID DUMB FOOL of Himself and present Himself in disguise. Disguises are meant for comedians or people who want to entertain by making fools of themselves OR thieves whose optimum time of operation is in the dead of night like the hooded gang who raided the Standard newspaper offices on the instructions of a man who calls himself a snake Do you know what a snake is? A SNAKE IS THE REASON THAT YOU AND I ARE HERE SUFFERING INSTEAD OF IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN HAVING FUN. Can you imagine that some people did not get the message that guy was sending when he called himself a snake in public and some are even willing to put him in a leadership position in our country! They are blinded by the god of economic development.

I have been trying to call the lady who lives with my mother to tell her about my cousin going to pick my mother and today of ALL days, her phone is off. Why? I don’t know! Can you see why I just have to see my mother today and talk to her? She found her passion and pursued it despite the ridicule and rejection she suffered from EVERYONE around her. She is an angel. I know that now. I want to see her and tell her that I know. Even if she thinks am stupid, its ok, coz I will have made a fool of myself in an effort to see Jesus in her.

I saw her the other day when she came for her weekly visits at my house to spend time with her grand daughter. Now that I think back on it, I remember noticing her looking and talking like she was not really her. Like her face had changed somehow. She had brought a comb for me to plait her hair with but I was too late getting home to do it. I now wish I had and when she comes, I will. Even if she had it done already by someone else, I will still do it again coz that’s what I would do for Jesus that wonderful being who can give me everything my heart desires by taking me back to the garden of eden to have fun away from the snakes down here.

I wondered whether it was the pursuit of my passion that was having an effect on her, making her better. I wondered whether if I pursue this passion of mine, my mother will be cured. Something her doctor and the medicines she takes have never been able to do. She hates taking her medicines and has refused to take them many times like she preferred to be mentally ill. Now I see why. Because when she is not taking the medicines, she is crying her heart out that we cannot see Jesus in her and free her. The madness of a blessing in disguise. Instead we go to doctors and pump her full of medicines in the way the world has taught us. Then I thought that without the help of my brothers, it may not be possible for me to free her alone. If they do not join me on this quest to find the missing something in their lives, then she will only be half cured. Like she is now. And not just my brothers, also my sisters, my mum, my sisters-in-law and everyone who has ever met her.

My dad refused to see Jesus in my mother and release his passion. That’s why he died. The strong feeling he kept getting to help that woman and not run away from her, instead of expelling it, he held it in. He refused to step out the door and meet Jesus and chose to go back to sleep. And so, the passion started eating him alive in the form of cancer. Doctors in Washington, England and Kenya told him they could not help him. That was not enough for him to realize that what was eating him alive is the passion and all he had to do was see Jesus in her and he would be free of the illness. Does that mean he is in hell? Well, maybe he saw Jesus at the last minute or second, I don’t know. He may be in hell still refusing to see Jesus. Only he can get himself out of hell. I don’t know how? That’s not my job. Sad huh?!

My job is to tell the people around me and those I meet on the street and those I love and those in my church and the politicians and the lawyers, even my satans, to stop working, start thinking, follow your passions and see Jesus. Is it a difficult job? Not nearly as difficult as my mother’s. At least not so far. Soon I might write something someone in power like that snake does not like and find myself being prosecuted for Jesus. And people will ridicule me and make a fool of me and no-one will be willing to stand by my side and see Jesus with me. This road am traveling along is not for many. Very few can stay on it. In that church, only one person out of hundreds would have gone to Heaven if Jesus was the one making a fool out of Himself there last Sunday. Because only he could see Jesus in me.

Where does money feature in all this? Can I possibly go back to looking for money when I have such a big task ahead of me? No, money flows where passion goes. So I don’t care about money, like my husband says, it will come.

I had to clap for myself on this chapter.

Chapter 43

2007-10-03T23:46:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 43

Today I discovered what actually killed my dad. It was not cancer, it was passion. I have not cried at all during the times I have been writing but today, I was shedding tears. I could not sleep last night, I got up and tears started coming out of my eyes and then I burst out laughing at how stupid my thoughts sounded to me!

In the morning as I was bathing my daughter, more and more thoughts were flowing and by the time I lifted her out of the bath after plaiting her hair, I reached for my phone and called my cousin and asked him to go get my mother and bring her to my house. I was not in a condition to drive to her house. I cancelled my court case and decided that today, I was not going to work. Today is one of those days when you have no option but to cancel EVERYTHING you had planned and go do what HAS to be done. Ok, am not talking about having good sex but I guess to make it clear to you, that’s about it. Or actually the better way to put it is that I felt like I needed to make funeral arrangements today. Like I had received information about someone close to me having died and I cancelled everything. People would definitely understand that!

I thought my mother was going to die today because if I ever needed to see my mother and talk to her, today was the day. I said that passion is like pee or poo and if you do not expel it from your body, it will kill you. What made me cry last night was not the realization of what killed my dad. It was the realization that God had plans for me which I did not want to do and I knew that I had no choice. The thought of going back to that church wearing my t-shirt was in itself scary. I had planned to wear the t-shirt for like 2 or 3 Sundays and see if anyone will notice me. But last night, I realized that Jesus, is coming at an unappointed time. And there is no time for me to dilly dally on my job of telling people to prepare for His second coming. I had this strong feeling that I had to address the congregation this coming Sunday because that might just be the day that He actually comes and imagine if He finds me telling people about me. Would I have bought myself a free ticket to Heaven or what? And what if am not telling people about Him when He makes His entrance? Would I have bought myself a free ticket to Hell or what?

Now let me tell you something passion does. Passion is what prepares you for what the Hindus call ‘mukthi’ directly translated in English as liberation or what the Christians call the second coming of Jesus. When Jesus comes, we will all be liberated. This revelation made me realize that if I do not pursue my passions, am going to die AND I will not go to Heaven. So whereas holding in your pee or poo will result in a medical condition that a doctor’s appointment will sort out in a flash, holding in passion will result in eternal damnation in hell. Is this crazy or what?

So now what made me cry and laugh at myself was thinking that it is possible that if I do not stand up in that church on Sunday and make a fool of myself for Jesus, I might just die and end up in hell. Does this sound real? Of course not. That’s why when the fear of death and an eternity in hell made me cry, I felt stupid and then started to laugh. I think I am becoming a fool. And that is no laughing matter because it relates straight back to my mother’s mental health. I asked myself whether when she developed the medical condition, what actually happened to her is that she found her passion and fought with it like am doing and finally decided that she would rather go to Heaven and gave in to it. What am saying is this. God gave my mother a job to do. And let me tell you what I have been praying about since I woke up, that: “Apart from not making me like Jesus or any other prophet for that matter, God please, do not make me like my mother as well. Just please let me be me.” Why? Because my mother was given an assignment by God that I could not possibly handle. I remember that I was told that before she went mad, she was an ardent church goer and would sometimes even spend the night in church!!

This is what was revealed to me about her. My mother was given an assignment by God to make a fool of herself for Jesus. God’s purpose for doing that was to test our readiness for our ‘mukthi’ or liberation or the second coming of Jesus. Those who were being tested in this case were me, my brother, my dad, my sisters, and my mum. How was this test being carried out? The test was whether we could ever be able to see Jesus in my mother. Jesus said in the Bible that He would come to us like a THIEF IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT. Like a what? A thief in the dead of night.

Now picture this. A Mungiki thug enters your compound and is heading for your door. You are not too absorbed in economic development and making money so you manage to hear his approach. You pick up your torch and a weapon of whatever kind. You try to stay indoors and shine your light outside to see who’s there. But let me tell you something, Jesus will not be standing there for you to shine your torch at and see Him standing there. What would a thief do when he sees a light coming from the house? He would duck behind the nearest solid object to prevent any glimmer of that light from getting to him. Then what do you do? You have to step out of your house to go see who this guy is. Are you afraid or not? You are shit scared at that thought. You do not know the intentions of that guy out there. It could be to kill you. But if you do not go see who it is and just continue sleeping in your house, you will never discover who that guy was and what he wanted with you. And IF THAT GUY IS JESUS, WOE UNTO YOU MY FRIEND COZ HELL IS BECKONING!! So you must gather up the courage to venture out there and see who that guy is. Will it be stupid for you to do that? Of course, that guy might kill you! But if you go back to sleep, and that was Jesus out there, instead of you being liberated, you will have missed Jesus and when you die, you will still be thinking about economic development and making money and thus be in hell coz economic development and making money is not for the dead, it is for the living and you will not have realized that simple fact. And then who will be the BIG FAT FOOL? Jesus or you?

At this point I burst out laughing until I had to go to the loo. Are you laughing at what a fool I am?

Chapter 42

2007-10-03T11:47:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 42

A life ruled by passion is a life devoid of the words of Brian McKnight’s song: ‘coulda, woulda, shoulda’. In other words, a passionate person must not have any regrets about his/her actions. Mistakes are not regrets. Mistakes carry with them valuable lessons that cannot be learned any other way. Regrets are when instead of accepting your mistakes and learning from them and moving on, you dwell on the mistakes and let them eat at you adopting the attitude of “Coulda done this….”, “Woulda done that….”, “Shoulda done this…..”. A passionate person accepts, learns and moves on.

I have been thinking seriously about the causes of illnesses like cancer which are incurable and which amount to someone’s body cells turning against that person and literally eating him/her alive. Could the cause of such illnesses be regrets? We all know what regrets are but science cannot prove their existence in someone’s body. I know from experience that if you do not follow your passions, you will most definitely regret it. Your passions are the same as the waste products produced by your body. If you do not expel waste products from your body, you will endanger your health. So why can’t the same theory be applied to regrets?

Expelling regrets from your body requires you to follow your passions wherever they may lead you without fear knowing that money flows where passion goes and God cannot direct you to do something which will harm you since you are part of His body. Simply put, God cannot give you a burden that you cannot carry. We have become experts at harbouring regrets instead of letting our passions flow. And what I have come to realize is that perhaps it is not what goes into our mouths that matters, it is what comes out of our minds that does.

What happens if you do not pursue your passions? One, the timing of the events of your life are altered dramatically so that if you were meant to be a musician and you are practicing law, you start moving away from your destiny. And then something happens and you die unexpectedly. When I started on this quest, I thought that I had nothing to do with how and when I die. I am starting to think differently as I consider my discoveries about passion. And it scares me. It seems like such a heavy burden to carry. It is so much easier to just leave it to God. In court, when a lawyer has been floored by his/her opponent and the Judge asks whether s/he has any reply, his/her answer is usually, “I leave it to the Court”. To me, that is surrender. You accept defeat. And whereas in a court room, surrender is a viable option since you at least put up a fight, most people give up on their passions without even trying. The other thing that happens when you do not pursue your passions, regret accumulates in your body and pretty soon, it starts to manifest itself in the form of an unexplainable, apparently incurable illness.

I think that we rely too much on science to tell us who we are. Could it be that someone suffering from a terminal illness can find healing by letting go of their regrets and fighting to stay alive and pursue their passions? How can I prove these theories? Only by investigating and researching on the lives of those who may have achieved miraculous healing like my dear Pastor. And I sure do not have the time for that. Anyway he did not have time for me either. But I hope our paths cross again some day so I can ask him why he disregarded my message so brutally.

The above thinking is what was making me stay on the collision path with my church members. I think that our churches are not ready for Jesus’ second coming. Jesus said that He will come like a thief in the dead of night. What does that mean? It means that to prepare for Jesus, we have to be talking to everybody and letting everybody talk to us. I mean Jesus was a carpenter. An ordinary citizen wearing sandals. How will we identify him if he comes as a beggar?

In my country, chances of Jesus ever being identified when he comes are NIL. My fellow country men are obsessed with the stock market. All they can think about is buying shares so that they can make enough money to fulfill their heart’s desires. Yet the Bible tells you to: ‘Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.’ I don’t think any of them is preparing for the second coming of Jesus. They are busy worshipping economic development.

But whose responsibility is it to prepare for the second coming of Jesus? The church. Now if the churches we attend do not let the members of their congregation speak their minds and tell what revelations they may have experienced, Jesus will have a hard time getting Himself heard when He comes again, wont He? I feel that I need to make that point to our church. More so because on that fateful day when I made my big mistake, members of the congregation were picked on to recite the memory verses they had memorized. There were 2 women and 1 man who volunteered and the man got the chance to recite because there was not enough time for all of them to do it. The rest of the time was for our visiting Pastor to speak his mind.

I was not there when the memory verses were assigned so I did not know what to expect but goodness me, the guy recited the whole of Revelations 5 which has 14 verses and he even knew the numbering of the verses. I was impressed as was everyone else and we clapped heartily. But I was left wondering whether that was of any help to the congregation. What is the purpose of memorizing memory verses? And to be honest, I cannot remember what he said. I am pretty sure no-one else did because anyway, you can read it from the Bible if you are so interested in knowing. I have a mind to use him as a witness during my argument in favour of time for members of the congregation to speak. I will ask him to come up to the podium and pull his stunt again. I highly doubt that he will manage. Will he be embarrassed? Well he better be willing to make a fool of himself for Jesus if he wants Jesus to make a fool of himself for him by sneaking up on us instead of just appearing in all His glory!

Here I am, atheist philosopher turned believer in God. The effort that it has taken me to remember what I had been taught about God and Jesus has not been great because I was able to relate it to my life. I do not need to know the exact wording and chapter and verse numbering of what I am referring to when making the numerous choices I make on a daily basis. What I need to do is to remember the basic teaching and apply it in my life. Even as a lawyer, my mind stores the case law based on the facts of the case and the parties and what the court decided, not based on the reference number of the case.

I feel like the church is letting me down by not giving me an opportunity to say something, just like the Pastors. I would also like to hear someone else say something. That sharing of the events in our lives and interpreting them in accordance with our understanding of the teachings of the Bible is so comforting and encouraging. Better than memory verses by far because we would all remember that stupid girl telling us about being infected by God. And I do not think that it should be limited to Bible study classes of a few people only. In any case, I do not think Jesus will have time to attend Bible Study. Someone who has the courage to stand before a congregation of a few hundred and say something is someone who is driven by passion and deserves to be listened to. I mean out of the 2 hours service we get, can they not spare even 15 minutes for the congregation, so that when Jesus walks into our church, there will be an opportunity for Him to stand up and say something?

This is the question I want answered and that is why I am having the t-shirt printed. If I wear the t-shirt for a while, someone might just ask me something. If they don’t, then I will have evidence of how ignorant they are about the coming of Jesus when I decide to confront them about it. I will also have the evidence of those who have been reciting memory verses and forgotten them and those who remember the stupid girl with her story about being infected by God. That’s how a good lawyer works. A good lawyer prepares the evidence carefully before she goes to court.

I will admit that there is a selfish angle to this. I just might find myself some people who share my views and wow wouldn’t that be great? I am not lonely, but I would love some company of like minded people to discuss my thoughts with before or after I write them down. Am I driven by passion? I believe so, but I cant prove it! I just have this strong feeling that I need to do this, kind of like when I need to go to the loo!

Chapter 41

2007-10-02T07:09:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Chapter 41

So my client wrote a letter to the editor of the Standard Newspaper. The next day, I received an anonymous letter from some guy about my chapter 40. I could not believe that there is someone out there reading my blog with a mind like his and keeping quiet about what he thinks. After reading his letter, I realized that there are people out there like me, it’s only that they were not thinking before they started reading my blog.

This guy, I say he is a guy because as you will read from his letter which I have reproduced below, he says that he cannot marry me. He read my chapter 40 and if you thought my story about my client and his lawyers was interesting, you will be blown away by his story. Here it is:-

“Dear Njeri (Mind Boggler, I love that!),

That story about your client and his lawyers was THE BOMB! Yani, I laughed mpaka I shed tears. I was relieved to see that you actually have some views about our politics coz me, am into politics to death. And girl, let me tell you now that I would not marry you even if you divorced your husband for me coz you bring out the devil in me! Let me tell you what I think about the politics of the day and who someone like you should vote for. Here it is:-

First, you say you now believe in God. If that is true, then the decision of who to vote for this year should be aimed at bringing you closer to God. Right? Right. Now according to the Bible, and even my Pastor, in order for you to be close to God, you should be suffering. It is in suffering that you adopt a prayerful state of mind and the more you pray, the closer you get to God.

With this in mind, I have looked at the 2 guys who are running for presidency and who stand a chance of getting in. Kalonzo to me is a clown just trying to get himself mentioned in the history books on the next page after Kibaki and Raila have been covered. I studied history and I remember that national leaders are normally covered in order of the first in time to ascend to power and those who could have beens only get a sentence or two thereafter.

To me, as God fearing people, and Kenya is full of them, we need to vote in the guy who will instill in us a prayerful state of mind like 24/7. And to me, that guy is Kibaki. Why do I say that? Get this Mind Boggler: When Kombo got up on that podium and declared that Raila is a dangerous man, I held my breath waiting to hear what dangerous things Raila has done. You can imagine my disappointment when Kombo said ati he knows Raila, he worked with him closely and then Raila left! What the?! How does that show that Raila is dangerous?

To me, the most dangerous man in politics is the one who has nothing to lose and we have seen what people who have nothing to lose do. I’m talking about Mungiki, Taliban and the thugs who are reeking havoc in our dear country.

So in answering the question of who has nothing to lose and is therefore more dangerous than the other, my straight answer is Kibaki. Considering that he is going back in for his LAST TERM in office and will never in his life time need my vote again after I give it to him now, what has he got to lose when he gets in that will prevent him from reeking havoc in our country? And the next thing I am about to say will fortify my conviction that Kibaki is more dangerous than Raila.

Recently, Kibaki and Moi have become buddies. Moi, as shown by the Goldenberg Commission, Kroll Associates and Ringera’s appointment has friends who are the KING PINS in thieving from gova! So do you want to tell me that when Kibaki gets in and is having a cup of tea with Moi at State House they will be talking about economic development and how to improve our country?! The facts speak for themselves. With Moi by his side, Raila, sorry no, Kibaki’s top most agenda will be how to give Moi compe on his billions stashed outside the country. You see, with Moi on his side, Kibaki can loot as much as he likes AND …… GET AWAY WITH IT! Kibaki, like any human being in his position, can steal. Angloleasing is an example and don’t tell me that he did not know about Angloleasing coz that makes him even more dangerous.

The lady who we saw pictured luvi duvying in a hotel pool with that thug, Atur Magaryan, calls herself WINNIE WANGUI MWAI not WINNIE WANGUI RAILA.

Furthermore, noone has shown us Raila’s private army like Nyachae’s panga wielding youths of which he said he has THOUSANDS and their pee is apparently as lethal as a bullet!! Or like Michuki’s hooded gang who raided the Standard. If when he was in office Raila at least closed down a major highway for sinister reasons and told us it was for national security and that if we rattle snakes we should expect to be bitten, heee! I could say he is probably a dangerous guy.

Let me make this clear to you in conclusion. You said that love is acting in someone’s best interests and disregarding your own if necessary. Now to me, the most loving person in Kenya is that Wambui lady who galavants around the country campaigning for Kibaki INSPITE OF the fact that Kibaki has rejected her on NATIONAL TV. I expected different behaviour from her in this feminism era! If Wambui was the one in state house, I could say that Kibaki is probably not a dangerous guy. But what is clear to me is that Kibaki puts his personal interests ahead of those who love him. So …….. who am I to Kibaki? I don’t love him, he does not know me and I do not campaign for him. Will he act in my best interests? OF COURSE NOT!!

Njeri, Kibaki is the man to vote for if you believe in God and fear Him. God is much more dangerous than Kibaki and the closer you are to God the better for you. Build your riches in Heaven not here on earth. When you act against God’s interests, He will destroy you with fire and brimstone and endless floods as the Bible demonstrates.

VOTE FOR KIBAKI AND BE CLOSE TO GOD!”

Chapter 40

2007-10-01T12:13:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

As I was waiting for my t-shirt to be printed, I reflected on what was happening in my life and wondered how it was I had got to where I was now. How could I have become so absorbed in church affairs? Shouldn’t I have just joined Sunday school teaching or some Bible study group or something like that? What is all this rebellion about?

What came to my mind scared me. I thought that if I did not pursue what I knew was right and just left it alone, it would eat me alive and cause me to suffer from some terminal illness. I wondered whether that was what had happened to my dad for having ignored my mother’s plight. So I was caught between a rock and a hard place. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t. If I continued, I risked antagonizing an entire church and being ridiculed. If I did not defend what I knew was right, my refusal to act would eat at me and kill me. What was I to do?

I remembered something else I had been pondering in my mind about the politics of my country. I do not care much about politics but the sensationalism that was there could not allow anyone to ignore what was happening. I could not understand what all the discussions, debates and madness going on was all about. It was election year and to me, the electorate’s decision was a very simple one to make if they only stopped to think about what it was they were being asked to do.

The problem facing the electrocate was somewhat similar to one that a client of mine had asked me to help him with the other day. This was what my client told me when he came to see me about his problem.

He said, “Njeri, Five years ago, I changed my lawyer. It took a lot of effort to change because my previous lawyer was a very powerful person. He had frustrated me for 25 years and had stolen colossal amounts of money from me. The lawyer I have now came highly recommended and I did not have to think twice to go to him. I was certain that he could help me out.

The other day, I went to my lawyer’s office. At the door, I met a security guard who told me he was from Armenia. Before I could get past him, he grabbed my briefcase which contained some vital information I needed for a sensitive case the lawyer was handling for me and some other valuables like my laptop. He threw them into a fire and ran off saying that he burned my possessions for security reasons. I immediately ran into the reception and shouted to the receptionist to get help because the security guard was running away. Njeri, you will not believe what came out of the receptionist’s mouth. She told me that if I rattle a snake, I should expect to be bitten and continued with her work completely oblivious to my plight.”

At this point, I started to take interest in what the client was saying. He went on:

“I took a deep breath and just walked past the receptionist and went to look for a lawyer. I popped my head into one of the offices and saw my lawyer’s assistant. I was relieved and walked in to tell him what happened and get help from him. I was shocked when he pulled out a panga and told me to get out of his office. As I was shutting the door, he shouted that if I tried to go back there again, he would call for back up and even pee on me! Njeri, can you imagine this?”

I could not imagine that a lawyer could do such a thing. My dear client went on:

“Well. It gets much worse Njeri. As I was running away from the assistant’s office, I noticed that the accountant’s door was opened and I jumped inside. I asked the accountant to give me a statement showing how much money I had deposited with them. I just fell into the visitor’s chair when he told me that I have no money left with them. ” But I deposited billions of shillings with you guys! What did you do with the money?” That’s what I asked him Njeri. He told me that they had used it to employ a very effective international investigative firm to find my money which my previous lawyer had stolen. I asked him how much the firm was charging. His answer was that it was about 60 million shillings or something like that but he’s not sure, he would have to check. So I asked him what the progress was in finding the stolen money. He told me that he does not know because it is not his job to follow up the investigators.”

I was intrigued by this story and thought it could not possibly be true. He went on:

“My jaw dropped and I asked him whose job it was to follow up the investigators. He told me that they had outsourced the job to a Ranger. I asked him how much they were paying the Ranger coz I was wondering where my billions could have gone. He told me that they pay him 2.5 million shillings a month. Njeri, I almost died from shock when I heard this. Then he said that on top of the 2.5 million, there were added benefits. Njeri at this point, my brain stopped functioning. I was just sitting there wondering what was happening when the phone rang and the accountant put it on speaker because he was busy doing some accounts. The guy on the other line was someone from the investigative firm. I was so happy to hear this because I thought that perhaps he had some good news. The investigator said that he had found the money and he knew how to get it. It was hidden in Australia, New York, Britain and a few other countries. So he asked the accountant to confirm that he can proceed. Njeri, I could not believe what the accountant told him. He said, and I quote, “What is wrong with you, I thought you were told to forget about that job?!” I immediately asked the accountant what he was talking about. He told me that his boss and some other lawyers had decided, a year or two after I changed lawyers that they would not bother pursuing the money. Njeri, I was left speechless and decided that I needed to see my lawyer because he cannot possibly be aware of what is going on and he must do something!”

I thought that was a very good idea. My client went on:

“When I walked into my lawyer’s office, I was shocked to find him taking a nap. I woke him up and asked him whether he knew what was going on in his office. He sat up and asked me who I was. I told him I was his client, the one who was paying him a lot of money. He rubbed his eyes and looked at me, yawned, cleared his throat and asked me what my problem was. I told him all that had happened to me. Njeri, I was surprised that he remained seated and his face remained expressionless. When I had finished, I asked him what he was going to do. Njeri, I called out to God when I heard his answer. He said that in his office, he exercises a ‘hands off approach’ and does not interfere with what his employees are doing once he gives them work to do. So I asked him whether he meant that he was not going to do ANYTHING AT ALL about what happened to me. He told me that he will look into it. Njeri, Can you believe this guy?”

I could not believe it either. My client went on:

“I then told him that now, I was going to get myself another lawyer. I just laughed at his answer because I could not believe the audacity of the guy. He said that if I go to any other lawyer, that lawyer will burn my valuable documents and attack me like a rattle snake with a panga, he will steal my money and leave me penniless. He told me that other lawyers are dictators and are very dangerous people so I should stay with him because he had made enough money for me to educate my children and make some improvements where I live. He promised to do much more next year.”

“Njeri, the climax of my experience in my lawyer’s office was as follows. While I was thinking about what he just told me, some lady burst into his office accompanied by a younger lady who was holding hands with the security guard who burned my stuff. The older lady went up to the lawyer, hugged and kissed him and told him that she was going home to cook him a nice dinner. At the same time, the younger lady shouted “Daddy, and ran up to him and kissed him as well.” I could not contain myself. I stood up to shake hands with the ladies and I asked my lawyer: “Are these your wife and daughter?” He looked at me like I was mad and told me in front of those ladies that he does not know them.”

At this point, I was convinced that my client was inventing the story. He went on:

“Njeri, I just laughed out loud hoping that someone was playing a prank on me and walked out to go think about what had happened. Until now, I have not been able to make a decision. I need your help Njeri. Should I stay with my current lawyer or should I change lawyers and see how dangerous the other lawyers really are?”

Believing that he must have been joking, my advise to him was to send a letter to the editor of the Standard Newspaper to publish it and see if anyone comes up with a good answer for him because I could not help him.

That’s what he did.

Chapter 39

2007-10-01T12:11:00.001-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Of course the next thing that followed was whether or not I was going back to that church again. If you asked me that question the minute I walked out and got into my car with my kids and drove off, my answer would have been: “HELL NO!”

But, something happened as I was driving along the highway. Some nun suddenly stopped on the highway as all of us behind her were cruising. I was two cars behind her. The guy behind her managed to change lanes on time to get away. I managed to brake in time not to hit the nun’s car but some guy cruising from the church I had just attended came and rear ended me! I could see his approach and knew that he could not possibly avoid hitting me at that speed. Thankfully, he braked and I tried to go as close as possible to the nun’s car such that the collision was minor. All three cars stopped at the side of the road. The nun was about to take off but I told her to hold on coz those guys hit me because of her. She faithfully waited as I went to talk to the guy who hit me.

I found that the guy had jumped out of his car and a woman was now sitting in the driving seat having moved the car off the road. When she saw me she said: “I am always telling him to keep his distance”. And I said; “Well, I suppose we all stopped suddenly.” And she said: “That is not the point, he should be keeping his distance. I always tell him that.” I told her its ok, the damage is not that bad, we can leave it alone. I could not imagine myself with three hungry kids in my car waiting for the cops to come. As I walked back to my car I stopped to talk to the nun and she gave me a lecture. She told me: “You should never be bothered about what the people behind you are doing. It is up to them to keep their distance. Me I had to stop and it was up to you people to keep your distance.” I told her that we had settled the matter and she again repeated that she was not at fault and it was up to us to keep our distance. I walked off.

The third child I was with is my nephew’s best friend whose mother lets him go with us after church then I drop him home later in the evening. She probably thinks that I am an angel taking her son off her hands every Sunday afternoon and giving her the chance to rest. On my part, I think she is an angel to entrust the care of her son to me, something she is always telling me. That son of hers makes sure that my nephew is busy thinking about something else other than watching television which I do not allow him to do except on Saturday afternoons after his soccer practice. To show me how bored he is and probably irritate me into letting him watch television, he follows me around the house and if I sit down to do anything he sits looking over my shoulder or in front of me looking like he is about to die. Thank God for that lady and her son!

Now, after driving off from the accident scene, I played back what had just happened, in my mind. I remembered my theory that timing is everything in a road accident and I wondered whether God was trying to send me a message about whether or not I should go back to that church. Here is a nun telling me that it is the responsibility of the church people to keep their distance from me. Not for me to keep my distance from them. I should not be bothered with what the church goers are doing! Even the lady from church says that it is their responsibility to keep their distance from me! So I should just keep going to the church right?

Oh yah right!! Who? Me? Never! How the hell can I encounter that ridicule again! Lord do you know what those guys are thinking of me? They think that I am a laughing stalk! Only one guy out of a few hundred was willing to come over and talk to me. ONE GUY!!! If you wanted me to go back there, couldn’t you have sent like maybe twenty people to encourage me. ONE GUY?! No thanks.

I was interrupted in my thinking by my nephew’s best friend who told me: “You know, when you were talking there in front of the church, we were feeling so happy!” Guess what I thought then? Jesus loved children. He said that if we grown ups could have the faith of little children, we would see God or something like that. I was not ready to be like Jesus. Lord please, yah ok, it felt so nice to hear him say that, my heart melted. I thought Wow! They were impressed by me making a fool of myself? I asked them whether they agreed with me they said yes! But what the hell do little children know?! Could my nephew and his best friend possibly give me the courage to go back to that church?! No way! Imagine me marching into the church with two kids and a baby by my side and feeling brave among a few hundred grown ups looking at me like I need to take some valium!

I had already decided to change churches and I had resolved to be going to some church which is walking distance from my house. I tried it once or twice with my nephew when we were looking for a Sunday church and what I remember is that it was the most boring church I had attended in Kenya. I now thought that that was the best place for me. A place where I am so bored that I don’t hear what is being said. They also have Sunday school and it was quite active. Since my church going was inspired by my kids, as long as their needs are taken care of, I will take advantage of the boredom to catch up with my bible reading.

Much later on when I digested just what a stupid thing I had done and was reading the Bible, I remembered about how Jesus said that if I deny Him, he will deny me too, or something like that. I wondered whether my not going back to that church will be tantamount to denying Jesus. I remembered the nun and what she had said to me. I reviewed my message about being infected with God and realized that I had gone wrong in saying that someone can get infected with God. I suppose an infection is not a word that can be associated with God. So I adjusted the wording to replace God with love and goodness. So that instead of telling people to love themselves and do good as a formula to getting themselves infected with God like the HIV virus, I decided that my message should be to tell people to love themselves and do good and be filled with the love and goodness of God.

Even after considering this issue of denying Jesus, I could not find the courage to go back to that church. After a long time thinking, I realized what God must have gone through before He decided on how to deal with us and our free will. He decided to let us be the ones to make the decision of whether or not to stay in the garden of Eden. He provided us with the way out and we fell for it and out we went. So I decided that I would provide a way out for the church so that they could get rid of me.

I also remembered the advice I normally give to anyone coming to me for advice on a divorce. I tell them that the answer to all their problems is only one thing: ACCEPTANCE. If you accept who you are and what has happened to you, if you can accept that your spouse has fallen out of love with you or the differences between you are irreconcilable, you will free yourself from a lot of nonsense that the lack of acceptance makes one do. In the absence of such acceptance, the couple are vengeful, they go disclosing the intimate details of what happens in their bedrooms to complete strangers, they hire lawyers who they spend large amounts of money on, prolonging the litigation and by the time they get their divorce order, the difference between a couple who exercised acceptance and one who did not is that the former still have their integrity intact and can move on with their lives freely without hearing someone sniggering about what they heard was said in court about what they do behind closed doors.

Could I accept who I was? What could I do to correct my mistake and still have my integrity intact? I could accept that I made a fool out of myself. I remembered that when I was in High School, I used to do some stupid things like instead of tying one or two pony tails on my hair, I would tie even seven pony tails. I cannot recall what that was all about. I also remembered a teacher of mine telling me that I was so over-confident. In other words, I was a rebel without a cause.

What was it that I needed to accept so that I could continue attending the same church and earn back my lost integrity? I needed to accept that what I did was foolish but I should not give up on God. To correct my mistake, I was pretty sure that God was not about to give me a shepherd’s staff to turn into a snake. I decided that the best thing to do is print a t-shirt to wear to church next time I go with the message on the front that: I MADE A FOOL OF MYSELF FOR JESUS and on the back, I AM FILLED WITH THE LOVE AND GOODNESS OF GOD. Then in smaller print: “I AM THE MIND BOGGLER”.

That’s what I did.

Chapter 38

2007-09-30T12:39:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

It was only when turning round to walk out of the church that I came to a realization that I was actually in a congregation of a few hundred and started wondering what the people walking out must have been thinking of me. One guy came to me and gave me some hope. He told me that if that pastor’s healing is true, he agrees with my message of how it could have happened. He wanted me to know that he at least agreed with me. This must have been my man Friday, Robinson Crusoe’s companion on the island.

I was left feeling sadly happy. I can only relate this feeling of being sadly happy to a divorcee. A divorcee is happy to be free but sad that things did not work out. I was happy that I had had my very first experience of what it could have been like for Jesus or any of the prophets when they went to take God’s message to the people. Its no wonder Jonah had tried to run away and Moses had insisted on God giving him something miraculous to show the people. I can only imagine the anxiety that Moses must have been feeling when he threw the staff down expecting it to turn into a snake. He must have been sweating like a pig.

To me, a church leader is someone who walks up to you on the street (since lets face it, few of us know these pastors personally) and has a conversation with you that goes something like this:-

Churchleader: Praise the Lord sister, my name is Pastor so and so and am here to bring you a message from God, amen?

Me: Amen.

Churchleader: Sister, I am from such and such, I used to do this and this and then God changed my life and I was healed. I want to tell you that God heals. If you just believe in God, he will heal all your wounds of whatever kind. The Bible says this and that.

Me (in excitement): Amen, Hallelujah Pastor. Praise the Lord. Pastor, I also have a message for you from God.

Churchleader: What? For real? You have a message for me from who? God? God talks to you? Who are you?

Me: My name is …………

Churchleader: Forget about your name. I mean what makes you think that God could have sent you to me with a message? I mean WHO are you? Can you prove any of that stuff you are talking about?

Me (Tongue tied and thinking): Did this guy just walk up to me and give me some tales about himself and expect me to believe them without question. Then when I try to tell him something he asks me to prove it? God help us. (Me walking away).

I mean lets face it, when Jesus went to tell the scribes and the Pharisees about him being the son of God, am certain they must have told Him that if the Son of God was on earth, they would know because he would have made a majestic entrance on a golden chariot wearing a golden crown with angels surrounding him. The Son of God could definitely not be on foot wearing cheap clothes and making furniture. It’s no wonder that Jesus trashed that temple. I could have done the same today.

I am not some nobody from nowhere! For goodness sake, I am one of the people that pastor was telling his tales to. If he was truly a man of God, no matter who he imagined me to be, he could have at least acknowledged the courage I had in walking up there to deliver my message. And, he ought to have arranged to meet with me to correct whatever misconceptions he thought I had. I was left asking myself how I could possibly believe someone telling me that his HIV status was changed from positive to negative. How stupid was that. I was left with a realization of how gullible church goers are.

I wondered what the other pastors of the church were left thinking. They probably knew that the guy was lying about his HIV status but decided to just let him deliver his message which to them sounded quite entertaining. Little did they know how entertaining it was going to get! They were probably left thinking that if those idiots could believe that guy as demonstrated by that young lady, they will believe anything we tell them!

When my husband came home after reading some of my writing on this blog, he told me that I was making a fool of myself because although he agrees with what am writing, no-one else will. That confirmed to me that I was on the way to being like Jesus and then the fear of God rose in me.

I realized that Jesus was not Oprah Winfrey or Tyra Banks who are swimming in money and are worshipped and praised for supposedly telling people the truth about life. I realized that being close to God meant being far from riches and fame and being ridiculed. I wondered whether that meant that I had to give up even the little that I had or I could at least keep that. I cringed at the thought that I could end up like Job!! I wondered whether my passionate project was going to cave in and make a buffoon out of me. I was not ready to be like Jesus if that’s what it takes.

I imagined that the people who must be the most like Jesus are those who make fools of themselves everyday, like my mother and her mental illness!

I apologized to God profusely for making fun of his creation and promised NEVER to make fun of Him again. Then I prayed for Him not to make me like Jesus or any prophet for that matter and just let me be me.

Chapter 37

2007-09-30T12:38:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Today was thinking day, Sunday. I bundled up my nephew and his cousin sister, my daughter, and off we went to church. Today I learned NEVER to make fun of God. In the morning, I was giggling at the thought of Him sitting by himself somewhere and coming to the realization of what a big mistake he had made allowing us the freedom to choose what we wanted to do. Little did I know that a big mistake was in store for me.

God decided that He would give me something to think about this thinking day. I also discovered today what it must be like to be like Jesus. Most church congregations if asked whether they would like to be like Jesus would gladly scream ‘yes’, completely oblivious to what Jesus’ life on earth was truly like and just imagining the fame He acquired long after He was gone. I discovered that during His lifetime, Jesus was probably the biggest fool to walk the face of the earth in the eyes of most people who met Him and I DO NOT ever want to go through what he went through if that’s what it takes to be like Him.

I mean just imagine if a guy comes up to you today and tells you that he is the son of God. Being truly honest with yourself, would you believe him? I am certain that I would not. At least not until he performs a few miracles to prove it. And even then, I would be left asking myself whether he is a Christian or a devil worshipper. I would also probably escort him to my mother’s doctor for a check up.

Jesus tried to spread his message to people and all he got was ridicule, embarrassment, persecution and crucifixion. It was not after He was long gone that people started asking themselves: “By the way, was that not the Son of God?”

If you truly WANT to be like Jesus, you have to be ready to experience the ridicule, embarrassment, persecution and crucifixion that He experienced. I had a taste of some embarrassment today and I could not imagine ever going through the same experience a second time. I dare you to try it. It is an experience to live for.

Today I had a conversation with the visiting pastor at the church I go to. Yesterday I was gladly preaching the message of being infected with God to students in school and got many congratulations from my colleagues on what a good message that was. Heck I even pledged to donate a mirror to the school with the message engraved on it! I suppose the euphoria of my revelations had not quite died out by the time I attended church today. The conversation went somewhat like this.

I was sitting among a congregation of a few hundred people. Yes, the church is pretty big and even that number of people is not sufficient to fill it up. The pastor was introduced and stood up to give us his message, presumably from God. I cannot remember his name but he told me that he was basically a thug, what I could relate to a member of the Mungiki in his country. His mother had dedicated him to God and was a prayerful woman. Eventually, after many years of thuggery, he developed an illness and after someone prayed for him, he was healed without needing an operation. After that experience, he joined a church and was now a preacher who had evolved from imitating other pastors’ methods of preaching to finding his own method. He confessed to having been diagnosed as HIV positive after he had changed his ways and after seven years, God miraculously healed him, he married and had some kids. I did not need any proof for what he said. I believed it without question.

You can imagine what stupid me was thinking when the dear pastor told me about his healing. Immediately I thought that the proof I needed about my preaching to the children yesterday had been presented to me on a silver platter. The pastor must have been healed because he started loving himself and doing good at which point the HIV infection was replaced with an infection with God. Woohoo!!

I was soooo excited that I forgot about my knowledge of church leaders as hypocrites of the highest order. When the pastor asked if any of us had a testimony after he had prayed for almost everybody to find healing, I put up my hand and waltzed to the front to give my message, the one God gave me to bring to the pastor. I grabbed the microphone and told the pastor in the presence of a few hundred people, about my revelation about being infected with God and how that must have been how he was healed and I told everyone that in order to be healed like our dear pastor was, all they had to do was to change their ways, start loving themselves and doing good.

Nobody clapped when I handed back the microphone. And as I walked back to my seat, the pastor told the congregation that healing does not come from being excitable and before you love yourself you must love God first. He also said that his HIV status was confirmed by machines. This was because I had asked him whether he saw the virus and he hesitated before saying no. He said a closing prayer and people started filing out of the church.

As he said the closing prayer, I was left wondering whether loving myself is not equivalent to loving God seeing as God created me in his image. And goodness, if I cannot love myself who I can see and feel, how can I be expected to love an invisible, intangible God? Does this pastor think that I was a starry-eyed teenager or someone who escaped from a psychiatric ward somewhere? Does he not know that I am an experienced self-employed advocate of the High Court of Kenya? These machines that confirmed his HIV status, who said that they cannot confirm his infection with God? Isn’t the fact that the machine was reading a positive reading at one time and then changed to negative when he found God itself a confirmation that God had entered his body? I said earlier that I felt alone on this quest of mine. Today, I felt like Robinson Crusoe.

Chapter 36

2007-09-29T21:58:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

After confirming that my relationship with my husband was conducive to my quest, I decided to analyse my relationship with my children.

The first thing that immediately came to mind is that I had to change my relationship with them and start teaching them about God. Something I had never bothered with before I started on my search for my missing ‘something’. My daughter was still a baby and my niece and my nephew were primary school going children.

As far as my daughter was concerned, I decided that I would read the bible to her to start with and pulled out a children’s Bible I had purchased for my nephew when he was younger.

My niece and my nephew were already being taught about what the Bible says in their CRE class. I check my nephew’s homework on a daily basis and assign him my own homework in different subjects every day in addition to the school homework. Yes, I am demanding. I was therefore fully aware that their CRE class does not cover the idea of God being a hunk made of tiny little pieces called human beings or the meaning of WHO I AM, or connecting with your perfect self inside you, or about how God communicates to us by making us feel passionate about what we need to do, or about how the refusal to acknowledge the existence of God inside us is a dangerous thing, or about how doing good connects us with God, or about how deep thought constitutes prayer.

Soon after I started considering this issue, my rotary club organized a day for us to visit a school whose students we were told had ‘gone to the dogs’. Our assignment was to talk with the students and give them motivation to hang in there and reap the fruits of hard work. I signed up for the visit primarily because I was curious to see what children who had ‘gone to the dogs’ looked like and who their brave teachers were. Until the minute that I got up to introduce myself to the children, I had no idea what I was going to tell them. We had been told that drugs, alcohol, sex, sodomy, teenage pregnancies etc. were a part of these children’s lives. I was pretty sure that telling them to work hard and study hard was not going to get me anywhere.

When I started talking to the children, I told them that I was bringing them a message of love. I asked them whether they loved themselves and their answer was yes. I told them that throughout the time that we would be talking to them, from that day on till the day they died, they should be asking themselves one question: ‘Do I love myself?’ and if they do, then they should choose to do good. I asked them whether they knew what a good child does and they gave me a list of answers. I asked them whether they knew what lawyers and doctors and pilots and engineers do and they looked confused. I told them to concentrate on what they knew which is being good children.

After the introduction, the children and ourselves were divided into three groups. While talking to my group about God, I addressed with them the question I had asked them to keep asking themselves about whether they love themselves and if they do, they should do good. Thankfully, they all remembered. Next I picked on one boy who stood up at which point I asked him to go get me the HIV virus. He smiled and shook his head and said that he could not. I asked him why not? He said he did not know where to get it. I asked him whether he had seen it. His answer was no. I asked him whether it existed. His answer was yes. I asked him how he could know it existed yet he had never seen it and did not know where to get it from. He looked confused. I picked on one girl and asked her to stand up. I asked the boy whether he knew if she had the virus. His answer was no.

I then asked him whether he knew how to get infected with HIV. He gave me the answers in a flash. Unprotected sex, blood transfusion and dirty needles.

Going back to the question: ‘Do I love myself” and if the answer is yes, I do good. I asked the children whether the Bible says that God is good and God is love. Their answer was yes. So I told them that loving yourself and doing good is how you get infected with God since God is love and God is good. Just like with the HIV virus, you cannot see either God or the virus infecting you. I asked them whether they would like to be infected with God. Their answer was yes. I explained to them that EVERYTHING in the world belongs to God who they told me was the creator of heaven and earth and if they were infected with God, they could have ANYTHING their heart desired and whatever they wanted because God created our president and his long motorcade of Mercedes benzes, he created the big mansions that were staring at the children from the hill across from the school, he created the cars we came in, he created the whole world, even the president of America. If that’s what God has done, what could he not do for them?

I was left hoping that some of them got the message and would aspire to love themselves and make good choices in their lives believing that God would infect them and give them anything they wanted. I was certain that their teachers got the message and they could at least repeat it to them when necessary. I promised to buy them a mirror to be looking at themselves and asking the question whether they love themselves.

On my part, I was astonished at that revelation. Later on I sat and thought deeply about what I had taught those kids wondering whether I had lied to them. The HIV virus can be detected under a microscope but can a microscope detect an infection of God? I did not think so but I believed that what I told those children would give them hope because it gave me hope. All I had to do is love myself and make the good choices in my life. Then God would infect me and I could have anything I wanted. I decided to believe that since science could detect infections in our bodies that cause illnesses it could also detect a good infection if someone passionate about science could think about it.

While still thinking about how simple it was to teach those children about God and how he can help them, I went back to the idea of passion ruling my life. I wondered how it was that God could make me have that strong feeling that made me know what I needed to do. To answer that question, I went back again to the idea of God being a hunk made of little pieces of which I was one of. I then looked at my hand and asked myself how it was that I was able to tell my finger what it needed to do.

Science came to my rescue because I remembered studying about the nervous system and how the brain sends messages to different parts of the body using electrical currents. So according to science, an electrical current travels through my nervous system, hits my finger and makes my finger do what I want. So by parity of reasoning, what God does is He sends me messages by electrifying me into action. A strong surge of this electrical current is what passion is. Then I asked myself whether my finger trusted me to make sure that it will succeed in what am telling it to do. I was wondering about my faith in God at the time. As a finger of God’s body, could I trust God to ensure that what He was telling me to do would not harm me? The answer was yes because I knew that if I did something to hurt my finger, I would be hurting myself. By parity of reasoning, God would not tell me to do something that he knew would hurt me because He would be hurting Himself.

That was the point when I took a deep breath and jumped up and sang Kirk Franklin’s ‘Stomp’ song. I was jazzed up by that revelation.

But one more thing came to mind. I asked myself what would happen to me if I decided to give all the different parts of my body the freedom to choose what they wanted to do. I thought back to the story of creation and remembered that on the seventh day, God rested. To my mind, this ‘resting’ that God was supposed to be doing was not resting at all. He was reflecting on what he had just done. He had given his eyes, his nose, his mouth, his neck, his arms, his legs, his toes etc, the freedom to choose what they wanted to do and he realized what a BIG MISTAKE that was.

Chapter 35

2007-09-28T19:47:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Meeting my husband and getting married all happened in a flash. One day I was standing in the court corridors happily single and 6 months later, I was someone’s wife. I cannot say that I knew what to expect going into marriage. What I knew is that I was passionately attracted to the guy I was getting married to who was at the time willing to act in my best interests and I in his.

Timing was responsible for our meeting. Just like timing was the cause of my meeting my motor cycle day dreamer. I think that it was the choices we were making in our lives that made it possible for us to meet at the right place, at the right time. After I got to know my husband, I felt like I had known him for centuries. Like I had already met him before and before we were separated, we had agreed to meet at that time and at that place on that day when we met.

Examining our relationship to ascertain whether my husband was a means or an obstacle to finding my perfect being and thus my missing ‘something’ was an interesting experience. I did not fear divorce. Even at minimum thinking level, I knew that the experience of being married to my husband was a means to my finding the perfect me.

I decided to write down what I thought to be the recipe for a good marriage like mine.

To start with, we all know that whereas marriage to the right person is heavenly bliss, marriage to the wrong person is simply hellish. I was glad that I did not settle for good or better and expected better than best. It was a pleasant surprise to have my expectations exceeded. If you want a good marriage, then do not settle for anything less than better than the best. However, do not expect your timing to coincide with that better than the best if you are not making better than best choices in your life! You have to work on yourself and make yourself into the person you are looking for as best you can.

DO NOT carry any baggage into marriage. By baggage I do not mean children, I mean the heartbreak and other bad experiences you had encountered prior to marriage. Simply put, you must not judge your current partner based on what others in the past have done to you and do not expect your partner to compensate you for anything s/he does not even know about. You must be ready to start on a clean slate. To ensure that your baggage stays outside of your marriage, its back to you working on yourself to make yourself the best you know you can be before marriage.

DO NOT expect your spouse to be EVERYTHING you ever wanted. The only person who is that is your God, your perfect being. Your spouse’s role in your life is not to fill any void you may be experiencing. It is to bring out the best in you and propel you to greater heights than you would attain on your own. Most people who are happily married have oddly been in previous relationships which turned out to be hellish. This is because everyone you meet will either bring out the best in you or the worst in you. The person you marry must be one who brings out the best in you.

Marriage does not change anyone. The same person you are before marriage is the same person you will be in marriage. Marriage is not a life changing experience. Your life must continue even after marriage. You must continue pursuing your passions even in marriage and that person you marry must be someone who will facilitate and not inhibit that pursuit of your passions. You will need to make some adjustments to your home life, making sure to keep Feminism, Petty Squabbles and Vultures completely out of it, but that’s all.

Marriage is necessarily built on trust. If you cannot trust your spouse, then you are in for a rocky marriage. Trust is a choice you make. You cannot be with your spouse all the time and know where s/he is all the time. In any case, you do not have the time or energy to keep a tab on your spouse when you are busy pursuing your passions. Let your spouse continue with his/her life while you continue with yours. At the very least, you each need space to think and plan. Your spouse is simply your very good friend with whom it is mandatory to share a house and a bed.

When it comes to sharing a bed with your very good friend, you cannot avoid intimacy and you should have nothing to hide from him/her. Self-consciousness in marriage is an oxymoron and it will cause unnecessary tension.

If you want your spouse to know something about you, simply tell it to him/her. Trying to give hints or second guess or mind-read only causes frustration. Keep Petty Squabbles OUT!

It is very important to know that your relationship with your spouse is a confidential relationship. Not something to be talked about and discussed with others. The solution to your problems with your spouse lies in talking to him/her. Keep an open mind, remember that you are brought up differently. Talk and listen and be willing to understand a different view from your own. You are married to the person so only you know how best to address a difficulty you are having. Telling outsiders about your relationship problems only gives them something to snigger about and gives them comfort that your life is not as good as they imagined. Very few people will have your best interests at heart. Keep the Vultures OUT!

Feminism did not end the stereo-types assigned to men and women. It entrenched them. DO NOT assign any stereo-type to your spouse. The truth is that if a man sleeps with another woman, he makes a conscious choice to do so. It has nothing to do with his invaluable object going out of control or the other woman. And if a woman cooks and cleans, she makes a conscious choice to do so. It has nothing to do with her nature. Agree with your spouse on how to split the housework both at home and at the office based on your passions and abilities. Remember that you and your spouse are equal in different ways. There is no such thing as exact equality in any relationship. Keep Feminism OUT!

Good sex on a daily basis is a fantasy. It cannot even qualify for a dream come true. If that’s what you are hoping to get in marriage, forget it. I will repeat that you must not carry any baggage into your marriage. Do not expect your spouse to compensate you for any sex drought you experienced prior to meeting him/her.

In marriage, when it comes to sex, what counts is quality NOT quantity. I think that the best catalyst for good sex in marriage is rejection. Why? Because if you do not have sex when you want it and have to wait for it, the time you do get it, you are turned on to the maximum. The truth is that if your spouse does not want sex when you want it and you insist on it, bad sex is all you’re going to get. And good sex does not come from thinking about what you are doing and planning about how it will be done. It comes from doing what HAS to be done.

I mean if you are going to be bedding the same guy or same chick night in, night out, and you are looking for good sex, then the foreplay should last for a few nights. I think that when she has a headache or he’s tired and instead of sulking and going to look for it elsewhere, you extend the wait by revenging once, good sex is in store for you. After all, you cannot be married to someone who does not want to have sex with you!! In law, a marriage is not a marriage if it is not consummated, this means that, unless you are having sex, there is no marriage!

Chapter 34

2007-09-28T19:45:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Vultures are those creatures who respectfully stand aside and let the warring parties rip each other apart into shreds. Divorce lawyers are some of these vultures but the king pins of these vultures are members of either sex whose delicacy is young marriages. Petty Squabbles had just about finished off all the old marriages and their rotting corpses were not edible, even to her siblings, Vultures.

Out in the battle field, Vultures have a modus operandi that should be used in educating military forces the world over. A Vulture knows that marriage is an endangered species and those who are in it or about to get into it are TERRIFIED of it having seen what happened in the old marriages both before and after the feminism war. Women are afraid of going back to when the house housework was exclusively their territory and men are afraid of the relentless surge of women doing the housework in the office.

The problem with men is that they cannot put up a spirited fight for long. I think it is in their nature. Just like their invaluable objects that all women love cannot perform for more than a few seconds or minutes at a time without needing a break. Women on the other hand, are possessed with an apparently super human supply of energy that can make them put up a spirited fight for such a long time that by the time the men have taken their break and are ready for more, the women have gone and taken what was left to fight for. It’s also in the women’s nature. Their invaluable objects outdo men’s by far.

Because of the nature of men, the men have become demoralized and given up the fight. They decided to just let it be and accept that women’s staying power is not something they can keep up with. Men stopped fighting ages ago and settled into their new role of trying to understand what a woman wants. Despite the men’s surrender, Petty Squabbles is still alive and well. When it comes to petty squabbling, women win, hands down. Their ability to argue about meaningless gibberish for days on end, is incredible. Vultures are completely alive to this fact, after all Petty Squabbles is their big sister.

Feminism, the mother of Vultures is a very good provider for her children. She has ensured that Vultures are getting more than enough to eat as she makes sure that women continue to imagine that the men are still fighting.

What Feminism taught her Vultures is that in order to survive in this world of scarcity, the best weapon to use against your enemy is illusion. Illusion is used in the work place to ensure that employees stay employed and in politics to ensure that the poor remain poor. At the home front, feminism uses illusion to make a woman believe that her husband is her enemy. If the women stopped to think this through even at moderate level thinking, they would realize that their enemy is the Vulture. Every married woman has been attacked by a Vulture.

One of the illusion lessons taught to Vultures by their mummy is that nobody knows what love is. Nobody knows that love is acting in one’s best interests and if you want to know who loves you and who does not, all you need to do is check who is acting in your best interests and who is not.

One type of Vulture who attacks women, is the female friend who women call up to discuss about her problems with her man. All this Vulture has to do is to perpetrate the propaganda about all men being dogs and ensure that Petty Squabbles is eating well. This Vulture will be the first one to snap up the man after Petty Squabbles has succeeded in kicking him to the kerb.

The other type of Vulture is the male business man or professional who women run into while at work outside the house. All this Vulture has to do is to perpetrate the propaganda about how men are trying to hold back women, they do not trust their women and they do not think that women can take care of themselves. This Vulture knows fully well that he will not get into a feminist woman’s skirt by asking her out. He too is terrified of Petty Squabbles who is his big sister, so what he does is create the illusion necessary to make it appear as if what he is making is a business proposition. This Vulture puts women under the illusion that business can be conducted at his house, in a bar, in a hotel room, on a flight to God knows where or in a car on the way to the Masai Mara because normal business hours are just too short.

Men are at loss on how to tackle this Vulture whose tactics are so effective, the minute the man tries to reason out the working hours, he is attacked with a fury that has the same staying power as Petty Squabbles. Of course the man, being a man, knows exactly what the Vulture is after, something which the woman is unable to decipher in her relentless surge to free herself from her man, a freedom which, if she stopped for a minute to think about, is not something she really wants. The woman does not realize that her man is acting in her best interests and the Vulture has only one thing in mind. Before long, marriage or the idea of it is dead and buried.
This is the reason that my husband and I had to make the pact not to allow Feminism, her daughter Petty Squabbles and the Vultures anywhere near our marriage.

Chapter 33

2007-09-28T19:44:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Petty squabbles are those arguments you have with someone and if during the argument, you get the chance to breathe, you become tongue tied because you cannot for the death of you understand what the hell it is you are quibbling about.

Marriage is normally between two people who share a house and a bed. Housework is a dual role occupation. There is the role of providing the finances to build a home and there is the role of building the home. These roles are equal roles. Equal in different ways. Traditionally, a woman’s role is to build the home while a man’s role is to provide the finances.

With the introduction of feminism and the emancipation of women, women (me included) have, for good reason, refused to be stereo-typed and prevented from pursuing their passions which have nothing to do with working in a house. What women seem to have forgotten in their pursuit of freedom is that the work you do outside the house is still housework. Few men know this.

During my early days in legal practice, my feminism was manifested in my refusal to be labeled a Miss so and so when addressing the Court. Before I was admitted to the bar and thus permitted to address the Court, I would visit the courts and find that whereas the men stated their names as Kimani, Otieno, Onguto etc., women always put a title in their names and stated their names as Miss So and so or Mrs. So and so. I vowed not to be known in my legal profession as somebody’s daughter or somebody’s wife. I stated my name simply as Njeri. In a while, everyone knew me as that girl who calls herself ‘Njeri’ in court and thought it amusing in their own ways. Eventually, other young lady lawyers started using their first names in court. Now that everyone knows me as me, I can use any of my names in whatever combination I please.

The main bone of contention between a housewife and her husband is that her husband does not appreciate the work she does merely because it does not generate money directly. She also resents the fact that when he goes out to work, he does not seem to realize that the activities he is engaging in out there affect what is going on at home. The work that is done outside the home is still housework. Women knew this for a long time before the feminism revolution began and then all hell broke loose.

Feminism was introduced in a haphazard way intended to cause a revolution. Propaganda about how all men are ‘dogs’ and cannot be trusted was churned out like a gospel. In all the euphoria, instead of women going to work outside the home and practicing what they were preaching to their husbands, they decided to teach their husbands a lesson and make them compensate for the many years of men going out to work, staying out late, sleeping with their secretaries and work mates, drinking themselves silly, diverting the income to uses that have nothing to do with the home and the like.

Two wrongs have never made a right. Unfortunately for women, the revolution that they thought would free them from men, took away a vital element in their lives, the men. When all is said and done, even the most ardent and extreme feminist critic of men will admit that a man possesses an object that women, even those who are not attracted to men, yearn for and will pay some big money to acquire a substitute for.

Feminism has left us in a whirlwind. Women are in trouble. They don’t want to do the housework at home and when they go out to do the housework at work, men take advantage of their naivety and abuse them. Some women imagine that they can have what the men had. Of course that is not possible because only maybe 2-3 men in the world are willing to stay at home and do the home housework while the women go to work outside the home. In fact, the men who do not mind doing the house housework themselves initiated a quiet revolution that sneaked up on women, took over ownership of the women’s housework role and put men at the forefront of house house work.

The best chefs in the world are …. Men! The people running cleaning and laundry companys are ………. Men! The people running home improvement companies are ……… Men! The best tailors and clothes designers are …….. Men! The best shoe designers are …….. Men! I mean women are also good at these things but lets give credit where it is due. The men have excelled and given the women a run for their money in something that women mistakenly thought the men did not appreciate. In effect, feminism did not free women from men, it entrenched the role of men in the work place and brought out the truth in the phrase, IT’S A MAN’S WORLD!

When women woke up to the men’s quiet revolution, it was too late for them to take back what was theirs and they had to settle for sharing it with the men. This only served to fuel the propaganda about how men are ‘dogs’ and the resentment women had for men intensified. Women surged on with their war against men oblivious to the fact that they were their own worst enemy and that they were fighting a losing battle. Now everybody is at work outside the home yet somebody has to do the work at home. Who might that be? Enter, Petty Squabbles.

Feminism’s first born child named, Petty Squabbles, went on the rampage and attacked everything about marriage. Marriages the world over started to crumble. The divorce rates rose to an all time high such that lawyers, the world over, started specializing in divorce law and joined in the war against marriage after they realized how lucrative a broken marriage can be.

In time, the corpses of marriages were strewn all over the battle field. During the war, Feminism gave birth to many more children, she ran out of names to give them and eventually settled on giving them all the same name regardless of their sex. The name is Vultures. Vultures grew up and ran out to play.

Chapter 32

2007-09-28T19:42:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

When I was single, before I met my husband, I had resolved NEVER to get married. I had had my heart shattered to smitherines and had decided that I was just fine on my own. I was actually a very happy single person. My life was so well organized and I knew what I wanted and where I was headed, all on my own. I cannot now remember what that was that I wanted and where it was that I was headed.

I told myself that the reason I got my heart broken was because I had settled for less than the best when I was the best. Good and better were not good enough for me. Looking back on this experience. I saw clearly, the danger of atheist philosophy. I was yearning for God and trying to find Him in the people I met, expecting them to understand and know me completely. An impossible task for them.

Most people who know me well will tell you that I am too good to be true and that they cannot figure me out. These days I do not try to explain myself to anyone and I am not surprised when people doubt me. I just get on with my life and hope that they will come around eventually and see that I am just like them. Just like now on my quest, I was alone. I am a veteran at being alone in a world of billions.

After that heart rending experience, I decided that if ever I was to allow anyone close to me, whether as a friend or a husband, that person would have to be better than me. As good as me was not enough. I needed someone who could bring out the best in me and challenge me to be better than the best person I thought I was. Although I was happy, I was still missing ‘something’. I was convinced that such a person does not exist but I still hoped that there was such a person. I knew it was too much to ask to expect there to be more than one such person.

When I got to know my husband, I realized that he was better than me. I was still a giving person at that time but his giving outshone mine by miles. I was working out on a daily basis at home but he was working out on a daily basis at his gym. I was employed and working for myself, just on the brink of breaking free and he had his own office for many years. He was older than me but the things he had achieved by the time he was my age, I was nowhere close to achieving. This guy actually made me feel small when I thought I was big. He was like me but better than me. I did not bother myself with whether or not he understood and knew me, I only wanted to know if he would act in my best interests.

When we met, he was driving a Toyota land cruiser prado while I was driving a Toyota rav 4. I thought our cars clearly represented how we were related. We were manufactured in the same factory, our designs were similar but our performances were worlds apart. We were the same but also very different. As a rav 4, I needed to work extremely hard to catch up with that land cruiser.

I have a friend who knows my criteria for a suitable mate off-head. I had told them to him enough times for him to recite them like a nursery rhyme. Absolutely no smoking. I hate cigarette smoke but I detest the smell of nicotine on anything that is not an unlit cigarette safely tucked in an unopened packet. This does not mean that I do not have friends who smoke, but the smoking will ensure that I keep a substantial distance from them. This friend of mine is a smoker. I will never understand why people choose to smoke. It is not an addiction as many will say, it is a choice. If you stop and think deeply about what you are doing when you smoke, you will realize that you are making a choice to smoke and you are responsible for the consequences of that choice whether to yourself or to others. Everyone, even the smokers know that it is not good to smoke. Shallow thinking makes sure they keep at it. As I said, I can only control what I think and do, so I accept the smokers’ choice because it is theirs to make even though it affects me.

Alcohol was a dicey factor because I could drink sometimes. But I was not sure that a guy who drinks could control his alcohol intake as well as I could mine. I also do not like the smell of alcohol on anything other than an alcoholic drink. The behaviour of an intoxicated individual, which I had experience of, was out of the question. I decided that I did not need to make any decision on this one since anyway it was not relevant in my happily single life at the time.

Never in a million years would I share a man with another woman. But, if my man wanted another woman, I would not stand in the way of their relationship. The lives of both my mother and my mum fortified this requirement.

I could not imagine a man younger than me understanding someone as complicated as me so I was not ever going to hook up with a man the same age as me. He had to be at least 5 years older than me.

My home for me was my refuge. It was a place to run away to from all the madness and stresses of the world. No way was I going to live with someone who brought home that madness and stress. Only a person whose presence improved the silence of my empty apartment could qualify.

My husband was surprisingly available and a teetotaler when I met him. He qualified on all counts so I only needed minimum thinking to respond when, after dating for 3 months, he asked me why it is that we were not getting married. I told him that I did not have the money and he looked at me and laughed. Another 3 months later, we were married.

I remember when we decided to get married, we made a pact with each other. That we would NEVER engage in any ‘petty squabbles’. Petty squabbles are the mothers of broken marriages as far as am concerned. The mother of petty squabbles, is feminism.

Chapter 31

2007-09-28T19:40:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

I remember that in the Bible, when Moses was sent by God to free the people of Israel from slavery in Egypt, he asked God who he should tell them has sent him. God told him to tell them that I AM sent him. That God is WHO I AM. God is who I am as a perfect being. God is the sum total of us all in perfection. I have God in me. I have love and I have goodness in me.

We all do. All of us in our perfect state create one perfect being, God. We are connected to each other creating one humongous body called God. Some of us form the head, others the belly, others the arms, others the legs, others the lungs, others the toes, others the heart, others the intestines etc. That is why each of us is different, special, unique. Each of us has a peculiar function in this perfect body called God. All of us put together in our perfect state, like all the different parts of our bodies, make God.

As human beings, we are created in the image of God so that we can understand who God is and realize the importance of our roles as part of Him. Our true selves are a part of God but until we can see God, we cannot appreciate who we are and what we are. A finger does not know its importance until it can see itself as part of a body.

This revelation brought up a million different questions in my mind. So what happened to this body called God that made it necessary for me to come to earth and learn about God and what my function is in His body? Who is Jesus? What is all this about the world coming to an end? Why do we have families? Why are there men and women? Why am I attracted to my husband? How are children created? Why are there different races? Why do we have animals and plants and insects? Who is Satan? Do ghosts exist? What about demons? Where is hell or heaven? I almost gave up. I was not ready for this kind of attack on my brain. I had to apply emergency brakes, stop with the questions and take things one step at a time.

I decided to confine myself to the pursuit of my perfect being. I thought that if I worked towards becoming the perfect being that I have inside me, I would realize the purpose of my being born and find my missing ‘something’. I decided to take a closer look at my relationships with the people around me because I realized that if any part of me is wrong, I could not achieve the perfection I needed to fit into my special role in this perfect being known as God.

I was however disappointed and downcast about my quest. I felt like I was labouring in vain. Looking at others around me, I realized that God must be taking his last breathe in Intensive Care Unit because hardly anyone I knew was trying to discover what their role in the body of God was and to realize their perfect being. Unfortunately, like forgiveness, not every one is ready to give up the distractions that the world has to offer and look for God at the same time. Like the atheist philosopher that I used to be, or the prophets in the Bible who were subjected to persecution and ridicule or Jesus who was crucified, I was alone on this quest but I was passionately determined to find my missing ‘something’ so I kept at it. This was a fire I could not put out until it had burned to the last spark. My quest had gone out of my control. I could not stop there. I was fascinated by the discoveries I was making and felt even more excited about finding the missing ‘something’.

I felt like my mind had traveled thousands of miles yet my body was still where I started. Apparently, the ‘something’ I was looking for was within me so my body did not need to go anywhere to find it. It is my mind that needed to expand within itself, to explore the uncharted areas.

To start with, I picked up the Bible I had put down and decided to read it from the first page. My approach to the Bible was now based on God being inside the people in the Bible, not outside them. At the back of my mind was a picture of a huge model of a perfect man, like one of the sculptures of the Greek gods with a tight six pack cubed belly, muscular body, a hunk. This guy is God and He is divided into innumerable tiny little pieces like the cells in my body and I am one of those little pieces. The other little pieces are everyone else and in God we are all alive. I placed myself inside God’s head thinking that I must be part of His brain since I was thinking unlike everyone else around me. Every time the Bible mentioned God, I understood the reference to be either to the whole perfect hunk that we all form or the perfect individual that each of us is.

I also resolved to start going to church. Hypocrites or no hypocrites, I thought that I needed to do that for the sake of my children. And not everyone in church is a hypocrite. My children needed to search for their God and find out why they were born. Sunday school was a good starting point in planting the seed of curiosity that would assist me when I tried to explain my understanding of God and the revelations I had experienced to them.

Next, I looked at the guy I was married to and asked myself whether I made the right choice. I mean was my relationship with this guy a means or an obstacle to my pursuit of God inside me, a perfect me? Was the relationship making me a good person, a loving person or not? Did I need to make any changes?

I was a little afraid to consider these questions because I was afraid of what I may find out and what changes I may have to make going by the changes I had made so far. I stopped to think about my options seriously and saw that if I did not address my relationship with my husband, I would be cheating myself that all was well and I could not live with that.

The passion I had for finding my missing ‘something’ was like a tsunami. The fear of divorce was a drop of water. So I surged on.

Chapter 30

2007-09-26T03:20:00.001-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

The refusal to recognize that yearning inside you makes you start behaving in weird ways which you are unable to understand.

Many of us have thought that we have fallen in love with someone in our past and when we break up with that person and meet them at a later date, we ask ourselves what the hell we were thinking. Others spend a few hours with several containers of alcohol and some cigarettes and maybe some white powders or green grass and the morning after, we will be asking ourselves, what the?! Others will go on a rampage jumping in and out of bed with whoever is willing not caring about who we are hurting completely oblivious to the fact that we are hurting ourselves the most exposing ourselves to unimaginable risks. Others eat more than they need only to later realize that the yearning remains. Others visit holy places, go to temple, church, mosque, synagogue, read holy books, preach, go to religious classes and retreats to learn about God.

Very few of us recognize this yearning as something real and something inside, not outside of us. We imagine that that thing is out there somewhere and we go out looking using whichever methods we think suit us. When all is said and done, until we come back and look inside ourselves, we will never satisfy that yearning.

When I considered the question of God and sat for long hours thinking about Him, I realized that God is love. I said that love is a state of mind, not a feeling. God is that person I think about when I think of a perfect me. God is who I am in perfection. I realized that there is a part of me inside me which is perfect and which I yearn to be connected to. All of us have this perfect us in us. When I love someone, I recognize that perfect part of them inside them. I don’t care about the outside of them and how it makes me feel. It is what I think of them that matters.

That perfect person inside of me knows me inside out and I cannot hide from Him. He knows and understands me completely. He created this body that I am in with the intention of showing me who I really am. He is only visible in this world through me. I am created in His image. When I die, He ceases to be and I am united with Him. He is not a human being. I suppose the best word to describe Him by is Holy Spirit.

God, my perfect self, is good. When I do things that make me feel good, I am connecting with God. That is why I was looking for good things to do to make me feel good. Giving makes me feel good. Sharing makes me feel good. Exercising makes me feel good. Working for myself makes me feel good. Pursuing my passions makes me feel good. Having faith in myself makes me feel good. Spending time with those I love makes me feel good. Laughter makes me feel good.

We all know what is good for us. No one outside of us needs to counsel us and tell us how to solve our problems. Refusing to believe and acknowledge God inside us, refusing to act in accordance with the directions given by the perfect you, refusing to do good, attracts diseases the origin of some of which are scientifically unexplainable and which spread and affect everyone around us sending the whole world into a panic.

Allowing that flesh eating microorganism to flourish inside you not only affects you but also affects those around you especially your loved ones who are already connected to the perfect you. It will cause you death at an early age. It will send you on wild goose chases. It will blind you with jealousy, selfishness, self-centredness, pride, fear and the like. It is a dangerous thing.

So, I can definitely say that changing from an atheist to believing in God was the most positive change I made.

Chapter 29

2007-09-26T03:18:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Changing my attitude towards lift sharing and accepting the sharing as part of life was also a positive change. At least when I was being a mean driver, the car I was being mean with belonged to me. In the lift sharing business, the lift I was refusing to share did not belong to me. I was stupidly imagining myself as the owner of the lift because I got into it first. I will repeat here that pride is a gynormous monster that can make you do stupid things and convince you that you are doing the right thing. At least if I owned the building where the lift was, I could start feeling like I own the lift and refuse to share it. I was nowhere close to ever owning a lift of my own yet I thought I deserved to ride in the lift to my floor undisturbed. Enough said. I am glad that that is in my past.

The exercise routine has been a challenge but I have kept at it and am feeling fitter and healthier. I do a lot of planning when am working out and some very good ideas creep into my mind at that time. I also feel re-born after a good sweating session. That alone is enough motivation for me to keep at it. The other day I went shopping for an outfit and discovered that my body was amenable to a wide variety of clothes, including figure hugging ones. That made me feel real good too.

When it comes to controlling weight, dieting does not cut it for me at all. I just look at pictures of people in famine stricken areas and note that there are no fat ones. You obviously cannot grow fat on eating nothing even if you suffer from some medical condition that makes you balloon faster than others. That medical condition will not save you from starvation if you do not eat. I tell myself to try to eat healthy and eat to satisfy hunger, not cravings, and exercise twice a week.

I have no time for thinking about food all the time and counting calories. I find that when I keep busy thinking about my life, who I am, where am headed and finding the missing ‘something’, I even forget to eat. Forgetting to eat is not a good thing so I try to keep to my meal times as much as possible. Occupy your mind with deep thoughts to keep food and other distractions out of your mind. You can only think about one thing at any one time, make sure it is something passionate enough to sweep away cravings of any kind. That’s what I keep telling myself but I will admit that there are times I just have to satisfy the craving and do so gladly, knowing that it will be a strong justification for my next workout.

My aim is not to look like anyone else, I just want to look like myself and be happy with what I’ve got and maintain the size I feel comfortable with. No body is perfect and when all is said and done, to quote King Solomon, fat or thin, we all die the same way.

Forgiveness is now second nature to me and am proud of myself for changing. It was not easy but after a while, I actually felt good about being on talking terms with everyone in my life and letting bygones be bygones. Learning how to forgive was a huge lesson for me. After I succeeded in doing it, I felt like I had graduated a class and could now move on to more strenuous exercises of the mind. I think that’s how I got to thinking about God.

As far as God is concerned, I realized that when I thought I was an atheist philosopher, I was cheating myself. The truth of the matter is that as human beings, we all yearn to find someone who knows us and understands us completely. Someone who finishes our sentences, someone who knows our different looks, someone who shares our sense of humour, someone who can tell when we’re lying about how we feel, someone to share secret jokes with, someone to be naked around, someone who makes you feel comfortable being yourself completely. We are excited when we visit a fortune teller or a palm reader or read our horoscopes and discover that someone out there knows something about us which we did not know anybody else knew.

The truth is that no such person exists outside of you. You will find those different qualities in different people but never in one person. If your own mother in whose womb you were formed, and your own father who raised you from babyhood cannot know and understand you completely, such that you leave home and go out looking for that someone out in the world, don’t cheat yourself that you will ever meet any person who does.

I have realized that not believing in God is a dangerous thing. When you refuse to acknowledge that yearning inside you and accept it as something that connects you with your true self, your God, the yearning does not go away, it becomes a flesh-eating microorganism which science has not yet ‘discovered’.

Just because we cannot yet see it under the microscopes we have today does not mean it doesn’t exist. I have seen it eating at a lot of people I know and when I discovered it in my body, I almost fainted. It is the most hideous thing ever.

Chapter 28

2007-09-25T04:01:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

So I was set. I had chosen to let passion rule my life and ignore money which I was certain would follow where my passions lead me. I had also chosen to believe that as a child of an invincible God with potential invincibility in me, I have the ability to acquire anything I wanted.

In convincing myself to make these choices, I considered what I had seen become of children who had been completely neglected, let out into the world without an education and with no-one to care for them. These children become gum sniffing street children who we in Kenya, snidely refer to as ‘chokoras’ meaning children who scrape out a living in garbage bins and dumps. I think in England they were called street ‘urchins’ when I was there.

Governments, Non-governmental Organizations, charities and philanthropists the world over have put massive efforts trying to salvage these lost children, establishing homes for them trying to give them direction and act in their best interests. Most of the time, the minute these children get an opportunity to run away from these homes, they grab at it completely oblivious to the opportunities they are throwing away and the abilities they are refusing to exploit.

If God had not sent me here to get an education and familiarize myself with my potential abilities, I would have become the lowest form of brat possible. I would have become a ‘chokora’ in heaven. Imagine that! While everyone else is busy flying around on wings in heaven and shouting at me to just let my wings out and fly too, I would be busying myself looking for my car keys completely oblivious to the wings on my back! No way was I going to become a heavenly ‘chokora’ thank you very much. I needed to be able to exploit my invincible abilities in heaven to the maximum. I decided that my pride would ensure that I am the most invincible of the invincibles in heaven and to achieve that, the sooner I wisen up to my abilities the better. I think that if I die before realizing my abilities and learning how to use them and control them here on earth, it will be too late to do it in heaven.

At this point, I was delirious. I needed to take a reality check and digest what I was actually doing with my life. I had to be certain that I was on the right path to finding that missing ‘something’ in my life and not wandering in some dream-world . I felt like I had not just changed, I had evolved into a creature I could not recognize.

I had changed my attitude as a driver. I had become a giving driver, happily giving way to my fellow road users and feeling a better person for it. I realized that when it comes to road accidents, timing is everything. It still amazed me that I was at that junction at exactly the right minute; the right second for that guy to crash into my car. The route I had used to get to that junction is a route which I use almost on a daily basis. I noticed that between the petrol station where I had stopped to fuel my car on that fateful day and the junction where the accident occurred, I now give way to between 5 to 10 road users.

It goes without saying that the time it takes for me to give way makes some difference to the timing of my arrival at each part of the road as I head towards my destination. It does not necessarily increase the time it takes to get to my destination but it alters the timing of my movements towards my destination.

I realized that perhaps if I had been a conscientious driver, taking into account the needs of my fellow motorists, I would have noticed the several opportunities I had to give way along the road and thereby delayed my arrival time at the junction and saved myself the excess I had to pay to my insurance company to fix my car. It is very possible that I could have avoided that guy and his formula one fantasies had I just stopped even for a minute to give way. The speed at which that guy was moving made a minute seem like a day.

Of course time is not the only factor. The fact that we were both alive in the same city and able to control machinery that could collide also contributed significantly. I have considered calling up the guy to find out what in God’s name he was thinking but I have also asked myself this question which has prevented me making the call. If I was such a mean driver and I got away with only having to pay excess to my insurance company and seek alternative means of commuting while waiting for my car to be repaired, what kind of person is that guy who ended up in a coma in ICU? I don’t think am ready to find that out just yet.

Flowing from this reasoning, I examined my driving a little more and realized that it was still flawed. It is a crime to use your mobile phone while driving. But like most minor traffic offences, many Kenyan drivers, me included, do not allow themselves to appreciate the justification for such a law. I used to keep my mobile phone next to me while driving and when using it while driving, I would keep a watchful eye for any police officers who might nab me. I noticed that the silly coppers had no idea I was holding my phone if I switched to speaker phone when they materialized. How clever was that eh! I did not see the need to get a hands free device. I thought their direct contact with my ears was unhygienic and unhealthy for my ear drums!! Little did I know that using the phone could cause a lot more damage to my health than the hands free device. I thought seriously about what I was doing and decided that I had better stop it.

I decided that these seemingly irrelevant choices of not caring about the needs of my fellow road users and disregarding traffic rules are bound to catch up with me some day. And considering how competitive and proud I am, I would mostly likely create the most gruesome road accident Kenya has ever seen. No thanks to this too. Now my mobile phone stays in my bag until I get to my destination.

Changing my driving was definitely a positive move. What about lift sharing?

Chapter 27

2007-09-25T04:00:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Faith in yourself and your abilities is a characteristic known as self-confidence. I have found that the class of people in the world with the highest level of self-confidence are those people labeled as “Brats”. A brat is a person, normally aged between 1 and 8 years old (sometimes a lot older), who believes that they can have anything they want and control everyone around them. The self-confidence that exudes from this class of annoying creatures is unbelievable.

A careful study of this class of people revealed an interesting fact to me. Their self-confidence does not come from their belief in themselves. It comes from their belief in their parents or guardians. They seem to believe, seemingly mistakenly, that their parents/guardians are capable of giving them whatever they want, whenever they want it. All they have to do is want it and demand it with however much vigour is necessary to get it. They almost always get what they want.

Brats may have it all good but I was not attracted to their lifestyle and could not imagine myself turning into one at this age. So I diverted my attention to children in general. I realized that children draw their confidence from what they believe their parents/guardians are capable of. Children are the poorest members of society, completely dependent on someone else to provide for them and vulnerable to the severest forms of abuse. Yet, dare you give a child a free hand. You will be surprised by how controlling they can become. At which point they turn into those creatures known as brats.

Most children eventually grow up into adults and start building a life for themselves.

I concentrated on this line of thinking for a long while and wondered how I could apply the confidence of children and their growing into adults to build myself the self-confidence I needed to fight the fear of pursuing my passions.

I realized that I needed to believe in someone greater than myself. Someone who I believed could give me anything I wanted whenever I wanted it. This was easy since I had already chosen to believe in God, my creator and giver of life. Now I gave my God the characteristic of invincibility. I chose to believe in a God who is capable of providing me with whatever I needed. Why else did He bring me into this life? I decided to adopt the same concept of God as my husband’s and attribute to my God ownership of all things on earth. Whether or not He is the God of everyone else is not my concern. He is my God.

What was difficult was accepting the superiority of God. I am a proud person and accepting anyone superior to me is not easy. I think I am capable of a lot and can be as good as the next person given the chance. So I needed to think hard and deep to find a way out of this predicament and move on with my search.

I went back to the concept of death and related it to the concept of growing up. I asked myself what happens to children when they grow up. I realized that they become adults just like their parents, capable of practically everything their parents are capable of such that their parents’ role in their lives was significantly diminished and the children could actually choose to disassociate themselves from their parents if they wanted. I have witnessed this disassociation quite frequently especially when a parent becomes needy.

This line of thinking intrigued me. It was like I was telling myself that God is only superior to me in the same sense as my dad, mum and mother. And just like I have grown up and become almost equal to my dad, mum and mother, with the same capabilities as they have, when I die, I will become almost equal to God with the same capabilities as He has.

So for now, in this life, as a human being, I could accept my inferiority as if I were a child waiting to grow up and flourish on my own. Life is merely a big school where I am taught the lessons I need to help me grow up into a responsible member of the heavenly society where my God lives and where I will go when I die/grow up! Wow, ok, sounds very interesting.

Could I really believe this to be true about my life? That was a choice I had to make.

Before making the choice, I thought seriously and deeply about what that choice would mean for me. For starters, it meant that God was like a parent to me. He created me after all so I could accept that. I could even accept His superiority in the same way that I accept my parents’ superiority without question. To me, the fact that life was given to me through my parents makes them infinitely superior no matter their faults or weaknesses.

What did it for me was the thought that I had the same capabilities as this God of mine who is invincible and when I die, I will be able to freely unleash my invincibility. If God just gave me a free hand without letting me go through the school of life, guess what I would have become? A brat!! I fully understand Him not wanting that to happen and I appreciate His decision not to let it happen and acting in my best interests. I guess He loves me too.

My proud self could not let go of that idea of my potential invincibility. It convinced me that it was best that I believe in myself and my abilities by believing that my God is an invincible God who loves me. For now, in this life as a human being learning about how to control my invincible abilities, my God can give me anything I want if I only ask for it with the same humility and respect as I have for my parents.

Just like I accepted my parents’ decisions about my life because they knew better than I did when I was a child, I can accept God’s decisions about my life because He knows better than I do now.

All I need is to listen to what He tells me and act accordingly. Just like I did with my parents. That strong feeling I get called passion must be the means by which God tells me what I need to do.

Therefore, in order to succeed in life, I need to follow my passions and have faith that as a child of an invincible God, success is inevitable.

That is my formula for success and that is what I chose to do.

Chapter 26

2007-09-25T03:58:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

You can have faith in yourself and your abilities, whether or not you believe in God. But, I have found that it is easier to have this faith when you do not believe in God.

When I was an atheist philosopher, I thought that I was alone in the world with no-one to help me so I did whatever I thought I needed to do to survive. I believed that I could make something out of myself and was determined to prove to my parents that I could make it on my own.

When I joined university, I immediately looked for a job to earn money to maintain myself. My first job was as a bar maid. I HATED it but it was the only one available and my determination would not let me pass on it. I hated the guy I was working for, I hated my workmates, I hated the clients, I hated the cigarette smoke, I hated that I had to clean up after closing time and miss the bus then have to pay for an expensive taxi, I just hated it. But when I got paid, I was happy enough to convince myself to stay on while looking for another job. Eventually I got fired because I did not go into work on New Year’s eve which, unknown to me, was mandatory. My phone call explaining why I could not make it was not good enough. In reality, my boss hated me too coz I was not bar maid material at all. He told me that I looked more like a nun than a bar maid! So it was a fantastic excuse for him to get rid of me.

I had not been in England a long time and did not quite understand the terminologies used by the English to tell you when you were fired. When I went to work after missing the New Year’s eve shift, my boss told me that he was sorry but he had to “let me go”. I asked him where it was he wanted me to go. He looked at me shocked and irritated and told me, “I mean that you are fired”. Oh, was my response and off I went.

My next job was at a potato factory. I did not mind the job, what I did not like was how far it was from my university. I had to take 2 buses and the ones that stopped near the factory were rare. I got the job when the weather was still warm and standing at a bus-stop for nearly an hour waiting for the bus was bearable. Come autumn, then winter, I was desperately looking for another job.

I remember one night when I had missed the bus and had to wait for the later one. It was during winter, the wind was blowing and it was drizzling. My ears and toes were numb and my clothes were getting wet. I was looking at all the cars driving past me and their passengers who were nice and warm and wondered why it was that I could not get a ride from any of them. I was so cold I even considered hitching a ride but when I remembered the horror I had seen administered to hitch hikers in the movies I decided against it. By the time the bus came I was crying but I was thankful that I was alive and well.

I was a quality inspector at the potato factory. I knew all the different varieties of potatoes grown in England from King Edwards to God knows what else. My job was to pick out a bag of each type of potato at random from each of the conveyor belts, weigh it and test the potatoes for various diseases, the signs of which I had been trained in. I did not start as a quality inspector, I was promoted after a few days when one of the quality inspectors needed time off and decided to train hardworking me so that I could cover for her. Previously I was working at the conveyor belts packing the potatoes. It was an easy enough job and there were many opportunities to work double shifts because my co-workers who were permanently employed in that drudgery were always looking for an excuse to miss work. I, on the other hand, was looking for an opportunity to make enough money to impress my parents. We had a good symbiotic relationship.

After the potato factory I got a job very near my university hostel as a house keeper. I liked the job because it was convenient and I worked alone in the house when the daughter was at school and the parents at work. I had my own keys. I would get into work and find a note on the kitchen table telling me what extra work needed doing other than the usual washing dishes, cleaning the daughter’s rooms, hoovering and dusting. My boss was very happy with surgically clean me and paid me well for my work but the pay was not enough.

My next job was the last one I ever worked and I stayed at it until my last day on campus. It was my dream job. The highest paying I could possibly get as a foreign student and with working hours that suited me just fine. I had to resign from my house keeping job but had no regrets. The job was at a motor way service station. I was assigned to work in a shop and sometimes at the restaurant. My working hours were from 10pm to 6am. In the beginning I would go to work then catch my sleep in between lectures and tutorials. Eventually, I stopped going for lectures unless I had a day off and only attended the tutorials which were compulsory. I would get the lecture materials from my class mates and read books at our library. During the holidays I would work even double shifts from 10pm the previous day to 3pm the next day then sleep for 14 hours straight to the day after, getting up just in time for my next shift. I was willing to pay any price to make my own money and save my parents the bother of having to work for it for me. My reasoning was that if you’re not working for what you have, someone else has to.

My dad’s moto was “educate your children, that’s all they need, anything more is a dream come true”. He was not mean but he hated weakness and expected us to rise up to the challenge of being alive and fending for ourselves. He gave you what you needed and threw in something nice every now and then at his discretion. So I knew I was alone in the world and the sooner I got used to it and worked my ass off to survive this grueling world, the better. I had no choice but to believe in myself and my abilities since the existence of God was a fairy tale told to silly kids at Sunday school similar to those told at nursery school.

Now that I had chosen to believe in God, who was superior to me, believing in myself and my abilities was not easy. If I am inferior, how can I be capable?

Chapter 25

2007-09-25T03:57:00.001-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

I did not need anyone else’s passion to assess. Those few people convinced me that I was on the right path in choosing passion over money.

I felt like I needed to give something no matter how small. This was because I was scared. The idea of not worrying about money when money has been my greatest worry since I started earning some of my own was daunting. I thought that if I at least gave something, God would give me the money I needed for the passionate project I was considering starting.

For a while I had been considering making tea for the security guards who guard the gate and barrier into our estate. The weather had been unusually cold and I used to look at them and think that I should give them a hot drink. What kept me from doing it was because I was certain that as soon as I gave them anything, they would ask for more. I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt and asked my house keeper to be making them tea in the evenings. They were so grateful for the tea that a few days into the tea giving, they asked me to employ them because their boss is a torturer!! I made it clear that tea was all they were going to get and left it at that.

I could not become a teacher. I was still happy being a lawyer and I was not satisfied with how far I had gotten. I thought that I needed to challenge myself and take a step towards achieving more in my legal profession. I realized that I had become complacent.

Fighting the fear is not easy even though I was already my own living example of how passion had helped me become what I was. I went back to the faith in myself and my abilities issue I had thought about when assessing my husband’s passion. I wondered how I could acquire this faith. Without it, I thought that I would fail.

My husband goes to church. He goes to church on Saturdays. He started going to church ardently almost 2 years ago. Actually, it was meeting me that interrupted his church going routine for a while. He has always been a member of a congregation somewhere. In the beginning, we used to go to church on Saturday as a family.

For Saturday church goers, you are expected to be in church the whole day from 8.30am till 5pm engaging in various church activities planned for you. I assure you that you need to have been raised in such a church to be able to accept this as your routine. Thankfully, my husband is only interested in the sermon which comes between 10.30am to 1pm. So we did not ever go the whole hog. Once in a while a great interesting preacher would visit and teach something awesome. I still remember one preacher who preached about “death in the pot”. He was fantastic. If he was the resident pastor of the church, I would probably have stuck to it.

On Saturdays, my husband, me and my nephew would get ready and go to church at around 10.30am. My niece is in boarding school and if she was on holiday, she would come too. My nephew always fell asleep. Sometimes my husband would too. Eventually I decided that I did not need the pretence and I would find something productive to do on Saturdays like sleep in a little longer, more so when I was pregnant. My husband still kept at it, even now. These days he says the good sermons have become more frequent. In reply I say, Good for you!

As far as my nephew was concerned, I enrolled him at ligi ndogo on Saturdays and took him to a Sunday church for Sunday school. I would drop him in church at 11am and pick him up at 1pm. On the first day of Sunday school, I went with him and even attended the main church while he attended the Sunday school. I was not impressed but he was. So he kept at it and I slept. Just like me and my mum huh?!

Now I was thinking about faith. I knew that the reason my faith was shaky is because it was based on what I had been taught from childhood. That life is tough. You need money to get what you want. Making money is tough. Getting what you want is tough.

No-one ever gave me the formula to success yet everyone said that I needed to work hard. There are so many hard workers I know who are nowhere near success. I mean the guys who wake up at the crack of dawn to walk or cycle several kilometers to work in factories or flower farms and the like. Manual labourers chipping at stones at a building site in the hot sun. No doubt these guys are hard workers. But where is the success? Same applies to university graduates who are thrown out into the world with a beautiful piece of paper testifying to their hard work only to find nothing for them to do.

We are mortal beings. We die. We have no control of when and how we die. We are vulnerable to disease. Criminals attack us. Wild animals will eat us if given the slightest chance to get at us. Mean people around us will abuse us. Our hard work amounts to nothing due to apparent scarcity of jobs and money. How can we possibly have faith in ourselves and our abilities in such a world?

The answer depends on whether or not you believe in God.

Chapter 24

2007-09-20T07:50:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

My mother is a passionate person. All her life since my dad left her, she survived without thinking about money. She survived on her passionate hope that one day her children would come back to her and know that she is their mother and that she loves them. To me, her survival is a miracle. If I went through what she experienced, I would probably have committed suicide.

I remember when I was very young and she would come to our house to see my second born brother and me while the eldest was in boarding school. She would try to talk to us and we would keep a distance from her not recognizing who she was and treating her like a stranger. This from children who she had carried in pregnancy for 9 months, given birth to, breastfed, changed their nappies and wiped their bums, bathed, weaned, potty trained, spent sleepless nights by their side when they were sick, had interrupted sleep for months on end, and a lot more of what mothers of babies and young children go through. My dad did not allow her to come and see us and eventually after she tried without success she decided to let go.

She once told me that her illness was God’s way of protecting her from the traumatic experience He knew He had in store for her when He decided not to let her raise us. So her illness to her was a blessing. She accepted it as the only means by which she could survive the hours, days, nights, weeks, months, years and decades that she would be kept away from her children for a reason she could not accept or understand. Unlike me, throughout her illness she believed in God and accepted that it was His will that we should be raised by someone else for a good reason unknown to her feeble human mind.

She loved my dad dearly and unforgiving, hardhearted me was surprised to see that she was heartbroken when she heard that he had died. It was as if, after more than two decades of being separated from him, she still hoped that he would one day come back. She continued to live in the same property that he left her in and even after she left hospital she insisted that she could only live where her husband left her. What was it about my dad that two unrelated women could love him so passionately that they are willing to sacrifice so much for him? Both of them gave selflessly to ensure his happiness.

If, God forbid, my husband was to get up today, pack up my children and drive off to live somewhere else away from me and not let me see them, even if some of those children are not mine, I would assemble the Kenyan army and attack him with all the ammunition available in their arsenal. If he took my children and went to live with another woman to raise them, the US army would not have enough ammunition to launch the attack I would have planned for him. I would kill him or myself before I think that “Good God Almighty has a good reason for not letting me raise my children”.

What I have learned from my mother’s acceptance of my dad’s decision to deny her access to us on the basis that it was God’s will is that love of a parent is not something children actually need. In fact, love in form of hugs and kisses and nicknames and occasional sweet treats and birthday parties and all that stuff is not something a child needs. The love that a child needs is love in form of food, shelter, clothing and an education. There are mothers and fathers who do not love their children and they show this by neglecting the children. Being a parent does not mean that you love your child. And love is not exclusive to parents and children. It exists in a variety of relationships.

My mother loved us because she realized that she could not provide us with what our dad was able to give us and her fighting my dad was not in our best interests. Until I came to this realization, I always thought that she did not love us otherwise she would have fought for us. In actual fact, it was because she loved us that she left us alone. She acted in our best interests.

We are disillusioned about love from our childhood thinking that love is a feeling. I have realized that in fact, love is not a feeling. Love is a state of mind. I can be annoyed with someone and still love them. I can be happy with someone and not love them. Love is what I think of someone not what I feel about that person. The fact that two people are attracted to each other does not mean that they love each other.

Love is a state of mind. When we are in a state of mind of loving someone, we act in their best interests even if our actions appear to hurt them. Discipline is a way of showing love to a child because without discipline, a child cannot thrive. Discipline cannot be administered painlessly. When you spare the rod, you are not showing love. It is when you use the rod that you are showing love.

My mother knew that we would be hurt by her actions and that is why she could only hope that we would grow up and come to a realization of why she did what she did and appreciate that she did it out of love for us and not to hurt us. It has not been easy to accept this approach towards her. It is much easier to allow the hurt to cover up the truth.

I know that I love my mother because I have acted in her best interests. I did not have any emotional bond with her, not having had a relationship with her for more than half my life, but I cared about her a lot and wanted so much to help her. Love is that state of mind that makes you want to act in someone’s best interests, disregarding your own if necessary. I can relate this state of mind to everyone whose best interests I have safeguarded and sacrificed my self interest for. I have done this for all the people I love.

Accepting my mother and her illness has not been easy for any of us. Ironically, it was my mum who taught me how to accept my mother. What I learned from my mum’s acceptance of my dad is that passion makes you see the true value of a person beyond their humanly appearance. I cannot explain how she could foresee at the time she met my dad that he was the man she would be happy with and that he would make her richer than she ever dreamed of. But I can explain how this revelation works in reference to my mother.

My mother’s humanly appearance is of a disease ridden, destitute, and needy person who any person in their right mind would be justified in running away from. But I don’t look at the person she is now when she is alive in this world, I look at the person she will be when she departs from this world and I am left standing at her grave side. At that time, all the disease, the destitution, the neediness will be gone and all that will remain is the woman through whom God chose to give me the life that I am living. A woman full of passion for life and love for her children.

Chapter 23

2007-09-20T07:49:00.000-07:00

Mind Boggling
By Njeri Mucheru-Oyatta

Next on my list for assessment of her passions was my mum. This is the lady who raised me. I call her my mum because I was 2 or 3 years old when I met her and she is responsible for my being alive and well today.

I must say that I have never seen anyone do anything as passionate as what she did. I have seen pictures of her when she was young. She was a drop dead gorgeous light skinned, slim, long-haired lady. Even now, she is still a beautiful woman. She could have had any man she chose. She however chose my dad. At the time, my dad was a penniless divorcee with 3 kids under 10 years of age!! I cannot imagine what her mother told her when she went to her telling her about the man she had decided to marry. I think at that time my dad was a shop attendant.

She was a police officer when I met her and as soon as she decided to stay with my dad, he made sure she retired from service and became a secretary. I can’t imagine that she allowed my seemingly ‘nobody’ of a dad to dictate to her what career path she should follow. From what I remember, she tried very hard to break away from my dad but in the end, she decided to stay. She tells me that she did not know that my dad was married let alone having 3 little kids when she met him. He looked too young to have been there done that and got 3 t-shirts. He dropped the bomb shell on her after he was certain that she had fallen for him. What a cunning …… guy!!

She also tells me that I was the reason for her decision to stay because she was worried that my dad would not be able to take care of us and she fell in love with me. The other two kids were my older brothers. The eldest was rebellious and the second born was indifferent but I was just looking for someone to take care of me and I thought she was the one. I used to cry whenever she left and always asked my dad when she would be coming back. Apparently my dad in his shrewdness figured out that she had a soft spot for me and would use me as an excuse to convince her to come home and at least visit, if not stay, telling her how much I was always asking him to bring her or take me to her, and he had no idea what to tell me! Men!!

I have realized that we children do not appreciate that our parents were once young people who made the same stupid mistakes we are making now.

Only a very strong feeling, a passionate attraction for my dad, could have made my mum decide to stay with him and his baggage. Now that I have my own experience of raising children who are not mine, I can appreciate what kind of conflicting emotions my mum was probably experiencing with us. But my experience is still not as complete since the children I take care of are not my husband’s. Taking care of children who are not yours is a very challenging affair.

For starters, ignorant people will snigger and laugh at you thinking that you have taken in the children because you are unable to have any of your own. It is no laughing matter when you try for one of your own and it doesn’t happen for a long while, or perhaps never!

Others, who pretend to care about you, will tell you that it is not your responsibility and you should just concentrate on having your own children especially since you cannot tell the genetic make up of the other children and what kind of behaviour they are likely to challenge you with. In truth, as long as a child is related to you, when they grow up to be useless bums and probably criminals, whatever their problems will be, they will end up on your doorstep. So taking in the children has a selfish angle to it as well. I will take care of you now so that I don’t have to later. Of course it is easier when they are young. Even a child who is not related to you is a member of your society and if you can make a useful person out of any child, you will have contributed to making your world a better place.

The biggest challenge of all in raising children who are not yours is to justify your treatment of the children so that the children and people around you do not think you are being biased. This applies whether or not you have your own children. It is in fact easier when you have your own children because it allows for a somewhat real comparison to be made than when you do not have any and are judged based on imaginary sons and daughters of your own who you would be treating differently. It is impossible to argue with someone’s imagination.

The children themselves and others will be watching keenly for an opportunity to question any seemingly biased treatment. The point that these people miss is that no-one can possibly treat children who have come from different places the same way. What one has to ask is whether, considering that the child did not grow up with you as a baby, if that child was still yours, would you not treat them the way you are treating this child? If my niece and my nephew were my children taken away from me at a young age and reunited with me at the ages I met them, I do not think I would be treating them any differently. Comparing my treatment of them with an imaginary daughter and son of my own at the same age is very unfair.

In order to protect myself from any of these challenges which can cause severe frustration, I do not bother myself with where the children came from and when. I deal with the here and now and treat them like I would someone who I had to share my life with like a younger sister or brother. There is no love between you and the children when you first meet, neither of you know each other. So the first step is to get to know each other as friends and work from there. Potential friends are everywhere and they can be found in little people looking for someone to take care of them.

I can say that adopting a child is the greatest act of selfless giving I know. And am grateful to my mum for having done it for me and my brothers. I know that she did the best job she could and in actual fact, she succeeded in sealing the cracks of our broken family and making us feel completely at home. She was no different from the noisy, champion whooping mothers of many of my school mates and we all turned out well.

I cannot tell what kind of person I could have been if she had not been there for me, but am glad that I am who I am today. She played, and is still playing, a big role in ensuring it. I respect her greatly for that.

It is very obvious that in deciding to stay with my dad, my mum never bothered to think about money. Passion was all she needed and look where it got her.